see, i was never very rebellious. no, honestly, i wasn't. i just sort of didn't care. it was really never a question of rebelling against authority because the mere idea of authority was clearly preposterous. so, it was sort of more like i found myself laughing at the idea that other people thought they had some kind of "authority" over me....even as i found myself in logical agreement with those supposed "authorities" 95 times out of 100.....
i probably would have rebelled a little harder if my upbringing was more strict. it wasn't, though. authority was just something that never really existed, except as a rough set of largely rational suggestions.
you know those charlie brown episodes where adults are all squeaky and weird sounding? that's what i was thinking. although, again, the downward spiral appears as an embarrassingly strong influence. it's sort of ironic to write a song like this based on lines from some other person's songs. thankfully, we don't need to rely on the ingenuity of teenagers to keep the world spinning.
the backing vocals are my little sister. she was pretty little at the time, too. 12, even. also ironic: i told her what to do and what to say. i at least got *that* irony at the time, though.
i still like the bridge section, though.
recorded in december, 1996. remastered on oct 26, 2013.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Friday, October 25, 2013
first night out in windsor...
a few stories to tell. right now? glad i'm at home, in relative safety.
something i learned tonight is that, in windsor, start time means door time. so, showing up an hour after the time on the poster still means waiting over an hour for the show.
in ottawa, we have le cafe de kcuf. in windsor, we have the phog lounge. variations on the same theme. not dissimilar atmospheres.
waiting forever means too many spiked coffees...
at least the music for the wait was alright. meat puppets. mbv. sonic youth. and perhaps it was fitting that the first band started right as 'the sprawl' finished, given my thoughts on this new area to explore.
silent movie type were catchy, noisy and dissonant. not much that's novel, here. but i like the genre. and their record up on bandcamp is pretty good.
they closed the show with a cover of breed, which was sort of nice to hear. i scattered quickly to another show down the street....
there was a band in the 90s called 'man, or astroman?'. this machine kills robots are eerily similar to that band. in every way. 'cept they're not quite as good.
i wish i would have got to see man or astroman?, actually...
actually, i'm going to choose to not tell the stories i was going to tell. there's certain adjustments i'm going to have to make to living in a smaller city. i think this is one of them.
i couldn't quickly find audio for the second band, worry. it's a hard name to google. the audience they attracted seemed to enjoy faux moshing to it, but it was pretty generic hipster music. the hipster genre du jour is something called 'doom', which is a type of heavy grunge that incorporates screamed vocals into it. i'll give this band a tad bit of credit because the drummer was a bit more interesting in a weird sort of way; he was all agent orange while the rest of the band was all sleep. but, at best the result was 'crust', and crust is rarely worth listening to.
extra annoyance: no human could decipher those vocals.
famines, on the other hand, were excellent. it's a shame the place cleared out before they came on. i've seen this before, where local bands take over shows for touring acts and the place clears out when the locals are done. it's just bad research. extra head-scratching is the fact that there was a band down the street that would have brought in the proper audience. i took the walk, but...
famines is dance-punk done right in the after-punk era: rambunctious, hyperactive and entirely bipolar when it needs to be. bonus: moderately intelligent lyrics.
the walk home was a little surreal. i was drunk enough to slur my speech, but not tipsy or in any threat of passing out. cop cars on every corner...
well, there's been some issues in windsor of late. a pretty teenager disappeared (they found a body in the river and will id it this afternoon). there was a gang related stabbing downtown that involved something like ten people. fires. robberies.
that's not the reason the cops are actually there, though. they've been brought in by the bia due to concern about property damage. there was a press release. people are getting stabbed and abducted and arsons are raging across the city and the police department is being driven by a concern about broken windows (to my knowledge, there haven't actually been any broken windows).
regardless, it might be the first time i was happy to see some cop cars. i was a little uneasy walking home, and knew i would be. recent spate of violent crime aside, i'm in a city i don't know very well. and it was well after midnight.
getting out of the downtown core, i noticed a van was following me. it was turning into side streets, u-turning.....eventually it stopped down the street. i crossed the road. it pulled one last u-turn and zoomed off...
