fell asleep again this morning. argh. and, i ate early, too, to prevent it. *shrug*.

the air quality is certainly suspect in these early crashes, but it's hard to tie together anything substantive. i'm happy it's nice and warm in here, anyways.

my drugs are now fully covered, which gives me an extra $85/month, which i may very well spend on rent. it expands the scope of what's available, anyways.

i got a hold of somebody about a non-smoking apartment, but it's available for june 1st. if i break the lease, i won't get my last month's back, so i'd be breaking it for july 1st, as of right now (and not paying june). and, after june 1st, it's going to be rigid for august (meaning i won't pay july). i'll need to wait until the next showing.

and, i've decided, for that reason, i should wait until next week to make any more calls. i don't want to be tempted, and after i pay june's rent there's no longer a choice.

that means i'll need to find something over the weeks of june.

still need to call a dentist...

i'm breathing in more smoke now than i did when i smoked.

again: i always smoked outside.

i haven't had this kind of constant smoke exposure since i was around 10 years old, and it gave my copd when i did.

it's a matter of time before i get really, really sick.

i ended up sending a few emails this evening, after all.

the market is pretty thin, but there's a fair bit i'm interested in, as well.

*shrug*

it's awful again, tonight. it's not like i have a choice, if i stay here i'm going to get lung cancer or emphysema or something.

yup.

here she goes, again.

this city is cheap, but it's because the people that live here are worthless.

and, i'm now through april, 2016.

50 days left to go. 150 pages.

i need to eat & get looking...

the stench today appears to be cigarettes, and this is something that happens periodically; i don't know exactly where it's coming from, but it's enough that i've had to use the puffer. again: it's just overwhelming.

who smokes like this in a residential space? who is that selfish and clueless?

the people in this city are just horrible assholes. they just don't have any concept of decency, or self-respect. it's absurd, really.

again: it's like 2 hours of chain-smoking marijuana.

this happens several times a week.

and, all i can do is bring this journal to court as evidence of how terribly it's affecting my quality of life, and my enjoyment of the space.

it's 10:00 pm on a fucking tuesday.

people do things like shower and read at 10:00 on a tuesday.

they don't sit around and get so fucking stoned they can't see.

you fucking loser...

and, it's like....be a fucking loser...i don't care...but go be a fucking loser in a parking lot, or in a field. don't do it somewhere where everybody else has to fucking deal with it.

you self-centered, worthless piece of shit.

it just makes me so fucking angry that these people can still exist, that people are raised so fucking terribly that they lack basic concepts of decency and respect for the people around them - or the self-respect to not be responsible for stinking up the whole goddamned block.

how does somebody have such little respect for themself that they don't care if people have made multiple requests to stop fucking blazing all the time? how can people have such little regard for their own integrity that they can look somebody in the eye and say "i am a habitual marijuana smoker, and i don't care if it makes everybody else sick".

it's revolting.

repulsive.

and remarkable that anybody could sanction this kind of behaviour.

there is no excuse for this. there really isn't.

yeah, well go read somebody else's blog if you don't like my attitude. i don't fucking care.

i hate this woman, i hate this place and i hate this situation.

it's disgusting. through and through. revolting.

yuck.

then they claim she's "depressed".

well, maybe if she'd get off her ass and stop smoking so much pot and lose some fucking weight then she'd be less depressed, huh?

don't let them tell you it's "medicinal".

she's just a worthless, piece of shit drug addict.

you see how these things go together: lazy, fat, pothead ?

she's too lazy to go for a walk.

that's why she's so goddamned fat.

i need to reiterate: the problem here is not access to this drug. most users are responsible.

the problem here is that this worthless piece of shit is too inconsiderate to go for a walk.

yeah, she's blazing tonight.

disgusting.

thankfully, the windows are able to be left wide open, so it's just more that it smells like a cat being raped than anything else, but the absolute revulsion of the stench is itself fairly horrific.

hopefully, she's gone, soon.

i stopped this morning right before i got to the end of season 5.

there's now less than 2 months and less than two hundred pages before i get to the hookup with the blog, and the project flips over to archiving...

the audio closure also began in mid 2016, meaning i should be able to do some alter-reality work soon, too.

i wanted to eat and get to looking through listings this morning. instead, i crashed hard after the smoothie and feel like i should wait until tomorrow.

i wasn't as productive over the second half of the weekend as i'd have liked to have been. and all the listings i saw last week were for july...if  can get a good 24 hours in, i think that's a better use of time tonight....

how's the air quality?

it's sporadic. she smoked a nasty joint last night, and it was still lingering deep into the morning. as mentioned, i slept all day - and i'm waking up feeling pretty awful. but, what i am is dehydrated, and i actually think it's partially from the air conditioner.

