grargh. now, i'm getting weird relics in the second half. distortion
running through clean guitar parts. etc. i may have to rebuild it, but
kind of don't want to...
i think my device is running a little hot. so, i'm going to stop for the night and hope it's running normally when i wake up.
it sounds like something's crossed....
like, even if i turn the effect off i'm getting distortion, which is not something i've seen before.
it's
a melodic distortion, though, so i don't think something blew. it
sounds like something's...crossed. like i said. maybe some more plugin
reinstalls is in order...
but, to the fucker at the mixing desk:
it's supposed to have a cure-like kind of chorus sound, not that bloody
overused radiohead light distortion sound.
Saturday, December 20, 2014
this is my basic argument.
=====================
So, the problem isn’t really whether I’m capable or even willing to find employment, it’s more a question of whether anybody is willing to allow me to work for them. And, the answer is that nobody is, and nobody’s going to.
To be honest, I would prefer not to. I don’t think that’s all that unusual. But, I do recognize that I’m not supposed to have a real choice in this matter. So, if I were to choose, what kind of job would I pick? Well, let’s separate out two kind of jobs – high wage jobs with lots of responsibility, or low wage jobs with little responsibility.
I would actually prefer the low wage job with little responsibility. The reason is that my aspirations and goals in life are not within the workforce, they’re within art and academia. Unfortunately, my art is quite unusual (and hence unmarketable) and my academic opinions are equally unusual. If I were to work a high wage job with a lot of responsibility, I would not have the time or energy to devote to my goals and aspirations and would consequently be very unhappy. So, I believe I would be less unhappy working a low wage job with small amounts of responsibility, as it would give me more time to focus on my goals and aspirations. I can also say that I’ve determined this through experiment.
So, let’s focus on the low wage jobs with low responsibility. Unfortunately, this option is not available to me, for the precise reason that I have a lot of education. I’ve tried everything. I’ve tried removing the degree from the resume, I’ve tried adopting colloquial language, and I’m just too transparent – the hiring manager can see quite clearly that I’m introverted and bookish, have an IQ around 150 and am simply not going to fit in to that kind of environment. I don’t have the right profile for this sort of labour. So, while I would prefer this, it’s not something I can actually get. They want young, personable people. I’m simply not that person.
What about the high wage jobs with more responsibility, then? Well, ignoring the fact that I would be unhappy that way, it’s not an option that’s available to me, either, because I don’t have the psychological profile that fits into it. You need to have drive, motivation and a desire to compete. I have none of these things as they apply to private or government sector employment – my aspirations and goals are in art and academia. Worse, I’m not particularly good at integrating into systems of vertical management. Probably the best example to use is what happened when I applied for cra…
They had me write two tests. The first was an iq test, and my grades were very high. 95th percentile. This is consistent with past iq tests I’ve written. The second was a behavioural test, which I’ve failed thrice. What that means is that I’m basically certified by the state as unable to exist properly in a management system. I’m too independent-minded, too willing to take things into my own hands, too unwilling to rely on the hierarchy to make decisions. So, I’m not going to fit in there, either. We can have discussions about this, but my perspective is that the test results are essentially accurate – I’m not good at being told what to do or following what I perceive of as illogical rules for the purposes of protocol or convention. Again, I can’t change this – it’s my nature. A different system would value this, but ours rejects it as anti-social.
So, I’m left without any kind of option. I can’t do the drone work because they don’t want people like me doing it, and I can’t do the higher wage work because I can’t fit in there, either. So, I’m not left with any other option (so long as we accept that starving on the street is not a real option) besides trying to explore the reasons I can’t fit into either environment and trying to construct a disability out of it.
There isn’t a disability underlying my bookish introversion, it’s just my nature. However, I believe that there may be a personality disorder underlying my inability to fit into structured environments. This is what I’m trying to get diagnosed.
So, some examples of past behaviour that fit this pattern….
=====================
So, the problem isn’t really whether I’m capable or even willing to find employment, it’s more a question of whether anybody is willing to allow me to work for them. And, the answer is that nobody is, and nobody’s going to.
To be honest, I would prefer not to. I don’t think that’s all that unusual. But, I do recognize that I’m not supposed to have a real choice in this matter. So, if I were to choose, what kind of job would I pick? Well, let’s separate out two kind of jobs – high wage jobs with lots of responsibility, or low wage jobs with little responsibility.
