camera came in today.
it works, at least. maybe not so well. lol. well, there's lots of settings to play with....
i'll take it out tomorrow, to start.
it seems to be the plug, but i'm not done testing yet.
it got better when i set the exposure, but it seems to require a lot of the light for the video part. it's going to require a few experiments, clearly.
it's giving me about an hour on the 2 gb card. i'm going to want five or six hours, at least, so one of the things i'll do tomorrow is get a new card....
Friday, October 23, 2015
it's breakfast time.
but what i determined this morning is that the signal out of the machine is currently both stable and correct. there is a small issue with the high mids - this is not the same as the fading. but, curiously, it seems to correct itself when i reseat the headphone plug in the connector. that reduces this remaining minor issue to either:
a) the cord (resistance, somehow).
b) the plug (bad connection).
c) the headphone jack in the amp.
after breakfast, what i'll need to do is test it directly out of the mixer. if i'm getting similar issues, it's either the cord or the plug and i'll have to test with further plugs and/or just buy a whole set of things - a new cord, a new plug and a new brace. if i'm not, it's the jack in the amp, and while i probably can't fix that i can at least finish mixing what i'm doing through direct connection to the mixer.
i suspect it's the plug, from previous testing.
there's still a chance it could break again when i open cubase, but at least i'll have a bit more of a control if that does happen, and know it's software.
but what i determined this morning is that the signal out of the machine is currently both stable and correct. there is a small issue with the high mids - this is not the same as the fading. but, curiously, it seems to correct itself when i reseat the headphone plug in the connector. that reduces this remaining minor issue to either:
a) the cord (resistance, somehow).
b) the plug (bad connection).
c) the headphone jack in the amp.
after breakfast, what i'll need to do is test it directly out of the mixer. if i'm getting similar issues, it's either the cord or the plug and i'll have to test with further plugs and/or just buy a whole set of things - a new cord, a new plug and a new brace. if i'm not, it's the jack in the amp, and while i probably can't fix that i can at least finish mixing what i'm doing through direct connection to the mixer.
i suspect it's the plug, from previous testing.
there's still a chance it could break again when i open cubase, but at least i'll have a bit more of a control if that does happen, and know it's software.
Thursday, October 22, 2015
cnusodef
i'm getting close. i really am.
i decided there was a headphone issue, and i should just go ahead and deal with the clock - started fading as soon as i opened cubase, as expected. so, i reinstalled the clock. and - bam - it's sounding perfect again.
i'll have to see what happens when i open cubase. i still need to do some more testing first.
in the meantime, i'm going to repost this instrumental remix of confused, with the added sequencer, because it's a new mix, and i'm really jonesing to move forward.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/cnusodef
i decided there was a headphone issue, and i should just go ahead and deal with the clock - started fading as soon as i opened cubase, as expected. so, i reinstalled the clock. and - bam - it's sounding perfect again.
i'll have to see what happens when i open cubase. i still need to do some more testing first.
in the meantime, i'm going to repost this instrumental remix of confused, with the added sequencer, because it's a new mix, and i'm really jonesing to move forward.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/cnusodef
uploading werso smidits for the alter-reality
time keeps moving.
i was hoping to be done this by now, but it will need to come up in the alter-reality in a few days so i'm posting it now.
i was hoping to be done this by now, but it will need to come up in the alter-reality in a few days so i'm posting it now.
obligatory influential post.
i did a few for this track last year when it was in demo stage and was going to skip it, but i think i missed a few things.
1997-1999 or so was my big puppy kick, so when i was converting noise punk demos into electronic tracks, they were really a guiding influence. but it's not always obvious, because i was still working in traditional rock song structures and still leaning heavily towards my upbringing in synth pop, new wave and college rock. this is one of the few tracks where it's a lot more obvious.
last rights, as a whole, along with too dark park, were just seismic shifts for me in terms of what music could be. and, i fell into it right at the time when i was shifting from being formative to defining my own identity. get to the kids, as they say. it's about 16-17 that you fall into this conflict between young idealism and crushing realism and are stuck trying to find some kind of balance. everything about them, from the apocalyptic sounds to the dystopian lyrics, just made sense when not a lot else did. and, keep in mind that this was the period when punk, as a whole, was at it's highest point of absolute commodity - across the spectrum. it was that feeling of being born ten years too late.
there's maybe 10 records like this that i can cite as legitimately changing how i interpret the world around me. as agit-prop, it's just a kick to the skull, there's not much else that compares to it. it still sounds every bit as jarring and extreme as it did then, too - because it's written from a point of musical and artistic literacy, rather than from a point of total shock value. it's that artistic centre that industrial music lost with dwayne goettel and has struggled to find since.
it's both the apex and the definitive end of the genre as an artistic force.
(relevant tracks: schizoid, confused, why, eat my fuck, hexonxonx remix, idiotic, most of the stuff from 1998-2002, especially, but continuing on as a substantial background influence)
i did a few for this track last year when it was in demo stage and was going to skip it, but i think i missed a few things.
