initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 12, 2015 & reprogrammed on dec 31, 2015. corrected and remixed on jan 3, 2016. sequenced jan 5-8, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/schizoid
Friday, January 8, 2016
abusive (final album mix)
initially created in june, 1998. remastered from various sources on jan 5, 2016. sequenced jan 8, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/abusive
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/abusive
mwp (final album mix)
initially written in 1996. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed june 29, 2015. corrected nov 19, 2015. sequenced jan 5-8, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/mwp
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/mwp
confused (final album mix)
initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 5, 2015. remixed july 12, 2015. electronics added on july 16, 2015. sequenced jan 6-8, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/confused
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/confused
symphony #0 (final album mix)
written june, 1998. reimagined june, 2001. slightly rearranged and re-rendered at the end of july, 2014. rearranged again at the end of may, 2015. remastered from the 2014 & 2015 sources on jan 6, 2016. sequenced on jan 8, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/symphony-0-3
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/symphony-0-3
fuck the dead (final album mix)
originally created in jan, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed on july 5, 2015. expanded on jan 3, 2016 & sequenced jan 6-8, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/fuck-the-dead
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/fuck-the-dead
the phantom of the opera (final album mix)
recorded in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. remastered from various sources on jan 6, 2016. sequenced jan 8, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/the-phantom-of-the-opera
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/the-phantom-of-the-opera
i did your mom (final album mix)
initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed on july 18, 2015. sequenced jan 6-8, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom
a sickening obsession (final album mix)
initially written & recorded in 1997. re-recorded in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. remastered from various sources on jan 6, 2016. sequenced jan 8, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/a-sickening-obsession
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/a-sickening-obsession
Thursday, January 7, 2016
07-01-2016: on sexual confusion in adolescence
tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-did-your-mom-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/fuck-the-dead-3
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-3
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-did-your-mom-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/fuck-the-dead-3
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-3
publishing on sexual confusion in adolescence (inri013)
i have added a modified vocal reconstruction to the front of this ep and the 2013 remaster to the end of it, as a download only. that closes the ep.
i'll be permanently resequencing the first record next, but i need to get groceries this afternoon while it's nice, first.
==
this was not initially constructed as a standalone work, but it became one almost the moment that it was constructed. there was always an intent to combine the sexuality themed tracks together at the front of my first record, but the initial idea was something more like frontloading the disc than building a cohesive work. it just happened to build itself up that way, and was truly apparent as such on the very first listen. even the phantom of the opera cover in the middle of the track became topical in a sort of subversive way.
i first broke the piece off into a standalone file in the spring of 2014 as a mirror image to the sequence that ends my second record, which actually *was* consciously written as a single work all the way back in 1996 (and appears that way at the end of the very first demo tape). i thought that if the second record was going to have an epic then the first should as well. as the first six tracks had long been a subset in my mind, this was a natural thing to do. the title of the track was first published as an upload to youtube in mar, 2014 on the deathtokoalas channel, which is now deleted.
i did not initially number these tracks as symphonies due to their incorporation of childish vocals, although i had planned to include them on any symphonic compilation discs, nonetheless. i saw them more as proto-symphonies - or just as beginner epics, where i was finding my feet but ultimately still working out ideas.
it wasn't until i finished reclaiming my 1998 demos from tape at the end of 2015 that i realized that i could resequence my first two records from scratch and republish them as instrumental works. the ability to reclaim these two epics as instrumental works, and consequently as full symphonies, followed as a corollary of this. it was consequently not until january, 2016 that i finally elevated the instrumental reconstruction of this recording to the level of my first official symphony, which is where it will now exist into perpetuity: eternally, finally.
the focus in reconstruction was to erect a final version rather than conform to the original mix, so later versions were prioritized over earlier ones. the first through fourth sections are very similar to the original album mix, whereas the fifth and sixth sections have been replaced with expanded mixes.
once the instrumental version had been constructed for the record, i felt i had lost something by removing the vocals - or at least some of them. in the context of the improved master, i felt an edited vocal take could actually elevate the symphony to a different and surreal level, if presented in the right context. this context could not be on the record, though, which had to be fully instrumental. instead, i decided to place the vocal reconstruction as a standalone single, with the instrumental as a flip side to it.
this is an incredibly dense piece of music that i'm proud to finally place in the serious part of my discography.
written and demoed from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in june, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. sequenced on jan 6-7, 2016 from parts that were rebuilt over 2013-2016. released jan 7, 2016. this is my first symphony; as always, please use headphones.
section one: initially written & recorded in 1997. re-recorded in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. remastered from various sources on jan 6, 2016.
section two: initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed on july 18, 2015. sequenced jan 6, 2016. vocals added on jan 7, 2016.
section three: initially written by andrew lloyd webber. recorded in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. remastered from various sources on jan 6, 2016.
section four: originally created in jan, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed on july 5, 2015. expanded on jan 3, 2016 & sequenced on jan 6, 2016. vocals added on jan 7, 2016.
section five: written june, 1998. reimagined june, 2001. slightly rearranged and re-rendered at the end of july, 2014. rearranged again at the end of may, 2015. remastered from the 2014 & 2015 sources on jan 6, 2016.
section six: initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 5, 2015. remixed july 12, 2015. vocals and electronics added on july 16, 2015. sequenced on jan 6, 2016.