I would actually prefer the low wage job with little responsibility. The reason is that my aspirations and goals in life are not within the workforce, they’re within art and academia. Unfortunately, my art is quite unusual (and hence unmarketable) and my academic opinions are equally unusual. If I were to work a high wage job with a lot of responsibility, I would not have the time or energy to devote to my goals and aspirations and would consequently be very unhappy. So, I believe I would be less unhappy working a low wage job with small amounts of responsibility, as it would give me more time to focus on my goals and aspirations. I can also say that I’ve determined this through experiment.
So, let’s focus on the low wage jobs with low responsibility. Unfortunately, this option is not available to me, for the precise reason that I have a lot of education. I’ve tried everything. I’ve tried removing the degree from the resume, I’ve tried adopting colloquial language, and I’m just too transparent – the hiring manager can see quite clearly that I’m introverted and bookish, have an IQ around 150 and am simply not going to fit in to that kind of environment. I don’t have the right profile for this sort of labour. So, while I would prefer this, it’s not something I can actually get. They want young, personable people. I’m simply not that person.
What about the high wage jobs with more responsibility, then? Well, ignoring the fact that I would be unhappy that way, it’s not an option that’s available to me, either, because I don’t have the psychological profile that fits into it. You need to have drive, motivation and a desire to compete. I have none of these things as they apply to private or government sector employment – my aspirations and goals are in art and academia. Worse, I’m not particularly good at integrating into systems of vertical management. Probably the best example to use is what happened when I applied for cra…
They had me write two tests. The first was an iq test, and my grades were very high. 95th percentile. This is consistent with past iq tests I’ve written. The second was a behavioural test, which I’ve failed thrice. What that means is that I’m basically certified by the state as unable to exist properly in a management system. I’m too independent-minded, too willing to take things into my own hands, too unwilling to rely on the hierarchy to make decisions. So, I’m not going to fit in there, either. We can have discussions about this, but my perspective is that the test results are essentially accurate – I’m not good at being told what to do or following what I perceive of as illogical rules for the purposes of protocol or convention. Again, I can’t change this – it’s my nature. A different system would value this, but ours rejects it as anti-social.
So, I’m left without any kind of option. I can’t do the drone work because they don’t want people like me doing it, and I can’t do the higher wage work because I can’t fit in there, either. So, I’m not left with any other option (so long as we accept that starving on the street is not a real option) besides trying to explore the reasons I can’t fit into either environment and trying to construct a disability out of it.
There isn’t a disability underlying my bookish introversion, it’s just my nature. However, I believe that there may be a personality disorder underlying my inability to fit into structured environments. This is what I’m trying to get diagnosed.
So, some examples of past behaviour that fit this pattern….
Friday, December 19, 2014
so, i've concluded that what i'm doing with this is mildly insane. and a waste of time.
i will have an arrangement decided upon by the end of the day, one way or another.
i'm about half done...
it just kind of became clear that trying to put a total order on this is stupid. i want one. so, i cleared out many that were obviously not serious candidates and am now down to about 30.
this isn't the last thing to do with this track, but it's almost the last thing to do. once it's done, the mix should be up within an hour or two.
and then i'll have to make decisions about what i want to pull into the final remaster, which i don't think is going to be anything - maybe just a few effects. i'm not even sure if it's the same timing. i *think* it is, though. i *think* i synced it all those years ago...
i will have an arrangement decided upon by the end of the day, one way or another.
i'm about half done...
it just kind of became clear that trying to put a total order on this is stupid. i want one. so, i cleared out many that were obviously not serious candidates and am now down to about 30.
this isn't the last thing to do with this track, but it's almost the last thing to do. once it's done, the mix should be up within an hour or two.
and then i'll have to make decisions about what i want to pull into the final remaster, which i don't think is going to be anything - maybe just a few effects. i'm not even sure if it's the same timing. i *think* it is, though. i *think* i synced it all those years ago...
deathtokoalas
the title of john maus' new thesis has been leaked:
"On Projecting Pseudo-Intellectuality Through Performing Bad Retro for Stoned Teenagers."
RedPill Swallowed
Jealous.
deathtokoalas
naw. even in my late 90s synth-pop phase, i never had any aspirations towards this. and while my background is in math, and math is kind of like philosophy, my epistemology has always been empirically driven. i'm just dismissive.
RedPill Swallowed
I'm not even going to pretend that I don't need to google some of those words, lol....I'll just agree. Have a nice day. :)
deathtokoalas
it's not that rough. if you ignore silly people like kant, like you should, and like maus doesn't, mathematics and philosophy share an approach to understanding knowledge, which is based in deducing things from assumptions with logic. this is somewhat - albeit not entirely - contradictory to a scientific worldview, which attempts to understand knowledge through experiment.
it gets confusing when you acknowledge that there are quasi-empirical branches of mathematics (like constructivism). but that can kind of be glossed over for the purposes of getting to my point.