1997-1999 or so was my big puppy kick, so when i was converting noise punk demos into electronic tracks, they were really a guiding influence. but it's not always obvious, because i was still working in traditional rock song structures and still leaning heavily towards my upbringing in synth pop, new wave and college rock. this is one of the few tracks where it's a lot more obvious.
last rights, as a whole, along with too dark park, were just seismic shifts for me in terms of what music could be. and, i fell into it right at the time when i was shifting from being formative to defining my own identity. get to the kids, as they say. it's about 16-17 that you fall into this conflict between young idealism and crushing realism and are stuck trying to find some kind of balance. everything about them, from the apocalyptic sounds to the dystopian lyrics, just made sense when not a lot else did. and, keep in mind that this was the period when punk, as a whole, was at it's highest point of absolute commodity - across the spectrum. it was that feeling of being born ten years too late.
there's maybe 10 records like this that i can cite as legitimately changing how i interpret the world around me. as agit-prop, it's just a kick to the skull, there's not much else that compares to it. it still sounds every bit as jarring and extreme as it did then, too - because it's written from a point of musical and artistic literacy, rather than from a point of total shock value. it's that artistic centre that industrial music lost with dwayne goettel and has struggled to find since.
it's both the apex and the definitive end of the genre as an artistic force.
(relevant tracks: schizoid, confused, why, eat my fuck, hexonxonx remix, idiotic, most of the stuff from 1998-2002, especially, but continuing on as a substantial background influence)
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
potentially substantial breakthrough. needs testing. again.
i wasn't getting any grit on the bottom end - i've explained this before, that nice boom, the dynamics. sounded like it was through a limiter.
so, i swapped the other headphones in and, while they sounded noticeably worse, i was at least getting the dynamics. definitely headphones.
now, these headphones both say LCH on them. i guess it was a factory error. but, what i did was swap sides, and i seem to have got the boom back.
i'm hoping that's the last fix. just let me get through testing.
if that's it, it's probably a contact issue - the cord wasn't connecting right on one or both sides. that could have happened when i took them apart to clean them, and just put them back together without thinking about it.
i wasn't getting any grit on the bottom end - i've explained this before, that nice boom, the dynamics. sounded like it was through a limiter.
so, i swapped the other headphones in and, while they sounded noticeably worse, i was at least getting the dynamics. definitely headphones.
now, these headphones both say LCH on them. i guess it was a factory error. but, what i did was swap sides, and i seem to have got the boom back.
i'm hoping that's the last fix. just let me get through testing.
if that's it, it's probably a contact issue - the cord wasn't connecting right on one or both sides. that could have happened when i took them apart to clean them, and just put them back together without thinking about it.
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
appointment
jessica
first, i should apologize for sending you faxes and emails; i don't have a phone.
my name is jessica parent. i saw you about a year ago regarding transgender hrt. you carried on a prescription i had been on for four years and have now been on for five years. at the time, we agreed that you would continue to prescribe the hormones from a distance, because i live in windsor and it's very difficult for me to commute to london. however, when i went to renew the prescription, the pharmacy received back a note that you need to see me.
i really can't afford to make the commute. i'm really not quite sure why it is that you need to see me, given that we agreed it was unnecessary. do you need a blood test? could you schedule one at a clinic here in windsor, and have the results faxed to you?
i'm exploring further options, here, but they're kind of bleak. i have an appointment with a family doctor on nov 17, and i'm hoping that works out. i'm also communicating with an endocrinologist, but he's put a condition down to attend a workshop in toronto with a year-long waiting list, and that's kind of a non-starter. i may be able to convince him to waive this, but it's up in the air right now.
if it's just a blood test, i can do that. but i would really like to avoid the bus fare; i could do it, if it's my only choice, but i live on odsp and it's going to be tight up against my budget.
if you require regular visits, i suppose i understand. i think i've been on hormones so long, that it's just a question of a check-up, and i do feel healthy enough that i think it's probably superfluous, but i realize there are due diligence issues, as well. but, i can't commit to that.
in the short run, i'm hoping maybe you could give me another 3-6 months to allow me to exhaust options here. again: if it's just a blood test, i'm more than willing to do that. if not, and you're ok with another few months, i'd ask you to let me know so i can ask the pharmacy to fax another request.
i know this is not ideal. *i'm* the one that's struggling to find a doctor, here, that's at a reasonable distance. i'm not quite sure why this is proving so difficult. but, it's obviously kind of frightening to come up against the idea of not being able to find hormones, after already transition fully for all functional purposes. i hope that the urgency is understood and the difficult situation is accounted for in your decision.
