i had to eat a little early after the blood test, and then ended up crashing, but it was merely a nap. nonetheless, i've been blurry all night - i think the coffee's finally started working again.

that said, the air quality seems to be better tonight. hope i didn't waste it. let's get started...

i got my blood taken. almost fainted, and i think he left a bruise. whatever.

seems like a boring weekend here. well, relative to my tastes. and, the weather is not conducive to drunken adventures and/or mindless dancing.

i think i'm staying in....

that will give me the chance to try and get through a good chunk of what's left, and get ready for serious house-hunting on...

...wednesday, actually. just 'cause i have the follow-up on tuesday, and it compartmentalizes that way.

could i get done by tuesday?

well, that depends on how much time i'm forced to waste sleeping.

*sigh*.

another day cut-off early due to tiredness caused by second-hand smoke.

i'm going to nap now so i can get up to get to the lab.

these people shouldn't exist. they shouldn't be allowed to exist. they should just disappear.

and, it's another thing, though: why are you so boring that you smoke drugs at the same time every day?

why not be a little more spontaneous about it?

it's another thing that takes the fun out of drugs.

fuck schedules.

maybe i should make something clear.

my schedule is erratic. but, generally speaking, 4:20 am is neither the beginning of the day for me, nor is it the end of it.

it's often just a point in the middle of it.

today, i want to be awake all morning and go to an appointment around noon.

i do not want to be stoned.

i do not want to go to sleep.

at all.

the smoke in here was heavy tonight (and i'm documenting this for the court date.), but the windows are also completely wide open. the wet weather is helping a lot....

i just finished season 3, which is up to february 8th.

time to eat. and fast.

and, hopefully i get another good chunk in afterwards.

today is a good example of how the smoke from downstairs is degrading my quality of life.

i woke up late in the evening, meaning i should have been able to stay awake until the afternoon, at least. but, she started blazing at 7:00, and i was passed out like a rock by 8:00 - and not able to molve again until after 2:00.

i wanted to hit my blood test this morning; i even fasted overnight for it. instead, i wasted the day sleeping.

i wanted to get my estrogen tested, but then i got high.

...even though, i'm of course not actually getting high, i'm just getting a headache and falling asleep.

:(.

i ended up leaving in a dirty rush - uncombed hair, unshaved face. like, just gross looking. but, i forgot my sheet, so i had to go back home.

i guess i'll have to try again tomorrow.

i got up to the end of january done last night and i'm going to try and push through a little further tonight.

i need to start looking for a new apartment on monday at the latest.

so, i got a message this afternoon denying my request to move the hearing up. what they said was that changes to the process are going to lead to longer delays, and i was simply scheduled as quickly as i could be.

i've looked into the amending process as well, and the person i talked to on the phone seems to have misunderstood what i requested.

i can't walk into a hearing on july 5th with the possibility of severing the lease on august 1st, and hope it's extended until september or october. that's insane. i could end up homeless. i mean, i should have more faith in the system than that, but i'm not into taking stupid risks.

so, the realistic options i have in front of me are to withdraw & resubmit or to negotiate an exit to the lease, and use the hearing strictly for the purposes of requesting damages.

i don't think that the owners are going to have a problem with me giving them notice.

i've decided that i need to move. there's no way around it. now, the hallways are full of shit again, too; this place is disgusting. no, let me be more clear: this place is full of disgusting people. if i don't get damages, i'm going to need to move, anyways, even if i have to leave some furniture behind. so, i'd might as well just give them 60 days.

i need to get my bloodwork done tomorrow. i was hoping to spend the day working, but i should get a few hours in, at least.

and...i guess i should start looking for august 1st asap.

this sucks. but there's not a better answer.

maybe i am feeling a little unusually hungover after all.

i finally crashed about 6:00 this morning, and i've barely been able to move, since. but, i actually think that this has a lot to do with the downstairs tenant's move back to indoor smoking, because i was fine before that happened - and it's whatever that she's smoking that consistently knocks me out like this, rather than anything else.

i didn't do anything today except sleep.