we're getting some nice hot & humid days this week, so i should be able to keep the windows open to fight the air. it really hasn't been warm enough out to turn the a/c on at all this spring. again: i don't understand these people. you turn the a/c on when it's 20 degrees out? what? i'd still have the heat on...20 degrees is cold...

what i'm going to say is that she's stopped smoking, except when it's raining. of course, that's the worst, because i can't always open the windows in the rain. but, you have to keep in mind that she has no legal obligation to smoke outside, either. this is a frustrating situation where nobody seems to know what the law is, and nobody seems to much care what it would be, if they did. it makes it difficult to react legally; neither the tenants nor the landlords care about the law or behave in ways consistent with it or intend to have to deal with it. anarchism isn't the idea that we don't follow laws, it's the idea that we don't need cops to force us to, and they're actually both failing that test, here - these are people that need a state to tell them what to do, because they can't figure it out on their own.

so, the landlord is illegally asking her to smoke outside, and she's mostly doing it, but it's not any kind of real solution. when she does decide to smoke inside, it lingers for days and makes me sick. the landlord is refusing to implement a real solution, which would be patching up the holes in the floor. he's really behaving illegally towards both of us, creating this false scenario of imaginary compromise. and, i think he's clueless enough to show up in court and say "i asked her to smoke outside...." and think that absolves him of liability. it doesn't. if he's not going to fix the floors, he needs to pay me out.

so, i'm going to work until i'm so hungry i have to stop.

i had migraines for months after this, but i haven't had a single one since i moved.

i just want to tie two things together. i was convinced that this space was under the influence of some kind of magnetic interference, and it was fucking with my headphones making it impossible to mix; aphasia is thought to be the result of a wave of energy running through your brain, and disrupting certain functions. are these consequences of the same thing?

and, if so, was i being attacked for demonstrating that clinton was rigging the primary?

it's a strange thing to film your life, and piece together the oddities after the fact.

but, i keep pointing out that if this is what is happening then it is utterly foolish; the best way to deal with me was always to ignore me. if i just could have been mixing over this period, none of this would have happened. and, i might be done period 3.

so, i got a start on it - sent some emails, left some messages. i don't expect to hear back from anybody until tuesday.

the market is sort of what i expected - it's not awful, but it seems like it's thin. i think it should open up next week.

i have not technically given notice, but i've asked for the lease to be broken on august 1st. so, i can play this both ways.

how's the air? well, i have the windows wide open. i can smell it, but it's not affecting me. i can't always have the windows open...

i've actually had a long day, which is nice, although i've spent a lot of it blaring merzbow at the neighbour sitting outside, to get her to smoke somewhere else.

it's a shitty situation. if i close the windows, i get overwhelmed by the pot (& the a/c). if i keep them open, i have to deal with the neighbour smoking - literally right underneath the window. there's no reason she has to smoke right there, and i've asked her not to, but she's just a worthless, selfish piece of shit that doesn't care - so i can't care about her, if she won't care about me. so, i'm just blaring merzbow out the window whenever she goes out to get her to fuck off - and it's definitely getting to her. like, i think i saw her crying. good.

i'll be happy to get the fuck out of here.

for right now, the day is over and i'm still awake, so i'm going to get to rebuilding, i guess. i don't want to eat again until the morning. and i have no idea how long i'll stay awake for.

i'm once again the healthiest person in the world.

hormone levels are good, too.

ok, that gets me right through to the end of march.

the air quality over the last 24 hours was better; i could smell it, but it wasn't coming up in plumes. it may have been third hand smoke. i don't know.

let's see how far into season 5 that i can get before i stop.

there's less than 200 pages left in the document, from april 1st to june 19th. i could do that in a weekend. so, this is nearly done.

that's another ten days of march.

i wanted to finish march first, but it's time to eat.

at the moment it's cool but crisp in here. we'll see how long that lasts.

no sane person wants to be stoned by themselves at 10:30 on a sunday night. that is a time when people do things like read, clean, eat, etc.

if that sounds like "fun" to you, please seek the aid of an addictions counsellor.

for the record, i am once again stoned by myself and having difficulty focusing when i would rather be reading and thinking.

this is a profoundly negative experience that is dramatically affecting my quality of life, for the worse.

yeah, as soon as i post that it's tolerable, she starts smoking again.

i need to get out...

so, i haven't moved since friday night, except to sleep in short shifts, naps, and to get up to eat, or use the washroom. i took a junk food run last night...

i'm through the first half of march, which closes season 4 and takes me into the start of season 5. the music vlog picks back up again in mid june, so i'm down to three months to fill the gap. and, the period one discs start closing in early july.