....which is that i don't really have time for speculative branches of philosophy. well, i guess it's fun to read sometimes. and you have to define questions before you can test them. but there's not much room for jealousy, there, as a result of that.
accidentalprotégé
I don't agree with everything that comes out of John Maus' mouth but what makes his music "Bad Retro?" As someone who dislikes socialized medicine I still think Rights For Gays is a banger.
deathtokoalas
i'm a fan of the period he's drawing on, but i just don't hear anything except watered down emulation.
Me Ear
Do ya get out much? Me neither. I'm a fat, damaged idiot tho. And your aspirations to truth are fine if it gets you thru shit. Really. I'm not being sarcastic. Even your aspirations to a superiority over others are harmless here in youtube comment sections. Bluntly tho, you don't know shit. Humanity is a tribe of monkeys that fell out of a tree one unfortunate day. And there's good folks and cunts. That's it. But what do I know? lol. Best wishes.
deathtokoalas
yeah. i'm post-godel. i get that. that doesn't have much to do with what i was saying, though. if anything, it's an argument in favour of empiricism.
Me Ear
Well, thanks for replying. 1 or 2 folks were nasty to you on here. I can be nasty too, very. Godel? Not heard of him, if it's a dude. It's in humans to value truth, yes. But there isn't any. And what you believe? It's not important. I'm exaggerating somewhat, yes.
Religion, philosophy, science, can have a place, yes. But anyway, one guy, or girl, sees a cat with 3 legs, kicks it across the road. Another guy or girl feeds it. All the rest is theory, in my view. And, no, I wouldn't kick the cat, on my worst possible day.
deathtokoalas
godel was an early 20th century mathematician that produced a series of important proofs. he's been described as the most important logician since aristotle. and, in some sense he defined a type of thinking that is necessarily post-aristotlian.
i have to oversimplify dramatically. but, he demonstrated that we have a choice between completeness and consistency. what that means is that there are necessarily true statements that can never be proven true - and that we can in fact prove can never be proven, despite being true.
that has a lot of implications to the axiom-deduction approach to epistemology. it throws kant out the window, to begin with. his whole concept of synthetic a priori knowledge being superior is rendered ridiculous.
again: i don't really see any point where you're disagreeing with me. you're just displaying that you didn't really understand what i typed.
Me Ear
I drink, listen to music and type shit for something to do, which I don't usually remember because I'm mentally disordered, damaged and drunk.
A serious (not sarcastic) question - why post clever stuff on youtube? And, again seriously, where can doing so lead to?
(There's clever folks on youtube, yes, but most of them seem to end up wanting to die fairly soon after they've posted on the toob amongst folk like me, don't they?)
deathtokoalas
see, here's the thing: maybe people reading my ranting might click on my name and check out my channel, and then go to my bandcamp site. the more places i leave links, the higher the possibility.
it's a benevolent type of spam/marketing, in the sense that people get something out of it. and, i don't get deleted or marked as spam, either.
Me Ear
I'll look at your channel then. I used to rant til I got a troll. Who had a channel. lol. I looked at it eventually, worst music ever. lol again. You know what tho? Your enemy is your helper too. I imagine you're smart enough to have heard of the concept. Except young kids are killing themselves coz of trolls now.. There was a case of somebody in this country who trolled somebody on 6000 websites. Those 2 should've got married, they had very similar interests.lol. Peace. xxx
the title of john maus' new thesis has been leaked:
"On Projecting Pseudo-Intellectuality Through Performing Bad Retro for Stoned Teenagers."
RedPill Swallowed
Jealous.
deathtokoalas
naw. even in my late 90s synth-pop phase, i never had any aspirations towards this. and while my background is in math, and math is kind of like philosophy, my epistemology has always been empirically driven. i'm just dismissive.
RedPill Swallowed
I'm not even going to pretend that I don't need to google some of those words, lol....I'll just agree. Have a nice day. :)
deathtokoalas
it's not that rough. if you ignore silly people like kant, like you should, and like maus doesn't, mathematics and philosophy share an approach to understanding knowledge, which is based in deducing things from assumptions with logic. this is somewhat - albeit not entirely - contradictory to a scientific worldview, which attempts to understand knowledge through experiment.
it gets confusing when you acknowledge that there are quasi-empirical branches of mathematics (like constructivism). but that can kind of be glossed over for the purposes of getting to my point.