and, i'm still feeling tired & miserable in the familiar way caused by that second-hand smoke. but i'm going to try and get up to eat.

it has to be unusually high cbd, and almost no thc, because it really does just give you a headache and make you want to sleep for a week.

she'd might as well just be taking valium...

and, i'm left to wonder: did she ever smoke recreationally? does she know what marijuana is supposed to feel like, or did she just get diagnosed by some quack and pushed something that is powerful enough that some people think it might help with heroin addiction?

the kind of pot i'm used to smoking here and there is not going to help anybody with heroin addiction. i think i want to avoid anything that's been engineered to be that powerful, that's for sure.

she's been blazing hard since she got into that fight downstairs, and i just have to repeat what i've said before: the pot she's smoking doesn't get you high, it just makes you overwhelmingly tired. it's like getting hit with a tranquillizer. why does she even enjoy this?

on saturday night, i drank two shots of jager before i left, took a shot of vodka at the bus stop (don't ask.), drank half a rockstar vodka on the way to hamtramck, had four beers at the bar, finished the rock star vodka, nearly chugged a tall boy and then got through three cranberry somethings of questionable integrity before i blacked out, all without falling asleep. in between, i found some random hits of pot.

but, the second hand smoke from the "medical" marijuana user downstairs is frequently enough to physically knock me out.

it's nasty stuff, whatever it is.

don't expect to have any fun smoking this buzzkill prozac shit...

how's the smoke situation?

for a few days, it seemed like the "medical" user below me & the tobacco smokestack outside my window had become hard and fast friends, sitting outside and smoking together and bonding over their shared love of constant inebriation. that made it impossible to open the window, but seemed to keep the smoke outside of the unit, reducing the environmental problem solely to the a/c.

but, this relationship does not appear to have lasted; their dogs appear to have ended up fighting, and the 'medical' user is now back inside.

worse, she may now have anxiety about smoking outside because she's afraid of the neighbour.

*shrug*.

again: it's probably better that this happened sooner. i was worried that i might withdraw, only to have the situation immediately reverse.

but, i shouldn't be surprised that they couldn't stay friends for more than a few days, should i?

i got my rescheduling request in this morning. i'll call tomorrow to request a response.

so, i can try both things.

1) i can fill out a form to push the date forward.
2) if that gets denied, i can fill out a form to amend the application.

i'll get that in on monday.

meaning i can relax my mind a little this weekend.

i'm going to call now, i can't wait.

on the flip side of it, there's always going to be some chance this woman could have a heart attack or move out or get hit by a train or something over the next couple of months.

i guess the later court date makes the potential of working with management more plausible.

but, i really don't want to stay here any more, either. everybody on this street is a drunk and an addict. i want to get into a more stable atmosphere that's more conducive of healthy living.

i don't fit in here...

yeah.

i need one of the following.

1) move the court date up to may or june for the purposes of an august termination date.
2) move the requested termination date forward to october, to make sense of the july hearing date.

like, i don't know what i'm doing on canada day, but i know i won't be spending it in this building with these people.

i may have to stay in this summer to save up to move.

it's going to be terrible music and stoned idiots for days...

i really don't want to be anywhere near this place on the day it's legalized.

i want to be in a nice cold burrow somewhere.

or, i'm going to have to plan to move on august 1st, regardless.

if i don't get moving costs, i can't move my furniture. and it would probably cost less to buy new furniture than it would to move it.

no; i need to call.

first thing monday morning.

my hearing is on july 5th, which is a major problem.

i mailed the forms on april 20th, expecting a hearing date some time at the end of may. that would give me a ruling in june, allow me to give last month's rent for july and move at the beginning of august.

i picked this timeline because the rental market is generally better for low-rent tenants in the summer. i'm competing with students.

if i cannot get the hearing until july, i am going to want to apply last month's rent to september and move on october 1st - the worst time of the year for moving.

and, i will no doubt end up in the same mess.

also, i really wanted to be out of this place before a recreational legalization date is set, as i don't want to be around these people past that date.

ugh.

i'm going to have to call them and see if i can get it moved up...

i am, indeed, stoned.

again.