the air quality has actually been alright over the last 24 hours. i'm not sure exactly what the reason for this is, but it might have to do with the fact that the heat came back on. she seems to have made eggs last night and then stopped. i'm not expecting the situation to last.

that said., if it were to stay exactly like this, it would be fine. and i'm still not excited about moving...

i haven't given a technical notice to move yet, but i'm still planning on starting to look on wednesday. i'm going to need a very lengthy period of clear air to have me change my mind, at this point.

i don't know exactly what the market looks like right now.

ok, i'm through february.

the air quality in here is horrendous, but there's not any use in pretending i can do anything about it until the court date. it's not just the marijuana, it's the cigarettes. and, it's enough that it is physically making me sick - i have a brutally sore throat, which is a condition that i'm not used to at all.

i'm only still awake because i haven't eaten in 36 hours. it's time to eat....

i will have to call on monday or tuesday to ask about the other room, and i'll point out that there has been no change in habits. i don't expect a response, but whatever.

i can't articulate how disgusting the situation is, or how profoundly negatively it is affecting me. it's just constant. she simply doesn't stop smoking. ever.

i had to eat a little early after the blood test, and then ended up crashing, but it was merely a nap. nonetheless, i've been blurry all night - i think the coffee's finally started working again.

that said, the air quality seems to be better tonight. hope i didn't waste it. let's get started...

i got my blood taken. almost fainted, and i think he left a bruise. whatever.

seems like a boring weekend here. well, relative to my tastes. and, the weather is not conducive to drunken adventures and/or mindless dancing.

i think i'm staying in....

that will give me the chance to try and get through a good chunk of what's left, and get ready for serious house-hunting on...

...wednesday, actually. just 'cause i have the follow-up on tuesday, and it compartmentalizes that way.

could i get done by tuesday?

well, that depends on how much time i'm forced to waste sleeping.

*sigh*.

another day cut-off early due to tiredness caused by second-hand smoke.

i'm going to nap now so i can get up to get to the lab.

these people shouldn't exist. they shouldn't be allowed to exist. they should just disappear.

and, it's another thing, though: why are you so boring that you smoke drugs at the same time every day?

why not be a little more spontaneous about it?

it's another thing that takes the fun out of drugs.

fuck schedules.

maybe i should make something clear.

my schedule is erratic. but, generally speaking, 4:20 am is neither the beginning of the day for me, nor is it the end of it.

it's often just a point in the middle of it.

today, i want to be awake all morning and go to an appointment around noon.

i do not want to be stoned.

i do not want to go to sleep.

at all.

the smoke in here was heavy tonight (and i'm documenting this for the court date.), but the windows are also completely wide open. the wet weather is helping a lot....

i just finished season 3, which is up to february 8th.

time to eat. and fast.

and, hopefully i get another good chunk in afterwards.

today is a good example of how the smoke from downstairs is degrading my quality of life.

i woke up late in the evening, meaning i should have been able to stay awake until the afternoon, at least. but, she started blazing at 7:00, and i was passed out like a rock by 8:00 - and not able to molve again until after 2:00.

i wanted to hit my blood test this morning; i even fasted overnight for it. instead, i wasted the day sleeping.

i wanted to get my estrogen tested, but then i got high.

...even though, i'm of course not actually getting high, i'm just getting a headache and falling asleep.

:(.

i ended up leaving in a dirty rush - uncombed hair, unshaved face. like, just gross looking. but, i forgot my sheet, so i had to go back home.

i guess i'll have to try again tomorrow.

i got up to the end of january done last night and i'm going to try and push through a little further tonight.

i need to start looking for a new apartment on monday at the latest.

so, i got a message this afternoon denying my request to move the hearing up. what they said was that changes to the process are going to lead to longer delays, and i was simply scheduled as quickly as i could be.

i've looked into the amending process as well, and the person i talked to on the phone seems to have misunderstood what i requested.

i can't walk into a hearing on july 5th with the possibility of severing the lease on august 1st, and hope it's extended until september or october. that's insane. i could end up homeless. i mean, i should have more faith in the system than that, but i'm not into taking stupid risks.

so, the realistic options i have in front of me are to withdraw & resubmit or to negotiate an exit to the lease, and use the hearing strictly for the purposes of requesting damages.

i don't think that the owners are going to have a problem with me giving them notice.

i've decided that i need to move. there's no way around it. now, the hallways are full of shit again, too; this place is disgusting. no, let me be more clear: this place is full of disgusting people. if i don't get damages, i'm going to need to move, anyways, even if i have to leave some furniture behind. so, i'd might as well just give them 60 days.