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, synthesizers, vocals, drum programming, orchestral & other sequencing, cool edit synthesis, sampling, found sounds (washing machine), metronome, digital wave editing, production
the rendered electronic orchestra includes piano, electric guitar, orchestra hit, pizzicato strings, synth pads, violin, viola, cello, contrabass, electric bass, tubular bells and flute.
released june 6, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence
1) written and demoed from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. sequenced on jan 6-7, 2016 from parts that were rebuilt over 2013-2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence-2
2) this is also the opening sequence (the first six tracks) of my first official record. written and demoed from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. sequenced on jan 6, 2016 from parts that were rebuilt over 2013-2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence-instrumental
3) deleted 2013 remaster of the opening sequence of the first record. written and demoed from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence-2013-remaster-of-1998-cd-mix-2
4) deleted original 1998 opening sequence of the first record. written and demoed from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in 1998.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence-original-1998-cd-mix-2
i'll be permanently resequencing the first record next, but i need to get groceries this afternoon while it's nice, first.
==
this was not initially constructed as a standalone work, but it became one almost the moment that it was constructed. there was always an intent to combine the sexuality themed tracks together at the front of my first record, but the initial idea was something more like frontloading the disc than building a cohesive work. it just happened to build itself up that way, and was truly apparent as such on the very first listen. even the phantom of the opera cover in the middle of the track became topical in a sort of subversive way.
i first broke the piece off into a standalone file in the spring of 2014 as a mirror image to the sequence that ends my second record, which actually *was* consciously written as a single work all the way back in 1996 (and appears that way at the end of the very first demo tape). i thought that if the second record was going to have an epic then the first should as well. as the first six tracks had long been a subset in my mind, this was a natural thing to do. the title of the track was first published as an upload to youtube in mar, 2014 on the deathtokoalas channel, which is now deleted.
i did not initially number these tracks as symphonies due to their incorporation of childish vocals, although i had planned to include them on any symphonic compilation discs, nonetheless. i saw them more as proto-symphonies - or just as beginner epics, where i was finding my feet but ultimately still working out ideas.
it wasn't until i finished reclaiming my 1998 demos from tape at the end of 2015 that i realized that i could resequence my first two records from scratch and republish them as instrumental works. the ability to reclaim these two epics as instrumental works, and consequently as full symphonies, followed as a corollary of this. it was consequently not until january, 2016 that i finally elevated the instrumental reconstruction of this recording to the level of my first official symphony, which is where it will now exist into perpetuity: eternally, finally.
the focus in reconstruction was to erect a final version rather than conform to the original mix, so later versions were prioritized over earlier ones. the first through fourth sections are very similar to the original album mix, whereas the fifth and sixth sections have been replaced with expanded mixes.
once the instrumental version had been constructed for the record, i felt i had lost something by removing the vocals - or at least some of them. in the context of the improved master, i felt an edited vocal take could actually elevate the symphony to a different and surreal level, if presented in the right context. this context could not be on the record, though, which had to be fully instrumental. instead, i decided to place the vocal reconstruction as a standalone single, with the instrumental as a flip side to it.
this is an incredibly dense piece of music that i'm proud to finally place in the serious part of my discography.
written and demoed from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in june, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. sequenced on jan 6-7, 2016 from parts that were rebuilt over 2013-2016. released jan 7, 2016. this is my first symphony; as always, please use headphones.
section one: initially written & recorded in 1997. re-recorded in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. remastered from various sources on jan 6, 2016.
section two: initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed on july 18, 2015. sequenced jan 6, 2016. vocals added on jan 7, 2016.
section three: initially written by andrew lloyd webber. recorded in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. remastered from various sources on jan 6, 2016.
section four: originally created in jan, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed on july 5, 2015. expanded on jan 3, 2016 & sequenced on jan 6, 2016. vocals added on jan 7, 2016.
section five: written june, 1998. reimagined june, 2001. slightly rearranged and re-rendered at the end of july, 2014. rearranged again at the end of may, 2015. remastered from the 2014 & 2015 sources on jan 6, 2016.
section six: initially written in 1997. recreated in feb, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 5, 2015. remixed july 12, 2015. vocals and electronics added on july 16, 2015. sequenced on jan 6, 2016.