london clinic
Good morning Jessica,
Thanks so much for your email. We can absolutely empathize with the difficulty to get here for an appointment with the distance and financial constraints. I showed Dr. Martin your email and he came up with a bit of a compromise, I hope this can work. He has agreed to extend the prescriptions until June but in the meantime, if you could find a way to make it up here for an appointment that would be very important before we are able to give more beyond this date. The issue is just with the due diligence, for him to be able to be accountable and act in a medically responsible way while prescribing medications it is essential that we see you in our office for follow-ups. Hopefully the extension will make it a little easier to find a way to get here at some point between now and then. Let me know that you would be agreeable to this plan and where you would like me to send the refill for you medications. If there is anything else I can do to help, don’t hesitate to let me know.
jessica
probably the easiest thing to do would be for me to fax the refill request from the pharmacy. does that work for you?
extending it to june will give me more than enough time to figure things out here, so that is ideal: thank you. i will know if i need to make another appointment within a few weeks, and if i do i will call you near the end of november to make it. if i don't, i'll let you know as well.
london clinic
Hi Jessica,
I'm so glad to hear this plan will work. You can for sure have the pharmacy fax over the refill requests and I will fill it out and fax it back to them :)
first, i should apologize for sending you faxes and emails; i don't have a phone.
my name is jessica parent. i saw you about a year ago regarding transgender hrt. you carried on a prescription i had been on for four years and have now been on for five years. at the time, we agreed that you would continue to prescribe the hormones from a distance, because i live in windsor and it's very difficult for me to commute to london. however, when i went to renew the prescription, the pharmacy received back a note that you need to see me.
i really can't afford to make the commute. i'm really not quite sure why it is that you need to see me, given that we agreed it was unnecessary. do you need a blood test? could you schedule one at a clinic here in windsor, and have the results faxed to you?
i'm exploring further options, here, but they're kind of bleak. i have an appointment with a family doctor on nov 17, and i'm hoping that works out. i'm also communicating with an endocrinologist, but he's put a condition down to attend a workshop in toronto with a year-long waiting list, and that's kind of a non-starter. i may be able to convince him to waive this, but it's up in the air right now.
if it's just a blood test, i can do that. but i would really like to avoid the bus fare; i could do it, if it's my only choice, but i live on odsp and it's going to be tight up against my budget.
if you require regular visits, i suppose i understand. i think i've been on hormones so long, that it's just a question of a check-up, and i do feel healthy enough that i think it's probably superfluous, but i realize there are due diligence issues, as well. but, i can't commit to that.
in the short run, i'm hoping maybe you could give me another 3-6 months to allow me to exhaust options here. again: if it's just a blood test, i'm more than willing to do that. if not, and you're ok with another few months, i'd ask you to let me know so i can ask the pharmacy to fax another request.
i know this is not ideal. *i'm* the one that's struggling to find a doctor, here, that's at a reasonable distance. i'm not quite sure why this is proving so difficult. but, it's obviously kind of frightening to come up against the idea of not being able to find hormones, after already transition fully for all functional purposes. i hope that the urgency is understood and the difficult situation is accounted for in your decision.
london clinic
Good morning Jessica,
Thanks so much for your email. We can absolutely empathize with the difficulty to get here for an appointment with the distance and financial constraints. I showed Dr. Martin your email and he came up with a bit of a compromise, I hope this can work. He has agreed to extend the prescriptions until June but in the meantime, if you could find a way to make it up here for an appointment that would be very important before we are able to give more beyond this date. The issue is just with the due diligence, for him to be able to be accountable and act in a medically responsible way while prescribing medications it is essential that we see you in our office for follow-ups. Hopefully the extension will make it a little easier to find a way to get here at some point between now and then. Let me know that you would be agreeable to this plan and where you would like me to send the refill for you medications. If there is anything else I can do to help, don’t hesitate to let me know.
jessica
probably the easiest thing to do would be for me to fax the refill request from the pharmacy. does that work for you?
extending it to june will give me more than enough time to figure things out here, so that is ideal: thank you. i will know if i need to make another appointment within a few weeks, and if i do i will call you near the end of november to make it. if i don't, i'll let you know as well.
london clinic
Hi Jessica,
I'm so glad to hear this plan will work. You can for sure have the pharmacy fax over the refill requests and I will fill it out and fax it back to them :)
what if it's my ears?
i'm swapping cables around and....i haven't convinced myself yet...but it almost seems like the tweeter in my left ear is broken.
that tic. it's on my left side. and it's something to do with my ear. i kind of know already that a bone didn't heal properly. i've been waiting to be completely done smoking before i go to a doctor.
i need to make some calls this morning. i'm isolating this afternoon. if i can isolate it to my left ear, i'll have to go to the clinic.
i'm aware that this is most likely psycho-somatic. but, i'm running out of ideas.
the election is done. liberal majority, i'm looking forward to legal pot here, in canada. that will make life so much easier. but, the distraction is over, now, and i really want to get some kind of answer.
if it's my ear, it at least explains everything. kind of scary. but it adds up.
this is part of the reason why i wanted to get all my musical ideas worked out first, then focus on academics later. your ears are only artistically useful until you're about 40. that's my hypothesis as to why so many people get lame after 40: their ears stop working right.