:(.

and, it's not a little puff.

it's chain smoking.

for hours....

it's twenty minutes later, and it's still coming.

all i can do is maintain the journal for court.

again.

4:20 on a weekday morning.

by herself.

pathetic.

she thinks she's cool, though.

random example: i have two laptops on my coffee table.

one of them is a compaq evo from 2006 that has a broken video card and a 4gb of ram limit in it and is being sent out to a monitor (it's worthless.), and the other is a heavy duty compaq notebook from 1998 with 1 gb of ram and completely unserviceable parts.

i have a third laptop with a short in the system board.

you'd be lucky to get somebody to take this for free.

i have two pairs of speakers, both manufactured in the 1970s, and connected to receivers from the 1970s and the 1980s.

i have cathrode ray tube television set from the early 90s that i haven't plugged in since i moved in.

i have a jx-8p with no keys on it, and an ibanez strat copy with no electronics in it.

and, the components of my system that actually work are low end alesis units that i bought at the end of their life: a mixer that requires a firewire connection, an electronic drum kit that they stopped making in the 90s....

it's a bounty of wealth to me.

but, it's a pile of trash to the market.

fwiw, this apartment is full of broken and obsolete electronics that have virtually no resale value.

broken synthesizers, broken laptops, cheap guitars, a 15 year old pc with windows xp on it - it's not worth it.

the most valuable item in here is actually the couch.

i have no substantive income. i just buy a lot of things at pawn shops. it looks like a lot of expensive gear, but it isn't - it's a lot of hand me downs, a lot of legacy items bought on the cheap, stuff bought at pawn shops or garage sales and a lot of broken equipment waiting to be fixed.

you'd be lucky to get $500 from all of it, combined.

honestly.

the premise of a disabled person with an apartment full of expensive gear doesn't make sense; it doesn't make sense because it isn't true.

i'll point this out, though: you save a lot of money when you spend most of your life sober. you could no doubt buy some shiny things with all the money you literally burned away on drugs.

unlike you, i am a civilized and educated person that will use legal means to accomplish my goals, rather than intimidation and violence.

i did not intend to move into a drug-infested crack house.

but, i willingly concede that i don't fit in here, and am in the process of asking the court to get me out of the lease. you'll have to wait until this process completes before i can leave.

that said, your issue is with management, and not with me. i did not ask for a smoking ban, which is not legal to begin with. i asked for renovations in the unit below me, to ensure i had access to fresh air - a reasonable request in any conceivable context.

i should have been told about the nature of the building before i moved in; i would not have chosen this building had i known what it's like, here. again: this is negligence on behalf of management. and, you'll have to wait the situation out.

that said, i don't expect that the prohibition on smoking - which is not legal - will lift when i move, nor that i had anything to do with it, anyways. they were no doubt going to do this, anyways. it's a part of the new lease process, in effect on may 1st.

i might be an easy scapegoat, but you will regret any foolish behaviour. there are cameras in the building. and, there is only one suspect on this floor.

i will prosecute anybody involved to the full extent of the law.

once again: i need to warn people that i will have no problem giving you a criminal record if you do anything stupid that harms me.

i will defend myself, but i will not retaliate. i will ruin your life with a felony charge, instead.

and, i will send you to jail, if i can.

as i've stated many times, the correct way to listen to my records is with a pair of high quality phones, and free of outside distractions.

i'm not an 'entertainer' and i've never wanted to be one, either.

i wouldn't have the slightest idea how to put together a concert, and i'd probably never get over the stage fright. the few times i've been on stage, i've tended to face away from the crowd. have you ever seen footage of robert fripp? i'm boring like that.

i don't have "charisma".

i don't enjoy being the centre of attention.

i'm a studio musician - a producer, a behind-the-scenes type. and, if i was ever going to play in a band, it would be in a supporting role, like a bassist or a keyboard player.

i've never imagined that i'm ever going to perform any of this material. it's always been intended as purely recorded music...