....which is that i don't really have time for speculative branches of philosophy. well, i guess it's fun to read sometimes. and you have to define questions before you can test them. but there's not much room for jealousy, there, as a result of that.
accidentalprotégé
I don't agree with everything that comes out of John Maus' mouth but what makes his music "Bad Retro?" As someone who dislikes socialized medicine I still think Rights For Gays is a banger.
deathtokoalas
i'm a fan of the period he's drawing on, but i just don't hear anything except watered down emulation.
Me Ear
Do ya get out much? Me neither. I'm a fat, damaged idiot tho. And your aspirations to truth are fine if it gets you thru shit. Really. I'm not being sarcastic. Even your aspirations to a superiority over others are harmless here in youtube comment sections. Bluntly tho, you don't know shit. Humanity is a tribe of monkeys that fell out of a tree one unfortunate day. And there's good folks and cunts. That's it. But what do I know? lol. Best wishes.
deathtokoalas
yeah. i'm post-godel. i get that. that doesn't have much to do with what i was saying, though. if anything, it's an argument in favour of empiricism.
Me Ear
Well, thanks for replying. 1 or 2 folks were nasty to you on here. I can be nasty too, very. Godel? Not heard of him, if it's a dude. It's in humans to value truth, yes. But there isn't any. And what you believe? It's not important. I'm exaggerating somewhat, yes.
Religion, philosophy, science, can have a place, yes. But anyway, one guy, or girl, sees a cat with 3 legs, kicks it across the road. Another guy or girl feeds it. All the rest is theory, in my view. And, no, I wouldn't kick the cat, on my worst possible day.
deathtokoalas
godel was an early 20th century mathematician that produced a series of important proofs. he's been described as the most important logician since aristotle. and, in some sense he defined a type of thinking that is necessarily post-aristotlian.
i have to oversimplify dramatically. but, he demonstrated that we have a choice between completeness and consistency. what that means is that there are necessarily true statements that can never be proven true - and that we can in fact prove can never be proven, despite being true.
that has a lot of implications to the axiom-deduction approach to epistemology. it throws kant out the window, to begin with. his whole concept of synthetic a priori knowledge being superior is rendered ridiculous.
again: i don't really see any point where you're disagreeing with me. you're just displaying that you didn't really understand what i typed.
Me Ear
I drink, listen to music and type shit for something to do, which I don't usually remember because I'm mentally disordered, damaged and drunk.
A serious (not sarcastic) question - why post clever stuff on youtube? And, again seriously, where can doing so lead to?
(There's clever folks on youtube, yes, but most of them seem to end up wanting to die fairly soon after they've posted on the toob amongst folk like me, don't they?)
deathtokoalas
see, here's the thing: maybe people reading my ranting might click on my name and check out my channel, and then go to my bandcamp site. the more places i leave links, the higher the possibility.
it's a benevolent type of spam/marketing, in the sense that people get something out of it. and, i don't get deleted or marked as spam, either.
Me Ear
I'll look at your channel then. I used to rant til I got a troll. Who had a channel. lol. I looked at it eventually, worst music ever. lol again. You know what tho? Your enemy is your helper too. I imagine you're smart enough to have heard of the concept. Except young kids are killing themselves coz of trolls now.. There was a case of somebody in this country who trolled somebody on 6000 websites. Those 2 should've got married, they had very similar interests.lol. Peace. xxx
Thursday, December 18, 2014
i'm making a little progress, but i didn't realize how similar so much of this is...
there's really three parts, with the third doubled and split l/r, but the drum is panned hard to the right so the effect is not commutative. the sound dominating in the headphones is on the left channel, with the right channel adding subtle levels of colour.
the first has some reverb and a little delay, the second is a heavy chorus and the third/fourth are a kind of heavier shadow delay, in that they have almost no dry signal. but the colouring is dramatic.
so, what i'm noticing is that each combination, if held static otherwise, is only minimally different on the right channel. which might seem like it would reduce possibilities - but not all the way down to 27 - but in fact actually requires very carefully listening to isolate the differences.
but i am making progress. splitting the set into three really helped a lot.
there's really three parts, with the third doubled and split l/r, but the drum is panned hard to the right so the effect is not commutative. the sound dominating in the headphones is on the left channel, with the right channel adding subtle levels of colour.
the first has some reverb and a little delay, the second is a heavy chorus and the third/fourth are a kind of heavier shadow delay, in that they have almost no dry signal. but the colouring is dramatic.