the night person at the quickie suggested that the driver may have mistaken me for a prostitute. apparently, a lot of people work up that strip. it's not the first time i've been mistaken, but it usually happens in the summer when i'm minimally clothed. tonight, my make-up was fairly light, and i was wearing my kurt cobain sweater (or at least the sweater that i think of as my kurt cobain sweater). i can't see how i was drawing attention to myself. but maybe it doesn't really matter if i was or wasn't drawing attention to myself.
i also started wondering about a few things walking back. i'm a new addition to the area. change always breeds uncertainty. my largest concern is actually that local criminals might think i'm a cop. i don't have anything for them, especially if i'm walking rather than biking. but the inevitable question is no doubt: what is this nut doing walking alone down the road at midnight? is she really impossibly oblivious to her own safety? if not, who is she working for? etc.
i sort of decided that i just have to keep going out at night regularly in order to create a comfort level. to normalize the locals to my existence. i'm not going to live in fear. it's not in my dna. if they get used to me, i'll begin to blend in. like a squirrel...
getting inside the door was a relief, though. more so than i've ever experienced.
....and, now for zesty cheese....
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2013/10/24.html
something i learned tonight is that, in windsor, start time means door time. so, showing up an hour after the time on the poster still means waiting over an hour for the show.
in ottawa, we have le cafe de kcuf. in windsor, we have the phog lounge. variations on the same theme. not dissimilar atmospheres.
waiting forever means too many spiked coffees...
at least the music for the wait was alright. meat puppets. mbv. sonic youth. and perhaps it was fitting that the first band started right as 'the sprawl' finished, given my thoughts on this new area to explore.
silent movie type were catchy, noisy and dissonant. not much that's novel, here. but i like the genre. and their record up on bandcamp is pretty good.
they closed the show with a cover of breed, which was sort of nice to hear. i scattered quickly to another show down the street....
there was a band in the 90s called 'man, or astroman?'. this machine kills robots are eerily similar to that band. in every way. 'cept they're not quite as good.
i wish i would have got to see man or astroman?, actually...
actually, i'm going to choose to not tell the stories i was going to tell. there's certain adjustments i'm going to have to make to living in a smaller city. i think this is one of them.
i couldn't quickly find audio for the second band, worry. it's a hard name to google. the audience they attracted seemed to enjoy faux moshing to it, but it was pretty generic hipster music. the hipster genre du jour is something called 'doom', which is a type of heavy grunge that incorporates screamed vocals into it. i'll give this band a tad bit of credit because the drummer was a bit more interesting in a weird sort of way; he was all agent orange while the rest of the band was all sleep. but, at best the result was 'crust', and crust is rarely worth listening to.
extra annoyance: no human could decipher those vocals.
famines, on the other hand, were excellent. it's a shame the place cleared out before they came on. i've seen this before, where local bands take over shows for touring acts and the place clears out when the locals are done. it's just bad research. extra head-scratching is the fact that there was a band down the street that would have brought in the proper audience. i took the walk, but...
famines is dance-punk done right in the after-punk era: rambunctious, hyperactive and entirely bipolar when it needs to be. bonus: moderately intelligent lyrics.
the walk home was a little surreal. i was drunk enough to slur my speech, but not tipsy or in any threat of passing out. cop cars on every corner...
well, there's been some issues in windsor of late. a pretty teenager disappeared (they found a body in the river and will id it this afternoon). there was a gang related stabbing downtown that involved something like ten people. fires. robberies.
that's not the reason the cops are actually there, though. they've been brought in by the bia due to concern about property damage. there was a press release. people are getting stabbed and abducted and arsons are raging across the city and the police department is being driven by a concern about broken windows (to my knowledge, there haven't actually been any broken windows).
regardless, it might be the first time i was happy to see some cop cars. i was a little uneasy walking home, and knew i would be. recent spate of violent crime aside, i'm in a city i don't know very well. and it was well after midnight.
getting out of the downtown core, i noticed a van was following me. it was turning into side streets, u-turning.....eventually it stopped down the street. i crossed the road. it pulled one last u-turn and zoomed off...
the night person at the quickie suggested that the driver may have mistaken me for a prostitute. apparently, a lot of people work up that strip. it's not the first time i've been mistaken, but it usually happens in the summer when i'm minimally clothed. tonight, my make-up was fairly light, and i was wearing my kurt cobain sweater (or at least the sweater that i think of as my kurt cobain sweater). i can't see how i was drawing attention to myself. but maybe it doesn't really matter if i was or wasn't drawing attention to myself.
