this is a review of the debussy/ravel concert at the dso on feb 16, 2020.

when i saw la mer come up, i knew i'd be prioritizing it fairly heavily, even amidst the cold detroit winter. as it is, this day almost didn't happen - and then turned into somewhat of a catastrophe, in the end.

the dso usually does three performances of each show over the course of a weekend, sometimes starting as early as thursday but usually ending on sunday. i was hoping to make a night out of it by catching the symphony early and hitting something afterwards. initially, it seemed as though the saturday presented the best opportunity, as i would have been able to hit a local act called paint thinner after the set. i've had lukewarm reviews of the disc, but i would still like to see them live to produce a final analysis. unfortunately, paint thinner was replaced at the last minute by something that was much less interesting to me, a local punk band that i think is more or less terrible, and i ended up deciding to take advantage of a turn in the weather to hit the show on a sunny sunday afternoon instead of on a blustery saturday night. you can check out paint thinner's bandcamp site, but i suspect they're probably better live:

https://paint-thinner.com/

unfortunately, this meant i had no after show plans.

did i sleep before i went? well enough - i got a few hours, although i wonder how much i'd slept in the weeks leading up to it. i'd been complaining about strange odours from upstairs for weeks, and i'd been dealing with migraines over the previous few months, as well as complaining about feeling like i'd been drugged against my will. i was clearly dealing with some kind of environmental issue. i can, however, clarify that i was in bed after 3:00 and up around 10:00, a sufficient amount of sleep for most applications.

i made a decision to myself - i'd go to the show if i could finish the liner note package for inri022, which i got done at around 11:00. was that enough time to get to the show for 15:00? i decided i needed to get out of the house and i'd might as well try. i'd need to catch the 14:00 bus....

i was able to get out of the house just before 14:00. barely. could i catch the 14:30 bus and just make it?

moments before i left, i opened a fresh 710 ml bottle of mountain dew (for the caffeine content) and took a couple of shots of vodka, which is my normal predrink on the way out. i hit the bank machine, got some bus tickets, just caught the 14:30 bus and was in detroit around 14:45 - on track to make it worthwhile, but clearly going to miss the first set. so, i got a mike's and a pack of smokes (it's the latter i regret.) at the 7/11 and walked down to the dso to catch the performance of la mer.

i was there about 15:05, got a corona at the bar (hold the virus.) and had to catch the stravinsky set from outside, something that did not bother me much. stravinsky is something that influenced a number of artists that i deeply respect and enjoy, so i don't want to suggest that i don't realize his historical importance, even as i find a lot of the claims about the political significance of his work to be borderline comical. but, i find his work to be ugly, disjointed, obtuse, crass and broadly not very enjoyable to listen to. you're allowed to disagree with me, but i don't find this compelling. at all.

i didn't skip it on purpose, i was just late due to kind of wavering on going at all. but, i don't expect that i would have enjoyed it much. sorry.

the first piece i caught was by ravel, which seemed a little less aimless than normal. this is a lush piece, which makes it more up my alley than the wanton, aimless dissonance of stravinsky. there's a march that kicks in about halfway through that is particularly satisfying when it does. note that "ring around the roses", which is referenced shortly after the march, is actually about the plague. while i've previously criticized it for being a little bit indulgent near the end, it didn't feel that way on this day, for some reason. so, i enjoyed this, even if it wasn't the reason i showed up there on this day.

i went out for a few smokes after that, and ended up grabbing a heineken on the way back.

the first piece after the break was by poulenc, a composer i'm not familiar with, and it just kind of struck me as debussy-light. that's not to say it was awful. really, the thing about this piece is that i'm finding that i don't have much of any reaction to it at all, still. hey, i tried. it happens, sometimes.

i missed the introductory talk so i'm not going to post it here, but it is up at the dso's youtube site and the person they had come out to do it mentioned that poulenc is generally seen as being "lightweight". so, i'm perhaps not falling too far from orthodoxy in my lack of reaction to this piece, actually.

and, then there is la mer, which is one of the most widely analyzed and most important pieces in the history of western civilization, and i will reiterate that i'm not certain i have much to say about this that is important or hasn't been said; i could paraphrase some musicologist, but what's the point? you'd might as well just go to the source.

but, you should probably start by listening to it:

after the show, i had $4.00 left of the $40.00 that i brought with me and most of a pack of cigarettes, which i wanted to get rid of before i made my way home. so, i found myself walking vaguely towards the tunnel, looking for a spot to finish a beer at on my home back to canada. i think i was intending to get something at deluxx fluxx, but they weren't open yet, so i stopped at the skip instead and got a tall hamm's to sip on for a bit, as i worked through that pack of smokes that i wish i hadn't bought. i'm kind of looking around the bar for somewhere to sit...

wow man...you know, i really thought you were a girl, at first.

i decided to sit down and have a chat.

"you know, there's scenarios where gendering somebody isn't appropriate. i don't want to police your speech. but, i'd ask you to think about that in the future. you can see how i identify, clearly. so, was that necessary? what's the point? why do it?"

he seemed to react as though he'd been scolded by his mother, and it wasn't fair, because he really didn't do anything wrong.

bro, listen, i actually really did think you were a girl. seriously.

"you're still gendering me masculinely, even as you acknowledge interpreting me femininely. why?"

(his girlfriend fidgets)

it's what you are, bro.

"listen, like i say, i'm not here to police your language. you're going to say what you're going to say. i can and will react with my feet. i'd just ask you to think about it before you do it, because your oppression here is unnecessary and could be ended with a little bit of self-reflection. if it's not necessary to gender somebody, maybe you should refrain from doing it." 

whatever...bro.

"indeed. whatever..." 

i moved to the other side of the bar and left a few minutes later to catch the bus.

when i got over the border, i found myself with too many cigarettes to want to go home and enough money left for two drinks, so i stopped up the strip in windsor that i stop at and noticed somebody smoking a joint outside villain's. it's 19:20, tops. he passes me his joint, and i got to ranting a little about the symphony, i'm really very chatty in general at this point due to the pot, before i found my way back in and ordered a james ready, which is the cheapest beer available at this bar. 

i have about ten smokes left, and i'm really just passing the time until i get through most of them and am ready to get home. i figure i won't be there late.

i look around the bar, and it's pretty empty. there's the guy that smoked me, on the other side of the physical bar, and two dark skinned males sitting directly in front of me, speaking an african language. so, i found myself sitting quietly, sipping my beer, and i'm wondering - what language is that?

when one of the africans goes away from the bar, i got to chatting up the other one as to what language he's speaking. he vaguely states that it's east african, but i want something more specific than that. it's not semitic, not nilotic, and as i ask him more and more questions, trying to narrow down the area (so, it's a great lakes language?), he becomes more and more impressed with my knowledge of east african geography. i guess he doesn't meet a lot of white people that know that much about east africa, which is when i have to explain to him that i suspect i have african lineage, potentially from madagascar - but that i have a pretty good understanding of the correct geographic spread of the various indigenous african language groups from when i did a human origins project in the early-mid 00s, which had me sorting through all kinds of genetics, linguistics, biology...

he then decides he will buy me a beer, and motions to the bartender, who pauses. am i sure about that?

"well, i'm going to finish the one i've got, first. after."

and, the one i had had about 75% to go, still. she wasn't wrong to pause.

i went in and out for a few cigarettes, and when i did i left my beer on the side, but i'd say it was at least an hour before i asked for a second beer, which was indeed purchased by the person offering to purchase it. at the time, i thought nothing of this.

she asked me a second time if i was sure and i drew attention to how slowly i was drinking; she seemed to agree with my argument and handed me the second beer. if anything, i would have argued that i felt more sober when i bought the second beer than when i bought the first, because i was drinking so slowly....i would have described myself as sobering up, rather than getting more drunk.

i left my drink out several more times as i went out to finish a few more smokes, and found myself talking about such topics as exes having children with friends and how bruce lee died on set...and, then i found myself in the position i expected to eventually be in - done my second beer and without any more smokes. i did, however, have enough cash on me for a third drink and decided i'd might as well get another one before i left, although i was considering maybe seeing what was happening at phog, as i realized there may be a band there. i legitimately did not feel drunk at all at this point.

so, i went outside to see if i could bum a smoke before i ordered a third beer, and there's some kids smoking a joint around the corner. i pulled out my canned line for such situations -

"you know, i was going to ask to bum a smoke, but...."