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, synthesizers, vocals, drum programming, orchestral & other sequencing, cool edit synthesis, sampling, found sounds (washing machine), metronome, digital wave editing, production
the rendered electronic orchestra includes piano, electric guitar, orchestra hit, pizzicato strings, synth pads, violin, viola, cello, contrabass, electric bass, tubular bells and flute.
released june 6, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence
1) written and demoed from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. sequenced on jan 6-7, 2016 from parts that were rebuilt over 2013-2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence-2
2) this is also the opening sequence (the first six tracks) of my first official record. written and demoed from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. sequenced on jan 6, 2016 from parts that were rebuilt over 2013-2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence-instrumental
3) deleted 2013 remaster of the opening sequence of the first record. written and demoed from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence-2013-remaster-of-1998-cd-mix-2
4) deleted original 1998 opening sequence of the first record. written and demoed from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in 1998.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence-original-1998-cd-mix-2
fuck the dead (vocal reconstruction)
originally created in 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. finally reconstructed in the summer of 2015 and extrapolated upon over the first half of 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/fuck-the-dead-3
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/fuck-the-dead-3
publishing i did your mom (inri009)
this is the final version of something i'd been playing with since about '94 or so, and by this time the track had become something that was beyond absurd. in a way, this is the culmination of everything i did in this period. it's the central track of my inri years: it's both the first thing i spent any time seriously writing and the ultimate realization of the musical ideas i was exploring. it's the longest track on the first demo. the drum programming is deep, there's an orchestration through sequencing, synth parts in the background, lead guitar work coming to the forefront - it's everything thrown together at a coherent level, really for the first time.
that this is the central track of this period maybe demonstrates how ridiculous i was and how ridiculous my musical vision was. maybe it also demonstrates just how young i was.
the remaining tracks in this period sort of pivot after this.
i should be clear: this is pretty much the most terrible song that you could possibly imagine existing, and that was kind of the intent. the shock value is entirely up front. but at the same time, it's just so terrible that it's kind of funny, and that was entirely intended as well.
you could maybe say something about how somebody like alice cooper ripping live chicken heads off in the middle of a performance is just about the most tyrannical thing you could imagine somebody getting away with on stage. it's just *so* ridiculous, that you can't help but laugh - even as you're horrified.
it's a phase a lot of teenagers go through. i guess the difference between me and a hundred thousand other kids is that i was exploring it through composition.
-
now that i'm an adult, this isn't something i would write or promote. yet, i sort of am by uploading it. the interest here is to document the existence of a troubled child. well, and to document myself - i was that troubled child.
the history of the track is perhaps a little less obnoxious than may be suspected. i was actually being taunted by somebody in the eighth grade. that person had never met and never would meet my mother. it's just a remark that young boys make. freudian analyses aside, i don't think there's really that much conscious thought put into it.
my decision to write a song about it was half a joke and half a response to being teased. i listened to and feigned laughter at a lot of oppressive jokes when i was younger; to an extent, i regret not speaking up, but i can state with honesty that i never felt comfortable taking part (now, self-deprecating humour, often of a sexual nature, is another thing). this reaction, on that "fuck you" level, shouldn't provide for any specific discomfort.
however, the fact that i explored the topic in a deeper level of depth than my taunters did perhaps might, and perhaps should. i need to bring you back to my aims in recording this early demo: i was trying to be as disturbing and shocking as i possibly could be. my taunters provided me with a particularly disturbing subject matter to explore, and i took full advantage of that.
this track is certainly disturbing and certainly shocking. success? well, i guess. looking back, i've always been torn between regret and satisfaction. i still am...
initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed & remixed on july 18, 2015. released jan 7, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, vocals, drum programming, drum kit, synths, sequencers, sampling, digital wave editing, production
released march 20, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-did-your-mom-2
1) deleted original 1996 mix. initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-original-1996-mix-2
2) deleted 1998 original, unsequenced mix from 112 kbps mp3. initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-1998-archived-112-kbps-mp3-2
3) deleted 1998 cd mix. initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998.
4) 2013 remaster of 1996 demo cassette. initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. remastered in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-2013-remaster-of-1996-demo-mix
5) deleted 2013 remaster of 1998 demo cd. initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-2013-remaster-of-1998-cd-mix
6) version reconstructed in 2015 from tape. initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed & remixed on july 18, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-2015-instrumental-reconstruction-from-1998-source-tapes
7) initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed & remixed on july 18, 2015. vocals added and sequenced on jan 7, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-4
8) initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed & remixed on july 18, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-electronics-only-mix-cut
that this is the central track of this period maybe demonstrates how ridiculous i was and how ridiculous my musical vision was. maybe it also demonstrates just how young i was.
the remaining tracks in this period sort of pivot after this.
i should be clear: this is pretty much the most terrible song that you could possibly imagine existing, and that was kind of the intent. the shock value is entirely up front. but at the same time, it's just so terrible that it's kind of funny, and that was entirely intended as well.
you could maybe say something about how somebody like alice cooper ripping live chicken heads off in the middle of a performance is just about the most tyrannical thing you could imagine somebody getting away with on stage. it's just *so* ridiculous, that you can't help but laugh - even as you're horrified.
it's a phase a lot of teenagers go through. i guess the difference between me and a hundred thousand other kids is that i was exploring it through composition.