i'm swapping cables around and....i haven't convinced myself yet...but it almost seems like the tweeter in my left ear is broken.
that tic. it's on my left side. and it's something to do with my ear. i kind of know already that a bone didn't heal properly. i've been waiting to be completely done smoking before i go to a doctor.
i need to make some calls this morning. i'm isolating this afternoon. if i can isolate it to my left ear, i'll have to go to the clinic.
i'm aware that this is most likely psycho-somatic. but, i'm running out of ideas.
the election is done. liberal majority, i'm looking forward to legal pot here, in canada. that will make life so much easier. but, the distraction is over, now, and i really want to get some kind of answer.
if it's my ear, it at least explains everything. kind of scary. but it adds up.
this is part of the reason why i wanted to get all my musical ideas worked out first, then focus on academics later. your ears are only artistically useful until you're about 40. that's my hypothesis as to why so many people get lame after 40: their ears stop working right.
Monday, October 19, 2015
so, why am i doing this? what are my motives? what are my goals?
the cynical assumption is no doubt that i'm looking to cash a check, but in fact i live very happily on disability and have no real incentives to generate income. i mean, i'm not going to turn it down if it comes. and, sure, i'll pay a little bit back. but i'm simply not desperately trying to charm myself out of wage slavery, because i'm actually not in it. i made a decision several years ago that i would not live under the goal of profit maximization; i've held to it fairly well to this point and i don't plan on reversing myself on it.
that's maybe something to grasp about me, overall: i need real motives, not just monetary ones. it's the dour existentialist in me that sees the society around me as disparagingly absurd. i just don't find capitalism motivational; this is the real reason that i have not been able to survive without state aid - i become hopelessly depressed and unable to function when forced to work to exist. i mean, look at how much writing i do for free. i'm rambling with an aim. i need that. methods to madness and whatnot. i don't even mirror with an ad space; and while i do plan to mirror, i don't plan to put ads up. call me a fool if you'd like, but understand that the feeling is mutual.
that said, i do plan to monetize these videos and that is a definite difference. i have not and will not monetize any of my music videos. i'm comfortable with monetizing this, so why not? but it's not a motive, so much as it's just possible gravy. i'm happy as i am, but could think of plenty of activist things to do with a larger stream of income.
the primary reason i'm doing this is to act as a gateway to the music. when i first put up my other youtube channel, i had no real expectations for it. but, i learned quickly that the commenting system could act as an effective means of promotion so long as i was consistently being interesting or provocative - which are things that i'm naturally good at. i found my hits growing relatively quickly, and on a fairly steep curve, as a consequence of posting insightful, witty and/or challenging comments on other people's videos - or, from time to time, just being a good troll.
over the last few months, youtube has taken steps to hurt "spammers". was i spammer? well, it depends. i was certainly advertising, but it was through the stealth approach of posing interesting questions rather than the obvious approach of pushing links in your face. i might suggest we're all better off for that and it's a kind of fair game type of spamming. but, purposefully or collaterally, i was caught up in the anti-spam shifts and have seen hits come down dramatically. as i understand that this is systemic, i realize i need to take further steps.
now, a vlog can only act as a frontend for something else if it is actually interesting, and can actually hold an audience, and the fact that i think i can do this is a big part of the point. on the one hand: merely look at my comments. look at the arguments, debates, discussions. i'm obviously able to generate interest. it's more than that.
i think the primary reason i'm of interest is that i can offer a worldview into a "real life" transgendered person. by that, what i mean is a lower class transgendered person that neither lives a celebrity lifestyle nor has had any plastic surgery. the media is complicit in this perpetual, brutal stereotyping of transwomen as these passive little barbified bimbos that spend their whole lives fantasizing about becoming porn stars. i don't wear fishnets. i don't have a boob job. i don't talk like rupaul. i'm really rather shockingly normal. i think that this kind of realness is what is missing from the conversation, because so many of us are so shy and so unwilling to draw attention to it. i can walk into this space fairly freely; i openly identify as specifically trans and will actually correct you if you suggest or imply otherwise. i have no social aspirations in either gender for this kind of open discussion to interfere with. hopefully, by presenting the perspective of a "normal" trans person, i can help break down stereotypes of the shallow, materialistic porn star or model wannabe transfemale. did you know that transgendered people are actually statistically of greater likelihood to be of above average intelligence? it's a condition that is actually correlated very strongly with bookishness, aloof intellectualism and sometimes crippling levels of introversion. very few of us want to be porn stars. most of us would prefer to spend a saturday night in the library than at the club.
the second reason is that i often find myself walking over long distances and mentally putting aside thoughts to write down somewhere later. as i spend a lot of time walking, i spend a lot of time thinking. i think some of these thoughts are worth sharing. this goes back to the same political motives i have in ranting everywhere. i suppose this is more of the traditional vlog, right: the webcam in the bedroom. but, i won't do that. if i'm at home, i'd actually prefer to write it down - i think more fluidly when i'm typing. rather, a substantial part of this blog is going to be me talking into the camera as i'm walking around in the wee hours of the morning, ejecting scattered thoughts and various insights.