i need to get my bloodwork done tomorrow. i was hoping to spend the day working, but i should get a few hours in, at least.

and...i guess i should start looking for august 1st asap.

this sucks. but there's not a better answer.

maybe i am feeling a little unusually hungover after all.

i finally crashed about 6:00 this morning, and i've barely been able to move, since. but, i actually think that this has a lot to do with the downstairs tenant's move back to indoor smoking, because i was fine before that happened - and it's whatever that she's smoking that consistently knocks me out like this, rather than anything else.

i didn't do anything today except sleep.

and, i'm still feeling tired & miserable in the familiar way caused by that second-hand smoke. but i'm going to try and get up to eat.

it has to be unusually high cbd, and almost no thc, because it really does just give you a headache and make you want to sleep for a week.

she'd might as well just be taking valium...

and, i'm left to wonder: did she ever smoke recreationally? does she know what marijuana is supposed to feel like, or did she just get diagnosed by some quack and pushed something that is powerful enough that some people think it might help with heroin addiction?

the kind of pot i'm used to smoking here and there is not going to help anybody with heroin addiction. i think i want to avoid anything that's been engineered to be that powerful, that's for sure.

she's been blazing hard since she got into that fight downstairs, and i just have to repeat what i've said before: the pot she's smoking doesn't get you high, it just makes you overwhelmingly tired. it's like getting hit with a tranquillizer. why does she even enjoy this?

on saturday night, i drank two shots of jager before i left, took a shot of vodka at the bus stop (don't ask.), drank half a rockstar vodka on the way to hamtramck, had four beers at the bar, finished the rock star vodka, nearly chugged a tall boy and then got through three cranberry somethings of questionable integrity before i blacked out, all without falling asleep. in between, i found some random hits of pot.

but, the second hand smoke from the "medical" marijuana user downstairs is frequently enough to physically knock me out.

it's nasty stuff, whatever it is.

don't expect to have any fun smoking this buzzkill prozac shit...

how's the smoke situation?

for a few days, it seemed like the "medical" user below me & the tobacco smokestack outside my window had become hard and fast friends, sitting outside and smoking together and bonding over their shared love of constant inebriation. that made it impossible to open the window, but seemed to keep the smoke outside of the unit, reducing the environmental problem solely to the a/c.

but, this relationship does not appear to have lasted; their dogs appear to have ended up fighting, and the 'medical' user is now back inside.

worse, she may now have anxiety about smoking outside because she's afraid of the neighbour.

*shrug*.

again: it's probably better that this happened sooner. i was worried that i might withdraw, only to have the situation immediately reverse.

but, i shouldn't be surprised that they couldn't stay friends for more than a few days, should i?

i got my rescheduling request in this morning. i'll call tomorrow to request a response.

so, i can try both things.

1) i can fill out a form to push the date forward.
2) if that gets denied, i can fill out a form to amend the application.

i'll get that in on monday.

meaning i can relax my mind a little this weekend.

i'm going to call now, i can't wait.

on the flip side of it, there's always going to be some chance this woman could have a heart attack or move out or get hit by a train or something over the next couple of months.

i guess the later court date makes the potential of working with management more plausible.

but, i really don't want to stay here any more, either. everybody on this street is a drunk and an addict. i want to get into a more stable atmosphere that's more conducive of healthy living.

i don't fit in here...

yeah.

i need one of the following.

1) move the court date up to may or june for the purposes of an august termination date.
2) move the requested termination date forward to october, to make sense of the july hearing date.

like, i don't know what i'm doing on canada day, but i know i won't be spending it in this building with these people.

i may have to stay in this summer to save up to move.

it's going to be terrible music and stoned idiots for days...

i really don't want to be anywhere near this place on the day it's legalized.

i want to be in a nice cold burrow somewhere.

or, i'm going to have to plan to move on august 1st, regardless.

if i don't get moving costs, i can't move my furniture. and it would probably cost less to buy new furniture than it would to move it.

no; i need to call.

first thing monday morning.

my hearing is on july 5th, which is a major problem.

i mailed the forms on april 20th, expecting a hearing date some time at the end of may. that would give me a ruling in june, allow me to give last month's rent for july and move at the beginning of august.

i picked this timeline because the rental market is generally better for low-rent tenants in the summer. i'm competing with students.

if i cannot get the hearing until july, i am going to want to apply last month's rent to september and move on october 1st - the worst time of the year for moving.

and, i will no doubt end up in the same mess.

also, i really wanted to be out of this place before a recreational legalization date is set, as i don't want to be around these people past that date.

ugh.

i'm going to have to call them and see if i can get it moved up...

i am, indeed, stoned.

again.