-
now that i'm an adult, this isn't something i would write or promote. yet, i sort of am by uploading it. the interest here is to document the existence of a troubled child. well, and to document myself - i was that troubled child.
the history of the track is perhaps a little less obnoxious than may be suspected. i was actually being taunted by somebody in the eighth grade. that person had never met and never would meet my mother. it's just a remark that young boys make. freudian analyses aside, i don't think there's really that much conscious thought put into it.
my decision to write a song about it was half a joke and half a response to being teased. i listened to and feigned laughter at a lot of oppressive jokes when i was younger; to an extent, i regret not speaking up, but i can state with honesty that i never felt comfortable taking part (now, self-deprecating humour, often of a sexual nature, is another thing). this reaction, on that "fuck you" level, shouldn't provide for any specific discomfort.
however, the fact that i explored the topic in a deeper level of depth than my taunters did perhaps might, and perhaps should. i need to bring you back to my aims in recording this early demo: i was trying to be as disturbing and shocking as i possibly could be. my taunters provided me with a particularly disturbing subject matter to explore, and i took full advantage of that.
this track is certainly disturbing and certainly shocking. success? well, i guess. looking back, i've always been torn between regret and satisfaction. i still am...
initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed & remixed on july 18, 2015. released jan 7, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - guitars, effects, bass, vocals, drum programming, drum kit, synths, sequencers, sampling, digital wave editing, production
released march 20, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/i-did-your-mom-2
1) deleted original 1996 mix. initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-original-1996-mix-2
2) deleted 1998 original, unsequenced mix from 112 kbps mp3. initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-1998-archived-112-kbps-mp3-2
3) deleted 1998 cd mix. initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998.
4) 2013 remaster of 1996 demo cassette. initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. remastered in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-2013-remaster-of-1996-demo-mix
5) deleted 2013 remaster of 1998 demo cd. initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-2013-remaster-of-1998-cd-mix
6) version reconstructed in 2015 from tape. initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed & remixed on july 18, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-2015-instrumental-reconstruction-from-1998-source-tapes
7) initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed & remixed on july 18, 2015. vocals added and sequenced on jan 7, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-4
8) initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed & remixed on july 18, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-electronics-only-mix-cut
i did your mom (vocal reconstruction)
so...
i initially wanted a separate option to get this stuff without vocals, and was willing to leave the records as they were, as historical documents. so, there was no reason to mix in the vocals. after listening to how stark the difference is in quality, i cannot do that. and, if i'm going to reconstruct the records, i'd rather reconstruct them as instrumentals. that would mean there would be no vocal versions, except as badly mixed outtakes.
but, what i'm reconstructing as my first symphony loses context when you strip the vocals out - it's an interesting 36 minutes of music, but the thematic unity that made it a coherent piece of music is gone. so, i'm mixing the vocals back in to that 36 minute piece and releasing it on the ep.
sort of. i'm cutting some of the vocals out. there's just enough left to maintain the purpose of the piece.
.... which means i now have a vocal mix of 'mom' to put on the single, which i hadn't previously wanted to do - but which now makes sense.
see, deductions follow from assumptions. when assumptions change, deductions change. logic is actually quite a fluid system of thought. i went through a phase when that soured me on it, but i've come to appreciate it's defect as an asset.
i've taken out the vocals for the second half of the verses and the bridges, leaving only various statements of "i did your mom". this is self-censorship. it's less due to the fact that it's graphic or offensive, and more due to the fact that it's just weak. i mean, it was always meant to have this sort of detached, dark humour to it, but it's just....it's not very sophisticated. words were chosen because they rhyme. in hindsight, it comes off as less egregious on a social level and more egregious on a maturity level.
this will drive the symphony, and that is the intent. this add to the single is really just in the name of being thorough.
initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed & remixed on july 18, 2015. vocals added and sequenced on jan 7, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-2015-full-reinterpretation-from-1998-source-tapes
i initially wanted a separate option to get this stuff without vocals, and was willing to leave the records as they were, as historical documents. so, there was no reason to mix in the vocals. after listening to how stark the difference is in quality, i cannot do that. and, if i'm going to reconstruct the records, i'd rather reconstruct them as instrumentals. that would mean there would be no vocal versions, except as badly mixed outtakes.
but, what i'm reconstructing as my first symphony loses context when you strip the vocals out - it's an interesting 36 minutes of music, but the thematic unity that made it a coherent piece of music is gone. so, i'm mixing the vocals back in to that 36 minute piece and releasing it on the ep.
sort of. i'm cutting some of the vocals out. there's just enough left to maintain the purpose of the piece.
.... which means i now have a vocal mix of 'mom' to put on the single, which i hadn't previously wanted to do - but which now makes sense.
see, deductions follow from assumptions. when assumptions change, deductions change. logic is actually quite a fluid system of thought. i went through a phase when that soured me on it, but i've come to appreciate it's defect as an asset.
i've taken out the vocals for the second half of the verses and the bridges, leaving only various statements of "i did your mom". this is self-censorship. it's less due to the fact that it's graphic or offensive, and more due to the fact that it's just weak. i mean, it was always meant to have this sort of detached, dark humour to it, but it's just....it's not very sophisticated. words were chosen because they rhyme. in hindsight, it comes off as less egregious on a social level and more egregious on a maturity level.
this will drive the symphony, and that is the intent. this add to the single is really just in the name of being thorough.
