https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/schizoid-terrorist-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
Tuesday, July 12, 2016
11-07-2016: listening to and discussing inri009, and why my music should be consumed as flac
tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/schizoid-terrorist-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/schizoid-terrorist-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
Monday, July 11, 2016
finalizing hey god (inri008)
audio permanently closed for inri008.
==
my recollection of the initial recording of this track is unfortunately somewhat vague. when we push our memories like i'm trying to, we become more likely to imagine the past in terms that never actually existed. so, how real is this vague memory of wanting to hear some backwards guitars? i fear that it's perilous to try and force my mind to be more specific.
it's at least fully consistent with what i know about the situation. this was initially the second track recorded in my basement studio in the fall of 1996. so, i was still at the point where i was looking to try things in the studio for the first time. as for backwards guitars? i was very interested in both zappa and hendrix (two of my biggest guitar influences) at the time, and that is actually blatantly obvious if you listen to inri000. they both used backwards guitars. there are multiple occasions on inri000 (and afterwards...) where the nods to both of these players are beyond heavy-sleeved. so, my vague memory at the very least makes sense.
how i made the jump from trying to create a backwards guitar solo to turning a song into a palindrome is another question and i don't really have a good answer besides stumbling upon it as i was listening to it. clearly, it is the case that this struck me as a good idea at some point along the way.
when i went to recreate the track in early 1998, i felt the need to recreate the palindrome effect. so, i never saved any version of the track in forward order (without the backwards overdub) or released it in any kind of way. for all these years, there has simply never been a forwards version of the track.
the remastering process over 2015 has finally given me the opportunity to create a forwards version and spin it off as a single for the express reason of documenting the track as it was actually initially written, which was as a fairly straight forward alternative pop song. that's a description that i do believe is very old. yet, i may be imagining the past, too...
the new album mix is a palindrome, as it always has been. the electronics mix is constructed using the same algorithm. the backwards mix is just literally that. combined together, the forwards and backwards mixes create the album version. the 2013 remasters are appended as bonuses.
initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed june 29, 2015. remixed july 15, 2015. compiled on jan 4, 2016. finalized on july 11, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
regarding the subject matter of the deleted vocals/lyrics, please see the following vlog (which is also available on inriℵ0).
credits
j - guitars, effects, bass, drum programming, digital wave editing, loops, vocals, drum kit, tapes, production
released february 11, 1998
==
my recollection of the initial recording of this track is unfortunately somewhat vague. when we push our memories like i'm trying to, we become more likely to imagine the past in terms that never actually existed. so, how real is this vague memory of wanting to hear some backwards guitars? i fear that it's perilous to try and force my mind to be more specific.
it's at least fully consistent with what i know about the situation. this was initially the second track recorded in my basement studio in the fall of 1996. so, i was still at the point where i was looking to try things in the studio for the first time. as for backwards guitars? i was very interested in both zappa and hendrix (two of my biggest guitar influences) at the time, and that is actually blatantly obvious if you listen to inri000. they both used backwards guitars. there are multiple occasions on inri000 (and afterwards...) where the nods to both of these players are beyond heavy-sleeved. so, my vague memory at the very least makes sense.
how i made the jump from trying to create a backwards guitar solo to turning a song into a palindrome is another question and i don't really have a good answer besides stumbling upon it as i was listening to it. clearly, it is the case that this struck me as a good idea at some point along the way.
when i went to recreate the track in early 1998, i felt the need to recreate the palindrome effect. so, i never saved any version of the track in forward order (without the backwards overdub) or released it in any kind of way. for all these years, there has simply never been a forwards version of the track.
the remastering process over 2015 has finally given me the opportunity to create a forwards version and spin it off as a single for the express reason of documenting the track as it was actually initially written, which was as a fairly straight forward alternative pop song. that's a description that i do believe is very old. yet, i may be imagining the past, too...
the new album mix is a palindrome, as it always has been. the electronics mix is constructed using the same algorithm. the backwards mix is just literally that. combined together, the forwards and backwards mixes create the album version. the 2013 remasters are appended as bonuses.
initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed june 29, 2015. remixed july 15, 2015. compiled on jan 4, 2016. finalized on july 11, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
regarding the subject matter of the deleted vocals/lyrics, please see the following vlog (which is also available on inriℵ0).
credits
j - guitars, effects, bass, drum programming, digital wave editing, loops, vocals, drum kit, tapes, production
released february 11, 1998
there's going to be some links posted to the facebook timeline that are being temporarily renamed in order to get a proper embed. from what i can tell, it seems like bandcamp seems to have a messy backend and redirects are interfering with each other. i don't really care about facebook - i mean, it's a useful presentation tool but it's useless for promotion. so, it's not worth my time to get past the most basic hack i can find. but, that's the explanation, anyways.
Sunday, July 10, 2016
finalizing confused (inri007)
audio permanently closed for inri007.
===
so, how exactly does one go about being transgendered, anyways? i mean, like anything else, i guess you have to come to terms with it, first. then, what?
it was the "what next?" part that took me a very long time to grapple with before i was able to come to some kind of course of action. i don't remember exactly how old i was when i realized that i was more like a girl than a boy, but i will state that my thought process was always that i was like a girl, rather than that i was a girl. i have to be blunt: i was a precocious child. i understood the biology of sexual organs at a pretty young age. i knew which organ i had, that it was the same as the one my dad had and that it was different than my mom. i never felt as though i was in the wrong body - that's not how i'd articulate it. i knew i was male. but, all my friends were girls. i preferred to do "girl things". so, i realized at a very, very young age that i was more similar to the girls in my life than to the boys, despite being well aware that i was genetically a boy. it functioned more on the level of social inclusion and conscious choice of gender role than it did on the level of anything biological. am i really that atypical? i don't know. but, i know that i never had any difficulty at all, whatsoever, in separating between sex, gender and gender roles. so, for example: i have very early memories of asking my mom to let me wear lipstick, and of asking to get my ears pierced (3,4 years old) but i don't attach those memories to feelings of gender dysphoria. i didn't see any reason why boys couldn't wear make-up. further, nobody really "corrected" me on it. so, i grew up without any shame or second thoughts attached to being a boy that was more like a girl, and consequently without any particularly strong urges to become a girl. my very early life actually finds it's best explanation in the theories of radical feminism: because the gender binary was never enforced on me, i never felt oppressed by it. i have to argue for a very healthy early upbringing.
what screwed me up and set me back a good ten years was the school system. when i got there at the age of four and a half, i wouldn't talk to the boys. i wanted to skip rope and play hopscotch with the girls. well, all my friends were girls. i didn't know how to play with the boys. what's a marble? i just didn't know. i got stuck with a fossil of a kindergarten teacher that actually flat out banned me from skipping rope. worse, she banned me from reading books. my absolutely docile and clinically rational temperament at that age probably worked against me. but, i had two choices: i could play with the trucks with the boys in the corner or i could go to sleep.
in fact, i slept a lot.
but, gradually, the system socialized me as a male. or, at least it seemed like it did.