i also started wondering about a few things walking back. i'm a new addition to the area. change always breeds uncertainty. my largest concern is actually that local criminals might think i'm a cop. i don't have anything for them, especially if i'm walking rather than biking. but the inevitable question is no doubt: what is this nut doing walking alone down the road at midnight? is she really impossibly oblivious to her own safety? if not, who is she working for? etc.
i sort of decided that i just have to keep going out at night regularly in order to create a comfort level. to normalize the locals to my existence. i'm not going to live in fear. it's not in my dna. if they get used to me, i'll begin to blend in. like a squirrel...
getting inside the door was a relief, though. more so than i've ever experienced.
....and, now for zesty cheese....
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2013/10/24.html
Thursday, October 24, 2013
24-10-2013: silent movie type @ phog, windsor + this machine kills robots, worry & the famines @ villain's, windsor
their music:
https://silentmovietype.bandcamp.com/
https://thismachinekillsrobots.bandcamp.com/
https://thefamines.bandcamp.com/
review:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2013/10/24.html
event listing:
https://www.facebook.com/events/168999913304700/
https://www.facebook.com/events/568493106551319/
video:
https://silentmovietype.bandcamp.com/
https://thismachinekillsrobots.bandcamp.com/
https://thefamines.bandcamp.com/
review:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2013/10/24.html
event listing:
https://www.facebook.com/events/168999913304700/
https://www.facebook.com/events/568493106551319/
video:
so, i can't make it across the river until i get that stupid card. and, because the stupid card is going to cost twice as much as i thought, i have to wait until after the first. i therefore can't write show reviews...
i can point out what i'm missing, though.
this is tonight in detroit. i would have enjoyed this, too.
stupid borders.
one day, we'll tear their system down and set their flags on fire.
patience.
i can point out what i'm missing, though.
this is tonight in detroit. i would have enjoyed this, too.
stupid borders.
one day, we'll tear their system down and set their flags on fire.
patience.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Re: out of ideas for the shower
From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: the initial landlord
i can commit to being there.
j
To: the initial landlord
i can commit to being there.
j
RE: out of ideas for the shower
From: the initial landlord
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
Jessica, sorry..... I had to work this week and I intended to send you an e-mail but one thing came after another. I will set the repair for Saturday morning providing that you will be there and nothing else complicates the timing.
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
Jessica, sorry..... I had to work this week and I intended to send you an e-mail but one thing came after another. I will set the repair for Saturday morning providing that you will be there and nothing else complicates the timing.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
demo #14: mosh pit song
back when i was a silly kid, i wrote some silly punk songs for other silly kids to be silly kids while listening to them. the tendency dried up when i hit my mid-teens and became sullen and withdrawn and totally into imaginary guitar solos, but there's a handful of these scattered in the old stuff.
the track was obviously sped up for effect. but it's sort of weird that i feel the need to point out that i sped this one up, and didn't feel the need to point out where i slowed tracks down, isn't it?
recorded in december, 1996. remastered on oct 22, 2013.
the track was obviously sped up for effect. but it's sort of weird that i feel the need to point out that i sped this one up, and didn't feel the need to point out where i slowed tracks down, isn't it?
recorded in december, 1996. remastered on oct 22, 2013.
Re: out of ideas for the shower
From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: the initial landlord
hi.
i'm pretty patient, and very reasonable, so long as things are being worked towards and i'm kept up to date as to what's going on. i know there's a lot of factors involved in getting things together - time, labour, etc. i'm not a demanding person and don't want to be a demanding tenant. however, you had indicated monday or tuesday. it's now tuesday afternoon. when do you expect to drop by?
j
To: the initial landlord
hi.
i'm pretty patient, and very reasonable, so long as things are being worked towards and i'm kept up to date as to what's going on. i know there's a lot of factors involved in getting things together - time, labour, etc. i'm not a demanding person and don't want to be a demanding tenant. however, you had indicated monday or tuesday. it's now tuesday afternoon. when do you expect to drop by?
j
Monday, October 21, 2013
demo #13: guh
more silly teenage angst, intersecting with more rejection of religion and quite a bit of misanthropy. i may make an interesting observation or two, but the reality here is that i sound just as brainwashed as the masses of people i was looking down on...and if i'm going to criticize myself, or feel embarrassed, it's on that level of a lack of originality, rather than the actual content.