initially written in 1994. first full recording in 1996. recreated in mar, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed & remixed on july 18, 2015. vocals added and sequenced on jan 7, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/i-did-your-mom-2015-full-reinterpretation-from-1998-source-tapes
i'm just going to point out that this discography update is discarding most of my youtube uploads of tracks dated over 1998 to the status of outtakes. to be more precise, they're now all discarded mixes.
i'm not that upset about this. i'm using youtube as an advertising platform - which is basically all it really can be used for. if i had ads on, i'd have something like $30 in my pocket from the 30,000 hits i've bit and clawed for over the last two years. it's impossible as a revenue source.
so, basically, it now means that most of my ads for music from that period are low quality versions of the final products, which are only available at bandcamp.
in fact, the change i'm going to make moving forward is that i'm going to stop uploading high quality tracks. what's here is here. but, i'm basically giving it away - and it's not as effective of a portal as i hoped it would be. i think i'm better off doing something like this, which is floating a tease and giving people a good reason to exit the site.
i was online young. to me, the internet is actually the internet. but, i know that to a lot of people that tuned in after 1998, and especially after 2005, the internet is two or three safe sites and a giant mass of scary. it may strike some as kind of hilarious to think people are actually afraid to leave youtube. but, i know this is the actual truth. what if they get a virus? this is seriously how people approach exiting the troika of google, facebook and twitter.
so, i need more push factors along with more pull factors.
but, this is really a huge overhaul. i've uploaded a bunch of singles already, but the actual replacement of files is just seriously getting started this afternoon. the increase in sound quality is immediately apparent. but, i don't want to disturb the algorithm i've got set up. and, as stated, i really want to be pulling people off of youtube, rather than holding their attention here.
i know there's some possibilities in the "google play" store, but i don't like the idea of streaming as a business model. the majors may see some value in this, and it may end up being the default way to get old catalog items like a pink floyd or led zeppelin record for the near future. but, it's just not going to be the way that independent artists work. that has to be something closer to a bandcamp model.
i mean, i guess if i thought i could pump out a hit single, i'd change my mind a little. but, i'm dealing with a more specialized audience. fuck, you can't even really listen to this stuff properly unless you have an audiophile set of headphones, y'know? i'm not aiming for a teen-pop market. i'm really aiming for an adult contemporary market that only bleeds marginally into a younger audience. file next to autechre, kind of thing.
real music fans already know that they have to get outside of the default channels to find what they like. the reality is that the discerning music fan isn't going to be any more likely to find what they're looking for through spotify or google play or whatever else than they ever have been by listening to the radio or watching mtv. the streaming services can be the next gen radio. they can't be the next gen independent music store, too.
indie artists just won't buy into something where they don't get paid. they will find their own distribution channels. and their fans will follow them.
that's why youtube is so bizarre - it breaks that apart. i don't know how long it will last for. but, i need to kind of clue-in to what it actually is, too, and start using it more appropriately.
so, yeah. these files are now all deprecated. and, i'm not going to replace them. i'm just going to put up links to the current versions.
i'm not that upset about this. i'm using youtube as an advertising platform - which is basically all it really can be used for. if i had ads on, i'd have something like $30 in my pocket from the 30,000 hits i've bit and clawed for over the last two years. it's impossible as a revenue source.
so, basically, it now means that most of my ads for music from that period are low quality versions of the final products, which are only available at bandcamp.
in fact, the change i'm going to make moving forward is that i'm going to stop uploading high quality tracks. what's here is here. but, i'm basically giving it away - and it's not as effective of a portal as i hoped it would be. i think i'm better off doing something like this, which is floating a tease and giving people a good reason to exit the site.
i was online young. to me, the internet is actually the internet. but, i know that to a lot of people that tuned in after 1998, and especially after 2005, the internet is two or three safe sites and a giant mass of scary. it may strike some as kind of hilarious to think people are actually afraid to leave youtube. but, i know this is the actual truth. what if they get a virus? this is seriously how people approach exiting the troika of google, facebook and twitter.
so, i need more push factors along with more pull factors.
but, this is really a huge overhaul. i've uploaded a bunch of singles already, but the actual replacement of files is just seriously getting started this afternoon. the increase in sound quality is immediately apparent. but, i don't want to disturb the algorithm i've got set up. and, as stated, i really want to be pulling people off of youtube, rather than holding their attention here.
i know there's some possibilities in the "google play" store, but i don't like the idea of streaming as a business model. the majors may see some value in this, and it may end up being the default way to get old catalog items like a pink floyd or led zeppelin record for the near future. but, it's just not going to be the way that independent artists work. that has to be something closer to a bandcamp model.
i mean, i guess if i thought i could pump out a hit single, i'd change my mind a little. but, i'm dealing with a more specialized audience. fuck, you can't even really listen to this stuff properly unless you have an audiophile set of headphones, y'know? i'm not aiming for a teen-pop market. i'm really aiming for an adult contemporary market that only bleeds marginally into a younger audience. file next to autechre, kind of thing.
real music fans already know that they have to get outside of the default channels to find what they like. the reality is that the discerning music fan isn't going to be any more likely to find what they're looking for through spotify or google play or whatever else than they ever have been by listening to the radio or watching mtv. the streaming services can be the next gen radio. they can't be the next gen independent music store, too.
indie artists just won't buy into something where they don't get paid. they will find their own distribution channels. and their fans will follow them.
that's why youtube is so bizarre - it breaks that apart. i don't know how long it will last for. but, i need to kind of clue-in to what it actually is, too, and start using it more appropriately.
so, yeah. these files are now all deprecated. and, i'm not going to replace them. i'm just going to put up links to the current versions.