so, what i'm noticing is that each combination, if held static otherwise, is only minimally different on the right channel. which might seem like it would reduce possibilities - but not all the way down to 27 - but in fact actually requires very carefully listening to isolate the differences.
but i am making progress. splitting the set into three really helped a lot.
this round robin thing isn't working; i'm not comparing apples and apples. rather, i'm going to have to break it down into sets: some renders are "bright", others are "dark" and still others sound very compressed, almost "tinny". comparing them against each other isn't producing a total order. once i can break it into sets, i can compare apples and apples and then figure out which one i prefer as a base sound.
i can't isolate it as a single factor, either. that's why i couldn't get it right. if i take the model down on one and up on the other it will have a similar effect as if i do the opposite thing....
i can't isolate it as a single factor, either. that's why i couldn't get it right. if i take the model down on one and up on the other it will have a similar effect as if i do the opposite thing....
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
ok, i got the things done i wanted done this morning, meaning i now have a straight week with nothing else on my mind. i just need to get something to eat....
i need to point out that this page is going to change soon. i'm going to be moving the "journal" component off, restricting this to a strict musical timeline that is basically going to be little more than the rss feed from bandcamp...
i think it's probably beneficial. i mean, i'm keeping a journal because *i* want to keep a journal. you may be more interested in just knowing when the music comes up. which is what the rss feed is for. but it's also what a lot of people do with their facebook pages, and what i'm defaulting to.
that being said, i will post the link to the journal when i set it up.
it'll either be at tumblr or blogspot, depending on which gives me more of the options i want to integrate into my appspot site, which is where everything is moving.
there's just a lot of things about facebook i don't like. the spying is kind of a minor inconvenience. i'm more irritated by the lack of control.
it'll be a while, because i'm transferring my main profile first, but it's coming.
actually, i'm feeling a little tired right now from a lot of walking and just want to kind of curl up. i'll be back at this when i wake up.
i need to point out that this page is going to change soon. i'm going to be moving the "journal" component off, restricting this to a strict musical timeline that is basically going to be little more than the rss feed from bandcamp...
i think it's probably beneficial. i mean, i'm keeping a journal because *i* want to keep a journal. you may be more interested in just knowing when the music comes up. which is what the rss feed is for. but it's also what a lot of people do with their facebook pages, and what i'm defaulting to.
that being said, i will post the link to the journal when i set it up.
it'll either be at tumblr or blogspot, depending on which gives me more of the options i want to integrate into my appspot site, which is where everything is moving.
there's just a lot of things about facebook i don't like. the spying is kind of a minor inconvenience. i'm more irritated by the lack of control.
it'll be a while, because i'm transferring my main profile first, but it's coming.
actually, i'm feeling a little tired right now from a lot of walking and just want to kind of curl up. i'll be back at this when i wake up.
it would be nice to just download all your facebook posts, but you can't actually do that....
rather than sit and copy and paste for a week or longer, i'm going to do a little when i wake up and a little when i go to sleep. i started this process yesterday. i figure it'll be about a month before it's done. maybe longer, though. there's a lot...
when i get that done, i'm going to want to move to a service that i can integrate more cleanly into the appspot site. i don't know what that's going to be, i'll have to play with it. tumblr. blogspot. i want something where i can control the presentation better. i'll post that when i figure it out.
so, i'll still be posting here for a while, until i figure that out. but i've set the process in motion.
a few years ago, i was arguing that rss was dead because facebook had rendered it obsolete. and, for a while, that may have been true. but, the changes facebook has made have managed to take it from being on the cusp of dominance to virtual irrelevance.
it's now a paid advertising service. they cut out posts. the end user has very little control over what appears in the feed. that's not a replacement for rss, it's a replacement for television.
if whatever replaces facebook learns the lesson, it may kill rss. but facebook has managed to shoot themselves in the foot with it. and i'm going back to the old.
if what you want is a customizable feed that gives you what you want to get, you can't get it through facebook....
rather, you get what facebook has taken payment to promote.
i'm not the first out. but as more and more people leave, it will drive more and more people out until it's a ghost town.
the future of this platform is ad servers talking to each other over a barren landscape...
in the end, it's a case study as to what not to do.
in the end, this isn't going to be empty, but i want to ensure that anybody can just scroll through and not miss posts. that's going to restrict it, basically, to record release dates and posts to essays/papers. and i *will* keep updating that here...
but it's going to look more like a c.v. than a blog. the blog is moving out...
rather than sit and copy and paste for a week or longer, i'm going to do a little when i wake up and a little when i go to sleep. i started this process yesterday. i figure it'll be about a month before it's done. maybe longer, though. there's a lot...