this is actually a sort of a neat track, though, musically, i think.
recorded in november, 1996. remastered on oct 21, 2013.
this is actually a sort of a neat track, though, musically, i think.
recorded in november, 1996. remastered on oct 21, 2013.
this new melt banana record is going to be insane to see live
the new melt banana disc is phenomenal. the alvin-joins-ministry thing (i suppose there's already an al in ministry, maybe it's a metamorphosis) is still in place, but there's a massive influence from vision/creation/newsun era boredoms, and it's taken it to a completely different level. this is one of the best INDUSTRIAL records i've heard in a long time.
more to the point, this is going to be awesome to see live. i don't think i'm going to get my stupid card in time. if you're near where they're going, though, i think you want to not miss out on this tour....
more to the point, this is going to be awesome to see live. i don't think i'm going to get my stupid card in time. if you're near where they're going, though, i think you want to not miss out on this tour....
dropping a link to “walkerville mixed tapes”
hi. i've only been in walkerville a few months, and i'm exclusively a studio artist, but here's some stuff to sort through if you'd like to.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/
Sunday, October 20, 2013
demo #12: the wonderful noise
i suppose this is my first real "noise" construction. i was going for a sort of an "obliviously insane" feel. like, imagine bach just losing his mind one day down at the cathedral. i think i hit it, overall, but the tools i had available to me at the time weren't the best; this could have been more unsettling than it is, if i did have access to better tools (i was thinking that at the time). this was constructed on a 4-track tascam with the aid of a kawaii and a few effects pedals....there were no computers involved...
the "hurricane" part of the noise was constructed by looping little bits of sound over themselves. this is oversimplified, but basically it: i took every cassette i could find and dubbed them all on top of each other. not simultaneously, but in different bits. so, i guess if you had more advanced wave analysis tools you could deconstruct that...
the rest of the noise is multiple tracks of guitar noodling through multiple effects patches, mostly high feedback.
a part of the composition involved fucking with cords and pressing pause while i was mastering it. i was sort of playing with the fantasy/reality split. i wouldn't have been able to articulate that then like i could now, so i'll just sort of let that be. i was thinking in terms of being awoken out of a dream.
please use headphones.
recorded in nov, 1996. remastered on oct 20, 2013.
the "hurricane" part of the noise was constructed by looping little bits of sound over themselves. this is oversimplified, but basically it: i took every cassette i could find and dubbed them all on top of each other. not simultaneously, but in different bits. so, i guess if you had more advanced wave analysis tools you could deconstruct that...
the rest of the noise is multiple tracks of guitar noodling through multiple effects patches, mostly high feedback.
a part of the composition involved fucking with cords and pressing pause while i was mastering it. i was sort of playing with the fantasy/reality split. i wouldn't have been able to articulate that then like i could now, so i'll just sort of let that be. i was thinking in terms of being awoken out of a dream.
please use headphones.
recorded in nov, 1996. remastered on oct 20, 2013.
Re: [Ticket#2013102010009848] TekSavvy Invoice for account # CID290674
From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: Accounting Department <accounting@teksavvy.com>
that's perfect, thanks.
j
To: Accounting Department <accounting@teksavvy.com>
that's perfect, thanks.
j
Re: [Ticket#2013102010009848] TekSavvy Invoice for account # CID290674
From: Accounting Department <accounting@teksavvy.com>
To: death.to.koalas@gmail.com
Hello
Thanks so much for the email. I have verified in your acccount that you were active on 10/02/2013 meaning your billing cycle is the 2nd to the 1st of every month.However being a prepaid company we do bill five days in advance thats why your invoices are due on the 29th of every month. As per your request we can mae them due the first of every month to accomadate your pays thats no problem so that means your invoice that shows currently owing for 10/29/2013 wont be due till 11/01/2013
Thanks for choosing TekSavvy and please don't hesitate to email us back or give us a call at the number below!