....and, i was then handed a cigarette and the joint. i guess i'm cute or something, i don't know. trans privilege? it came with a warning though - it was strong.

and we got to talking, and they kept passing it to me. and, then they didn't want any more. so, i smoked a lot of this joint, of which i was warned was quite strong.

when i came back in after that second joint, i was no doubt quite visibly stoned, and i consequently didn't react negatively when i was denied access to a third drink. i decided instantly in my mind that, yes, i could wait to come down a little off the pot, or maybe i'd just leave and go home. so, we agreed i'd come back in a bit, although i was pretty much planning on leaving. what's next, then?

i intended to go to an empty spot of the bar and sit down and think it through, but looked up before i got there and noticed there was somebody setting up near the stage. was there somebody playing there? so i walked toward the stage and asked her if there was a band playing.

"karaoke".

of course. and, i believe that would put the time close to 22:00.

i then sat down in that empty spot for a second to think it through. did i want to stay there for a few minutes? get some change from the machine to bum smokes? buy smokes? how much cash did i have in the bank? should i go to phog?

i'm told that the next thing that happened is that i fell off the stool, but i don't remember that happening. what i remember is sitting in a different seat not far from where i sat down temporarily, and being unable to move while a woman that i don't recognize (she wasn't the bartender) hovered over me, forcing me to drink orange juice, and telling me that i look lovely - i remember her making that trip several times, and essentially being unable to do anything. i'm not sure if the orange juice helped or hindered; i know that i could not move. at all. if you had helped me up, i would have fallen down. i also distinctly recall not responding to questions, although i'm not sure if i'd have been able to or not.

eventually the woman that i don't recognize came back one last time (this was maybe the fifth time) and told me that she was going to call the police because she was worried that i was going to get raped. i remember her telling me that, and under normal circumstances that would have cleared me out pretty quickly, but i couldn't move. i had to sit there and wait.

whether it was due to the imminent threat the police posed when they arrived or due to the effects of whatever had knocked me out easing up, i was able to get up when the cops got there, but they wouldn't let me walk home. i argued the point as strongly as i could, to what was really no avail. i had no cash for a cab, i insisted (technically false). i had nobody to call (that was true, at least). i insisted i'd be fine if i just walked, and i even tried to run off, but they were having none of it. one of the bartenders had to drive me home, instead, and they got me close enough that it was a short walk back.

she couldn't believe i was 39 years old.

"you don't look it."

but, i am...

when i got inside, i was so exhausted that i couldn't even make it to bed, at first; i passed out at the bottom of the stairs for hours, before eventually crawling into bed. so, i don't know what time i got into the car at and i don't know what time i got home at, either. i wasn't able to check the time until about 7:00 am - meaning that, excluding the time it took to get me out of the bar and home, i was passed out nearly cold for roughly nine hours.

so, what happened? did i pass out from the alcohol?

well, this is what i had to drink:

- two shots of vodka in my montain dew, 1:45-2:35.

- one tall mike's hard, 2:45-3:20

- one corona, 3:20-4:00

- one heineken, 4:00-5:00

- one tall hamm's, 6:00-7:00

- two james ready, 7:30-10-ish

on an average day, this would barely be enough to get me drunk. further, let's note the type of alcohol that i was drinking - beer since after 15:00.

i suppose it's not impossible that it was the alcohol, but i'd suggest that that doesn't add up - i'm not likely to pass out for nine hours after drinking a few beers on a sunday afternoon.

is it possible that it was the marijuana, rather than the alcohol?

those that have been following this blog, or have met me in detroit, are well aware of the fact that i can sometimes experience something akin to a panic attack as a result of marijuana. after smoking pot, i have had a handful of seizure-like events that have resulted in me needing to sit down for a few minutes, or even in me temporarily losing consciousness. i suspect that i'm experiencing sudden drops in blood pressure, but i don't actually understand this - i just know it happens.

these events, however, are brief - minutes or seconds long. further, i'm good to go for the rest of the night, afterwards. they don't leave me unable to move for extended periods of time like i was on this night.

as i have a history of panic attack type green-outs, and i had just smoked a lot of marijuana before i passed out, i initially put the pieces together. it must have been the pot, obviously; i've been through this before, i was fine. i consequently got rather frustrated by the turn of events, because i know i green out, and i know i'm fine after. upon some reflection, however, that actually doesn't add up very well, either - i wasn't immediately aware of how zonked out i actually was, but piecing it together as best i can indicates the low likelihood of marijuana being the culprit.

i've held off on writing this review because i wanted to get more information about time frames in order to be absolutely certain, and i haven't been able to receive any of it quite yet. i'm going ahead with this now because this bar is....depending on how long the covid-19 fiasco goes on for, this is a bar that may not reopen at all. i may never get the answer i want.

however, i've thought it through carefully enough to rule out both alcohol and marijuana due to just how passed out i really was - nine hours! no green out is nine hours, and i'd need to be chugging a 40 of vodka to get that kind of reaction from alcohol.

regardless - how long was i out for? what time did the police show up at? what time did i get in the car at? when did i get home? these are the questions i need some help in understanding the answers to.

you have to understand that i was rather confused, and i wasn't really paying attention, but i do suspect that the bar was closed when the police showed up. i don't remember there being people around. i don't remember karoake being on. this would indicate the police probably arrived around or after 2:00 - and that, if i passed out around 22:00, that i was unable to move for around four hours.

having ruled out alcohol and marijuana, what would do that to a person?

(1) what exactly did i smoke? i was told it was "strong marijuana". i have no idea. i know i smoked a fair bit of it.
(2) you'll recall that somebody bought me a drink, and i left that drink out a few times, perhaps foolishly. the woman that was hovering over me told me she thought i was going to get raped - is that because she had concluded i'd been drugged?
(3) i have no history of diabetes, but that doesn't necessarily mean much. i get tested yearly. i'll be tested next in the first week of may.
(4) could i have had a stroke or heart attack? i have very low blood pressure. but, i'd just smoked a pack of cigarettes quite quickly, after having barely smoked at all for two months. some kind of attack due to low blood pressure is more likely than one due to high blood pressure, but something cardio-vascular related is not impossible.

i was able to get some nachos in the morning with the five dollar bill that never made it's way to a third drink.

but, what i wanted to point out before the machine crashed was that i'm not planning on doing a review for the debussy show just right now, as there's still some open thoughts revolving around what happened.

it's hard to write a review about something, when you're not entirely certain what happened. i think i'm feeling good enough to make it to man or astroman tomorrow.

so, that was the last one for 2013.

there's another handful of releases i want to get out there for jan, 2014 before i pivot. i'm not done yet....one more month....

i'm going to need to file some things for 2013 locally, first. and, i'm also going to want to create some seeds and otherwise distribute the material for the end of 2013 into the next batch of release notes.

but, if i'm lucky, i can get something for january up by the end of the weekend, i think.

i might sneak out on sunday, but i'm actually planning mostly for monday.

inri023 updated and tested

this is tested and working on the chromebook and on firefox on the windows 7 box.

what's in there, now?

- the 8 songs on the record
- cover.jpg & a jpg of the backsheet for cd-r printing (the insert for the spine)
- a playlist.m3u file stored as raw text
- a 72 page doc file of liner notes over the fall of 2013
- a 72 page pdf file (same)
- an instructions file
- inri023.html.7z.txt is a 1 mb document that must be renamed and unzipped and contains an html version of the liner note package, including an html5 player that can load the purchased audio in the browser.

the full download, in flac, is 155 mb.

there will be further updates to the liner notes as i run through the alter-reality, and as i run through the remastering period that took place over 2015-2016. but, this is likely the last major revision to this collection of glitch remixes from 1998, which is nearing a point of final completion.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inrimixed

it's time to stop to eat and shower.

soon.

first liner note release for inri023

when i sat down in late 2013, my intent was just to collect all of the tracks that were leftover. however, it became apparent quickly that i had a pile of these weird, glitchy remixes that i meant to do something with, but just never did anything with. they seemed to form an idea of their own, so i split them off into this inrimixed ep.

i feel that this decision was a good one, and that this collection has now become an important part of the discography - so much so that i am adding some tracks to it that were initially overlooked and then promoting it to 'remix lp'.

i need to be clear that this is a remix lp full of damaged, glitchy mixes. these tracks were left unscathed by the great remastering of 2013-2016. many of them are sourced from 112 kbps mp3 files, or worse. some are sourced from mono. i'm presenting the artifacts in the compression as a part of the glitch aesthetic. but, these are truly sad excuses for waveforms.

example: the cover art is actually the waveform for track 2; similarities to the mirror reflection of the cover of any seminal eponymous records from the late 60s are purely coincidental. waveforms like that do not bear any resemblance to any physical reality whatsoever. they fail, as waveforms. yet, these are the waveforms we have before us, and these are the sounds that such absurd waveforms make.

i suppose that the reason i have all of these glitchy mixes from the period is that i was planning on making a glitch lp. it's not that i specifically recall that as being wrong, so much as it is that my memories of it being right are not of clear strength. i sort of remember wanting to make a glitch record. the evidence exists that i wanted to make a glitch record. now i have the glitch record that it seems like i always wanted to make. at the least, my current self very much likes the idea that i released a glitch record in 1999.

constructed over 1998. compiled and remastered in late 2013. released dec 27, 2013. the first two tracks were corrected to stereo in sept, 2014. the last two tracks were added for re-release as a remix lp in dec, 2016. re-released & finalized as lp003 on dec 17, 2016. first liner note release added on feb 20, 2020. as always, please use headphones.