my path through elementary school didn't really ease up on the gender segregation until the seventh grade, at which point it was essentially too late. the system had successfully prevented me from socializing with girls, but had never taught me how to socialize with boys. so, i had spent the last twelve years of school in social isolation, usually without any friends at all. i'd lost the opportunity to have all the gendered experiences one associates with childhood - which means i was deeply socially stunted. i was still pretty smart, academically speaking. however, i was operating at the social level of a much younger child because the school system had arrested my social development through segregating me into a gender role that i didn't understand how to fulfill.
by the time i got around to writing this song at the age of 16, i'd just become entirely stoic about the whole thing. i knew i was more like a girl, but what exactly was i going to do about it? i guess i had the perspective, at 16, that life was largely about managing misfortune and you just have to deal with shit, whether you like it or not.
rational? perhaps, from a certain perspective. it gnawed at me, though. the trauma underlying the track was the realization that i was a good part of the way through puberty, without ever having signed up for it. this was by no means unexpected, either, and i didn't ultimately feel that i had any recourse of action in preventing it. but, i felt like i'd been cheated out of something and was being forced into something i didn't remotely want.
as with the rest of the early tracks, the lyrics here are at their core the exploration of a morbid fantasy. i'm taking things too far, i'm taking any excuse i can to keep taking things too far and i'm enjoying watching you squirm when i do it. in one sense, it's a sarcastic allegory on the question of thinking with one's cock, which is a bio-chemical problem that all testosterone producers are forced to come to terms with at some point. in another sense, it's a transgendered teenager carrying out a sort of morbid fantasy and desperately looking for a way to prevent the masculinization of my body.
it took me another five years or so of internal struggle before i could get to the point where i saw hormone therapy as a realistic option, rather than a kind of utopian fantasy that would be perpetually out of reach until i finally expired.
this is the only period 1 piece that was further expanded through the addition of some bass and piano sequencing near the start of the piece. the vocals were also brought back in without redaction. so, this ep starts off with a full reconstruction of the piece that is only available on this single. the ep further comprehensively documents all other released versions of the track.
initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 5, 2015. remixed july 12, 2015. electronics added on july 16, 2015. compiled on jan 4, 2016. sequenced on jan 6-8, 2016. finalized on july 10, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, vocals, synthesizers, drum programming, drum kit, sequencing, sampling, digital wave editing, production
released february 6, 1998
===
so, how exactly does one go about being transgendered, anyways? i mean, like anything else, i guess you have to come to terms with it, first. then, what?
it was the "what next?" part that took me a very long time to grapple with before i was able to come to some kind of course of action. i don't remember exactly how old i was when i realized that i was more like a girl than a boy, but i will state that my thought process was always that i was like a girl, rather than that i was a girl. i have to be blunt: i was a precocious child. i understood the biology of sexual organs at a pretty young age. i knew which organ i had, that it was the same as the one my dad had and that it was different than my mom. i never felt as though i was in the wrong body - that's not how i'd articulate it. i knew i was male. but, all my friends were girls. i preferred to do "girl things". so, i realized at a very, very young age that i was more similar to the girls in my life than to the boys, despite being well aware that i was genetically a boy. it functioned more on the level of social inclusion and conscious choice of gender role than it did on the level of anything biological. am i really that atypical? i don't know. but, i know that i never had any difficulty at all, whatsoever, in separating between sex, gender and gender roles. so, for example: i have very early memories of asking my mom to let me wear lipstick, and of asking to get my ears pierced (3,4 years old) but i don't attach those memories to feelings of gender dysphoria. i didn't see any reason why boys couldn't wear make-up. further, nobody really "corrected" me on it. so, i grew up without any shame or second thoughts attached to being a boy that was more like a girl, and consequently without any particularly strong urges to become a girl. my very early life actually finds it's best explanation in the theories of radical feminism: because the gender binary was never enforced on me, i never felt oppressed by it. i have to argue for a very healthy early upbringing.
what screwed me up and set me back a good ten years was the school system. when i got there at the age of four and a half, i wouldn't talk to the boys. i wanted to skip rope and play hopscotch with the girls. well, all my friends were girls. i didn't know how to play with the boys. what's a marble? i just didn't know. i got stuck with a fossil of a kindergarten teacher that actually flat out banned me from skipping rope. worse, she banned me from reading books. my absolutely docile and clinically rational temperament at that age probably worked against me. but, i had two choices: i could play with the trucks with the boys in the corner or i could go to sleep.
in fact, i slept a lot.
but, gradually, the system socialized me as a male. or, at least it seemed like it did.
my path through elementary school didn't really ease up on the gender segregation until the seventh grade, at which point it was essentially too late. the system had successfully prevented me from socializing with girls, but had never taught me how to socialize with boys. so, i had spent the last twelve years of school in social isolation, usually without any friends at all. i'd lost the opportunity to have all the gendered experiences one associates with childhood - which means i was deeply socially stunted. i was still pretty smart, academically speaking. however, i was operating at the social level of a much younger child because the school system had arrested my social development through segregating me into a gender role that i didn't understand how to fulfill.
by the time i got around to writing this song at the age of 16, i'd just become entirely stoic about the whole thing. i knew i was more like a girl, but what exactly was i going to do about it? i guess i had the perspective, at 16, that life was largely about managing misfortune and you just have to deal with shit, whether you like it or not.
rational? perhaps, from a certain perspective. it gnawed at me, though. the trauma underlying the track was the realization that i was a good part of the way through puberty, without ever having signed up for it. this was by no means unexpected, either, and i didn't ultimately feel that i had any recourse of action in preventing it. but, i felt like i'd been cheated out of something and was being forced into something i didn't remotely want.
as with the rest of the early tracks, the lyrics here are at their core the exploration of a morbid fantasy. i'm taking things too far, i'm taking any excuse i can to keep taking things too far and i'm enjoying watching you squirm when i do it. in one sense, it's a sarcastic allegory on the question of thinking with one's cock, which is a bio-chemical problem that all testosterone producers are forced to come to terms with at some point. in another sense, it's a transgendered teenager carrying out a sort of morbid fantasy and desperately looking for a way to prevent the masculinization of my body.
it took me another five years or so of internal struggle before i could get to the point where i saw hormone therapy as a realistic option, rather than a kind of utopian fantasy that would be perpetually out of reach until i finally expired.
this is the only period 1 piece that was further expanded through the addition of some bass and piano sequencing near the start of the piece. the vocals were also brought back in without redaction. so, this ep starts off with a full reconstruction of the piece that is only available on this single. the ep further comprehensively documents all other released versions of the track.
initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 5, 2015. remixed july 12, 2015. electronics added on july 16, 2015. compiled on jan 4, 2016. sequenced on jan 6-8, 2016. finalized on july 10, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, vocals, synthesizers, drum programming, drum kit, sequencing, sampling, digital wave editing, production
released february 6, 1998
Mastering service
distonart
Hi Jessica
Im a freelance mastering artist from Sweden.
I work online with bands /artists from around the world.
I really like your music!
Do you do mastering yourself or have you considered hiring someone too master your music?
If so I love too work with you!
I charge 30 Euro/ single , 120 Euro / EP 3-5 tracks and 300 Euro/ Album.
If you are looking for someone too master a EP/Album I can do a 30 seconds “demo” master of a track free of charge. Too see if you like my style.
Contact me on info@distonart.com if your interested and we take it from there.