that brings up another point: i'm a single person. this is by choice, by desire and without any reservations. i couldn't imagine not being single. but, what that means is that this is an exercise in introversion, rather than a display of social behaviour. as an outlet, that might be healthy, for me.
i also think it will be good for me to need to have a greater incentive to focus on how i present myself. as i'm single, and live on disability, i can go through rather long periods of personal neglect. if i need to be on screen every day, or every other day, that is going to make a big difference in how i treat myself, which will have consequences in terms of self-esteem. i think this will be good for me.
so, these are the social and personal goals i have in running a vlog. they may not always be obvious, as you're following me to a concert or watching me make lunch. but, i hope that i'm able to use this vlog both to build awareness and to help myself deal with various issues - as well as to draw attention to myself as a working artist.
https://plus.google.com/u/0/b/108929126523080872678/108929126523080872678/posts/fHiPrp3Rwd8
the cynical assumption is no doubt that i'm looking to cash a check, but in fact i live very happily on disability and have no real incentives to generate income. i mean, i'm not going to turn it down if it comes. and, sure, i'll pay a little bit back. but i'm simply not desperately trying to charm myself out of wage slavery, because i'm actually not in it. i made a decision several years ago that i would not live under the goal of profit maximization; i've held to it fairly well to this point and i don't plan on reversing myself on it.
that's maybe something to grasp about me, overall: i need real motives, not just monetary ones. it's the dour existentialist in me that sees the society around me as disparagingly absurd. i just don't find capitalism motivational; this is the real reason that i have not been able to survive without state aid - i become hopelessly depressed and unable to function when forced to work to exist. i mean, look at how much writing i do for free. i'm rambling with an aim. i need that. methods to madness and whatnot. i don't even mirror with an ad space; and while i do plan to mirror, i don't plan to put ads up. call me a fool if you'd like, but understand that the feeling is mutual.
that said, i do plan to monetize these videos and that is a definite difference. i have not and will not monetize any of my music videos. i'm comfortable with monetizing this, so why not? but it's not a motive, so much as it's just possible gravy. i'm happy as i am, but could think of plenty of activist things to do with a larger stream of income.
the primary reason i'm doing this is to act as a gateway to the music. when i first put up my other youtube channel, i had no real expectations for it. but, i learned quickly that the commenting system could act as an effective means of promotion so long as i was consistently being interesting or provocative - which are things that i'm naturally good at. i found my hits growing relatively quickly, and on a fairly steep curve, as a consequence of posting insightful, witty and/or challenging comments on other people's videos - or, from time to time, just being a good troll.
over the last few months, youtube has taken steps to hurt "spammers". was i spammer? well, it depends. i was certainly advertising, but it was through the stealth approach of posing interesting questions rather than the obvious approach of pushing links in your face. i might suggest we're all better off for that and it's a kind of fair game type of spamming. but, purposefully or collaterally, i was caught up in the anti-spam shifts and have seen hits come down dramatically. as i understand that this is systemic, i realize i need to take further steps.
now, a vlog can only act as a frontend for something else if it is actually interesting, and can actually hold an audience, and the fact that i think i can do this is a big part of the point. on the one hand: merely look at my comments. look at the arguments, debates, discussions. i'm obviously able to generate interest. it's more than that.
i think the primary reason i'm of interest is that i can offer a worldview into a "real life" transgendered person. by that, what i mean is a lower class transgendered person that neither lives a celebrity lifestyle nor has had any plastic surgery. the media is complicit in this perpetual, brutal stereotyping of transwomen as these passive little barbified bimbos that spend their whole lives fantasizing about becoming porn stars. i don't wear fishnets. i don't have a boob job. i don't talk like rupaul. i'm really rather shockingly normal. i think that this kind of realness is what is missing from the conversation, because so many of us are so shy and so unwilling to draw attention to it. i can walk into this space fairly freely; i openly identify as specifically trans and will actually correct you if you suggest or imply otherwise. i have no social aspirations in either gender for this kind of open discussion to interfere with. hopefully, by presenting the perspective of a "normal" trans person, i can help break down stereotypes of the shallow, materialistic porn star or model wannabe transfemale. did you know that transgendered people are actually statistically of greater likelihood to be of above average intelligence? it's a condition that is actually correlated very strongly with bookishness, aloof intellectualism and sometimes crippling levels of introversion. very few of us want to be porn stars. most of us would prefer to spend a saturday night in the library than at the club.
the second reason is that i often find myself walking over long distances and mentally putting aside thoughts to write down somewhere later. as i spend a lot of time walking, i spend a lot of time thinking. i think some of these thoughts are worth sharing. this goes back to the same political motives i have in ranting everywhere. i suppose this is more of the traditional vlog, right: the webcam in the bedroom. but, i won't do that. if i'm at home, i'd actually prefer to write it down - i think more fluidly when i'm typing. rather, a substantial part of this blog is going to be me talking into the camera as i'm walking around in the wee hours of the morning, ejecting scattered thoughts and various insights.