To: death.to.koalas@gmail.com
Hello
Thanks so much for the email. I have verified in your acccount that you were active on 10/02/2013 meaning your billing cycle is the 2nd to the 1st of every month.However being a prepaid company we do bill five days in advance thats why your invoices are due on the 29th of every month. As per your request we can mae them due the first of every month to accomadate your pays thats no problem so that means your invoice that shows currently owing for 10/29/2013 wont be due till 11/01/2013
Thanks for choosing TekSavvy and please don't hesitate to email us back or give us a call at the number below!
Re: TekSavvy Invoice for account # CID290674
From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: accounting@teksavvy.com
hi.
my hookup date was oct 2, 2013. that would suggest to me that my payment date should be on the second of each month, *if* i understand things correctly.
it may seem like a silly thing to point out, and to an extent it is. however, i sort of like the idea of payment being at the beginning of the month rather than the end of it, because i get paid at the beginning of the month. it would simplify my life greatly.
so, i think the invoice should be modified slightly, and would like it to be if it should.
j
To: accounting@teksavvy.com
hi.
my hookup date was oct 2, 2013. that would suggest to me that my payment date should be on the second of each month, *if* i understand things correctly.
it may seem like a silly thing to point out, and to an extent it is. however, i sort of like the idea of payment being at the beginning of the month rather than the end of it, because i get paid at the beginning of the month. it would simplify my life greatly.
so, i think the invoice should be modified slightly, and would like it to be if it should.
j
Friday, October 18, 2013
i had to firmly end things after she asked to drop by
Shelly Teagan
Hey jess. Can i come visit you this week?
Jessica Amber Murray
are you coming down to windsor for some reason?
Shelly Teagan
Oh no. Im just depressed and want to travel a bit.
I might just hang out in guelph
Jessica Amber Murray
erin, i wasn't sure how to bring shit up with you. i found myself in a really difficult position last month. when i say i wish you the best, i mean it in absolute sincerity. even as i was trying to wind things down, i couldn't bring myself to hang you to dry when you needed somebody to talk to. i may or may not have made a good judgement call regarding timing, but it was a thing that was going to happen. maybe we could meet for coffee to talk if you come down, but i'm not comfortable with you staying here. i think i know i'm being paranoid, but there's just this competitive streak you have that really scares me and that makes me feel really vulnerable to being taken advantage of. i just have some really profound trust issues and certain bells went off. i need to follow my gut.
Shelly Teagan
Im a little confused and dont know what youre saying. You dont want to be my friend? Was i shitty recently?
Its ok i get it. I hope youre doing alright.
Jessica Amber Murray
i don't think it's any one thing, so much as a culmination of observations. the approach you're taking to existing in a social reality will probably serve you well in the long run, once you can get beyond the institutionalized daycare system that the elites have constructed for us, and is keeping people chained to their own ambitions pushing into their late 20s. it's exactly the quality that i lack, and has kept me from being able to succeed socially. but, that juxtaposition puts me in a situation where i'm in deep peril in the medium-term because i'm not equipped to respond. it's not that i don't want to be your friend. i actually sort of do. i rather like you. it's that i've come to understand that it's not safe for me to continue along that path, that there's an inevitable endpoint that will cause me harm. i realize you might not fully understand, and i'm sorry if you don't, but i have to keep myself sheltered from certain things. and, i do hope things work out for you in the way that you want them to.
Shelly Teagan
Lol i dropped out of school if that makes you feel better. Also i have no ambitions anymore.
Baha. I seriously dont give a shit about shit.
this elite, institutionalized daycare!!!!!
Jessica Amber Murray
well, that doesn't make me feel better. why did you drop out?
Shelly Teagan
I think i want to go to algonquin and become a technician or something.
Jessica Amber Murray
i dropped out several times and went back, if that makes *you* feel better. i was going into third year when i said "fuck it, i'm going to get a job in a coffee shop and make music". i took the semester off, drank a ton, had a lot of fun and then want back in the fall. yeah. i was kind of getting the impression that maybe you wanted to study something other than music.
Shelly Teagan
I was trying to show you how un-competitive im being. Lolll.
Anyways i might not come to windsor this week. I might go to guelph only, and midland maybe
Jessica Amber Murray
that's very competitive of you :P
you shouldn't try to change yourself for others.
Shelly Teagan
Im confused again. Damnit!
Bahhh i cant win!
Jessica Amber Murray
always trying to win...
Shelly Teagan
Shitt..... nvm. Ok gotta run. My phone is about to shut off.