Here is my webpage for some samples of my work:
www.distonart.com
Hope too hear from you and stay creative!
jessica
you know, i have thousands of physical records and i don't think any of them are from sweden. at least, i can't think of a single musician that i like from sweden. jaga jazzist is from norway. gustav holst was english.
i'm curious. how would you feel about mastering something to give it a really 90s and overwhelmingly american GRUNGE sound? i want good range, mind you. the way bands master their material nowadays through limiters and compressors is just horrendous. but that really raw, live sound is absolutely key.
i might be willing to let you pick a track and send it back to me, just out of curiosity, if you think you can get that really dirty, american punk rock sound. no promises that i'l actually use it, though. let me know what track you'd like to play with.
distonart
Hi Jessica and thanks for replying!
It would be awesome to try mastering one of your tracks. I get what you mean by compression since that is kinda the norm nowadays in mastering and music production overall.
I do like raw kind of productions as well and it would be cool to really try too aim for that sound.
Can you give me the link too your bandcamp since I didnt save your page?
Or why dont you send me a track that you would think fit the sound you are aiming for.
Just send me a download link and I can get started. Speaking about limiters, maybe you can give me a reference in terms of loudness of some other production since that affects how much dynamics that should be left in the music. From what you describe I think you want too keep as much of the dynamics in the music as possible, right?
Also I want too check that you are willing to pay for a one track master since I dont do free work, ok with you?
Cheers and again, nice too hear from you / Jonas (Distonart)
Hi Jessica
Im a freelance mastering artist from Sweden.
I work online with bands /artists from around the world.
I really like your music!
Do you do mastering yourself or have you considered hiring someone too master your music?
If so I love too work with you!
I charge 30 Euro/ single , 120 Euro / EP 3-5 tracks and 300 Euro/ Album.
If you are looking for someone too master a EP/Album I can do a 30 seconds “demo” master of a track free of charge. Too see if you like my style.
Contact me on info@distonart.com if your interested and we take it from there.
Here is my webpage for some samples of my work:
www.distonart.com
Hope too hear from you and stay creative!
jessica
you know, i have thousands of physical records and i don't think any of them are from sweden. at least, i can't think of a single musician that i like from sweden. jaga jazzist is from norway. gustav holst was english.
i'm curious. how would you feel about mastering something to give it a really 90s and overwhelmingly american GRUNGE sound? i want good range, mind you. the way bands master their material nowadays through limiters and compressors is just horrendous. but that really raw, live sound is absolutely key.
i might be willing to let you pick a track and send it back to me, just out of curiosity, if you think you can get that really dirty, american punk rock sound. no promises that i'l actually use it, though. let me know what track you'd like to play with.
distonart
Hi Jessica and thanks for replying!
It would be awesome to try mastering one of your tracks. I get what you mean by compression since that is kinda the norm nowadays in mastering and music production overall.
I do like raw kind of productions as well and it would be cool to really try too aim for that sound.
Can you give me the link too your bandcamp since I didnt save your page?
Or why dont you send me a track that you would think fit the sound you are aiming for.
Just send me a download link and I can get started. Speaking about limiters, maybe you can give me a reference in terms of loudness of some other production since that affects how much dynamics that should be left in the music. From what you describe I think you want too keep as much of the dynamics in the music as possible, right?
Also I want too check that you are willing to pay for a one track master since I dont do free work, ok with you?
Cheers and again, nice too hear from you / Jonas (Distonart)
compiling a tracklisting for confused
i'm pretty solid on this tracklisting. i've swapped releases with the stub to allow the tracks to stream over facebook, removed the 1998 duplicate, dumped the original tracks to bonus-only and moved the inricycled cut from a secret ending up to a transitional movement of conceptual segregation.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/confused-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/confused-2
Saturday, July 9, 2016
am i finally awake? i'm a little groggy, but i think it's the air. overall, i think i'm feeling refreshed.
it's taken me some careful listening to decide how i want to organize the confused ep. i almost immediately removed the duplicate from 1998, as it was immediately clear that this was pointless. i've noticed repeatedly, now, that the archived 112 kbps mp3 sounds better than the cd-r - probably because it was converted to mp3 one less time. i keep blaming everything on the fact that i'm 17. but i really am 17. in fact, i just turned 17. you can't expect kids to get through life without making mistakes. further, i know that the music is very intricate at points, but this whole technology thing was still a different world. it's not just that i'm 17. it's that i'm 17 in 1998. back then, using a computer was still something that got you taunted for being a nerd. this was before the concept of hipster geekdom - nerds were really just flat out fucking nerds. so, digital media still had this taint to it, by way of being associated with a circuit board. in 1998, i'm still the elite nerd kid that even knew what an mp3 even was in the first place. and, fuck napster, by the way - you get the good stuff through private ftp servers.
the point is just that i didn't really know how badly an mp3 breaks the audio quality. in fact, i thought that the result actually sounded better over mp3. i had seriously convinced myself that an mp3 compression was a crude mastering process. psycho-acoustics, indeed. this excuse will go away soon, but right now it's still very real.
what's left can be partitioned into three sections.
1) the first five tracks, which were all remastered and finished in 2015/2016.
2.1) original mixes from 1997/1998 (this track was written in '97 and recreated with the machine in '98).
2.2) remasters of those mixes from 2013, including the inricycled cut.
the question is whether i want to cut the disc off at section 1, leaving all of section 2 for bonus material, or whether i want to cut section two in half. i've opted for the latter - keeping 2.2 on the disc, and 2.1 off of it.
on the one hand, it may be easy to argue that i don't need any of the vocal parts because i remastered the vocal version for this track. but, it's also true that the 1998 vocal mix is very different than any of the first five tracks, and the 1997 mix is practically a different song. i did not find that also holding on to the original mixes was worthwhile, but i do think that they should be accounted for.
i want to separate them out a little bit, though. just a gap in the audio, making the last two tracks seem like they're hidden in plain sight. so, what i'm going to do is drop the inricycled mix in to track 6, and then leave an audio gap in between. the original versions will then be bonus mixes, in addition to that.
i am pretty much certain on that track listing, but i will need to listen to the material before i finalize it.
it's taken me some careful listening to decide how i want to organize the confused ep. i almost immediately removed the duplicate from 1998, as it was immediately clear that this was pointless. i've noticed repeatedly, now, that the archived 112 kbps mp3 sounds better than the cd-r - probably because it was converted to mp3 one less time. i keep blaming everything on the fact that i'm 17. but i really am 17. in fact, i just turned 17. you can't expect kids to get through life without making mistakes. further, i know that the music is very intricate at points, but this whole technology thing was still a different world. it's not just that i'm 17. it's that i'm 17 in 1998. back then, using a computer was still something that got you taunted for being a nerd. this was before the concept of hipster geekdom - nerds were really just flat out fucking nerds. so, digital media still had this taint to it, by way of being associated with a circuit board. in 1998, i'm still the elite nerd kid that even knew what an mp3 even was in the first place. and, fuck napster, by the way - you get the good stuff through private ftp servers.
the point is just that i didn't really know how badly an mp3 breaks the audio quality. in fact, i thought that the result actually sounded better over mp3. i had seriously convinced myself that an mp3 compression was a crude mastering process. psycho-acoustics, indeed. this excuse will go away soon, but right now it's still very real.
what's left can be partitioned into three sections.