when i get that done, i'm going to want to move to a service that i can integrate more cleanly into the appspot site. i don't know what that's going to be, i'll have to play with it. tumblr. blogspot. i want something where i can control the presentation better. i'll post that when i figure it out.
so, i'll still be posting here for a while, until i figure that out. but i've set the process in motion.
a few years ago, i was arguing that rss was dead because facebook had rendered it obsolete. and, for a while, that may have been true. but, the changes facebook has made have managed to take it from being on the cusp of dominance to virtual irrelevance.
it's now a paid advertising service. they cut out posts. the end user has very little control over what appears in the feed. that's not a replacement for rss, it's a replacement for television.
if whatever replaces facebook learns the lesson, it may kill rss. but facebook has managed to shoot themselves in the foot with it. and i'm going back to the old.
if what you want is a customizable feed that gives you what you want to get, you can't get it through facebook....
rather, you get what facebook has taken payment to promote.
i'm not the first out. but as more and more people leave, it will drive more and more people out until it's a ghost town.
the future of this platform is ad servers talking to each other over a barren landscape...
in the end, it's a case study as to what not to do.
in the end, this isn't going to be empty, but i want to ensure that anybody can just scroll through and not miss posts. that's going to restrict it, basically, to record release dates and posts to essays/papers. and i *will* keep updating that here...
but it's going to look more like a c.v. than a blog. the blog is moving out...
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
so, there are three parameters to modify in the four simultaneously playing guitar tracks.
3^4 = 81 different possibilities.
i've played the thing back far more than 81 times. if i don't do this systematically, i'll never finish it. i need to ensure that i've heard all possibilities and am picking the best one before i mod it further.
so, i'm dumping all 81 possibilities to wave file...
i'll then have to put together a sort of round robin tournament, where i hold parameters constant and check for the differences in one parameter. the "winner" will move on to the next round. eventually, there will be one file left and that's what i'll go with,
hey, i studied math for quite a while. i can't abolish my nature. it just means it'll take another day...
3^4 = 81 different possibilities.
i've played the thing back far more than 81 times. if i don't do this systematically, i'll never finish it. i need to ensure that i've heard all possibilities and am picking the best one before i mod it further.
so, i'm dumping all 81 possibilities to wave file...
i'll then have to put together a sort of round robin tournament, where i hold parameters constant and check for the differences in one parameter. the "winner" will move on to the next round. eventually, there will be one file left and that's what i'll go with,
hey, i studied math for quite a while. i can't abolish my nature. it just means it'll take another day...
ugh.
i've been through this before, but i keep doing it. i know the reality: trying to recreate a patch you thought was "perfect" from scratch is basically chasing a utopian fantasy. it's not real. it can never be real...
...because, what is "perfect"? it's no doubt better than what actually existed. and, so, for all i know i could have dialed right past what i had in the first place and not realized it, all the while afraid to make too many changes because i might lose the imaginary ideal that i'm projecting, the sound that never existed in the first place.
so, i just need to dial it to something close and then be a little less paranoid about modifying it. it's starting to seem like i'm going to want to add a fifth part on the high end...
i've been through this before, but i keep doing it. i know the reality: trying to recreate a patch you thought was "perfect" from scratch is basically chasing a utopian fantasy. it's not real. it can never be real...
...because, what is "perfect"? it's no doubt better than what actually existed. and, so, for all i know i could have dialed right past what i had in the first place and not realized it, all the while afraid to make too many changes because i might lose the imaginary ideal that i'm projecting, the sound that never existed in the first place.
so, i just need to dial it to something close and then be a little less paranoid about modifying it. it's starting to seem like i'm going to want to add a fifth part on the high end...
Monday, December 15, 2014
yeah. i'm mad at myself. i've got this kind of thurston moore meets allan holdsworth guitar part quadrupled, and it was just what i wanted to hear, but i fucked up the modelling by freezing and unfreezing the tracks. now, i can't get it right...
it's four parts running simultaneously, so it's not tweaking one thing. it's tweaking four things that combine to create one thing.
i may have to sleep on it.
it's four parts running simultaneously, so it's not tweaking one thing. it's tweaking four things that combine to create one thing.
i may have to sleep on it.
so, i got my extension pretty easily. i didn't even have to ask for it. suggesting somebody's reading this....
hey, it's alright. it's evidence in my favour, right?