that brings up another point: i'm a single person. this is by choice, by desire and without any reservations. i couldn't imagine not being single. but, what that means is that this is an exercise in introversion, rather than a display of social behaviour. as an outlet, that might be healthy, for me.
i also think it will be good for me to need to have a greater incentive to focus on how i present myself. as i'm single, and live on disability, i can go through rather long periods of personal neglect. if i need to be on screen every day, or every other day, that is going to make a big difference in how i treat myself, which will have consequences in terms of self-esteem. i think this will be good for me.
so, these are the social and personal goals i have in running a vlog. they may not always be obvious, as you're following me to a concert or watching me make lunch. but, i hope that i'm able to use this vlog both to build awareness and to help myself deal with various issues - as well as to draw attention to myself as a working artist.
https://plus.google.com/u/0/b/108929126523080872678/108929126523080872678/posts/fHiPrp3Rwd8
Saturday, October 17, 2015
so, i'm launching a vlog...
in fact, i wish i had launched this three or four years ago. it could have caught me hitch-hiking, or maybe caught a few things from occupy.
vlogs are largely trivial. it's what a vlog is. sometimes, you'll have to watch me make spaghetti or something. but, i go for long walks, too - routinely. not just in windsor, but also in detroit. concerts. recording. overall, i'm probably considerably more exciting than you or most people you know are, even if i'm essentially always by myself.
what i'm thinking is that it might act as a reasonable front-end for the music production. i was using the comment system to great effect for a while, but youtube then went and changed the way the system works in such a way that it almost seems designed to explicitly prevent me from doing what i was doing. they sell ads, right? if i'm using the comment system for free advertising, i'm breaking their model. so, they've done several things - i could list 5 or 6 - to make it harder for people like me to do what i was doing. i got a little touch of exposure, anyways - enough to make me think restrategizing is worthwhile. but, it's clear that they've broken what i was doing. they've crashed me from 200 hits/day to 10 hits/day.
this seems to be a better advertising strategy for right now. we'll see how it goes.
i bought a $50 camera from best buy. it should be here in five or six days. expect this to launch saturday; i'll be posting daily updates here, as well.
in fact, i wish i had launched this three or four years ago. it could have caught me hitch-hiking, or maybe caught a few things from occupy.
vlogs are largely trivial. it's what a vlog is. sometimes, you'll have to watch me make spaghetti or something. but, i go for long walks, too - routinely. not just in windsor, but also in detroit. concerts. recording. overall, i'm probably considerably more exciting than you or most people you know are, even if i'm essentially always by myself.
what i'm thinking is that it might act as a reasonable front-end for the music production. i was using the comment system to great effect for a while, but youtube then went and changed the way the system works in such a way that it almost seems designed to explicitly prevent me from doing what i was doing. they sell ads, right? if i'm using the comment system for free advertising, i'm breaking their model. so, they've done several things - i could list 5 or 6 - to make it harder for people like me to do what i was doing. i got a little touch of exposure, anyways - enough to make me think restrategizing is worthwhile. but, it's clear that they've broken what i was doing. they've crashed me from 200 hits/day to 10 hits/day.
this seems to be a better advertising strategy for right now. we'll see how it goes.
i bought a $50 camera from best buy. it should be here in five or six days. expect this to launch saturday; i'll be posting daily updates here, as well.
yeah.
i just ordered this cheap little guy:
i'd normally go and pick it up because shipping is half the price of the object, but this looks like it's last gen - that they're trying to get rid of it, really - and so it's free shipping.
the key point is it's cheap. but, it's also waterproof, which is....i'm not going to go swimming with it, but i don't want to worry about it in the rain, either.
the actual truth is that i'm really not well-versed in the language of megapixels and digital video. i'm going to guess that the differences in video quality past a certain point are largely trivial. and, you know, i don't know how long i'm going to do this for. i'm not expecting pristine quality, but i'm maybe not requiring it just quite yet, either. i'm sure it'll be fine - or better than fine, really.
i've got plenty of rechargeable batteries, although i'll have to experiment with how much power the device uses. i'll have to figure out how much storage i'm going to need for an average ten hour adventure and get the right sized sd card, as well. i suspect my old 2 gb card for pictures is too small.
the actual reality is that this device was probably ten times the price ten years ago. this is how i operate with technology - i wait, i get the last gen when it's falling into obsolescence and then i actually use it to it's potential. i'm lucky enough to be living through the period where technology is plateauing, allowing for what is truly high end technology to sell for basically nothing, in order to drive the market. i actually probably fluked out on that.
should be here by friday.
i just ordered this cheap little guy:
i'd normally go and pick it up because shipping is half the price of the object, but this looks like it's last gen - that they're trying to get rid of it, really - and so it's free shipping.