1) the first five tracks, which were all remastered and finished in 2015/2016.
2.1) original mixes from 1997/1998 (this track was written in '97 and recreated with the machine in '98).
2.2) remasters of those mixes from 2013, including the inricycled cut.
the question is whether i want to cut the disc off at section 1, leaving all of section 2 for bonus material, or whether i want to cut section two in half. i've opted for the latter - keeping 2.2 on the disc, and 2.1 off of it.
on the one hand, it may be easy to argue that i don't need any of the vocal parts because i remastered the vocal version for this track. but, it's also true that the 1998 vocal mix is very different than any of the first five tracks, and the 1997 mix is practically a different song. i did not find that also holding on to the original mixes was worthwhile, but i do think that they should be accounted for.
i want to separate them out a little bit, though. just a gap in the audio, making the last two tracks seem like they're hidden in plain sight. so, what i'm going to do is drop the inricycled mix in to track 6, and then leave an audio gap in between. the original versions will then be bonus mixes, in addition to that.
i am pretty much certain on that track listing, but i will need to listen to the material before i finalize it.
well, i'm awake for now...
i'm going back to a concept of time that is more familiar to me, which is to order time around the completion of a task. the last year or so has just been so chaotic....i reject the concept of scheduling with the strongest amount of disdain possible, but a more flexible concept of organizing time and prioritizing outcomes is really essential. of course, i haven't exactly lacked this over the last year - i was consistently meandering in one direction or another, half-blind and often inebriated. what i lacked was the order that comes from organizing yourself around small victories. before i shifted to reconstructing the aleph-disc, and closing all of the discs one-by-one, the last new project that i started was really back in january. life over the last few months of 2015 was likewise related to ending a project i had started in june of that year - and was bogged down by what was eventually isolated as interference from an environmental magnetic field.
i should also point out that i went through a stressful process of disability renewal over 2015. in august, i was finally given five years. that was after almost two years of medical review. i found myself living as though i had nothing to lose, due to the increasing certainty that i was going to run out of time. getting the extension was a complicated thing, emotionally, and i think the results demonstrate that. i lost a source of stress, which is good, but i also lost the sense of urgency attached to it. that in itself was a kind of trauma. quitting smoking was both a function of that and a factor in how things developed. however you want to analyze the situation, it appears that i'm in the process of reasserting a more ordered existence for myself.
as mentioned, my concept of order is probably still insane for most. i do not want a daily schedule. i do not want a weekly schedule, either. but, a more familiar way for me to live is to segment time in such a way that isolates ideas and events within it.
i think you get a little bit of a taste of this in the way i've broken the vlogs into episodes. as of right now, these are imprecise. but, normally, my life would actually decompose pretty efficiently into sets defined by different purposes.
my immediate task is to get my energy back up, and while i may have short days for the weekend i think i'm actually most of the way there. while i am catching on sleep, i will be completing up until the end of my first record. right now, that is up until inri013. i cannot commit to numbers.
when that is done, i will need to stop and clean. this will include a compost run and full run through the living space. this is also when i will start the vlog catch-up.
i will then need to begin on the next project, which is completing the string of singles for the second record (currently thought to be inri018) and the resequencing the second record, itself.
so, that's three upcoming segments of time. it's unclear where they begin or end. they don't have lunch hours or smoke breaks. they may be measured in days or weeks, but hopefully not months. yet, as loose as they are, they are an ordering of time - and that is required, in some abstraction, or no work will ever get done.
i don't know what i'll want to do directly after i finish the second record (and offshoots of it). i suppose that the next chunk of time will be about finishing period 1.3. and then period 2. but, real life things will no doubt assert themselves in between. what i do know is that it is likely that this stronger ordering of time will reassert itself, until some further crisis (temporarily) collapses the concept of order back into irrelevance.
inri007-inri014 are actually basically done. i'm sober this weekend. so, this will be comparably fast. i'll be republishing mar-july, 1998 tonight and then working to make sense of it over the next week or so.
i'm going back to a concept of time that is more familiar to me, which is to order time around the completion of a task. the last year or so has just been so chaotic....i reject the concept of scheduling with the strongest amount of disdain possible, but a more flexible concept of organizing time and prioritizing outcomes is really essential. of course, i haven't exactly lacked this over the last year - i was consistently meandering in one direction or another, half-blind and often inebriated. what i lacked was the order that comes from organizing yourself around small victories. before i shifted to reconstructing the aleph-disc, and closing all of the discs one-by-one, the last new project that i started was really back in january. life over the last few months of 2015 was likewise related to ending a project i had started in june of that year - and was bogged down by what was eventually isolated as interference from an environmental magnetic field.
i should also point out that i went through a stressful process of disability renewal over 2015. in august, i was finally given five years. that was after almost two years of medical review. i found myself living as though i had nothing to lose, due to the increasing certainty that i was going to run out of time. getting the extension was a complicated thing, emotionally, and i think the results demonstrate that. i lost a source of stress, which is good, but i also lost the sense of urgency attached to it. that in itself was a kind of trauma. quitting smoking was both a function of that and a factor in how things developed. however you want to analyze the situation, it appears that i'm in the process of reasserting a more ordered existence for myself.
as mentioned, my concept of order is probably still insane for most. i do not want a daily schedule. i do not want a weekly schedule, either. but, a more familiar way for me to live is to segment time in such a way that isolates ideas and events within it.
i think you get a little bit of a taste of this in the way i've broken the vlogs into episodes. as of right now, these are imprecise. but, normally, my life would actually decompose pretty efficiently into sets defined by different purposes.
my immediate task is to get my energy back up, and while i may have short days for the weekend i think i'm actually most of the way there. while i am catching on sleep, i will be completing up until the end of my first record. right now, that is up until inri013. i cannot commit to numbers.
when that is done, i will need to stop and clean. this will include a compost run and full run through the living space. this is also when i will start the vlog catch-up.
i will then need to begin on the next project, which is completing the string of singles for the second record (currently thought to be inri018) and the resequencing the second record, itself.
so, that's three upcoming segments of time. it's unclear where they begin or end. they don't have lunch hours or smoke breaks. they may be measured in days or weeks, but hopefully not months. yet, as loose as they are, they are an ordering of time - and that is required, in some abstraction, or no work will ever get done.
i don't know what i'll want to do directly after i finish the second record (and offshoots of it). i suppose that the next chunk of time will be about finishing period 1.3. and then period 2. but, real life things will no doubt assert themselves in between. what i do know is that it is likely that this stronger ordering of time will reassert itself, until some further crisis (temporarily) collapses the concept of order back into irrelevance.
inri007-inri014 are actually basically done. i'm sober this weekend. so, this will be comparably fast. i'll be republishing mar-july, 1998 tonight and then working to make sense of it over the next week or so.