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1998, 2013-2020). as of feb 20, 2020, the release includes a 72 page booklet in doc, pdf & html, with an html5 audio frontend, that includes journal entries from the remastering process over sept-dec, 2013.

credits

released January 28, 1999

j - guitars, effects, bass, synthesizers, piano, drum programming, sequencing, vocals, cool edit synthesis, noise generators, found sounds, sampling, loops, sound design, digital wave editing, digital effects processing, noise reduction, a broken tape deck, production.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inrimixed

so, i have a tentative 72 page document done for inri023, but i appear to have flubbed the process the first time around (this is an lp, like inri015 or inri021, but i treated it like an ep, like inri022. i have to reverse that.) and will need to go through it very carefully to make sure i haven't missed anything.

unlike the last three updates, inri023 only has one html5 frontend in the package and will not include discarded remasters. that's something that was sort of unique to those specific recordings.

in fact, the html5 part of this should be pretty quick, i just have to actually get it done.

i think i'm going to take a nap just right now, though. i hope it's short...

inri022 updated and tested

this is tested and working on the chromebook and on firefox on the windows 7 box.

what's in there, now?

- the 10 songs on the record
- cover.jpg. this release is download only, because these tracks are thoroughly rejected.
- a playlist.m3u file stored as raw text
- a 23 page doc file of liner notes over the fall of 2013
- a 23 page pdf file (same)
- an instructions file
- inri022.html.7z.txt is a 50 mb document that must be renamed and unzipped and contains (1) an html version of the liner note package, including an html5 player that can load the purchased audio in the browser and (2) deleted masters of the record from 2013, in standalone 320 kbps mp3 and embedded into the html file.

the full download, in flac, is 304 mb.

there will be further updates to the liner notes as i run through the alter-reality, and as i run through the remastering period that took place over 2015-2016. but, this is likely the last major revision to this period 1.2 outtakes collection, which is nearing a point of final completion.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inrijected

it's time to stop to eat and shower.

so, i crashed this morning during testing. i'm up now and have finished testing the windows box. it won't be long before i'm done here and i should have a post up soon.

i'm still planning on getting to the dso, but it depends on timeframes. i might miss it. it's streaming...

the landlord/main-cop is back and the stinky cop seems to be gone. can i make a request to the force, which i know is reading this, to keep that gross, smelly cop away from here? surely, you can find a cop to stake me out that i can't smell from a distance of 100 yards?

very soon, and then i'll get back to inri023 when i get back, if i go.

it's done.

final testing.

soon.

there's one more after this...

this one is much shorter, and it will be done quite shortly. soon.

first liner note release for inri022

this is a collection of rejected tracks from the inri/inriched period. it's just chronologically sequenced. download only.

recorded over 1998. compiled and remastered in late 2013. released dec 27, 2013. corrected to normalize for stereo in september, 2014. expanded incrementally between dec, 2014 and dec, 2016. merged with inricycled b and then finalized and re-released on december 16, 2016. first liner note release added on feb 15, 2020, to include the initial 2013 release in 192 kbps mp3 only. as always, please use headphones.

this release will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1996-1999, 2013-2020). as of feb 15, 2020, the release includes a 23 page booklet in doc, pdf & html, with an html5 audio frontend, that includes journal entries from the remastering process over sept-dec, 2013, as well as the initial 2013 release in 192 kbps mp3 only.

credits

released January 27, 1999

j - guitars, effects, bass, bass synth, synthesizers, vocoders, octavers, drum programming, sequencers, noise generators, sound design, vocals, found sounds, cool edit synthesis, digital wave editing, loops, windows 95 sound recorder, sampling, production.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inrijected

inri021 updated and tested

this is tested and working on the chromebook and on firefox on the windows 7 box.

what's in there, now?

- the 17 songs on the record
- cover.jpg & a jpg of the backsheet for cd-r printing (the insert for the spine)
- a playlist.m3u file stored as raw text
- a 126 page doc file of liner notes over the fall of 2013
- a 126 page pdf file (same)
- an instructions file
- inri021.html.7z.txt is a 175 mb document that must be renamed and unzipped and contains (1) an html version of the liner note package, including an html5 player that can load the purchased audio in the browser and (2) deleted masters of the record from 1999 and 2013, in standalone 192 kbps mp3 and embedded into the html file.

the full download, in flac, is 570 mb.

there will be further updates to the liner notes as i run through the alter-reality, and as i run through the remastering period that took place over 2015-2016. but, this is likely the last major revision to my second record, which is nearing a point of final completion.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inriched

it's time to stop to eat and shower.

i'm done testing on windows.

the chromebook testing should be relatively quick. soon....

ok, so i've finally got those typos i told you about on tuesday afternoon updated.

- i removed a "/p>" from the html frontend for inri002 and inri015.
- i removed an extra "</p>" from the html frontend for inri015.
- i unscratched out a track from the html frontend for inri015.

that's it. but, it means reuploading the 7z.txt package and redownloading the end point in flac for archiving.

inri002:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inricycled

inri015:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-3

the (hopefully) final update (for now) for inri021 should be up soon, i hope.

and, i may have to make some pasta in the wee hours of the morning because it's -30 out for the first and hopefully last time this year.

alright, i'm back up.

let's hope i can get this done before the debussy show.

so, after too much sleeping and too many distractions, i am actually finally done typesetting the html frontend for inri021, which is very similar to the one for inri015.

in the process, i found a couple of typos for inri002 & inri015 that i'll need to correct. these are just literally typos and they won't take long to fix but i have to do it.

and, then i have to take one last run over inri021, including doing proper testing to make sure it actually works. but, i'm at the very end of this. 

there are two more: inri023 (inrimixed) and inri022 (inrijected). and, then it's on to january, 2014.

but, i need to stop to get the recycle out because i've missed the last few, and i'm going to take the opportunity to eat and shower.

this idea that you know exactly who or what you are when you're like three years old is....

i think it's bullshit.

and, i think a lot of trans people are just telling doctors what they want to hear.

this whole thing is fluid, and people can and do change in either direction.

what i say is that i realized i was more like a girl very young, but, i don't pretend i had some kind of early childhood schizophrenia or something. i was a nerdy, bookish kid. i understood which genitalia i had, and wasn't confused by it.

so, i didn't go through this process that trans kids are supposed to go through, where you refuse to accept your birth gender. frankly, i think the literature is kind of lacking, and probably mostly bullshit. but, you have to feed the doctors a certain line to get prescribed, so you end up with a lot of bullshit in the case studies.

i'm willing to be honest in stating that i resigned myself to what existed, and internalized it. i didn't think i was a "girl trapped in a boy's body". rather, i just realized i had more in common with the girls than the boys, and then accepted myself as an effeminate boy and left it at that.

so, there are these songs - confused, screwed up - that were written and recorded when i was roughly 14-17 and are explicitly about gender identity, but they take this perspective of existential angst and dour resignation about it. i didn't think i could actually do anything about it. maybe i wished i was a girl, but i also wished i was rich, and wished i lived in a warmer climate and ... and these are just things one deals with, as reality is that you don't get everything you wish for, in life. and, i thought i could deal with it. maybe i even thought i'd grow out of it.

all i really was sure of at that age was that i wasn't really attracted to girls very much, and that i liked to spend a lot of time by myself.

i was 20 years old when i finally decided i had to deal with it somehow and took steps to transition by contacting a psychologist through the networks at school. i started taking hormones at 21.

i was basically completely emotionally stunted at this point, as i'd never had any kind of meaningful relationship with anybody, romantic or platonic. the best way to describe me is as suffering from extreme arrested development - i never went through the emotional development that most people experience during puberty. i had the sexual, emotional and romantic maturity of a 12 year old girl.

and, that lack of emotional maturity put me through a rough couple of years that dramatically altered the course of my life.