so, i have until april, now. camh is on the 12th of january. that gives me plenty of time to work something out in a less dramatic fashion and pushes possible appeals forward until july. that's actually enough time that i might get the discography done, at which point plans begin to shift.
i'm hoping i can get at least two more years on odsp, which should hopefully give me enough time to (1) complete the discography and (2) get a good chunk of the reading i want to do before i go back to school done. if i can get five years, it should transition me just about perfectly into a master's program somewhere. possibly in kitchener or london. there's reasons i moved to windsor, but the local place of higher education is not one of them. i stayed at carleton for a really long time because i was tied to the city and it was really a better option than ottawa for the things i was studying (and also because i liked the campus). but i think that going to a lower ranked school actually stifled me a little in terms of dealing with less than brilliant profs and slightly tedious curricula. if i'm going back to school, i'm going to go to a good one.
the flip side of that is that i really, really like where i'm staying. i wouldn't move unless i was pretty serious about it. and i'm projecting that forwards, but it's hard to predict where my head is going to be in 5 years.
and, if i can get permanent, i can basically just work out my ideas without the necessity of having to deal with the education system at all. i think there's something to be said for being the eccentric oddball that escapes peer review by publishing papers to appspot.
but, one thing at a time: i got my extension. so i can relax for the holidays and start scheming in january.
hey, it's alright. it's evidence in my favour, right?
so, i have until april, now. camh is on the 12th of january. that gives me plenty of time to work something out in a less dramatic fashion and pushes possible appeals forward until july. that's actually enough time that i might get the discography done, at which point plans begin to shift.
i'm hoping i can get at least two more years on odsp, which should hopefully give me enough time to (1) complete the discography and (2) get a good chunk of the reading i want to do before i go back to school done. if i can get five years, it should transition me just about perfectly into a master's program somewhere. possibly in kitchener or london. there's reasons i moved to windsor, but the local place of higher education is not one of them. i stayed at carleton for a really long time because i was tied to the city and it was really a better option than ottawa for the things i was studying (and also because i liked the campus). but i think that going to a lower ranked school actually stifled me a little in terms of dealing with less than brilliant profs and slightly tedious curricula. if i'm going back to school, i'm going to go to a good one.
the flip side of that is that i really, really like where i'm staying. i wouldn't move unless i was pretty serious about it. and i'm projecting that forwards, but it's hard to predict where my head is going to be in 5 years.
and, if i can get permanent, i can basically just work out my ideas without the necessity of having to deal with the education system at all. i think there's something to be said for being the eccentric oddball that escapes peer review by publishing papers to appspot.
but, one thing at a time: i got my extension. so i can relax for the holidays and start scheming in january.
i've been playing with levels all night. and there's a
nasty memory leak in my drum plugin causing me to stop and start. it's
probably the last time i'm using it.
i've got a phone call to make at 8:30 and i think this should be done by then. and i think the final mix should be done by the time i leave for camh tomorrow, if i have to leave for camh tomorrow.
i was thinking i'd probably move some of the vst stuff over, but it's not going to be much, if it's anything at all.
i've got a phone call to make at 8:30 and i think this should be done by then. and i think the final mix should be done by the time i leave for camh tomorrow, if i have to leave for camh tomorrow.
i was thinking i'd probably move some of the vst stuff over, but it's not going to be much, if it's anything at all.
i'm seriously considering installing a camera on my screen to keep track of what i'm doing, so i can rewind the thing in case i haphazardly change something and forget what i did.
i mean, telling myself doesn't seem to work. and it's not even feasible, when you really think about it.
i bet the cia'd love that, huh?
i mean, telling myself doesn't seem to work. and it's not even feasible, when you really think about it.
i bet the cia'd love that, huh?
Sunday, December 14, 2014
untitled (pretentious mix)
this is the version that i modified from the
cakewalk output, but i ended up rejecting it because i added some guitar
and synth parts that don't really work well with the track. i do a lot
of improvisational noise, and wanted to integrate that aesthetic, but,
instead, it just comes off sounding a little pretentious.
it wasn't long before i realized my error, but i hadn't saved a version i could go back to so i was sort out of luck. what i ended up doing was cutting the middle part out of the track when i used it for the reflections ep, then just dropped it from the symphony altogether.
nor can this be effectively reconstructed from the source, due to it having multiple paste overs after the cakewalk mixdown that are impossible to locate in the file. the result is something like a little reverb/delay on the track. it's consequently a unique, discarded mix that must simply be left as is.