:(.

and, it's not a little puff.

it's chain smoking.

for hours....

it's twenty minutes later, and it's still coming.

all i can do is maintain the journal for court.

again.

4:20 on a weekday morning.

by herself.

pathetic.

she thinks she's cool, though.

random example: i have two laptops on my coffee table.

one of them is a compaq evo from 2006 that has a broken video card and a 4gb of ram limit in it and is being sent out to a monitor (it's worthless.), and the other is a heavy duty compaq notebook from 1998 with 1 gb of ram and completely unserviceable parts.

i have a third laptop with a short in the system board.

you'd be lucky to get somebody to take this for free.

i have two pairs of speakers, both manufactured in the 1970s, and connected to receivers from the 1970s and the 1980s.

i have cathrode ray tube television set from the early 90s that i haven't plugged in since i moved in.

i have a jx-8p with no keys on it, and an ibanez strat copy with no electronics in it.

and, the components of my system that actually work are low end alesis units that i bought at the end of their life: a mixer that requires a firewire connection, an electronic drum kit that they stopped making in the 90s....

it's a bounty of wealth to me.

but, it's a pile of trash to the market.

fwiw, this apartment is full of broken and obsolete electronics that have virtually no resale value.

broken synthesizers, broken laptops, cheap guitars, a 15 year old pc with windows xp on it - it's not worth it.

the most valuable item in here is actually the couch.

i have no substantive income. i just buy a lot of things at pawn shops. it looks like a lot of expensive gear, but it isn't - it's a lot of hand me downs, a lot of legacy items bought on the cheap, stuff bought at pawn shops or garage sales and a lot of broken equipment waiting to be fixed.

you'd be lucky to get $500 from all of it, combined.

honestly.

the premise of a disabled person with an apartment full of expensive gear doesn't make sense; it doesn't make sense because it isn't true.

i'll point this out, though: you save a lot of money when you spend most of your life sober. you could no doubt buy some shiny things with all the money you literally burned away on drugs.

unlike you, i am a civilized and educated person that will use legal means to accomplish my goals, rather than intimidation and violence.

i did not intend to move into a drug-infested crack house.

but, i willingly concede that i don't fit in here, and am in the process of asking the court to get me out of the lease. you'll have to wait until this process completes before i can leave.

that said, your issue is with management, and not with me. i did not ask for a smoking ban, which is not legal to begin with. i asked for renovations in the unit below me, to ensure i had access to fresh air - a reasonable request in any conceivable context.

i should have been told about the nature of the building before i moved in; i would not have chosen this building had i known what it's like, here. again: this is negligence on behalf of management. and, you'll have to wait the situation out.

that said, i don't expect that the prohibition on smoking - which is not legal - will lift when i move, nor that i had anything to do with it, anyways. they were no doubt going to do this, anyways. it's a part of the new lease process, in effect on may 1st.

i might be an easy scapegoat, but you will regret any foolish behaviour. there are cameras in the building. and, there is only one suspect on this floor.

i will prosecute anybody involved to the full extent of the law.

once again: i need to warn people that i will have no problem giving you a criminal record if you do anything stupid that harms me.

i will defend myself, but i will not retaliate. i will ruin your life with a felony charge, instead.

and, i will send you to jail, if i can.

as i've stated many times, the correct way to listen to my records is with a pair of high quality phones, and free of outside distractions.

i'm not an 'entertainer' and i've never wanted to be one, either.

i wouldn't have the slightest idea how to put together a concert, and i'd probably never get over the stage fright. the few times i've been on stage, i've tended to face away from the crowd. have you ever seen footage of robert fripp? i'm boring like that.

i don't have "charisma".

i don't enjoy being the centre of attention.

i'm a studio musician - a producer, a behind-the-scenes type. and, if i was ever going to play in a band, it would be in a supporting role, like a bassist or a keyboard player.

i've never imagined that i'm ever going to perform any of this material. it's always been intended as purely recorded music...

that said, there was a period when i considered going to a production school. i'm not sure if i regret not going, or not. i think i would have run into the same basic problem, in the end - i wouldn't have been interested in making other people's music, and i'd just have ended up with a lot of skills i was able to teach myself, anyways. i'd almost certainly be where i am today, anyways.

i don't have a barrier preventing me from dealing with people, so much as i have an actual disinterest in dealing with people - i don't want some cure to make me more social, i want supports to allow me to exist in my vacuum.

judges really need to have a basic science education.

well...

i was looking forward to the rain to get the woman next door off the porch.

but, it seems like that was all the woman downstairs needed to stay inside to blaze.

she coughed less when she went outside, too. now she's hacking again. secondhand smoke is terrible for you.

there's no future here. i'm going to have to start looking on monday.

i'm glad i checked out what tricky's been up to over the last 20 years before blindly going.

i don't expect that i'd enjoy this concert.

i did a lot of walking in the sun on monday, but i got plenty of sleep monday night and tuesday morning.

that said, i didn't sleep much on the weekend, either.

