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ok, so i've been going to the same handful of places for a month, and i'm starting to notice people eyeing me. i've had a few interesting responses from men. here's one...

"hey sweetheart can i borrow your.....oh, sorry dude, i thought you were a chick. haha. can i borrow your lighter, man?"
"actually, you were sort of..."
"sorry about that. can't believe i thought you were a chick, hahaha."

ugh.

that, i can sort of shrug off. ultimately, i don't really care. more annoying is getting the eye from women. on the one hand, i'm sort of used to that. on the other, i feel the need to say something.

trans people come in all different types. the stereotype of the gay male transvestite, though, is largely...well, i suppose it applies ok to gay men that like to dress up "like women" at bars, as though they're going to a costume party. it doesn't, however, apply well to people that identify as transgendered 24/7. we come in different types, but the statistical norm for trans-women is actually a very socially submissive personality type that is almost the opposite of aggressive flamboyancy.

it's ok if you think a trans person is cute, but giving them the eye that you give guys at bars is actually borderline oppressive, as it asserts a gender role from a distance. it sends a message of "i see through your disguise, and think you're a cute boy and want you to come to talk to me".

again, it's ok if you think a trans person is cute, but please try to be a little more thoughtful. i'm a very friendly and approachable person, but this heteronormative eye contact shit is not a game i want to play.

cutting ventilation into the desk for the pc tower

cleaning out the recording pc

....and this is my ridiculous, custom-built music pc - all cleaned up after a night of taking it apart and putting it back together. it's a few years old now, but hasn't aged in any meaningful way. to be honest, i'm not sure i can conceive of a reason i'd ever want to upgrade this thing. 1 TB hard disk space, 4 inboard soundcards (including the disabled integrated card....3 in use), 4 GB RAM and i don't care about the rest because it doesn't matter.....

Shelly Teagan
OMFG lenin IS ALL UP IN KISSING LENI

FUCKING LENI

AND NOW IM JEALOUS

It's so super awesome. I'm like overjoyed

Jessica Amber Murray
ugh.

Shelly Teagan
yeah i'm going a bit crazy pver it

Jessica Amber Murray
i'm not really sure what the thing is with leni. but, i think it's important that you apply the same standards to lenin that you'd expect him to apply to you, you know? otherwise, that's gonna be a messy argument.

Shelly Teagan
same standards ? ?

what do you mean ?

Jessica Amber Murray
well, i think lenin's watched you make out with people before, or heard about, i think you're allowed to be jealous, but it's maybe not fair for you to be *too* jealous.

i just mean that you'd rightly tell lenin he doesn't own you. and it's maybe reasonable to remember that the converse is also true, as you run through various fantasies of murdering leni.

that's a shitty thing to see, though. well, you know what you always say about lenin, though...

maybe not what you wanted to hear, but very true. anyways, i'm out for the night.

Shelly Teagan
Lol its not out of jealousy in that way. I feel betrayed because its LENI and she bas been really abusive to me. For some reason lenin is totally cool with it. She also is using him to make me jealous and to win some kind of fucked up power play she’s had with me for thw last year

Its horrifying because she is really fucking abusive to her partner. Her partner is this super nice guy who pays fr her education and has the best politics. He loves her to pieces. I know she cbeats on hm all the time because she fucking boasts about it.

She also sexts people through her partners phone and has sex with them while hes in the next room sleepi.g. shes a fucking parasite and i want her to leave people i care about alone.

Also im infuriated at lenin for doing this and never being accountable for his own shitty perpetuation of lenis power game. Its like he gets a kick out of her being extremely abusive and jealous of me. Because he feels like shes fighting for him as a prize or something.... and i guess its nice to be a prize. Anyways this makes me feel bad, and i dont put up with anything in relationships. If you betray me, were done.

Jessica Amber Murray
i remember her showing up to one of the student strike meetings with bruises all over her, and she explained that she started a fight with her boyfriend and they were punching each other all night... honestly? i know you care about lenin, but it seems  like he's put you through a lot of misery and maybe walking away is a better idea. he's continually displayed an almost chronic deficit of attention to your desires.

Shelly Teagan
lol yeh fuck lenin

RE: LANDLORD. E-MAIL CHECK .....READ

From: The Initial Landlord
To: "'Jessica Murray'" death.to.koalas@gmail.com

Its okay if you screw into the wall......I will have no issues with that.....I have been working this week 7am to 5:30p and possible next week. I will not get a chance to come by soon..., maybe on the week I might be able to stop by with stud finder and pick up shelves.

installation file:
en_windows_8_1_x64_dvd_2707217.iso

installation file:
en_windows_8_1_x86_dvd_2707392.iso

getting closer to actually getting back to using the gear, which is the whole point of all of this.

separating the untangled cords into boxes

Re: LANDLORD. E-MAIL CHECK .....READ

From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: The Initial Landlord

ok, then i'm going to need to run through with the studfinder again. i'm not in a hurry, just whenever you come back for the shelf.

i'm thinking that if you really don't want me to screw into the wall, what i could do is get some long pieces of wood (should cost less than $10) and screw them into a board on the floor, then l-brace the shelves to the pieces of wood. i'd get what i want, and there would be no effect on the wall that way, so the unit could be just removed one day down the road or you could just leave it there and paint it. i'm going back to home depot at the beginning of october to get some more wood, so i'm sure i'll have some more scrap for extra shelves.

either way, it'll look good. it's a very logical place for a corner shelf.

as for the name, the truth is that i picked jessica because it easily maps back to j. most people have called me j. so, that's actually preferable. j > jessica or jess or other variations thereof > jason.

also, before i forget once again: i noticed some water leaking from upstairs into the shower about 7:00 PM friday night. i don't think it was the shower. i heard some kind of motor running, so i suspect it may have been a dishwasher or something.....?

i never actually took any courses in knot theory.

i'll be starting the process of setting up the studio again tonight. it's going to take a while, but i should be back to posting updates here by the end of the month and should have some actual music to post by the end of the year. a lot of it, actually.