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
prematurely publishing on sexual confusion in adolescence (inri013)
this one dates to june 6, 1998. the files were completed on june 4, 1998 but i no doubt did not sequence the record until later. this date is actually very consciously chosen to position it after a 20-minute sample collage i completed on june 5, 1998. that will allow me to renumber this piece as my first symphony without strange ambiguity.
the truth is that it is neither clear when i finished the sample collage nor when i completed sequencing this recording.
what this is is the first six tracks from the first record, as the first record will appear shortly. there was intent from the start to combine the tracks that were about transgressive sexual thoughts: rape, necrophilia and self-mutilation. the phantom cover was actually topical. it was all entirely fictional, of course. and, all the vocal content has been stripped out - for now, at least. i may work it back in for this release and flip side it...
the point is that this was conceived of as a song suite when i was making it back in 1998. i've long considered it a sort of proto-symphony, but the recording was just too terrible to allow into my symphonic series. that's been fixed...
...and it is therefore the new symphony one.
tracks one and three were remastered from the cd tracks. tracks two, four and six were rebuilt from source. tracks five and six feature substantial updates to the core of the tracks.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence-2
the truth is that it is neither clear when i finished the sample collage nor when i completed sequencing this recording.
what this is is the first six tracks from the first record, as the first record will appear shortly. there was intent from the start to combine the tracks that were about transgressive sexual thoughts: rape, necrophilia and self-mutilation. the phantom cover was actually topical. it was all entirely fictional, of course. and, all the vocal content has been stripped out - for now, at least. i may work it back in for this release and flip side it...
the point is that this was conceived of as a song suite when i was making it back in 1998. i've long considered it a sort of proto-symphony, but the recording was just too terrible to allow into my symphonic series. that's been fixed...
...and it is therefore the new symphony one.
tracks one and three were remastered from the cd tracks. tracks two, four and six were rebuilt from source. tracks five and six feature substantial updates to the core of the tracks.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/on-sexual-confusion-in-adolescence-2
publishing nope (inri011)
so, i''ve uploaded the last single from the first record. this is the new inri009.
this is the second and last vocal track from the period that really had any actual meaning to me on a personal basis - rather than as a political commentary, or from the psychological perspective of a character or even just randomly thrown together nonsense. in fact, it's the only real reason i'm putting this single up. that's different than any of the others.
this is also going to be the only single that didn't have an earlier demo version. i actually wrote this one in 1998. as such, it's actually one of the last conventional "songs" that i ever wrote.
the logic here is sort of complex. i was initially content to leave the vocal version on the record. but, now that the record is purely instrumental, i want a vocal version available - therefore a single must exist. but, i'm also toying with the idea of splicing some vocal parts up and releasing them on a separate ep. i wouldn't have previously wanted to do that, because the vocal versions were on the record...
if this happens, it will be at the absolute end of the sequence, so i'm not thinking about it right now. the single will continue to exist, regardless.
==
it's often remarked that there's a fine line between genius and idiocy. it's less often remarked that there's an equally fine line between wisdom and depression.
in early 1998, i was generating quite a bit of concern about my mental well being. ironically, i think this actually coincided with a period of very rapid mental development and maturation. i kind of just went to sleep one night as an immature teen and woke up the next morning as an overmature young adult. i can't really assign any kind of catalyst to it, either. while i haven't looked into this at all, i suspect it's a less uncommon phenomenon than might be imagined.
i should maybe give my parents, which at this point in time means my father and step-mother but primarily my father, a little bit of credit for at least being aware that my character underwent a fast and drastic shift from being kind of hyperactive and full of snarky wit to being quiet and sort of withdrawn. the immediate interpretation of such a shift is inevitably going to be that it is at least consistent with the onset of some kind of depression. so, i ended up dealing with the spanish inquisition for a while, regarding my shift in demeanour. was i alright? if i wasn't, would i tell him? would i agree to talk to somebody?
i did agree to talk to somebody, mostly to ease his own concerns. i mean, i just didn't see the need for him to be worrying about me like this.
the reality of the situation was that i had simply matured a little bit. sure: there were some real life concerns happening around me. life at 17 is not childhood any longer; it can be stressful. maybe that had affected me a little bit. but, depression? i didn't feel that i was suffering from anything. i just felt that my personality was asserting itself as something that was kind of stoic. i don't want to call myself a sociopath, exactly: stoicism gets the point across better. what's the point of getting irritable? what does it solve?