...and, i actually slept all day.

i clearly needed it; i was exhausted for some reason.

i don't know why.

i still don't smell drugs in here, and i'm happy about the temperature.

i guess it's possible that my cycle just got out of sync. the fact is that i usually sleep in the afternoon.

but, it doesn't explain the red eyes when i got up to urinate this morning.

i should be awake all night, tonight. we'll see what it smells like.

it's weird.

i feel hungover.

i haven't had a drink, a toke or a cigarette since april 13th, at the last concert i went to. it's been second-hand smoke since.

i think i slept through a session, but i can't remember it, so how can i react?

but i'm just dead fucking tired.

i think i should have gotten most of the way through january yesterday, so i'm ok with carrying forward.

i'm going to eat, and then focus on cleaning in the other room, regardless of the situation. hopefully that wakes me up.

we're getting rain tonight and i'm excited about it. this might be my song this summer...

i'm not sure that she's even home.

tonight is weird, and not useful.

the smell is faint; it could be coming from anywhere, very much unlike the nights where it's pluming in from one direction.

i feel stoned. but, i'm also dehydrated and tired, and i'm having difficulty smelling anything at all.

i should be a little tired, but not like this.

so, i can feel the effects of the drug, but i can barely smell it, i can barely smell anything, and i'm not sure where it's coming from.

i might just be tired and dehydrated. which is kind of the same thing as being stoned, right?

i passed out a few hours ago. i'm just going to drink water and get some rest.

well...

i'm not certain it's coming from downstairs.

ugh.

she appears to be smoking inside tonight.

i'm going to have to start looking for something tomorrow.

so, the next period is from jan 10th to june 19th, when the music blog reappears, and it's about 500 pages, mostly from the primary phase of the election.

i found the primaries more interesting than the general; i didn't tune out entirely after bernie lost, but i never really saw trump as substantively different than clinton, or clinton as worth supporting for any other reason than to beat trump, so i more or less gave up on the election having an acceptable outcome when the candidates were announced.

i suspect a lot of americans had that feeling, too - and it's probably why trump won.

we'll see in the end if i want to carry through with this or not, but i should at least get a skeleton up.

remember that the main focus is the master list for the aleph discs.

the bay windows may indeed save the day.

let me try and get some work done.

great.

now, this smokestack next door has her friends over. maybe we've found the source of the windsor hum?

i'm considering lobbing al bundy jokes out the window.

ladies: i know grazing season is starting, but you seem to be lost; the grass is over there.

well...

there's currently not any smoke coming up from downstairs.

the woman next door is, however, chain smoking outside my window.

she appears to have been drunk before noon - cigarettes and vodka, the breakfast of champions.

this place is full of real winners.

so, i'm going to have to wait a few hours to clean up the bedroom. i've cleaned up the kitchen.

i want to start looking for something, but i'm going to give the situation one more chance. i could still cancel the application, remember.

and, i think i need to know how they're going to be admitting new tenants. are they going to make new tenants sign a no smoking clause? i didn't know this was coming, and it might be what she was talking about; while there is not a new law banning smokers, she may have been referring to the company's new lease policy when she was talking about a "law banning smoking inside" and how "existing tenants are grandfathered". i mean, she sounded like she was just full of shit. but, i can at least put together a broken thought, now. if so, i like my chances on this space becoming more habitable. because this is also a screen - smokers are bad tenants, all around. they're bad people, broadly speaking. a no smoking policy is going to mean a safer building, all around.

i would expect that rents in non-smoking buildings will be higher than rents in smoking buildings.

and, that smoking buildings are going to be horrifically disgusting carcinogenic tinder boxes....

we'll have to see how the courts interpret this, but the intent seems to be to make it easier for the landlord to evict smokers.

the residential tenancies act says nothing about smoke, and this observation is actually explicitly stated in the new lease. but, by including a smoking section in the lease, the landlord can conceivably remove a tenant for breaching the lease.

further, the smoking section is explicitly treated differently than the pets section; prohibition against pets is explicitly stated as void.

so, the government appears to be telling the courts that landlords have the right to discriminate on these grounds - and that is the appropriate legal language. we'll see what the courts say.

but, i don't expect that this new lease process will withhold a legal challenge - i expect that the court will strike down the smoking provision as overly broad.

unfortunately.