dated to sept 10, 2002. uploaded, unmodified, on dec 14, 2014.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/untitled-pretentious-mix
it wasn't long before i realized my error, but i hadn't saved a version i could go back to so i was sort out of luck. what i ended up doing was cutting the middle part out of the track when i used it for the reflections ep, then just dropped it from the symphony altogether.
nor can this be effectively reconstructed from the source, due to it having multiple paste overs after the cakewalk mixdown that are impossible to locate in the file. the result is something like a little reverb/delay on the track. it's consequently a unique, discarded mix that must simply be left as is.
dated to sept 10, 2002. uploaded, unmodified, on dec 14, 2014.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/untitled-pretentious-mix
so, i'm skipping the rejected mix. it was rejected for good reasons. there were only four extra parts to it, and they're going to end up fixed up n the final mix, so it would just be superfluous.
that means i'm already stating the vst mix after i eat.
it also means i'll have room to put an early version of the first movement of the fifth symphony on the end of this single, which is good because it's really the right place for it.
parts of the rejected mix will reappear on the seven track version of the reflections single release, because i was distributing it the way. i cut the middle out when i did this. i ended up taking the song out of my fifth symphony, so it won't be on the two track 5/6 disc. rather, the final mix will be on j^2.
but, then you're not getting everything on the single, which is the point.
gah.
ok, i need to get this up, after all. i can't modify it because i put it through a mild delay. but at least it was never compressed.
that means i'm already stating the vst mix after i eat.
it also means i'll have room to put an early version of the first movement of the fifth symphony on the end of this single, which is good because it's really the right place for it.
parts of the rejected mix will reappear on the seven track version of the reflections single release, because i was distributing it the way. i cut the middle out when i did this. i ended up taking the song out of my fifth symphony, so it won't be on the two track 5/6 disc. rather, the final mix will be on j^2.
but, then you're not getting everything on the single, which is the point.
gah.
ok, i need to get this up, after all. i can't modify it because i put it through a mild delay. but at least it was never compressed.
Saturday, December 13, 2014
uploading already completed mixes of untitled to inri061 & inri070
1) this track was initially written as a folk punk song, but i jumped to the scorewriter with it almost immediately. the expanded guitar demo was written in a scorewriter and then performed, rather than vice versa. it was initially less about explicitly creating a techno song and more about ordering the parts in a way that could be deconstructed more effectively.
the taiko drum part was initially just to keep time; it wasn't supposed to be a part of the song. but, as i built it up i began to realize how interesting it sounded as a techno tune and sort of ran with it.
written over the summer of 2002. this render is from dec 13, 2014.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/untitled
2) i programmed this over late july and early august, 2002. render from december 13, 2014.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/soundblaster-mix-7
3) when i initially recorded the track in cakewalk (as an experiment with the program) on a windows 98 machine, i ran out of ram after eight tracks and had to go back to my normal wave editor collage-build mixing process to finish it. unfortunately, i didn't really like the edits i made and ended up defaulting to this version for many years. however, it was only saved in mp3...
on aug 11, 2010, i converted the track to 32-bit directly from the mp3 (which i verified in dec, 2014 via phase inversion) and uploaded it to bandcamp, as a part of the never really finished and with now unclear future tetris project ( jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/tetris ). while i don't feel that the sound quality of the track is sufficient to act as a base for a final version, the process of compressing, decompressing and then converting to 32-bit produced something special on the bottom end that i feel is worth keeping for it's own sake.
dated to sept 1, 2002.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/untitled-out-of-ram-mix
the taiko drum part was initially just to keep time; it wasn't supposed to be a part of the song. but, as i built it up i began to realize how interesting it sounded as a techno tune and sort of ran with it.
written over the summer of 2002. this render is from dec 13, 2014.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/untitled
2) i programmed this over late july and early august, 2002. render from december 13, 2014.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/soundblaster-mix-7
3) when i initially recorded the track in cakewalk (as an experiment with the program) on a windows 98 machine, i ran out of ram after eight tracks and had to go back to my normal wave editor collage-build mixing process to finish it. unfortunately, i didn't really like the edits i made and ended up defaulting to this version for many years. however, it was only saved in mp3...
on aug 11, 2010, i converted the track to 32-bit directly from the mp3 (which i verified in dec, 2014 via phase inversion) and uploaded it to bandcamp, as a part of the never really finished and with now unclear future tetris project ( jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/tetris ). while i don't feel that the sound quality of the track is sufficient to act as a base for a final version, the process of compressing, decompressing and then converting to 32-bit produced something special on the bottom end that i feel is worth keeping for it's own sake.
dated to sept 1, 2002.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/untitled-out-of-ram-mix
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