that said, there was a period when i considered going to a production school. i'm not sure if i regret not going, or not. i think i would have run into the same basic problem, in the end - i wouldn't have been interested in making other people's music, and i'd just have ended up with a lot of skills i was able to teach myself, anyways. i'd almost certainly be where i am today, anyways.

i don't have a barrier preventing me from dealing with people, so much as i have an actual disinterest in dealing with people - i don't want some cure to make me more social, i want supports to allow me to exist in my vacuum.

judges really need to have a basic science education.

well...

i was looking forward to the rain to get the woman next door off the porch.

but, it seems like that was all the woman downstairs needed to stay inside to blaze.

she coughed less when she went outside, too. now she's hacking again. secondhand smoke is terrible for you.

there's no future here. i'm going to have to start looking on monday.

i'm glad i checked out what tricky's been up to over the last 20 years before blindly going.

i don't expect that i'd enjoy this concert.

i did a lot of walking in the sun on monday, but i got plenty of sleep monday night and tuesday morning.

that said, i didn't sleep much on the weekend, either.

...and, i actually slept all day.

i clearly needed it; i was exhausted for some reason.

i don't know why.

i still don't smell drugs in here, and i'm happy about the temperature.

i guess it's possible that my cycle just got out of sync. the fact is that i usually sleep in the afternoon.

but, it doesn't explain the red eyes when i got up to urinate this morning.

i should be awake all night, tonight. we'll see what it smells like.

it's weird.

i feel hungover.

i haven't had a drink, a toke or a cigarette since april 13th, at the last concert i went to. it's been second-hand smoke since.

i think i slept through a session, but i can't remember it, so how can i react?

but i'm just dead fucking tired.

i think i should have gotten most of the way through january yesterday, so i'm ok with carrying forward.

i'm going to eat, and then focus on cleaning in the other room, regardless of the situation. hopefully that wakes me up.

we're getting rain tonight and i'm excited about it. this might be my song this summer...

i'm not sure that she's even home.

tonight is weird, and not useful.

the smell is faint; it could be coming from anywhere, very much unlike the nights where it's pluming in from one direction.

i feel stoned. but, i'm also dehydrated and tired, and i'm having difficulty smelling anything at all.

i should be a little tired, but not like this.

so, i can feel the effects of the drug, but i can barely smell it, i can barely smell anything, and i'm not sure where it's coming from.

i might just be tired and dehydrated. which is kind of the same thing as being stoned, right?

i passed out a few hours ago. i'm just going to drink water and get some rest.

well...

i'm not certain it's coming from downstairs.

ugh.

she appears to be smoking inside tonight.

i'm going to have to start looking for something tomorrow.

so, the next period is from jan 10th to june 19th, when the music blog reappears, and it's about 500 pages, mostly from the primary phase of the election.

i found the primaries more interesting than the general; i didn't tune out entirely after bernie lost, but i never really saw trump as substantively different than clinton, or clinton as worth supporting for any other reason than to beat trump, so i more or less gave up on the election having an acceptable outcome when the candidates were announced.

i suspect a lot of americans had that feeling, too - and it's probably why trump won.

we'll see in the end if i want to carry through with this or not, but i should at least get a skeleton up.

remember that the main focus is the master list for the aleph discs.

the bay windows may indeed save the day.

let me try and get some work done.

great.

now, this smokestack next door has her friends over. maybe we've found the source of the windsor hum?

i'm considering lobbing al bundy jokes out the window.

ladies: i know grazing season is starting, but you seem to be lost; the grass is over there.

well...

there's currently not any smoke coming up from downstairs.

the woman next door is, however, chain smoking outside my window.

she appears to have been drunk before noon - cigarettes and vodka, the breakfast of champions.

this place is full of real winners.

so, i'm going to have to wait a few hours to clean up the bedroom. i've cleaned up the kitchen.

i want to start looking for something, but i'm going to give the situation one more chance. i could still cancel the application, remember.