in the end, i decided on a solitary existence. and, i'm not particularly unhappy, i don't think.

but, don't misinterpret these songs - i had absolutely no sex life, and they just aren't about sex, and shouldn't be interpreted as though they are.

we all write about the things that are relevant to us in our lives.

and, sex and romance and relationships have broadly not been relevant ideas to me in my life.

actually, the truth is that the closest thing i had to any kind of sexual or romantic encounters until i was in my early 20s was a series of avoidance attempts.

i didn't tell anybody i knew in real life; i went to a catholic school, and if there was a group of gay kids, i never figured out who they were. i think there was maybe one kid that was openly gay, but he was also....he didn't take very good care of himself.

if you talked to the people i communicated with online during high school, and these were mostly older people that i knew through mailing lists for bands, people that were university aged or older, they would have told you i identified as a homosexual male, which in itself wasn't even quite right, but was what i was sort of resigning myself to at about the age of 16 or so.

so, i was actually the kid that identified as gay and didn't want to tell anybody, which meant i found myself constantly avoiding the girls around me, who interpreted me as a straight, single boy. i just didn't want to deal with it.

the point of this post is to explain why my songs have nothing to do with the kinds of things that kids usually write songs about. there are some songs that are explicitly about identity, but i've never written a song about love or romance or sex from any perspective at all because these simply weren't things that were relevant to me. i had precisely zero girlfriends or boyfriends in high school; i wasn't even interested in the premise. i was a virgin until my third year of university. i hadn't even experienced a first kiss until i was 21.

so, these songs broadly have absolutely nothing to do with sex or sexuality in any way at all, whatsoever, for the simple reason that i had absolutely no interest in sex or sexuality in any way at all, whatsoever - and broadly still don't. my gender identity is transfemale, but my orientation is asexual. i haven't had consensual intercourse in almost 15 years, and don't feel i'm missing out on much of anything.

what the songs are about are personal struggles with identity, social and political commentaries about things like war or religion and other literary or philosophical topics.

i would never be caught dead writing a song about love or sex.

first liner note release for inri021

the second record was always a...second record. see, the phenomenon of the underperforming second record is actually well-established. i just think it's worth thinking about what a second record actually is, in order to understand this.

a second record is necessarily the tracks that did not make it on to the first record.

i actually tried to resist this, but i was swayed by the argument (with myself) that the tracks would otherwise be lost because i was shifting in a direction away from the electro-grunge sound, and i would eventually go back and compile them anyways. i had enough raw sound for a full record, so i released a full record.

something that is common of second records is that they are uneven because the tracks are recorded at differing levels of attention. demos that were forgotten tend to get promoted without cause, while the tracks that show evidence of attention tend to seem overproduced, in comparison. in recompleting this record, i've paid attention to the uneven nature that the tracks initially existed in and taken an effort to close the gap where it was needed.

i've also removed two tracks from the initial recording due to a combination of technical and artistic incompatibilities.

while most of these songs have defined concepts underlying them, i have ejected these concepts from the final recording and left them in a series of singles, or behind altogether. i would prefer that this album be understood solely as the instrumental recording of electronic music that i am presenting it as.

written and demoed in multiple stages from 1993-1999. initially constructed in this form in feb, 1999. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reconstructed and resequenced over november and december, 2016 from parts that were rebuilt over 2013-2016. re-released & finalized on dec 15, 2016. first liner note release added on feb 9, 2020 to also include the deleted masters from 1999 and 2013 in 192 kbps mp3 only. this is my second official record; as always, please use headphones.

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1996-1999, 2013-2020). as of feb 9, 2020, the release includes a 126 page booklet in doc, pdf & html, with an html5 audio frontend, that includes journal entries from the remastering process over sept-dec, 2013, as well as the deleted masters from 1999 and 2013 in 192 kbps mp3 only.

credits

released January 25, 1999

j - guitar, effects, bass, bass synth, synthesizers, piano, octavers, drum programming, sequencing, found sound (paper crumpling), noise generators, sound design, cool edit synthesis, light-wave synthesis, windows 95 sound recorder, sampling, mic noises, digital wave editing, loops, a broken tape deck, chance, production.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inriched

so, it only ended up 126 pages because i removed a couple of images to be consistent with inri015.

and, it will be posted shortly.

so, the doc file for inri021 is done. it's 128 pages, and 90 of them are overlap with inri015, so the html frontend for this should be much quicker.

i just need to do a quality control check, and then the first liner note release of my second record will be up within an hour or two.

so, i've got inri015 filed away locally, now.

i'm going to make some pasta and watch last night's debate.

and, then, if i'm lucky, i might get the first part of inri021 up before midnight.

beethoven wrote 9 symphonies, one opera, five piano concertos and a number of smaller works.

i essentially have 9 proper records completed, with about as many symphonies (which overlap with the records) and a number of smaller works.

i make it clear at every opportunity that i am approaching this as something that will exist historically, that will outlive me and that will be listened to many years into the future.

so, when i speak of revising my records, and documenting doing so, it is with an eye to the future.

inri015 updated and tested

this is tested and working on the chromebook and on firefox on the windows 7 box.

what's in there, now?

- the 19 songs on the record

- cover.jpg & a jpg of the backsheet for cd-r printing (the insert for the spine)

- a playlist.m3u file stored as raw text
- inertia.mp4

- a 125 page doc file of liner notes over the fall of 2013

- a 125 page pdf file (same)

- an instructions file

- inri015.html.7z.txt is a 200 mb document that must be renamed and unzipped and contains (1) an html version of the liner note package, including an html5 player that can load the purchased audio & video in the browser and (2) deleted masters of the record from 1998 and 2013, in standalone 192 kbps mp3 and embedded into the html file.

the full download, in flac, is 626 mb.

there will be further updates to the liner notes as i run through the alter-reality, and as i run through the remastering period that took place over 2015-2016. but, this is likely the last major revision to my first record, which is nearing a point of final completion.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-3

it's time to stop to eat and shower.

so, the frontend is finished. everything is slower than i want it to be, but i could still conceivably get done inri021 by the end of the weekend. finishing inri015 actually gets me through the bulk of the work of inri021...

i had to fast forward a little to jan, 2016 to get the actual release data in, which means these releases will come packaged with three versions and three subsequent front-ends. they're about 125 pages, each. so, these are major release updates for the first two official records.

i need to dot some is before i upload this, including doing a good testing, but it's coming. soon.

i had to sleep. it wasn't a choice.

it's almost done. soon.

so, this liner note release is actually going to have two discarded versions of the record attached to it, from 2013 and also from 1998. i had to take them down to 192 khz to get the package under 300 mb. remember: these are deleted masters, so this is material i've deleted from my discography. it's here for historical reasons, and it's buried in the download on purpose, but i feel it's necessary to include it - in one file format, in relatively low quality. if you want these deleted items in high quality flac, you'll have to get the aleph discs. even accessing these 192 khz mp3 files requires purchasing and downloading the item, and unzipping an html package. the files are there, but it's meant to be streamed via the html frontend.

that means i have two player controls in this package. i'm done the first one. the second should be minor tweaks on the first, and then it's just typesetting the rest of it. so, it should be done relatively soon.

as the purpose of this is for the files to interact with the front-end, the way i'm going to do this is to drop a folder of mp3s inside of the existing html folder.

so, you'll get a file called inri015.html.7z.txt in the download. you'll need to rename it to remove the txt. when you extract it, it will create a folder called inri015.html, inside of which will be an html frontend, a lot of pictures and a new folder called "2013" which will contain 320 kbps mp3s of the discarded 2013 masters, for integration with the apparent html frontend.

got it?

i'll need to do something similar for inri021 and, in the long run, for the other recordings that have discarded mixes like this, including inri000 and inri001.

let me actually do it, now.

i'm most of the way through the frontend for inri015 and we're going to keep going because it's a friday and, with any luck, i can be done with this by sunrise on monday.

these html5 frontends will eventually end up in the aleph discs, where they will crossreference to all of the outtakes. right now, the liner notes are only interacting with the files in the download, and presenting external links to files that aren't. inri015 and inri021 present somewhat of a challenge for this model, because the files uploaded in 2013, where these updates exist in chronological time, have actually been replaced. so, the frontend should actually be interacting with files that aren't there.

and, i'm wondering if i need to bring the files back in.

for inri000 & inri001, the files are 2013 remasters of tracks from 1996 and 1997. for inri002, it's a new 2013 reconstruction of shorts of that remastered material. inri003 & inri029 are new eps of unaltered material from early 1997. inri016, inri027 & inri028 are revisionist singles dated to 2013 of material from 1998-1999. inri022 & inri023 are 2013 compilations of material from 1998-1999.