www.forms.ssb.gov.on.ca/mbs/ssb/forms/ssbforms.nsf/GetFileAttach/047-2229E~2/$File/2229E(Static).pdf

i needed to catch up on some sleep. i'm awake now....

it actually seems pleasant in here, right now.

you don't learn a lot from a physical. my blood pressure is 110/70, after a brisk walk on a nice day, so that's in a healthy range. i'll get my blood work done at the end of the week and go back mid-month.

he's never heard of estradiol hemihydrate and can't comment on the chemical differences. he'd refer me to the specialist in town, but the specialist in town won't talk to me, because he doesn't think i'm effeminate enough. *shrug*.

i'm not going to switch meds without a good talk with somebody. i might call the specialist myself.

i got my puffer refilled...

the rest of the day was spent grocery shopping, and i got a lot of the month's purchasing done, as lots of things were on sale. but, i can't find any chocolate soy.

i crashed in the evening and again overnight. i wanted to clean in here this morning but will do it today, instead.

i also woke up to a familiar annoyance: an air conditioner.

:(.

i don't understand why people don't enjoy the heat. we're tropical animals. we're supposed to like it when it's 30 degrees out.

right now, i'm in the frustrating scenario of having to deal with smokers outside and an a/c downstairs, and i don't know what is going to be worse. am i going to want to keep the windows closed because of the smokers, or open them because of the a/c?

this is such a disgusting, saddening scenario. and, again: i like the space, but the problem is the people around me.

it would be nice if i could just open the window - a/c or not - to let the fresh air in. you'd think that's a pretty basic human request. alas...

at least i have the bay windows. i'm hoping the temperature comes up nicely due to the sunlight through the glass fairly soon.

ok.

i'm at the exit point i wanted, which is when i finished my first record and then quit smoking.

i don't get back to the music again until june. there will no doubt be some posts made - to the alter-reality, reviews, show nights - but the music vlog is actually pretty much done. like, it's filled in the way i wanted it to be, from 2013--->2016.

that leaves me with roughly 1000 word doc pages left to rebuild the rest of 2016 with, most of it for the politics site, and i'm questioning whether i want to do this now or not. i have to at least sort through it. but i may be a little but picky about what i'm posting to the politics site, leaving the full rebuild for later.

i don't know what to expect this morning. i'm going to hand this woman a check and a letter, and tell her that the tenant below me is completely ignoring the new non-smoking policy, and continuing to chain smoke marijuana inside - as expected. i shouldn't expect her to do anything about this. but, then, why did she go around and hand out these notices?

the reason she did this was that the tenant below me was complaining that it wasn't fair that everybody else was allowed to smoke and she wasn't - again, just total grade school reasoning. but, they wanted to appear fair. so, they put this rule in place. and, now she's the only one not following it.

if i was the owner, that would really piss me off - you put a policy in place to accommodate her, and she just spits in your face. that would tell me that she has no interest in working with management.

but, it's not clear what they can substantively do about it, due to the absurd laws in this province that make it nearly impossible to throw her out.

it's a really surreal situation. this nihilistic drug addict has got us all held hostage, and the law is designed to facilitate it.

but, i'm starting to recognize that my time here may not include any actual recording. and, if that is the case, i may just go ahead and rebuild.

if i can get through the next section quickly, the next thing to do is to start writing for the alter-reality: 2017 & the first half, now, of 2018. this will permanently close my first 15 releases, or so.

it's really, really, really disgusting.

45 minutes later, the smoke is still pluming.

i'm not joking.

it's like she's running a fog machine.

i was hoping to finish up to my first record tonight and then spend the morning cleaning myself up.

we'll see how much longer i can stay awake for.

it's a really visceral, burning hate.

i've never hated somebody as much as i hate this person.

again: the problem is not the drug. the problem is the user.

this woman should be put through a fucking meat grinder and fed to the homeless.

what a fucking useless waste of oxygen.

i'm stoned.

i'm going to fall asleep.....

the smoke in here is so thick that i can see it.

it's not one joint.

it's joint after joint after joint.

on a monday fucking morning.

pathetic.

it's been pluming smoke for 25 minutes.

i'd like to go down there and beat the fucking shit out of her right now, i really fucking would.

if you have to get stoned on monday fucking morning, if you're that goddamned fucking pathetic, why can't you transport your fat piece of fucking shit ass outside to do it?

it's monday morning.

i'm trying to work...

i have an appointment in a few hours.

most people have to go to work in the morning.

the last thing i want to be right now is stoned.