the doctor keyed in on some of the music i was listening to. now, it's the late 90s: right after grunge. people are still reeling from, like, kurt cobain copycat suicides. i was in a bit of a different musical head space than that, one defined mostly by nine inch nails (and including influences on nin and offshoots from it). that's actually considerably worse, on first glance, although i was aware of the fact that reznor was writing from the perspective of a character rather than from personal experience. the point is that i understood where the concern was coming from and was able to effectively articulate that point to the doctor. we agreed that i didn't necessarily need to be put on anti-depressants right away, but that i should accept a prescription and fill it at some point if i get overwhelmed.
so, i came home with a prescription and immediately hit the internet to research it. i didn't like what i found. i had explicitly told the doctor that i was experiencing a lack of emotional instability, not an excess of it. so, i didn't need to turn my emotions off; if anything, i would have benefited more from something that amplified my emotions more. the idea that i was depressed was just a misperception. nonetheless, the mere *idea* of taking drugs that would suppress my emotions and may have long term or permanent effects scared the hell out of me. the xfiles sample that appears on the original mix was something that i had put aside for future pro-atheist use but, after doing this research, became very relevant in a completely different context.
so, i wasn't keen on taking these drugs that were going to at best turn me into a zombie and at worst turn me into a mass murderer. nope. no thanks...
my dad pushed the point for quite a while, though. in his mind, i came home with a prescription and ought to fill it. this song is a reaction to his insistence, which i always knew was coming from a good place. in fact, he never really dropped the argument.
the doctor and i also talked a little bit about my own music, and how it was an outlet for various frustrations. i made the argument that, while i didn't feel depressed, i was nonetheless better off working out issues of the sort through art than i was taking pills. so, this song also exists on that kind of meta level.
in hindsight, i don't want to give off the impression that i reject psychology or the medicalization of depression. that is simply untrue. the honest truth is that i simply did not feel that i was suffering from any kind of depression. yet, i've also always been very uncomfortable with the way that this process unfolded. we talked for less than an hour, and i walked out with a prescription for a mind-altering substance that could have dramatically damaged me. why is there not more oversight in this process? one would think that i should have been given a blood test to determine if i actually had an imbalance or not. no doctor can determine an imbalance through intuition. that is flat out quackery! an imbalance must be measured. if it can be determined empirically, it ought to be reacted to. yet, i was never even tested.
as an artist, i'm glad that i had the presence of mind to reject the drugs at this age. i simply don't know what they would have done to me, or who i would be today had i taken them.
originally created in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 4, 2015. remixed july 15, 2015. vocals added jan 6, 2016. released on jan 6, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - guitars, effects, synth bass, synths, drum programming, sequencing, vocals, sampling, digital wave editing, production
released april 29, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/nope-2
1) there was a vocal version created in the summer of 2015, but this version was reconstructed in jan, 2016 to mathematically align properly with the instrumental/album version. i don't have the original date of render, but it was probably july 15, 2015. originally created in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 4, 2015. remixed july 15, 2015. vocals added jan 6, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/nope-3
2) the album mix is the same as the version that was constructed from original 1998 source tape over the summer of 2015. originally created in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 4, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/nope-album-version
3) the electronics only mix really just removes the guitars (and vocals). originally created in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 4, 2015. remixed july 15, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/nope-electronics-only
4) deleted 2013 remaster. the dialogue is from the x-files. originally created in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. dec 21, 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/nope-2013-remaster-of-1998-cd-mix
5) deleted 1998 original, unsequenced mix from a 112 kbps mp3. the dialogue is from the x-files. originally created in april, 1998. april 29, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/nope-1998-archived-112-kbps-mp3
this is the second and last vocal track from the period that really had any actual meaning to me on a personal basis - rather than as a political commentary, or from the psychological perspective of a character or even just randomly thrown together nonsense. in fact, it's the only real reason i'm putting this single up. that's different than any of the others.
this is also going to be the only single that didn't have an earlier demo version. i actually wrote this one in 1998. as such, it's actually one of the last conventional "songs" that i ever wrote.
the logic here is sort of complex. i was initially content to leave the vocal version on the record. but, now that the record is purely instrumental, i want a vocal version available - therefore a single must exist. but, i'm also toying with the idea of splicing some vocal parts up and releasing them on a separate ep. i wouldn't have previously wanted to do that, because the vocal versions were on the record...
if this happens, it will be at the absolute end of the sequence, so i'm not thinking about it right now. the single will continue to exist, regardless.
==
it's often remarked that there's a fine line between genius and idiocy. it's less often remarked that there's an equally fine line between wisdom and depression.
in early 1998, i was generating quite a bit of concern about my mental well being. ironically, i think this actually coincided with a period of very rapid mental development and maturation. i kind of just went to sleep one night as an immature teen and woke up the next morning as an overmature young adult. i can't really assign any kind of catalyst to it, either. while i haven't looked into this at all, i suspect it's a less uncommon phenomenon than might be imagined.
i should maybe give my parents, which at this point in time means my father and step-mother but primarily my father, a little bit of credit for at least being aware that my character underwent a fast and drastic shift from being kind of hyperactive and full of snarky wit to being quiet and sort of withdrawn. the immediate interpretation of such a shift is inevitably going to be that it is at least consistent with the onset of some kind of depression. so, i ended up dealing with the spanish inquisition for a while, regarding my shift in demeanour. was i alright? if i wasn't, would i tell him? would i agree to talk to somebody?