so, i can convincingly date everything to 2013.

inri015 & inri021 were created in 1998/1999 and withdrawn in 2004, then remastered and rereleased in 2013, but that remaster was itself withdrawn in 2015 in favour of instrumental reconstructions, which were finalized over 2016. for inri000 & inri001 i have to leave the 90s stuff for the aleph discs, but the 2013 remasters still stand. everything else is actually coming to you straight from the 90s, except inri015 & inri021 which have these lost remasters dated to the chronological space that i'm releasing the first remaster in.

so, if you download the liner notes today in 2020, you'll get the front-end connecting to the instrumental 2016 release, dated to the 2013 notes. this is kind of disingenuous on my behalf. i really ought to have this frontend connected to the 2013 releases..

i've been toying with the idea of releasing the 2013 remasters as a bonus download for awhile, and i'm going to need to chew on that this morning. it would be the correct way to do this. i'm just not sure what the best way to do it that makes the most sense is.

the frontend for the current version of inri015 is dated to jan, 2016 and the frontend for the current version of inri021 is dated to the fall of the same year, with a final release in december. so, that will need to wait until i get there.

what i want to avoid is uploading the tracks as "bonus tracks" in the bandcamp ui. i want them to come in silently over the backend. and, i'm actually ok with uploading them in fairly low quality. so, the best way to do this might be to upload all of the tracks as mp4 files and stream them over the video container in the html5 frontend.

i'll have an answer in a few hours.

it's coming together; it might be done for noon.

hi.

when i first signed up for onedrive, i was very explicitly looking for a way to convert .doc files (that is, office 2003 files, specifically) to .pdf files in a way that maintained formatting, including hyperlinks. so, a pdf printer would not be good enough, i need full conversion.

your competitors (google, adobe) kept breaking the formatting, so i tried here on a lark, hoping that office would be best at converting office. and, it did actually work - i was able to effortlessly convert up to 1600 page word 2003 documents with flawless formatting. i was impressed.

unfortunately, something changed over the last two weeks that has broken the conversion, and it appears to be specifically that the server is now forcing an extra conversion step to .docx. when you converted directly from .doc to .pdf, your results were flawless. but, the introduction of the extra conversion step has left your results about the same as your competitors, indicating that the issue in conversion is probably xml related.

i don't want to use the .docx format, or the underlying xml architecture. i want to be able to convert directly from .doc to .pdf.

there is a workaround in uploading as .doc and then viewing the version history, which allows for a direct conversion, but this seems unnecessarily awkward.

i believe that the reason i was able to directly convert initially is that the server was opening the files in protected mode. for some reason, it is no longer opening them in protected mode, and is now defaulting to the conversion step to docx "so i can edit the files". but, i don't want to edit the files, i want to convert them directly to pdf, in a way that bypasses the conversion to docx step.

it would be very useful if i could tell the server to always open all office files in protected mode, by default. i do not believe that this is currently possible. if it is possible, i would appreciate some guidance. if it is not, please accept my feature request.

so, this is what i think happened.

i think that when i uploaded the files to the server last week, they were initially interpreted as coming from an unsafe source and sort of quarantined as read-only, and opened in 'protected mode'. this allowed me to convert the files to pdf without having to deal with the conversion in between to docx.

now, the server is no longer interpreting the files as dangerous, and automatically converting them to docx for editing, which is actually the default behaviour.

but, the conversion to docx is breaking the formatting and needs to be avoided altogether. so, i actually want it to default to the quarantine.

there is a work around, which involves opening up the file's "version history". this converts it directly from doc to pdf.

i'm actually going to send them an email requesting default protected mode as a feature. and, it might exist in the paid version. but, like, i'm not paying for it...

i think it was opening it in something called "protected view". that's actually what i want. but i can't figure out how to make it default.

*sigh*

it seems to have been previously logging me in as a "guest user", which is actually what i want it to do. now, it's recognizing me and trying to convert the file for me.

at least it works, though. i just have to stop the conversion.

ok. moving on to the html5 frontend. maybe they'll even unbreak it for me.

so, opening up a new account didn't undo the forced conversions to docx to "edit" the file.

i don't want to use the service to edit documents, ever. i strictly want to use it to convert .doc files to .pdf. so, it's not necessary to convert the file to edit it because i don't actually want to edit it. in fact, converting it seems to run the risk of breaking the formatting, and that's why i've come here for the conversion in the first place, because this system is better at converting .doc files to .pdf (so long as it doesn't try to convert them to .docx files first).

it would be very useful if i could tell the server to open everything read-only, and never convert to docx. if microsoft changed something for my supposed benefit, it backfired and i would appreciate it if they would change it back.

i don't seem to be able to turn off the automatic conversion, but i can get around it by opening up the version history instead of launching the file directly. that did actually fix it.

it's typical microsoft, though. i point out that their service actually works, when google's and adobe's both don't, and they promptly break it by trying to force a proprietary format that i don't want on to me. fuck.

i'm actually going to delete the account and start again and hope it undoes the unwanted forced conversions.

so, it was the conversion from doc to docx at the server (something that didn't happen on my first dozen conversions.) that introduced the typset error.

and, i seem to be able to avoid it by going out of my way to avoid the conversion to docx at the server...

the original file seems to be fine.

this docx format has been nothing but disasters for microsoft, and i really wish they'd just get their head around the reality that there is going to be a subset of users that just refuses to migrate to it, ever.

but, let's see if it's fixed. if it is, i can move on to the html5.

ok, the machine is back up.

i'm going to try to work through this.

i'm going to have to reupload tonight because the file appears to be out of alignment. that's fine. let's hope it gets done pretty quick, and the testing process is smooth.

i'm going to take another nap...the nap this morning was kind of short....

there has been a rank smell in here over the last few days and i don't know the source of it. i have smelled this smell before, but i'm not sure exactly what it is. it might be straight up pollution from outside. if so, it's kind of curious that it set back in immediately after i cancelled the hearing.

if i'm able to tie it to something upstairs...

for now, i can't do anything about a smell that i can't entirely identify the source of. i don't think it's from below me, though, i think it's from above me.

*shrug*.

let's try to get back up again for around 17:00-18:00.

first liner note release for inri015

it took eighteen years and multiple attempts at a construction, but this record is finally permanently completed as an instrumental electronic work and i am finally proud to refer to it as my first record.

while most of these songs have defined concepts underlying them, i have ejected these concepts from the final recording and left them in a series of singles. i would prefer that this album be understood solely as the instrumental recording of electronic music that i am presenting it as.

written and demoed in multiple stages from 1994-1998. initially constructed in this form in june, 1998. a failed rescue was attempted in 2013. reconstructed and resequenced jan 6-10, 2016 from parts that were rebuilt over 2013-2016. re-released on jan 10, 2016. audio permanently closed on aug 10, 2016. finalized as lp001 on oct 10, 2016. first liner note release added on feb 6, 2020. this is my first official record; as always, please use headphones.

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1996-1998, 2013-2020). as of feb 6, 2020, the release includes a 125 page booklet in doc, pdf & html, with an html5 audio & video frontend, that includes journal entries from the remastering process over sept-dec, 2013, as well as the video for inertia, from dec, 2013 .

credits

released June 20, 1998

j - guitars, effects, bass, synthesizers, drum programming, orchestral & other sequencing, sampling, vocal relics, cool edit synthesis, windows 95 sound recorder, found sounds, strategies, soundraider, hammerhead, sound design, metronome, digital wave editing, production

the rendered electronic orchestra includes piano, organ, electric guitar, orchestra hit, pizzicato strings, synth pads, violin, viola, cello, contrabass, electric bass, sitar, tubular bells, tinkle bells, synthesizer effects and flute.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-3

i'm just trying to figure out if i should date the inri015 liner note release to today or not, and i'm going to, even if the html5 update doesn't get up until tomorrow morning.

i've got the pc off altogether, but i'm hoping i don't have to reimage tonight, and, if i don't, it might be fairly quick.

so, i'm going to get that all in order. and i may have to test overnight.

i didn't get as much done as i wanted to last night, partly because i passed out around midnight, but i have to stop now to shut down. i hope to be back at it close to 19:00.

i at least finalized the actual notes. so, there is a 125 page booklet in doc and pdf uploaded to the bandcamp site.

i will need to finish the html5 frontend for it tonight and get it up by tomorrow.

so, the content is done. i'm just missing the third format.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-3

i need to stop to eat & shower.