:(

like, i'm left here wondering if this fucking disgusting piece of shit is trying to get me stoned, and, if so why?

that is simply not one person smoking one joint.

that is a group of people smoking many joints.

this is so remarkably frustrating.

it's absolutely brutal, tonight.

we're going to court....

concerns about my door are subsiding, at least for the night.

"so why don't you just be an effiminate male?"

well, to a certain extent, i guess i am, right?

at the end of the day, i don't care whether you want to call me a trans-female or a total fag. these are just labels. boxes. and, i don't really see why you'd treat me any differently if you thought i was merely a complete fag, rather than a woman.

so, you can ask me: what's the difference?

well, i dunno. you're the one that's insisting on it, not me.

and, let me tell you: if they survive the encounter, they won't be living here much longer. that's grounds for immediate eviction.

you can't quantify stupidity. and, we know these people are stupid...i'm just hoping they're not too drunk and/or tweaked out...

you don't want to be in a room alone with me when i'm feeling threatened, because i will lash out like an angry animal.

so, i'm half expecting these idiots to do something stupid tonight.

let it be written here that i might have overheard a threat to knock the door down.

see, the thing is that i'm not sure what i heard, and i didn't see anybody say it. if i had, i'd be contacting the police.

i have no patience for macho bullshit, and i don't suffer stupidity at all.

but, let it be known that i am not a bleeding heart, and that i am not afraid to seriously hurt anybody willing to enter my apartment using force. in fact, i'm likely to kill that person with my bare hands, rip out their heart with my teeth and shit on their remains.

you only think i'm exaggerating.

i really never saw myself as a smoker. i mean, i acknowledged i was. but, i never intended to start smoking habitually, and i was basically in the process of quitting from the time i realized i was.

i started smoking to stay awake because i was working and going to school at the same time. it was either nicotine or cocaine. i think i picked the better option.

and, it really does keep you awake and alert. it's the best stimulant there is. really.

so, how do you quit smoking when you have exams next week? you can't; you need to study, so you need to stay awake, so you need to smoke.

and, then how do you quit when you're working two jobs? or...

i would routinely quit for three-four weeks at a time, over and over again. so, it's really more accurate for me to say something like that i was a smoker around 70% of the time, between 2002-2016 - and a non-smoker about 30% of the time.

i never tried to rationalize it; i knew it was unhealthy, but i'd always quit next week. and, i was never happy about it, but i had to find some way to stay awake, whether i liked it or not.

whenever i had a down period, i'd get most of the way there. but, as soon as i had anything substantive to do, the smoking would start up again.

so, nobody should be surprised by how militant i'm being about this: even when i smoked, i was very anti-smoking, as weird as that sounds.

it follows that if you ever see me with a cigarette in my hand, you can be sure i'm either already drunk or on the way there.

if i end up going to court with this, all parties should expect an affidavit from me, declaring the following:

1) i finally definitively quit smoking cigarettes as a habit at the beginning of 2016, after smoking habitually from 2002-2016, with many attempts to quit over the period.
2) i have never been a habitual marijuana smoker.
3) i have never had a medical marijuana card.
4) as a rule, i have never smoked inside of any dwelling that i've inhabited; i've always smoked outside. i have not smoked anything - at all - inside of the apartment in question.
5) while i may have relapsed a couple of times due to overwhelming stress, including at the end of 2017, because quitting smoking is hard, those relapses have been short-lived and are not evidence of hidden habits. all relapses have been carried out exclusively outside of the dwelling in question.
6) i acknowledge that i may continue to smoke casually when i'm drinking, meaning when i'm at the bar. this is infrequent and likewise does not suggest habitual use - it is behaviour relegated strictly to bar patios and other places of alcohol consumption.

those are the facts.

you don't have to like them.

but please stop disputing them.

clearly, i crashed.

i need to get some work done today.

it's clear that she's still smoking inside, but less clear whether she's leaving or not. i woke up to an overhang of tobacco smoke, and have noticed some minor plumes. but, i continue to hear a lot of banging downstairs.

i guess if she's leaving then she'll want to be out by the first.

and, i'll wait until the first before i start making daily complaints. it's just going to be something like:

"yeah. she's still smoking. *click*."

again: you can't just order an addict to stop.

unfortunately, when your apartment constantly smells like drugs and smoke, it's hard to see the value in things like laundry and showering because everything smells bad again in minutes, anyways.

i'm going to have to redo the last load i did.

but i'm coming up against my own stench, right now.

and i actually think that's a good sign - if i can smell myself over the background radiation.

i've been sitting here for hours, unsure if i'm going to fall asleep or not.

either i'll get to work or i'll fall asleep.

i think that when i do crash, i'll be happy to get something a little less broken.

the air is better tonight, but we'll see how long that lasts. i'm even considering showering...