the key point is it's cheap. but, it's also waterproof, which is....i'm not going to go swimming with it, but i don't want to worry about it in the rain, either.
the actual truth is that i'm really not well-versed in the language of megapixels and digital video. i'm going to guess that the differences in video quality past a certain point are largely trivial. and, you know, i don't know how long i'm going to do this for. i'm not expecting pristine quality, but i'm maybe not requiring it just quite yet, either. i'm sure it'll be fine - or better than fine, really.
i've got plenty of rechargeable batteries, although i'll have to experiment with how much power the device uses. i'll have to figure out how much storage i'm going to need for an average ten hour adventure and get the right sized sd card, as well. i suspect my old 2 gb card for pictures is too small.
the actual reality is that this device was probably ten times the price ten years ago. this is how i operate with technology - i wait, i get the last gen when it's falling into obsolescence and then i actually use it to it's potential. i'm lucky enough to be living through the period where technology is plateauing, allowing for what is truly high end technology to sell for basically nothing, in order to drive the market. i actually probably fluked out on that.
should be here by friday.
i'm thinking about starting a vlog.
all the popular vlogs are families. it's great and everything, from a certain perspective, i guess. i think i have something a bit more unique to offer - single transgender canadian that is a total loner and is right on the us border and that is often on foot, heads to concerts, etc.
i guess a lot of it is going to be kind of trivial, but it's what a vlog is, right? a lot of it it's going to be me walking around by myself and talking into the mic.
i think there's some other upsides to it. i would be comfortable monetizing a vlog channel, for example - i won't monetize the music channel. it could maybe create exposure for the music, and possibly even income.
i'm sort of wishing i'd vlogged some of the more erratic moments of the last three or four years. hitch-hiking from ottawa to windsor, through toronto, would be great to have on tape; i tried to document it through writing, but it only gets you so far. and i'm sure i'll have more than a few more crazy moments.
in fact, i suspect halloween could be a bit of a ride, with deafhaven early and probably hitting a rave later. it's going to depend on the weather, though - i'm not floating around detroit all night if it's snowing.
all the popular vlogs are families. it's great and everything, from a certain perspective, i guess. i think i have something a bit more unique to offer - single transgender canadian that is a total loner and is right on the us border and that is often on foot, heads to concerts, etc.
i guess a lot of it is going to be kind of trivial, but it's what a vlog is, right? a lot of it it's going to be me walking around by myself and talking into the mic.
i think there's some other upsides to it. i would be comfortable monetizing a vlog channel, for example - i won't monetize the music channel. it could maybe create exposure for the music, and possibly even income.
i'm sort of wishing i'd vlogged some of the more erratic moments of the last three or four years. hitch-hiking from ottawa to windsor, through toronto, would be great to have on tape; i tried to document it through writing, but it only gets you so far. and i'm sure i'll have more than a few more crazy moments.
in fact, i suspect halloween could be a bit of a ride, with deafhaven early and probably hitting a rave later. it's going to depend on the weather, though - i'm not floating around detroit all night if it's snowing.
shifting to schizoid in the alter-reality
alter-reality update today.
this is the slot for the reinterpretation of this track from 1998. i had previously featured this in the demo space. so, i've already done my obligatory influentials and will not repost.
this will be up for at least a few weeks, probably a month. i'm still struggling with a lot of motivational problems in not being able to get my gear working. i haven't been doing much of anything for a month except sitting around totally depressed. i have motivational problems in the best of times; if i can't do what i want, i tend not to do anything at all. i'm not good at prioritizing or compromising. i tend to go in all the way or not at all. i've worked myself into a corner and don't really know what else to do besides wait it out and hope it's better. i have no serious further life goals, so i may consider suicide if i conclude the problem is irresolvable. and while i don't disagree that this would be foolish, i've never claimed to be anything other than a fool.
the point is that i think i'm expecting a mix to cut this feature period in half, but i have to finalize it first, and i can't do that until i'm certain that i'm getting a clean signal. but, i'm having a hard time motivating myself to do anything at all right now, so it's hard to see if that happens over the next month or not.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuYLWbu04vk
this is the slot for the reinterpretation of this track from 1998. i had previously featured this in the demo space. so, i've already done my obligatory influentials and will not repost.
this will be up for at least a few weeks, probably a month. i'm still struggling with a lot of motivational problems in not being able to get my gear working. i haven't been doing much of anything for a month except sitting around totally depressed. i have motivational problems in the best of times; if i can't do what i want, i tend not to do anything at all. i'm not good at prioritizing or compromising. i tend to go in all the way or not at all. i've worked myself into a corner and don't really know what else to do besides wait it out and hope it's better. i have no serious further life goals, so i may consider suicide if i conclude the problem is irresolvable. and while i don't disagree that this would be foolish, i've never claimed to be anything other than a fool.