and, i think i need to know how they're going to be admitting new tenants. are they going to make new tenants sign a no smoking clause? i didn't know this was coming, and it might be what she was talking about; while there is not a new law banning smokers, she may have been referring to the company's new lease policy when she was talking about a "law banning smoking inside" and how "existing tenants are grandfathered". i mean, she sounded like she was just full of shit. but, i can at least put together a broken thought, now. if so, i like my chances on this space becoming more habitable. because this is also a screen - smokers are bad tenants, all around. they're bad people, broadly speaking. a no smoking policy is going to mean a safer building, all around.

i would expect that rents in non-smoking buildings will be higher than rents in smoking buildings.

and, that smoking buildings are going to be horrifically disgusting carcinogenic tinder boxes....

we'll have to see how the courts interpret this, but the intent seems to be to make it easier for the landlord to evict smokers.

the residential tenancies act says nothing about smoke, and this observation is actually explicitly stated in the new lease. but, by including a smoking section in the lease, the landlord can conceivably remove a tenant for breaching the lease.

further, the smoking section is explicitly treated differently than the pets section; prohibition against pets is explicitly stated as void.

so, the government appears to be telling the courts that landlords have the right to discriminate on these grounds - and that is the appropriate legal language. we'll see what the courts say.

but, i don't expect that this new lease process will withhold a legal challenge - i expect that the court will strike down the smoking provision as overly broad.

unfortunately.

www.forms.ssb.gov.on.ca/mbs/ssb/forms/ssbforms.nsf/GetFileAttach/047-2229E~2/$File/2229E(Static).pdf

i needed to catch up on some sleep. i'm awake now....

it actually seems pleasant in here, right now.

you don't learn a lot from a physical. my blood pressure is 110/70, after a brisk walk on a nice day, so that's in a healthy range. i'll get my blood work done at the end of the week and go back mid-month.

he's never heard of estradiol hemihydrate and can't comment on the chemical differences. he'd refer me to the specialist in town, but the specialist in town won't talk to me, because he doesn't think i'm effeminate enough. *shrug*.

i'm not going to switch meds without a good talk with somebody. i might call the specialist myself.

i got my puffer refilled...

the rest of the day was spent grocery shopping, and i got a lot of the month's purchasing done, as lots of things were on sale. but, i can't find any chocolate soy.

i crashed in the evening and again overnight. i wanted to clean in here this morning but will do it today, instead.

i also woke up to a familiar annoyance: an air conditioner.

:(.

i don't understand why people don't enjoy the heat. we're tropical animals. we're supposed to like it when it's 30 degrees out.

right now, i'm in the frustrating scenario of having to deal with smokers outside and an a/c downstairs, and i don't know what is going to be worse. am i going to want to keep the windows closed because of the smokers, or open them because of the a/c?

this is such a disgusting, saddening scenario. and, again: i like the space, but the problem is the people around me.

it would be nice if i could just open the window - a/c or not - to let the fresh air in. you'd think that's a pretty basic human request. alas...

at least i have the bay windows. i'm hoping the temperature comes up nicely due to the sunlight through the glass fairly soon.

ok.

i'm at the exit point i wanted, which is when i finished my first record and then quit smoking.

i don't get back to the music again until june. there will no doubt be some posts made - to the alter-reality, reviews, show nights - but the music vlog is actually pretty much done. like, it's filled in the way i wanted it to be, from 2013--->2016.

that leaves me with roughly 1000 word doc pages left to rebuild the rest of 2016 with, most of it for the politics site, and i'm questioning whether i want to do this now or not. i have to at least sort through it. but i may be a little but picky about what i'm posting to the politics site, leaving the full rebuild for later.

i don't know what to expect this morning. i'm going to hand this woman a check and a letter, and tell her that the tenant below me is completely ignoring the new non-smoking policy, and continuing to chain smoke marijuana inside - as expected. i shouldn't expect her to do anything about this. but, then, why did she go around and hand out these notices?

the reason she did this was that the tenant below me was complaining that it wasn't fair that everybody else was allowed to smoke and she wasn't - again, just total grade school reasoning. but, they wanted to appear fair. so, they put this rule in place. and, now she's the only one not following it.

if i was the owner, that would really piss me off - you put a policy in place to accommodate her, and she just spits in your face. that would tell me that she has no interest in working with management.

but, it's not clear what they can substantively do about it, due to the absurd laws in this province that make it nearly impossible to throw her out.

it's a really surreal situation. this nihilistic drug addict has got us all held hostage, and the law is designed to facilitate it.

but, i'm starting to recognize that my time here may not include any actual recording. and, if that is the case, i may just go ahead and rebuild.

if i can get through the next section quickly, the next thing to do is to start writing for the alter-reality: 2017 & the first half, now, of 2018. this will permanently close my first 15 releases, or so.

it's really, really, really disgusting.