Friday, July 8, 2016
listening to confused (inri007) for the night.
this is the only track from this pile that got expanded as i was remixing it. it now includes some sequenced bass and piano parts at the start. it's pretty snazzy. the single for this track was also meant to preserve the vocals, so i don't expect to pare the ep down. i may remove the duplicate 1998 file, as i did with skaters. otherwise, this single is another narration and needs to be comprehensive, so paring it down or splitting it off wouldn't make much sense.
i'll be listening to this (inri007) and inri006 (useless) for the night.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/confused
i'll be listening to this (inri007) and inri006 (useless) for the night.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/confused
i ended up burning out three times in a row at the end of the head clear. it's what happens when you go for more when you haven't truly slept it off yet - you just fall back asleep again. i was stuck in that ambiguous area where it just wasn't clear if i should get up or fall asleep, but i wanted to push myself to carry out the the binge. i'm still not sure if i should get up or not, but i'm hungry enough that i'm going to try.
i'm not going to push myself, now. it's gone. i'm going to catch up on my sleep. that's the whole point.
now, i must eat. but i may sleep most of the weekend, to catch-up.
the last week seems productive in contrast to the several previously, but the truth is that i could have worked more quickly if i was less baked. that's ok. the point of the last week was not efficiency, but establishment of clarity. once i wake up, i'll be more productive than i would have been otherwise.
i'm not going to push myself, now. it's gone. i'm going to catch up on my sleep. that's the whole point.
now, i must eat. but i may sleep most of the weekend, to catch-up.
the last week seems productive in contrast to the several previously, but the truth is that i could have worked more quickly if i was less baked. that's ok. the point of the last week was not efficiency, but establishment of clarity. once i wake up, i'll be more productive than i would have been otherwise.
Thursday, July 7, 2016
finalizing useless (inri006)
audio permanently closed for inri006.
==
the christmas of 1997 was a good one. in addition to getting a four-track recorder to multitrack with, i also ended up with a jx-8p for my birthday, which is in early january. now that i could use the computer a little bit, i decided that i was finally ready to do some serious recording.
i had committed myself to reapproaching the first demo tapes and rerecording certain tracks to reflect the uplift that they got from the drum machine; that is, i had already dramatically rewritten most of the tracks around the drum machine, so i felt i should rerecord them. now, i was going to need to uplift some of those tracks a second time with synthesizer parts. i knew which tracks i wanted to approach and how, but i wanted to ease myself in a little. so, i picked a new track as my first synthesizer experiment.
that is a large part of what this track is. i had the lyrics pre-written, actually, and knew that i wanted a spooky kind of atmosphere to the track. so, i was approaching the synth with the question of how to manipulate it into sounding "haunted". that may seem trivial, but please realize that i had never seen an actual synthesizer before - i'd just always used the presets on my sister's electronic piano. it was a small victory to get the patch by increasing the sustain on the preset, but it was a hard-fought battle.
after i got the track mixed down through the 4-track and mastered into the pc by sending the signal into the back of the soundblaster, some listening had me wishing that i had slowed the tape down a little. the track is a kind of a child's understanding of the existential, which i just felt would be more aesthetically in balance if i slowed the tape down and made it seem a bit more mournful. so, i wanted to go back and remaster it with the speed set a little slower.
i decided i should test it by slowing the track down digitally, first. what i was trying to do was get an estimate to use to remaster it at a different speed. i took a guess on half-speed to try and was going to incrementally reduce the reduction through trial and error until i got to a good point. then, i could set the tape speed by ear. i did not go through that process; i stopped at half-speed. for several weeks in 1998, the half-speed version was the final product for the track. i believe i even uploaded it to mp3.com slowed down this way.
i just instantly stopped at half-speed because, while the effect was more exaggerated than intended, that exaggeration was to greater effect than i imagined. i wasn't expecting the guitars to get that grungy, or the vocals to get that deep. when i heard it, though, i knew that this was the track.
in the end, i reverted back to the normal speed version, but this was done with much internal division. the reason that this is the last track on the demo is because i was holding out for space for the lengthier version. it was only due to a combination of space requirements and pull for conformity of sound through the demo that had me relent at the very end.
in hindsight, i do think that the short version fits better on the flow of the cd, and it will remain there - minus the vocals. yet, i also think that this slowed down version deserves it's own document. i've slowed down two other versions of the track, as well, to drag out the fun. the album version closes this collection.
originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reconstructed in the summer of 2015 and then manipulated further in the summer of 2016. released & finalized on july 7, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
this release is compiled on inriℵ0.
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri-box-set
this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 2013, 2016).
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, synths, drum programming, vocals, digital wave manipulation, production
released january 22, 1998
==
the christmas of 1997 was a good one. in addition to getting a four-track recorder to multitrack with, i also ended up with a jx-8p for my birthday, which is in early january. now that i could use the computer a little bit, i decided that i was finally ready to do some serious recording.
i had committed myself to reapproaching the first demo tapes and rerecording certain tracks to reflect the uplift that they got from the drum machine; that is, i had already dramatically rewritten most of the tracks around the drum machine, so i felt i should rerecord them. now, i was going to need to uplift some of those tracks a second time with synthesizer parts. i knew which tracks i wanted to approach and how, but i wanted to ease myself in a little. so, i picked a new track as my first synthesizer experiment.
that is a large part of what this track is. i had the lyrics pre-written, actually, and knew that i wanted a spooky kind of atmosphere to the track. so, i was approaching the synth with the question of how to manipulate it into sounding "haunted". that may seem trivial, but please realize that i had never seen an actual synthesizer before - i'd just always used the presets on my sister's electronic piano. it was a small victory to get the patch by increasing the sustain on the preset, but it was a hard-fought battle.
after i got the track mixed down through the 4-track and mastered into the pc by sending the signal into the back of the soundblaster, some listening had me wishing that i had slowed the tape down a little. the track is a kind of a child's understanding of the existential, which i just felt would be more aesthetically in balance if i slowed the tape down and made it seem a bit more mournful. so, i wanted to go back and remaster it with the speed set a little slower.
i decided i should test it by slowing the track down digitally, first. what i was trying to do was get an estimate to use to remaster it at a different speed. i took a guess on half-speed to try and was going to incrementally reduce the reduction through trial and error until i got to a good point. then, i could set the tape speed by ear. i did not go through that process; i stopped at half-speed. for several weeks in 1998, the half-speed version was the final product for the track. i believe i even uploaded it to mp3.com slowed down this way.
i just instantly stopped at half-speed because, while the effect was more exaggerated than intended, that exaggeration was to greater effect than i imagined. i wasn't expecting the guitars to get that grungy, or the vocals to get that deep. when i heard it, though, i knew that this was the track.
in the end, i reverted back to the normal speed version, but this was done with much internal division. the reason that this is the last track on the demo is because i was holding out for space for the lengthier version. it was only due to a combination of space requirements and pull for conformity of sound through the demo that had me relent at the very end.
in hindsight, i do think that the short version fits better on the flow of the cd, and it will remain there - minus the vocals. yet, i also think that this slowed down version deserves it's own document. i've slowed down two other versions of the track, as well, to drag out the fun. the album version closes this collection.
originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reconstructed in the summer of 2015 and then manipulated further in the summer of 2016. released & finalized on july 7, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
this release is compiled on inriℵ0.
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri-box-set
this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 2013, 2016).