& i need to find some way to get a hold of the coordinator at the divisional court, in the morning.

inri029 updated and tested

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/warning

inri028 updated and tested

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/pop-music-a-tribute-to-carbon-dioxide

inri027 updated and tested

two more.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/gene-os-a-soundtrack-for-an-italian-breakfast-cereal

inri016 updated and tested

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/eat-my-fuck

inri003 is updated and tested

four more, and i'll be able to move on to inri015.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inrisampled

inri002 updated and tested

this one had some typos that i really needed soundcard access to in order to fix

the last five should all be quite quick.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inricycled

ok, let's get to work on this for the night.

inri001 updated and tested

2 down, 6 to go.

i need to take a nap.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-cassette-demo-2

inri000 updated and tested

that's step one.

there's only eight of them.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-cassette-demo-1

ok.

so, that minor change appears to have done exactly what i wanted it to do - it now loads flawlessly in both browsers.

now i have to fix it... 

to be clear, what i have to do is remove the codecs=CODEC section everywhere it exists.

the desktop uses about twice as much electricity as either the laptop or the chromebook (the 90s laptop is in between, when it's on), so i was expecting a spike, but it's been offset by the lesser fan use, and the fact that i avoided laundry this month. if i hadn't had the desktop on all month, i would have come in under the $45 limit and paid down the balance. as it is, it's going to be about $2.00 over.

i have no intention of paying this bill. i'm going to pay it off via electrical saving. i just need to get the laptop fixed, first, so i'm not running the desktop all of the time...and in fact running two computers all of the time....

i don't see any specific usage that i can attribute to the 90s laptop, but we're going to keep it off for a while, anyways. at least until i can figure out what's going on with the windows 7 box.

the desktop will only be on like this for a few more days. i was hoping to get all of this done. life's always more complicated than i want it to be. but, i should start the troubleshooting process on friday or saturday...

the soundcard installed cleanly, so that's at least easy. and, i guess i'll need to install a recent version of chrome in the virtual machine to do the testing i need to do.

but, i'm concluding that i probably need to remove the line "codecs=flac". and, if i'm going to do that, i should remove the other codec specifications, too. just let me be sure that it actually works...

there are flac codecs in the system, but the version of the chrome browser that is installed on the 90s laptop is too old to be able to launch flac over html5, and it's picked for a reason - if i start using newer versions of the browser, the system won't run.

i'm a little concerned about that machine, though. i've been noticing for a while that every time i take it out of hibernation, it shuts off. this is actually primarily frustrating because it means i lose my place in the youtube video i'm watching and have to start over again. i don't have any interest in what's happening on that machine in general, but it was really overheating, and i'm concerned about the electrical, and it kind of defeats the point if i have to start the video over again every time i turn it on. so, it's now going to sit unplugged from the internet. there's no wireless in the device. and, let me check my electrical...

yeah, this is weird.

this is an example of my control:

<audio autoplay controls style="width:500px;height:50px" id="Player">
<source id=flac src="../inri - inrisampled - 02 war.flac" type='audio/flac; codecs="flac"'>
<source id=mp3 src="../inri - inrisampled - 02 war.mp3" type='audio/mpeg; codecs="mp3"'>
<source id=aac src="../inri - inrisampled - 02 war.m4a" type='audio/mp4'>
<source id=wav src="../inri - inrisampled - 02 war.wav" type='audio/wav'>
<source id=ogg src="../inri - inrisampled - 02 war.ogg" type='audio/ogg; codecs="vorbis"'>
</audio>

the controls work for all five types on firefox in windows, and for the last four types on chrome in the chrome os. i don't see any logical reason why flac breaks when mp3 doesn't, other than that chrome doesn't like being told to use that codec. so, i think that's more of a chrome-specific thing.

i want it to work, though....

i'm not even going to test on...they call ie "edge" now, right? whatever.

the fourth major browser is safari, and i don't have an apple device, so i don't do any testing with anything to do with apple - no apple lossless, no safari, none of it, because i just don't have access to it. sorry...

so, i can test with firefox and with chrome, on windows and on the chrome os, giving me four possible testing scenarios.

i'm going to then argue it's irrational to run firefox on the chrome os and rule out that possibility. so, the last thing i can try is the chrome browser in windows, and i do use chrome on the 90s laptop, because it's too old to launch a version of firefox that is new enough to run html5, which you now need for youtube. they forced me into it, basically. 

i just did a search to make sure i'm not missing anything, and firefox' share has sure declined recently, although it's actually safari's share that seems to have gone strangely up. chrome has been at 65% for a while, now - i'm not surprised by that. but, how did safari get to 25%? i thought iphones were losing badly to android? double-checked - yup. are apple pcs up, then? no, they're down. ??. so, how can safari have a 25% market share if the iphone is at 15% and apple pcs are at 10%?

the last version of safari for windows was in 2013, and you would bizarrely need to run it via wine to use it on linux, according to a cursory google search.

but, you can install safari on android devices. so, i guess that a lot of people have switched from iphone to android, but don't want to let go of safari just yet? even so, the numbers are still weird.

it may be closer to the truth that firefox' decline is tied more to the general decline of the desktop/laptop and it's increasing replacement with phones. it may be less that people are moving away from firefox, and more that people are moving away from computers altogether.

i'm going to continue to resist this, and when i do finally move past firefox, it's going to be to some kind of fork. i could end up migrating to linux, and using a linux fork of firefox. i don't know what's still kicking, it's been a long time.

i've just had issues with chrome being particularly invasive, in terms of spyware. i had it installed for a while, years ago, but i kept finding it dialing home, and every time i turned it off, it would install itself back into the startup menu. it was acting like a virus, basically, and i don't have a lot of patience for aggressive corporate spyware like that. so, i ripped it right out of my machine, and i've avoided it ever since. i don't intend to go back to it....

but, i should check to see how this thing behaves on the 90s laptop, first. if...does it even have flac codecs at all?

if it was funny over aac or ogg, i wouldn't mind so much, but i expect people to download in flac, so i want this to work on the chromebook. in the world of windows and linux, flac is the default lossless audio codec.

we're reimaging. that's fine. it will be quick, there's nothing to play with this time, i didn't really alter anything.

on second thought....no.

this is what i had:

type='audio/flac; codec="flac"'

i thought i had dropped the ' after the flac, and changing it to:

type='audio/flac'; codec="flac"'

did actually get it to work in the chrome browser, but now i'm concerned that it's going to be broken in firefox, because it should actually be wrong, and i don't have a soundcard...

these finicky browsers, huh? fuck...

i'm convinced that my hard drive is fine, so i'm going to turn the hd audio chip on in the bios and take my chances. i may have to reimage. whatever. i need sound. when i come up in the laptop next week, i'll need to add hardware components back in one at a time - including my new wired usb keyboard.

but, it's hard to understand how it could be a driver issue if it boots fine and is fine for a day or two. that doesn't add up.

i'm also going to copy over all five options for inri003 and test them thoroughly in the chrome os to see if i can figure out a pattern.

i think i want:

type="audio/flac"

...i.e. i should drop the codec specification. that seems to be what's confusing things. but i need to make sure it actually works.

so, let's try to get the audio up on the desktop, here we go....

to be clear, it's just the html5 frontends that need the update. the pdfs & docs are fine, so the stuff at noise trade can stay, and the music journals are ok, too.

it's just the zip files in each of the liner note packages...

and, then i'll have to redownload everything again and replace it on the external.

this is a pain in the ass. absolutely. but, it's just time consuming, it's not hard.

*sigh*.

i had only previously tested in firefox, and everything worked perfectly. so, i was a little surprised to realize that flac wasn't playing back on the chromebook.

it turns out i dropped a ' in the controls, and i did it consistently - hundreds of times.

so, i have to go back and fix everything. 

that should take the rest of the night.

to be clear: it's very minor. but i have to do it.

it will give me some time to listen, and there's maybe more going on this month than i thought, after all.

i'm clearly not going to get this finished by the end of the night. i haven't started.

rather, i'm going to gorge myself, shower and then focus very strictly on finishing everything up over the next couple of days.

ok.

are we done here for the night?

i think we are.

i need to eat...and then i need to organize all of this loose data, before i get on to inri015.

that's all of the uploading for tonight.

i will need to reconstruct the music blog when i get to the general cleanup, but the general & dtk blogs are updated.

the facebook pages are updated for the night.

so, what's left to do is download the packages from bandcamp and cross-reference them to make sure they're correct.

the pdf conversion via microsoft's cloud seems to be flawless, even over 1500 page documents. google's conversion is terrible. so is adobe's. everybody should take note of that. but, i'm anal...i will bitwise compare in notepad++ and carefully sort through line by line to make sure it's lined up...

my desktop is still running. it doesn't have a soundcard, though. i stripped everything out when i was fighting with the interference patterns.

i will need to prioritize the court stuff when i wake up tomorrow, but i'm hoping i can accomplish the following posting schedule:

1) inri015 by the end of the day on the 27th (today). i'm looking at about 125 pages, but a lot of it is overlap with inri000-inri002.