the point is that i think i'm expecting a mix to cut this feature period in half, but i have to finalize it first, and i can't do that until i'm certain that i'm getting a clean signal. but, i'm having a hard time motivating myself to do anything at all right now, so it's hard to see if that happens over the next month or not.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuYLWbu04vk
Friday, October 16, 2015
i've been over this before. they expect me to show up dressed like a prostitute. and i think a part of it may be trying to get them to understand that i'm 35 years old. i don't look it. i get that. but the truth is that i'm old, and i dress like i'm old, which is to be expected. i don't have any patience with this "35 is the new 25" stuff, and this refusal to grow up. i don't want to be 25. i'm happy to be out of that headspace. i don't want to walk into a doctor's office and be analyzed like a piece of meat.
it's dehumanizing.
these doctors - they're creepy old men. i'd mostly rather they didn't touch me at all, kind of thing. to have them evaluate your gender based on whether they find you attractive is - there's something wrong with this. it's like, "i'm wearing a sweater because i don't want your creepy ass ogling me, you sonofabitch.".
they honestly seem to expect me to walk in in fishnets and heels and laugh provocatively when they speak. it's really disgusting.
it's this base archetype of patriarchally enforced "femininity" that they want reflected back at them.
i had one ask "what are you, some kind of lesbian?".
like as though that might disqualify me, if it were true. (i'm asexual. just no interest in sex.)
i had another frown and clearly write me off when i claimed i was a feminist. as though transwomen being feminists is some kind of contradiction, and disqualifying.
it's 2015, guys. i know you're in your 60s. but, you could try to keep up just a little.
it's dehumanizing.
these doctors - they're creepy old men. i'd mostly rather they didn't touch me at all, kind of thing. to have them evaluate your gender based on whether they find you attractive is - there's something wrong with this. it's like, "i'm wearing a sweater because i don't want your creepy ass ogling me, you sonofabitch.".
they honestly seem to expect me to walk in in fishnets and heels and laugh provocatively when they speak. it's really disgusting.
it's this base archetype of patriarchally enforced "femininity" that they want reflected back at them.
i had one ask "what are you, some kind of lesbian?".
like as though that might disqualify me, if it were true. (i'm asexual. just no interest in sex.)
i had another frown and clearly write me off when i claimed i was a feminist. as though transwomen being feminists is some kind of contradiction, and disqualifying.
it's 2015, guys. i know you're in your 60s. but, you could try to keep up just a little.
that week just zoomed by...
i've had some running around to do with doctors. again. they're such assholes. and often surprisingly averse to evidence-based reasoning, in favour of rigidity to strict protocol. you'd think you're dealing with the military half the time...
they've got me in this ridiculous loop. the same people that just rediagnosed me with gender dysphoria want me to go through a training program in toronto for people that have yet been diagnosed. this is ridiculous; i could be teaching the program. but, i'd do it if it's a day program and there's an easy end to it. but, it's a months long program with a year long waiting list. and, here's the bizarre part: there's an open letter on their web page requesting that doctors do not send people through this program and just assign hormones themselves.
so, they won't represcribe until they send me through a program that is telling them to go ahead and prescribe already. it's just rigidity to a set of protocols, oblivious of anything resembling independent thought or adherence to logic.
you can imagine a far side cartoon at a school for the gifted with a star on the floor beside a christmas tree and a child frowning - because there's no instruction manual.
so, i'm calling more doctors. and more doctors. until i can find one with some common fucking sense. surely, it's inevitable, right?
i mean, it's not an option to go off hormones. i can't detransition. i'm already done. i'd sooner kill myself than put myself in that kind of state. and, if i do, it will be in their front office.
i've got some things done, though, and am ready to sit down for a few days.
i'm going to take a shower this afternoon and should hopefully get some more troubleshooting in tonight.
i've had some running around to do with doctors. again. they're such assholes. and often surprisingly averse to evidence-based reasoning, in favour of rigidity to strict protocol. you'd think you're dealing with the military half the time...
they've got me in this ridiculous loop. the same people that just rediagnosed me with gender dysphoria want me to go through a training program in toronto for people that have yet been diagnosed. this is ridiculous; i could be teaching the program. but, i'd do it if it's a day program and there's an easy end to it. but, it's a months long program with a year long waiting list. and, here's the bizarre part: there's an open letter on their web page requesting that doctors do not send people through this program and just assign hormones themselves.
so, they won't represcribe until they send me through a program that is telling them to go ahead and prescribe already. it's just rigidity to a set of protocols, oblivious of anything resembling independent thought or adherence to logic.
you can imagine a far side cartoon at a school for the gifted with a star on the floor beside a christmas tree and a child frowning - because there's no instruction manual.
so, i'm calling more doctors. and more doctors. until i can find one with some common fucking sense. surely, it's inevitable, right?
i mean, it's not an option to go off hormones. i can't detransition. i'm already done. i'd sooner kill myself than put myself in that kind of state. and, if i do, it will be in their front office.
i've got some things done, though, and am ready to sit down for a few days.
i'm going to take a shower this afternoon and should hopefully get some more troubleshooting in tonight.
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