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, synths, drum programming, vocals, digital wave manipulation, production
released january 22, 1998
publishing useless (inri006)
inri006.
this is totally self-indulgent, but so long as i'm generating releases with wanton disregard, i figured i'd might as well.
when i mixed this track in 1998, i was drawn to the idea of slowing it down. i reversed that decision for the sake of the flow of the record, which turned out to be very synth-pop. but, i always wanted to release the track tuned down like this.
i've had this slow version sitting on my hard drive, waiting for a use, since 1998. in mono. i've listened to it over this period. it's truly the better embodiment of the piece. the absurdity is more powerful.
i've put together an ep consisting of three valium mixes and the instrumental mix that will end up on the record. remember: this is how i always wanted to release this track.
===
the christmas of 1997 was a good one. in addition to getting a four-track recorder to multitrack with, i also ended up with a jx-8p for my birthday, which is in early january. now that i could use the computer a little bit, i decided that i was finally ready to do some serious recording.
i had committed myself to reapproaching the first demo tapes and rerecording certain tracks to reflect the uplift that they got from the drum machine; that is, i had already dramatically rewritten most of the tracks around the drum machine, so i felt i should rerecord them. now, i was going to need to uplift some of those tracks a second time with synthesizer parts. i knew which tracks i wanted to approach and how, but i wanted to ease myself in a little. so, i picked a new track as my first synthesizer experiment.
that is a large part of what this track is. i had the lyrics pre-written, actually, and knew that i wanted a spooky kind of atmosphere to the track. so, i was approaching the synth with the question of how to manipulate it into sounding "haunted". that may seem trivial, but please realize that i had never seen an actual synthesizer before - i'd just always used the presets on my sister's electronic piano. it was a small victory to get the patch by increasing the sustain on the preset, but it was a hard-fought battle.
after i got the track mixed down through the 4-track and mastered into the pc by sending the signal into the back of the soundblaster, some listening had me wishing that i had slowed the tape down a little. the track is a kind of a child's understanding of the existential, which i just felt would be more aesthetically in balance if i slowed the tape down and made it seem a bit more mournful. so, i wanted to go back and remaster it with the speed set a little slower.
i decided i should test it by slowing the track down digitally, first. what i was trying to do was get an estimate to use to remaster it at a different speed. i took a guess on half-speed to try and was going to incrementally reduce the reduction through trial and error until i got to a good point. then, i could set the tape speed by ear. i did not go through that process; i stopped at half-speed. for several weeks in 1998, the half-speed version was the final product for the track. i believe i even uploaded it to mp3.com slowed down this way.
i just instantly stopped at half-speed because, while the effect was more exaggerated than intended, that exaggeration was to greater effect than i imagined. i wasn't expecting the guitars to get that grungy, or the vocals to get that deep. when i heard it, though, i knew that this was the track.
in the end, i reverted back to the normal speed version, but this was done with much internal division. the reason that this is the last track on the demo is because i was holding out for space for the lengthier version. it was only due to a combination of space requirements and pull for conformity of sound through the demo that had me relent at the very end.
in hindsight, i do think that the short version fits better on the flow of the cd, and it will remain there - minus the vocals. yet, i also think that this slowed down version deserves it's own document. i've slowed down two other versions of the track, as well, to drag out the fun. the album version closes this collection.
originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reconstructed in the summer of 2015 and then manipulated further in the summer of 2016. released on july 7, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
this release is compiled on inriℵ0.
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri-box-set
this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 2013, 2016).
credits
j - guitars, effects, bass, synths, drum programming, vocals, digital wave manipulation, production
released january 22, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/useless
1) this is the original version slowed down to half speed. created on jan 21, 1998. converted to stereo on sept 24, 2014.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/useless-valium-2
2) originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. slowed down and run through a click reducer on july 7, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/useless-valium-from-2013-remaster
3) recorded in jan, 1998. reclaimed june 29, 2015. remixed july 2, 2015. slowed down july 7, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/use-value-is-somewhat-difficult-to-define-in-the-human-propensity-towards-artistic-expression-slowed-down
4) recorded in jan, 1998. reclaimed june 29, 2015. remixed july 2, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/use-value-is-somewhat-difficult-to-define-in-the-human-propensity-towards-artistic-expression-2
5) kind of a new wave / synth pop track. this is the first track with my new synth on it. that's a large part of what the track is. recorded in jan, 1998. sped-up on july 7, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/useless-valium-sped-up-2
6) deleted 2013 remaster of 1998 demo cd. originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/useless-2013-remaster-2
this is totally self-indulgent, but so long as i'm generating releases with wanton disregard, i figured i'd might as well.
when i mixed this track in 1998, i was drawn to the idea of slowing it down. i reversed that decision for the sake of the flow of the record, which turned out to be very synth-pop. but, i always wanted to release the track tuned down like this.
i've had this slow version sitting on my hard drive, waiting for a use, since 1998. in mono. i've listened to it over this period. it's truly the better embodiment of the piece. the absurdity is more powerful.
i've put together an ep consisting of three valium mixes and the instrumental mix that will end up on the record. remember: this is how i always wanted to release this track.
===
the christmas of 1997 was a good one. in addition to getting a four-track recorder to multitrack with, i also ended up with a jx-8p for my birthday, which is in early january. now that i could use the computer a little bit, i decided that i was finally ready to do some serious recording.
i had committed myself to reapproaching the first demo tapes and rerecording certain tracks to reflect the uplift that they got from the drum machine; that is, i had already dramatically rewritten most of the tracks around the drum machine, so i felt i should rerecord them. now, i was going to need to uplift some of those tracks a second time with synthesizer parts. i knew which tracks i wanted to approach and how, but i wanted to ease myself in a little. so, i picked a new track as my first synthesizer experiment.
that is a large part of what this track is. i had the lyrics pre-written, actually, and knew that i wanted a spooky kind of atmosphere to the track. so, i was approaching the synth with the question of how to manipulate it into sounding "haunted". that may seem trivial, but please realize that i had never seen an actual synthesizer before - i'd just always used the presets on my sister's electronic piano. it was a small victory to get the patch by increasing the sustain on the preset, but it was a hard-fought battle.
after i got the track mixed down through the 4-track and mastered into the pc by sending the signal into the back of the soundblaster, some listening had me wishing that i had slowed the tape down a little. the track is a kind of a child's understanding of the existential, which i just felt would be more aesthetically in balance if i slowed the tape down and made it seem a bit more mournful. so, i wanted to go back and remaster it with the speed set a little slower.
i decided i should test it by slowing the track down digitally, first. what i was trying to do was get an estimate to use to remaster it at a different speed. i took a guess on half-speed to try and was going to incrementally reduce the reduction through trial and error until i got to a good point. then, i could set the tape speed by ear. i did not go through that process; i stopped at half-speed. for several weeks in 1998, the half-speed version was the final product for the track. i believe i even uploaded it to mp3.com slowed down this way.
i just instantly stopped at half-speed because, while the effect was more exaggerated than intended, that exaggeration was to greater effect than i imagined. i wasn't expecting the guitars to get that grungy, or the vocals to get that deep. when i heard it, though, i knew that this was the track.
in the end, i reverted back to the normal speed version, but this was done with much internal division. the reason that this is the last track on the demo is because i was holding out for space for the lengthier version. it was only due to a combination of space requirements and pull for conformity of sound through the demo that had me relent at the very end.
in hindsight, i do think that the short version fits better on the flow of the cd, and it will remain there - minus the vocals. yet, i also think that this slowed down version deserves it's own document. i've slowed down two other versions of the track, as well, to drag out the fun. the album version closes this collection.
originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reconstructed in the summer of 2015 and then manipulated further in the summer of 2016. released on july 7, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
this release is compiled on inriℵ0.