2) inri021 by the end of the day on the 28th. it's also 125 pages, but it's the same overlap.

3) inri022 by the end of the day on the 29th.

4) inri023 by the end of the day on the 30th.

and, i will then need to do a february look ahead before i can get to finishing january, 2014. in fact, i could maybe start on that this week.

the factum from the oiprd will be here by the 31st.

i *am* going to want to try to load the laptop some time this week.

the liner notes for inri029 have been augmented by 4 pages, and the video for inertia has been added.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/warning

the liner notes for inri028 have been augmented by 2 pages, as well.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/pop-music-a-tribute-to-carbon-dioxide

the liner notes for inri027 have been augmented by two pages.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/gene-os-a-soundtrack-for-an-italian-breakfast-cereal

the liner notes for inri016 have been increased by one post from dec, 2013.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/eat-my-fuck

this has now been updated as well, but the update is a single line in each of the documents, to stamp the release as 'jam001', and will not be noted further.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inrisampled

first liner note release for inri002

i've released a dozen different things with the title "inricycled", making it more of a concept than a release. it's not just the material i'm recycling, now, it's the idea of recycling material.

i hope this is the final iteration. the difference, here, is that i'm trying to isolate segments of songs that people interested in my more recent compositions would find interesting. these fragments aren't entirely void of lyrics, but they're very minimal. they're also quite short.

i've retitled most of the tracks to get a feel of what the music sounds like and/or what i was thinking as i was writing it.

the material in this volume is taken from the following cassette demos, , inri000 and inri001:
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-cassette-demo-1 (1996)
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-cassette-demo-2 (1997)

this is the best possible absolute starting point for my musical material.

written and recorded over 1996 and 1997. digitally remastered, sequenced and mildly modified in the fall of 2013. released dec 11, 2013. finalized as lp000 on july 3, 2016. first liner note release added on jan 26, 2020. i consider this my unofficial zeroth record. as always, please use headphones.

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1997, 2013-2020). as of jan 26, 2020, the release includes a 106 page booklet in doc, pdf & html, with an html5 audio & video frontend, that includes journal entries from the remastering process over sept-dec, 2013, as well as the video for inertia, from dec, 2013 .

credits

released July 1, 1997

j - guitars, effects, bass, drums, vocals, keyboards, tapes, found sounds, metronomes, digital wave editing, production.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inricycled

so, we're doing this one at a time, which means the posts will be stretched out a little. it seems like it's the long way if it's you, but it's really not if it's me.

inri001 has been updated to include the video for inertia, which also added a half a page to the liner notes at the very end. the doc & pdf files just had hyperlinks added, but the html file embedded it. this is consistent with the other media files.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-cassette-demo-2

i'm having difficulty focusing, again.

i've got the typos corrected for inri000. this is not a re-release, and barely justifies mentioning it.

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inri-cassette-demo-1

the pdfs - there's 8 - are all downloaded and they look proper, but i'll have to rigorously run through them before i move on.

let's get the seven existing packages updated, first.

so, there was a shutdown on thursday morning, and i spent the day thursday finishing up the archiving from the desktop, and then uploaded everything thursday night and into friday morning. i reimaged the machine, got some fruit and passed out and slept until friday afternoon when i intended to start fresh and get a good session in, to finish everything up for sunday night....

there actually wasn't any reason to turn the modem on, as i didn't intend to connect from that laptop, and i had plenty of work to do offline. i was hoping to get everything updated, and turn the modem on when i was done. i had some concerns that they may have been using the chromebook as a relay, and i don't know how linux networking works, really, at all, so i felt there was little i could do to react to it. so, i shut it down partly to save electricity and partly to keep the fuckers out while i was working.

unfortunately, friday was really a waste. i simply couldn't focus, and i don't actually think it was pot, or at least not until later in the night. it actually felt like i was on mushrooms, and i don't have any good explanation for that at all. but, if you've ever tried reading on mushrooms....you can't.....it's impossible.....

i took a shower and made some coffee around 4:00, but i passed out not longer after. it was just a bust....

i was up in the afternoon, and i actually got a lot more done, before the machine went down again around 22:00. i have updates for inri000, inri001, inri003, inri016 & inri027-inri029, and i'm also going to be doing a first liner note release for inri002 by the end of the night. i was most of the way done inri002 when the machine went out...

this is a situation that caused me some serious pause. all evidence suggested that i was being shut down remotely by a server that was trying to deploy something, but the situation seemed to belie that - not only had i not connected this machine to the internet at all, but no machine in the apartment had been connected, and the modem was actually turned off.

if i was being shutdown remotely, it would have to be via a wireless connection that i didn't understand. there was only one networking device in the entire apartment - my wireless keyboard, a bluetooth device with a range of a hundred metres, at most.

in fact, i noticed on saturday night that my wireless keyboard was connecting as a composite device, indicating that it was accepting signals from more than just the keyboard.

i also noticed on friday night that i was able to activate windows without connecting to the internet - an obvious absurdity. but, it would indicate a backdoor connection.

further, my wireless keyboard is manufactured by microsoft.

you can see what i'm putting together with this.

i have three ps/2 keyboards, and a half dozen connectors the other way, but no way to connect a keyboard to a laptop via usb without using wireless, just right now. i'd have to get out to the factory direct, and i did resolve to do so, but i wanted to get this done first. next week...

i then accidentally booted into the laptop's hard drive using the desktop's motherboard, and i knew at that point that i had to test it - i could use the ps/2 keyboard on the desktop, and if there's something else going on in the laptop, i have no expectation that they've gotten to the desktop. not yet...

if the pc crashes the same way in the end, i'm going to have to try to swap out the hard drives. i've been resisting this because it isn't rational, but short of the operating system expiring, the hard drive would be the only remaining shared component. if the same thing happens, it has to be the drive....

but, if the pc stays up for the next week, i'm going to need to buy a usb keyboard, i guess. we can't have wireless keyboards in canada, i guess - the cops will use them to hack into your computer and shut you down. the true north strong and free, huh. so long as you don't think for yourself, i guess...

you are free to shut up and be a good slave.

you are free to do what you're told....

tellingly, i've been unable to activate, indicating there's no backdoor. and, i've been getting weird error messages informing me that i'm disconnected from the remote server.

in the long run, i'm clearly going to need to wipe this down. but, it's not going to help if they just capture the machine again.

it's one thing to have these paranoid observations. it's another to have them confirm themselves. it's still another for the confirmations to build up.

it really, honestly seems like somebody is slaving my windows box to a domain server via the bluetooth in my wireless keyboard - a shortwave radio with a very short range connection, so short range that that person would basically need to be directly upstairs.....

i crashed from about 5:00-11:00, and finished up inri002 this afternoon. here she comes....

i'm on the chromebook....

what happened?

well, to start with, i just noticed that my local archiving is working again, which is a good thing. i think it might be suggestive of a pullback in surveillance, actually. you'd think it's a matter of time before they pull their heads out of their asses...

i'm concerned about missing email, though. what else didn't get through over the last year or so?

i've actually had an eventful weekend. and, there's stuff on it's way up to bandcamp soon.

re: court stuff - i got a factum from the windsor police that i haven't read yet, and i'll need to call the divisional court in the morning, because they left a message. this is actually all going according to plans.

but, let's start with a narrative of the weekend, because i think i'm coming to some very unsettling and very startling conclusions.