Re: LANDLORD. E-MAIL CHECK .....READ

From: The Initial Landlord
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>

Jessica or Jason,...... out of respect, I do not know yet which name you want me to address you with...... It will be okay to do what you want, I thought I would try with the shelves staked one on top of each other. The spacing is tight but I though you could give it a try. You can use the one that you set up somewhere else. I will take back the other.

Re: LANDLORD. E-MAIL CHECK .....READ

From: Jessica Murray
To: The Initial Landlord

hi...

just an update on the bookshelf. i set up the first one, and...see, if the thing you're interested in is the aesthetic appeal of the shelves, i don't think the bookshelf is a good solution. i think it's also a little less functional than it could be.

there's a picture attached. the other unit is still in the box. a few things,

1) the squareness of the shelf draws attention to the wobbly corner.
2) the units are meant to be stacked, but you can't really do that here because of the baseboards. so, screwing it into the wall (i didn't do that) would tilt the shelf back. if you lift it up, it just looks crooked.
3) otherwise, because the bookshelf is a lot smaller than the corner, it really looks out of place.
4) the nature of a book shelf in that corner itself looks sort of jagged and out of place.

i'll be honest: from an aesthetic perspective, i think the l-brace
approach would look better.

that being said, i think if you wanted to go with something like this in that corner then a stackable *corner* shelving unit (rather than a regular shelving unit) would probably look good. they've got some on the boxes of the units you bought. it's the same idea, just a different shape.

HOWEVER...

...what's the difference, really, between that and what i suggested in the first place? sure, you *could* pay $100 to get some shelves to screw together. but i already have the shelves. the end result is almost exactly the same thing, except for that:

1) the wood i'm using doesn't have a lacquer and
2) the structure of the shelving unit decreases the efficiency of the shelves by taking up space.

i asked out of respect, but in all honesty i think what i was going to do would actually end up looking better. i think i plan on being in this unit for quite a long time; i wouldn't take the shelves with me (they're cut for the corner, and in total are worth around $2), and if there's a desire to lacquer them after i've left....well, that's pretty quick. honestly, that would be the only difference!

as for that shelving unit itself......do you want me to take it back apart and put it back in the box? would they accept it back after it's been screwed together?

in the picture, i've put the towel over top of the shelf to indicate how much more useful *and* aesthetic the larger shelf would be in the corner.

also note that i built the wood shelving unit in the picture beside the white one myself for around $7 in total. if it were to be lacquered, it would be identical to the one you bought at the store, no doubt for much more than $7....

j

updates to the install scripts for the old pc, as it is being repurposed to stream video from youtube (cleanup.cmd)

rmdir /s /q "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Favorites\Links"
rmdir /s /q "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Favorites"
rmdir /s /q "C:\WINDOWS\pss"
rmdir /s /q "C:\WINDOWS\resources"
rmdir /q /s "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Local Settings\Application Data\Microsoft\CD Burning"
rmdir /q /s "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Local Settings\Application Data\Microsoft\Internet Explorer"
rmdir /q /s "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Local Settings\Application Data\Microsoft\Credentials"
rmdir /q /s "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\NetHood"
rmdir /q /s "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Local Settings\Temp"
mkdir "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Local Settings\Temp"
rmdir /q /s "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Local Settings\Temporary Internet Files"
mkdir "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Local Settings\Temporary Internet Files"
rmdir /q /s "C:\Windows\PIF"
rmdir /q /s "C:\Windows\System32\config\systemprofile"
rmdir /q /s "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Local Settings\History\History.IE5"
rmdir /q /s "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Local Settings\History"
rmdir /q /s "C:\Documents and Settings\NetworkService\Local Settings\Temp"
mkdir "C:\Documents and Settings\NetworkService\Local Settings\Temp"
rmdir /q /s "C:\Documents and Settings\NetworkService\Local Settings\Temporary Internet Files"
mkdir "C:\Documents and Settings\NetworkService\Local Settings\Temporary Internet Files"
del /q C:\WINDOWS\system32\catroot\*.tmp
del /q C:\WINDOWS\system32\catroot2\*.log
del /q C:\WINDOWS\system32\catroot2\*.txt
del /q C:\WINDOWS\system32\catroot2\*.chk
del /q C:\WINDOWS\system32\catroot2\*.edb
del /q c:\windows\*.log
del /q c:\windows\*.bak
del /q c:\windows\{*
del /q C:\windows\cthelp*
del /q C:\windows\system32\*.rfx
del /q "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Cookies\*.*"
rmdir /q /s "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Local Settings\Temporary Internet Files\Content.IE5"
C:\windows\regedit.exe /s C:\windows\system32\fileextensions.reg
rmdir /q /s "C:\WINDOWS\NLDRV"
rmdir /s /q "E:\script\files\firefox\Firefox\Profiles"
mkdir "E:\script\files\firefox\Firefox\Profiles"
C:\windows\System32\xcopy.exe /y /E "C:\Documents and Settings\%username%\Application Data\Mozilla\Firefox\Profiles" "E:\script\files\firefox\Firefox\Profiles"
copy /y "C:\Documents and Settings\jessica\Application Data\foobar2000\foobar2000.cfg" E:\script\files\foo\foobar2000.cfg
copy /y "C:\Documents and Settings\jessica\Application Data\foobar2000\theme.fth" E:\script\files\foo\theme.fth

screwing in the other l-brackets

cut my finger on the ancient vacuum.

the shelving unit wasn’t really what i was after for the corner.

i asked to screw brackets into the wall, and the landlord gave me this instead