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri-box-set
this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 2013, 2016).
credits
j - guitars, effects, bass, synths, drum programming, vocals, digital wave manipulation, production
released january 22, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/useless
1) this is the original version slowed down to half speed. created on jan 21, 1998. converted to stereo on sept 24, 2014.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/useless-valium-2
2) originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. slowed down and run through a click reducer on july 7, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/useless-valium-from-2013-remaster
3) recorded in jan, 1998. reclaimed june 29, 2015. remixed july 2, 2015. slowed down july 7, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/use-value-is-somewhat-difficult-to-define-in-the-human-propensity-towards-artistic-expression-slowed-down
4) recorded in jan, 1998. reclaimed june 29, 2015. remixed july 2, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/use-value-is-somewhat-difficult-to-define-in-the-human-propensity-towards-artistic-expression-2
5) kind of a new wave / synth pop track. this is the first track with my new synth on it. that's a large part of what the track is. recorded in jan, 1998. sped-up on july 7, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/useless-valium-sped-up-2
6) deleted 2013 remaster of 1998 demo cd. originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/useless-2013-remaster-2
should i create a two-track single for useless - the instrumental mix and the valium mix? do i want the lyrical version available for download-only? do i want it to be a purely digital release? if so, then why have bonus tracks? then, do i want to have that available for streaming? so, should i have a physical release after all? hrmmn. contemplations on useless.
finalizing skaters (inri005)
audio permanently closed for inri005.
i've presented this track in chronological ordering because i wanted to tell the story of the track itself. looking through my releases, it may be difficult to tell what is an ep from what is a single, and what is an ep from what is a record. this is an ep, and not a single. it's an ep because it's a conceptual ordering of the tracks, rather than just an exploration of a single incarnation of a specific track.
i don't deny that the lyrics are painful. and, wasn't i supposed to be getting rid of painful vocals? well, perhaps. but, note that no vocal takes of this track make it on to any of the abum-format presentations of it, excepting inricycled. the vocals are tied into the concept of the ep, which is a narration of the song as it developed.
so, chronological ordering is the only rational way to present the tracks. further, a comprehensive exploration of the track's development actually becomes necessary, in order to narrate it's entire development.
i'm not going to take this approach to every single. i just think that this track had to be preserved in this kind of way.
===
this is maybe a little hard to understand, if you weren't a teenager in a very specific period - about '91-'99, the 90s i guess, when the nu metal shift "corrected" things and tough guys went backing to being metalheads.
that period overlaps with a period when punk fashion moved from subculture to dominant culture. as with any other failed social revolution, the period is more defined by certain subculture traits being co-opted than it was by any meaningful change in social attitudes, even if it did correspond with a move towards liberalizing social attitudes in the older members of gen x.
i remember playing this for my aunt, who was a teenager in the 80s, and she was just confused by it. in her day, the skaters were the skinny punk kids that got picked on by the meathead jock metal heads. as mentioned, i think people that were teenagers in the 00s may more readily associate with this as well.
but the 90s were weird in this sense. skater culture in the 90s was defined by a sort of thuggish machismo gang mentality that overlapped more into gangster rap than punk rock. what you had where i grew up was a lot of upper middle class white kids skating because it was advertised to them as the "cool thing to do" and in the process co-opting this sort of survivalist 'hood mentality into a tool of oppression that they used to bully and intimidate the kids that, a decade before, would have identified as skateboarders. those kids may have maintained an interest in punk rock, but weren't generally accepted into the skater clique - which was essentially the "in group".
the culmination may seem a little surreal nowadays, if for no other reason than that it's been forgotten. but i remember sneaking through back alleys, evading skateboarding gangs made up of kids into slayer, while i had socal punk music blasting through my headphones. and i'm sure you'll get similar stories if you ask around - or maybe you were also that kid.
on one hand, this track was constructed to be sort of precious, and i think that it is. it's a pretty catchy pop song, really. on the other hand, i think i was trying to be a bit tougher than i actually was. i wasn't one to back down from confrontation - i'm still not. while i think it's true that i could have taken most of these brats one-on-one, i probably would have mostly chosen not to. see, the fear was always more that they'd convert the boards into weapons and then jump you. in canada, guns aren't much of a concern, but knives are.
...and the fear often came out of trivial reasons. talking with somebody's girlfriend. having a pair of headphones or a pair of shoes that might be worth something. basic thug shit.
in hindsight, the analysis here is a little simplistic. suggesting that these kids are going to grow up into pimps is problematic on numerous levels, although i can state with blunt honesty that a number of the people the song was about have grown up to be petty criminals with lengthy criminal records. i have to own that lack of depth and how it comes out in sometimes less than ideal statements, but i'm going to once again blame that on my age.
overall, i like this track on both a musical and thematic level. i just wish i had articulated myself a little bit better.
--
there was a specific story that influenced the track. when i was in the ninth grade, one of these skater bro types took it upon himself to start body-checking me into lockers. it was well understood that this person was older, but that just gave him more clout in the school's skater clique; he knew the older kids that they looked up to. i was never certain if he was on his second or third try at grade 9.
this wasn't the first time somebody had tried to get physical with me, but it was an escalation that i couldn't really tolerate. people flicking my ears was an annoyance, and especially so when it was a game, but it's the kind of thing one withstands. these were full on, run-at-me body checks that seemed to be designed with intent to harm.
i actually tried a few different tactics before i reacted. i tried sitting behind in class until he left, but it was visibly starting to make the female teacher uncomfortable that i was just sitting around waiting after class - and perhaps not unreasonably so. as for bringing it up with the teacher? well, this guy went out of his way to look for a teacher watching before he took a run. i couldn't be followed around by a teacher all day. i had to react on my own.
so, i tricked him into running at my open leg, which had him fall face first into the locker. he did not see the retribution in the act; he got up looking for a fight. as i was walking toward the exit, which was a staircase downwards, he took another run at me - which i dodged. that was an adrenaline filled movement, i tell you - he was full of stupid, hot rage and sidestepped like an angry bull. but, i still had to time it. there was no escape. he ended up falling down several flights of stairs and breaking his leg. consider what would have happened if i hadn't moved - even considering that i may have helped him lose his balance, a little.
from that point onwards, i lived in fear of being swarmed. rumours were floating around that i'd better stay away from certain people - which was a broadcast to me to stay low. i got the message, and spent the next several years sneaking around back passageways in and out of the school. i learned where the cuts in the fences were, how to detour across floor levels to follow the crowd, how to time the bus (we had public transit passes - and that fact alone probably spared me broken bones) to come in to class during the national anthem and other various scheduling and transiting tactics to avoid being alone at critical junctures. and, then i started to enjoy living that way, too.
i don't think that student came back the next year, so i'm not sure if he ever finished grade 9. but, part of the reason i'm telling you this story is that it helps paint a clearer demographic picture of the narrative that i'm presenting. if you remove the "skater" designation, this could be a story about gangs in schools that could be applied equally well across any other grouping. it just happened to be that the gangs at my school were populated by white skater kids, some from the welfare projects and others comfortably middle class. that might help to explain what some might see as a difficult reference point.
initially written in 1997. recreated in jan, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 1, 2015. deconstructed dec 18, 2015. compiled on jan 4, 2016. finalized on july 6, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
this release is compiled on inriℵ0:
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri-box-set
this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 1998, 2013, 2016).