Jessica Amber Murray
listen, i wouldn't make you sleep outside, either. i just think we should be going our separate ways. good luck.
Shelly Teagan
Lol ok, jess. See ya.
Jessica Amber Murray
and, erin, just one more thing? realize that i'm not happy about this, that it hurts me to do this, probably more than you. now, i'm having this fear that you wanted to come down here to see me, and it's like a stab in the heart that i responded like i did. you know that feeling you get when your emotional hormones just go haywire? but, that's exactly why i had to.
Shelly Teagan
Youre just trying to find reasons to cut people out so you can feel more alone than you already do. Im not taking it personally. I just feel bad that you feel like you have to alienate everybody you know
Hey jess. Can i come visit you this week?
Jessica Amber Murray
are you coming down to windsor for some reason?
Shelly Teagan
Oh no. Im just depressed and want to travel a bit.
I might just hang out in guelph
Jessica Amber Murray
erin, i wasn't sure how to bring shit up with you. i found myself in a really difficult position last month. when i say i wish you the best, i mean it in absolute sincerity. even as i was trying to wind things down, i couldn't bring myself to hang you to dry when you needed somebody to talk to. i may or may not have made a good judgement call regarding timing, but it was a thing that was going to happen. maybe we could meet for coffee to talk if you come down, but i'm not comfortable with you staying here. i think i know i'm being paranoid, but there's just this competitive streak you have that really scares me and that makes me feel really vulnerable to being taken advantage of. i just have some really profound trust issues and certain bells went off. i need to follow my gut.
Shelly Teagan
Im a little confused and dont know what youre saying. You dont want to be my friend? Was i shitty recently?
Its ok i get it. I hope youre doing alright.
Jessica Amber Murray
i don't think it's any one thing, so much as a culmination of observations. the approach you're taking to existing in a social reality will probably serve you well in the long run, once you can get beyond the institutionalized daycare system that the elites have constructed for us, and is keeping people chained to their own ambitions pushing into their late 20s. it's exactly the quality that i lack, and has kept me from being able to succeed socially. but, that juxtaposition puts me in a situation where i'm in deep peril in the medium-term because i'm not equipped to respond. it's not that i don't want to be your friend. i actually sort of do. i rather like you. it's that i've come to understand that it's not safe for me to continue along that path, that there's an inevitable endpoint that will cause me harm. i realize you might not fully understand, and i'm sorry if you don't, but i have to keep myself sheltered from certain things. and, i do hope things work out for you in the way that you want them to.
Shelly Teagan
Lol i dropped out of school if that makes you feel better. Also i have no ambitions anymore.
Baha. I seriously dont give a shit about shit.
this elite, institutionalized daycare!!!!!
Jessica Amber Murray
well, that doesn't make me feel better. why did you drop out?
Shelly Teagan
I think i want to go to algonquin and become a technician or something.
Jessica Amber Murray
i dropped out several times and went back, if that makes *you* feel better. i was going into third year when i said "fuck it, i'm going to get a job in a coffee shop and make music". i took the semester off, drank a ton, had a lot of fun and then want back in the fall. yeah. i was kind of getting the impression that maybe you wanted to study something other than music.
Shelly Teagan
I was trying to show you how un-competitive im being. Lolll.
Anyways i might not come to windsor this week. I might go to guelph only, and midland maybe
Jessica Amber Murray
that's very competitive of you :P
you shouldn't try to change yourself for others.
Shelly Teagan
Im confused again. Damnit!
Bahhh i cant win!
Jessica Amber Murray
always trying to win...
Shelly Teagan
Shitt..... nvm. Ok gotta run. My phone is about to shut off.
Jessica Amber Murray
listen, i wouldn't make you sleep outside, either. i just think we should be going our separate ways. good luck.
Shelly Teagan
Lol ok, jess. See ya.
Jessica Amber Murray
and, erin, just one more thing? realize that i'm not happy about this, that it hurts me to do this, probably more than you. now, i'm having this fear that you wanted to come down here to see me, and it's like a stab in the heart that i responded like i did. you know that feeling you get when your emotional hormones just go haywire? but, that's exactly why i had to.
Shelly Teagan
Youre just trying to find reasons to cut people out so you can feel more alone than you already do. Im not taking it personally. I just feel bad that you feel like you have to alienate everybody you know
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