i did agree to talk to somebody, mostly to ease his own concerns. i mean, i just didn't see the need for him to be worrying about me like this.
the reality of the situation was that i had simply matured a little bit. sure: there were some real life concerns happening around me. life at 17 is not childhood any longer; it can be stressful. maybe that had affected me a little bit. but, depression? i didn't feel that i was suffering from anything. i just felt that my personality was asserting itself as something that was kind of stoic. i don't want to call myself a sociopath, exactly: stoicism gets the point across better. what's the point of getting irritable? what does it solve?
the doctor keyed in on some of the music i was listening to. now, it's the late 90s: right after grunge. people are still reeling from, like, kurt cobain copycat suicides. i was in a bit of a different musical head space than that, one defined mostly by nine inch nails (and including influences on nin and offshoots from it). that's actually considerably worse, on first glance, although i was aware of the fact that reznor was writing from the perspective of a character rather than from personal experience. the point is that i understood where the concern was coming from and was able to effectively articulate that point to the doctor. we agreed that i didn't necessarily need to be put on anti-depressants right away, but that i should accept a prescription and fill it at some point if i get overwhelmed.
so, i came home with a prescription and immediately hit the internet to research it. i didn't like what i found. i had explicitly told the doctor that i was experiencing a lack of emotional instability, not an excess of it. so, i didn't need to turn my emotions off; if anything, i would have benefited more from something that amplified my emotions more. the idea that i was depressed was just a misperception. nonetheless, the mere *idea* of taking drugs that would suppress my emotions and may have long term or permanent effects scared the hell out of me. the xfiles sample that appears on the original mix was something that i had put aside for future pro-atheist use but, after doing this research, became very relevant in a completely different context.
so, i wasn't keen on taking these drugs that were going to at best turn me into a zombie and at worst turn me into a mass murderer. nope. no thanks...
my dad pushed the point for quite a while, though. in his mind, i came home with a prescription and ought to fill it. this song is a reaction to his insistence, which i always knew was coming from a good place. in fact, he never really dropped the argument.
the doctor and i also talked a little bit about my own music, and how it was an outlet for various frustrations. i made the argument that, while i didn't feel depressed, i was nonetheless better off working out issues of the sort through art than i was taking pills. so, this song also exists on that kind of meta level.
in hindsight, i don't want to give off the impression that i reject psychology or the medicalization of depression. that is simply untrue. the honest truth is that i simply did not feel that i was suffering from any kind of depression. yet, i've also always been very uncomfortable with the way that this process unfolded. we talked for less than an hour, and i walked out with a prescription for a mind-altering substance that could have dramatically damaged me. why is there not more oversight in this process? one would think that i should have been given a blood test to determine if i actually had an imbalance or not. no doctor can determine an imbalance through intuition. that is flat out quackery! an imbalance must be measured. if it can be determined empirically, it ought to be reacted to. yet, i was never even tested.
as an artist, i'm glad that i had the presence of mind to reject the drugs at this age. i simply don't know what they would have done to me, or who i would be today had i taken them.
originally created in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 4, 2015. remixed july 15, 2015. vocals added jan 6, 2016. released on jan 6, 2016. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - guitars, effects, synth bass, synths, drum programming, sequencing, vocals, sampling, digital wave editing, production
released april 29, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/nope-2
1) there was a vocal version created in the summer of 2015, but this version was reconstructed in jan, 2016 to mathematically align properly with the instrumental/album version. i don't have the original date of render, but it was probably july 15, 2015. originally created in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 4, 2015. remixed july 15, 2015. vocals added jan 6, 2016.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/nope-3
2) the album mix is the same as the version that was constructed from original 1998 source tape over the summer of 2015. originally created in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 4, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/nope-album-version
3) the electronics only mix really just removes the guitars (and vocals). originally created in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reclaimed july 4, 2015. remixed july 15, 2015.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/nope-electronics-only
4) deleted 2013 remaster. the dialogue is from the x-files. originally created in april, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. dec 21, 2013.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/nope-2013-remaster-of-1998-cd-mix
5) deleted 1998 original, unsequenced mix from a 112 kbps mp3. the dialogue is from the x-files. originally created in april, 1998. april 29, 1998
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/nope-1998-archived-112-kbps-mp3
i just listened to an instrumental reconstruction of my first record and i damned near started crying. i can now add this to my list of brilliant left-field electronic records - i didn't think i'd ever get to say that. i thought these tracks were beyond being salvaged..
i'm going to wait until i get the full sequence done before i upload anything else, because this is going to turn that section of the discography on it's head and i just want to wait until the tracklistings are all final.
all the singles i uploaded are final, it's the next year or so worth of recordings that are going to get played with quite a bit.
i'm going to wait until i get the full sequence done before i upload anything else, because this is going to turn that section of the discography on it's head and i just want to wait until the tracklistings are all final.
all the singles i uploaded are final, it's the next year or so worth of recordings that are going to get played with quite a bit.
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