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, drum programming, drum kit, sequencing, vocal noises, vocals, samples, production
released january 12, 1998
i've presented this track in chronological ordering because i wanted to tell the story of the track itself. looking through my releases, it may be difficult to tell what is an ep from what is a single, and what is an ep from what is a record. this is an ep, and not a single. it's an ep because it's a conceptual ordering of the tracks, rather than just an exploration of a single incarnation of a specific track.
i don't deny that the lyrics are painful. and, wasn't i supposed to be getting rid of painful vocals? well, perhaps. but, note that no vocal takes of this track make it on to any of the abum-format presentations of it, excepting inricycled. the vocals are tied into the concept of the ep, which is a narration of the song as it developed.
so, chronological ordering is the only rational way to present the tracks. further, a comprehensive exploration of the track's development actually becomes necessary, in order to narrate it's entire development.
i'm not going to take this approach to every single. i just think that this track had to be preserved in this kind of way.
===
this is maybe a little hard to understand, if you weren't a teenager in a very specific period - about '91-'99, the 90s i guess, when the nu metal shift "corrected" things and tough guys went backing to being metalheads.
that period overlaps with a period when punk fashion moved from subculture to dominant culture. as with any other failed social revolution, the period is more defined by certain subculture traits being co-opted than it was by any meaningful change in social attitudes, even if it did correspond with a move towards liberalizing social attitudes in the older members of gen x.
i remember playing this for my aunt, who was a teenager in the 80s, and she was just confused by it. in her day, the skaters were the skinny punk kids that got picked on by the meathead jock metal heads. as mentioned, i think people that were teenagers in the 00s may more readily associate with this as well.
but the 90s were weird in this sense. skater culture in the 90s was defined by a sort of thuggish machismo gang mentality that overlapped more into gangster rap than punk rock. what you had where i grew up was a lot of upper middle class white kids skating because it was advertised to them as the "cool thing to do" and in the process co-opting this sort of survivalist 'hood mentality into a tool of oppression that they used to bully and intimidate the kids that, a decade before, would have identified as skateboarders. those kids may have maintained an interest in punk rock, but weren't generally accepted into the skater clique - which was essentially the "in group".
the culmination may seem a little surreal nowadays, if for no other reason than that it's been forgotten. but i remember sneaking through back alleys, evading skateboarding gangs made up of kids into slayer, while i had socal punk music blasting through my headphones. and i'm sure you'll get similar stories if you ask around - or maybe you were also that kid.
on one hand, this track was constructed to be sort of precious, and i think that it is. it's a pretty catchy pop song, really. on the other hand, i think i was trying to be a bit tougher than i actually was. i wasn't one to back down from confrontation - i'm still not. while i think it's true that i could have taken most of these brats one-on-one, i probably would have mostly chosen not to. see, the fear was always more that they'd convert the boards into weapons and then jump you. in canada, guns aren't much of a concern, but knives are.
...and the fear often came out of trivial reasons. talking with somebody's girlfriend. having a pair of headphones or a pair of shoes that might be worth something. basic thug shit.
in hindsight, the analysis here is a little simplistic. suggesting that these kids are going to grow up into pimps is problematic on numerous levels, although i can state with blunt honesty that a number of the people the song was about have grown up to be petty criminals with lengthy criminal records. i have to own that lack of depth and how it comes out in sometimes less than ideal statements, but i'm going to once again blame that on my age.
overall, i like this track on both a musical and thematic level. i just wish i had articulated myself a little bit better.
--
there was a specific story that influenced the track. when i was in the ninth grade, one of these skater bro types took it upon himself to start body-checking me into lockers. it was well understood that this person was older, but that just gave him more clout in the school's skater clique; he knew the older kids that they looked up to. i was never certain if he was on his second or third try at grade 9.
this wasn't the first time somebody had tried to get physical with me, but it was an escalation that i couldn't really tolerate. people flicking my ears was an annoyance, and especially so when it was a game, but it's the kind of thing one withstands. these were full on, run-at-me body checks that seemed to be designed with intent to harm.
i actually tried a few different tactics before i reacted. i tried sitting behind in class until he left, but it was visibly starting to make the female teacher uncomfortable that i was just sitting around waiting after class - and perhaps not unreasonably so. as for bringing it up with the teacher? well, this guy went out of his way to look for a teacher watching before he took a run. i couldn't be followed around by a teacher all day. i had to react on my own.
so, i tricked him into running at my open leg, which had him fall face first into the locker. he did not see the retribution in the act; he got up looking for a fight. as i was walking toward the exit, which was a staircase downwards, he took another run at me - which i dodged. that was an adrenaline filled movement, i tell you - he was full of stupid, hot rage and sidestepped like an angry bull. but, i still had to time it. there was no escape. he ended up falling down several flights of stairs and breaking his leg. consider what would have happened if i hadn't moved - even considering that i may have helped him lose his balance, a little.
from that point onwards, i lived in fear of being swarmed. rumours were floating around that i'd better stay away from certain people - which was a broadcast to me to stay low. i got the message, and spent the next several years sneaking around back passageways in and out of the school. i learned where the cuts in the fences were, how to detour across floor levels to follow the crowd, how to time the bus (we had public transit passes - and that fact alone probably spared me broken bones) to come in to class during the national anthem and other various scheduling and transiting tactics to avoid being alone at critical junctures. and, then i started to enjoy living that way, too.
i don't think that student came back the next year, so i'm not sure if he ever finished grade 9. but, part of the reason i'm telling you this story is that it helps paint a clearer demographic picture of the narrative that i'm presenting. if you remove the "skater" designation, this could be a story about gangs in schools that could be applied equally well across any other grouping. it just happened to be that the gangs at my school were populated by white skater kids, some from the welfare projects and others comfortably middle class. that might help to explain what some might see as a difficult reference point.
initially written in 1997. recreated in jan, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 1, 2015. deconstructed dec 18, 2015. compiled on jan 4, 2016. finalized on july 6, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
this release is compiled on inriℵ0:
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri-box-set
this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 1998, 2013, 2016).
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, drum programming, drum kit, sequencing, vocal noises, vocals, samples, production
released january 12, 1998
Wednesday, July 6, 2016
05-07-2016: closing inri003 & inri004 & inri005
tracks worked on in this vlog:
1) releases:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inricycled
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inrisampled
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/fuck-the-dead
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/skaters
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/useless
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/confused-2
2) loose tracks:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/permission-3
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/slaves
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/cats-apocalypse
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/a-deleted-exercise-in-hipster-homophobia
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/swim
3) aleph disc:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
1) releases:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inricycled
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inrisampled
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/fuck-the-dead
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/skaters
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/useless
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/confused-2
2) loose tracks:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/permission-3
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/slaves
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/cats-apocalypse
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/a-deleted-exercise-in-hipster-homophobia
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/swim
3) aleph disc:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)