1) this is the noise trade link for the readable version of the third semester, 2013 archive for this blog:
http://books.noisetrade.com/j/092013-122013-music-journal

2) this is the noise trade link for the readable version of the full 2013 archive of this blog (current reality abridgement, so from july 16th-dec 31st):
http://books.noisetrade.com/j/072013-122013-music-journal-22

unfortunately, noise trade did not work out as a hosting solution, and i never got a clear answer as to why. but, i decided in the end that the site was full of ads and unworkable, anyways.

these archives are no longer available as standalones, but only as components in the full first reconstruction phase archive, available in the following places:
https://www.lulu.com/en/ca/shop/jessica-murray/full-first-reconstruction-phase-music-journal/ebook/product-p5v576.html
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1u37wZP4SrIuQDxqQMNWpfxgYH2KR1eTn/view

the bandcamp archives for july through to december are here:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/07-2013-music-journal-2-2
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/08-2013-music-journal
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/09-2013-music-journal
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/10-2013-music-journal
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/11-2013-music-journal
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/12-2013-music-journal

i think it passed the preliminary tests, so i'm going to upload the files and i'll come back if i find any problems.

the conversion seems to be working.

i'll have to go over it to see how well.

so, now that i have what looks like a stable conversion method, i can get to actually finishing the parsing for the end of 2013.

it's not entirely clear that this will work, but let's hope it does.

expect combined files for the last semester of 2013 to come up fairly shortly, once i'm sure they're all neatly formatted, locally.

well...

that seems to work.

i want to be clear: i tried uploading doc files to google drive and then downloading them as pdfs and the formatting often broke on them. the same thing happened at several of the free conversion sites, including at the adobe site. so, i mean, i tried this, and it didn't work.

the smallpdf.com site was particularly accurate for whatever reason, it worked when none of the other sites did, but it has those file size restrictions. and, i mean, i don't know where i'm sending my files to and from, here. 

will the microsoft converters be on par with the smallpdf ones? well, i can hope so, but we'll have to find out. and, there will be files coming to test with soon enough, too.

if this doesn't work out, i can always try openoffice. but, i think i'm happy with this as an answer, so long as it's actually effective.

i don't know why i didn't think of this earlier. well, i guess that microsoft didn't come up in the google search, funny that....

google: fix your word--->pdf conversion. it doesn't work.

wait.

microsoft has a cloud, too.

can i use it to convert files? that would be easy.

and, why don't i use google docs?

it doesn't format right.

and, my experience has been that it's slow and tends to crash because it's autosaving far too often.

it's fine for smaller documents that don't have a lot of detail, but i need to be able to create documents that are hundreds of pages long and i need to be able to format them in very specific ways. 

plus, there's data sanctity issues regarding access by law enforcement.

it's not an application that is properly delegated to a cloud-computing platform; this is something that should primarily be created and stored locally. it's just not the right tool for this job...

abiword is no longer being offered for windows from the developer (and you shouldn't download things from sketchy sites like softronic, pretty much ever), which is what i need it for, and it appears to rely on a pdf printer, anyways.

it was a nice, small file, though. no doubt a minimal install process; maybe even a standalone. these are the kinds of programs i insist on, nowadays. i don't need a word processor building a tower in my registry....

maybe i can find another clone. it's worth a shot before i resort to downloading oo.

if i'm going to download a large package and install it in a virtual machine just to get the functionality to convert from .doc to .pdf, i should be going with openoffice.

again: the way i've been doing this for years is to print it, and it worked just fine, except that the links lose their functionality (it's just like you're printing it to a piece of paper, but virtually, and you can't click the links on your paper, not until we get specific types of three-dimensional printing, so you can't click the links in the virtually printed pdf), and that is absolutely fundamental to what i'm doing - the end product needs to be interactive.

maybe i can get a very minimal version of openoffice..

this should be easier than this.

in fact, i remember seeing react os style freeware word 2003 clones, and you'd think they'd do it, so maybe i should look that up first. abi something..?

i don't want to upgrade the office software, either. the program does this natively after 2010, but i went through great lengths to strip office 2003 down to a 20 mb package. i really, really, really don't want any of this recent office software on my system. at all.

one way out would be to install 2010 in the virtual machine, and just open it up to convert, but that's kind of crazy.

why is this so unnecessarily difficult? why can't i find a plugin for word 2003?

yeah, it has built in print functionality, but i can already do that pretty easily.

can i find a printer driver that prints links?

installing latex would also be overkill. to an extent, i'd be happy to just upload the file in word and let you deal with it, but noise trade won't even take files in that format, and the pdf format is non-proprietary.

i just like word. i'm using word 2003, and it's a just very clean, uncluttered processor - minimal. kind of not very microsoft, but maybe the best word processor ever created, nonetheless.

there's nothing stopping me from continuing what i'm doing, besides file sizes and the awkwardness of it. like i say, this shouldn't be so hard.....really...

i don't want to download a cracked version of adobe studio. that seems like overkill. even if it's 15 years old, and it would be...

i'm actually a foxit user and have been for as long as i can remember. mid 00s, probably. i had an older machine and had to make an effort to fight the bloatware, and that was one of the steps i took, moving from adobe to foxit. you kids don't even know what bloatware is...

the newer freeware versions of foxit actually claim to be able to do this natively.

let's give it a try in the virtual machine, first...

i am awake, for the first time in, like, a week. hooray!

the smoke's better just right this second. somebody find me a hollowed out log to bash my head against.

there was some autocapitalization from facebook (fuckers.) that i had to fix, and that's been replaced, so i'm ready to get back to it, now.

and, i'm hoping that i don't move from in front of these two machines until i get 2013 finished, once and for all.

the plan is to do all of the office work on the windows machine and then upload it to noise trade and bandcamp via the chromebook. this is temporary, because i don't want to deal with broken windows boxes right now. something else i'm remembering about this chromebook is that i have to log in to turn the ad block on, which means typing out a 100 character pass phrase....

first, i need an answer to the pdf problem. surely it's not that hard. surely the right software is out there. i must go forth and look...

so, i do think that that's most of what i wanted done tonight, although i can't post to the music blog from here.

i've got the four blogs for december at noise trade, i've got the journal at bandcamp and i've got the links shared to three of the blogs, and also to facebook. that's everything except posting to the music blog.

so, i'm going to take a short nap, and then focus on finishing the remaining eight uploads to noise trade, many of which are quite lengthy. the longest one is 1600 pages and will have a suggested donation of $16.

i need to get a better answer on the pdf conversion, though.

for years, i used a pdf printer, but that is not good enough for this because i need to keep the links in place. so, i've been using this site, smallpdf.com. but, these files are no longer small. 

this is no longer a one off, this is now a normal thing for me, so, surely, i can find a freeware pdf printer that maintains links and doesn't fuck up the formatting.

after i nap....

the sixth entry in the music journal series, which is the month of december, 2013 and is 113 pages long. i am not going to summarize the story, but it is available on the web over here:musicofjessicamurray.blogspot.com/2013/12/.

this is a compilation of written correspondences that occurred around me over december, 2013. it includes facebook posts, google+ posts, youtube comments discussions and emails with acquaintances and family members, in an attempt to document the first reconstruction phase of rebuilding my discography, including remastering and (re)publishing inri002, inri015, inri021, inri022 and inri023. the contents of this download are the dummy track, a word doc file and a pdf file, both written in a more readable, chronological ordering. i've also added the respective files for my other three blogs, for general interest, as well as 18 separate txt documents (17 html files + 1 further pdf document) that are referenced in the journal.

the events documented in this journal occurred in december, 2013 and were compiled into a narrative in several stages over the years 2014-2020. journal completed, released and finalized in doc and pdf format on jan 22, 2020. doc201312.

credits

released January 1, 2014

j - editing, participant

panglos - participant
joris van dijk - participant
nor easter - participant
futur incertain uncertainfutur (aka parhasard57) - participant
robert decreon - participant
trevor johnston - participant
tomhulcelover - participant
tom alma - participant
babalooey100 - participant
aussie dave - participant
matthew joseph harrington - participant
bryan piekarski - participant
happyhooliedaze - partcipiant
paul boisvert - participant
marios laskaris - partcipiant
lukmruk - participant
miaumiaucatmagician - participant
mattlaureys - participant
alfredo rodriguez - participant
randomusername987 - participant
sam steinhauer - participant
gonzocurt - participant
michael hamilton berry - participant

mom - participant
the initial landlord - participant
public works, city of windsor - participant
ollie - participant

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/12-2013-music-journal

here is the noise trade smashwords link for the readable version of the december, 2013 archive of this blog. 

http://books.noisetrade.com/j/122013-music-journal
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1026617

ok, here we go.

there will be four noise trade posts to start for december, 2013.

this will be followed by four more that will run over first the third semester of 2013 (that is, sept--->dec) and then the entire second half of the year (july 16th-->dec 31st). these are large files, and it will take me some time to figure out how to upload them. 

i will need to update the bandcamp site after that. this will have the december music journal first, and then updates to inri000, inri001, inri003, inri016, inri027, inri028 & inri029 (if any. i need to check.), followed by liner notes for inri002, inri015, inri021, inri022 & inri023, and subsequent rereleases of these records. so, there is plenty to post over the next few days, if i can stop whatever piece of shit that is causing me this grief from being such a piece of shit.

and, then i'll need to clean the last few days up at the politics blog. ugh.

the first four should be up very soon.