45 minutes later, the smoke is still pluming.

i'm not joking.

it's like she's running a fog machine.

i was hoping to finish up to my first record tonight and then spend the morning cleaning myself up.

we'll see how much longer i can stay awake for.

it's a really visceral, burning hate.

i've never hated somebody as much as i hate this person.

again: the problem is not the drug. the problem is the user.

this woman should be put through a fucking meat grinder and fed to the homeless.

what a fucking useless waste of oxygen.

i'm stoned.

i'm going to fall asleep.....

the smoke in here is so thick that i can see it.

it's not one joint.

it's joint after joint after joint.

on a monday fucking morning.

pathetic.

it's been pluming smoke for 25 minutes.

i'd like to go down there and beat the fucking shit out of her right now, i really fucking would.

if you have to get stoned on monday fucking morning, if you're that goddamned fucking pathetic, why can't you transport your fat piece of fucking shit ass outside to do it?

it's monday morning.

i'm trying to work...

i have an appointment in a few hours.

most people have to go to work in the morning.

the last thing i want to be right now is stoned.

:(

like, i'm left here wondering if this fucking disgusting piece of shit is trying to get me stoned, and, if so why?

that is simply not one person smoking one joint.

that is a group of people smoking many joints.

this is so remarkably frustrating.

it's absolutely brutal, tonight.

we're going to court....

concerns about my door are subsiding, at least for the night.

"so why don't you just be an effiminate male?"

well, to a certain extent, i guess i am, right?

at the end of the day, i don't care whether you want to call me a trans-female or a total fag. these are just labels. boxes. and, i don't really see why you'd treat me any differently if you thought i was merely a complete fag, rather than a woman.

so, you can ask me: what's the difference?

well, i dunno. you're the one that's insisting on it, not me.

and, let me tell you: if they survive the encounter, they won't be living here much longer. that's grounds for immediate eviction.

you can't quantify stupidity. and, we know these people are stupid...i'm just hoping they're not too drunk and/or tweaked out...

you don't want to be in a room alone with me when i'm feeling threatened, because i will lash out like an angry animal.

so, i'm half expecting these idiots to do something stupid tonight.

let it be written here that i might have overheard a threat to knock the door down.

see, the thing is that i'm not sure what i heard, and i didn't see anybody say it. if i had, i'd be contacting the police.

i have no patience for macho bullshit, and i don't suffer stupidity at all.

but, let it be known that i am not a bleeding heart, and that i am not afraid to seriously hurt anybody willing to enter my apartment using force. in fact, i'm likely to kill that person with my bare hands, rip out their heart with my teeth and shit on their remains.

you only think i'm exaggerating.

i really never saw myself as a smoker. i mean, i acknowledged i was. but, i never intended to start smoking habitually, and i was basically in the process of quitting from the time i realized i was.

i started smoking to stay awake because i was working and going to school at the same time. it was either nicotine or cocaine. i think i picked the better option.

and, it really does keep you awake and alert. it's the best stimulant there is. really.

so, how do you quit smoking when you have exams next week? you can't; you need to study, so you need to stay awake, so you need to smoke.

and, then how do you quit when you're working two jobs? or...

i would routinely quit for three-four weeks at a time, over and over again. so, it's really more accurate for me to say something like that i was a smoker around 70% of the time, between 2002-2016 - and a non-smoker about 30% of the time.

i never tried to rationalize it; i knew it was unhealthy, but i'd always quit next week. and, i was never happy about it, but i had to find some way to stay awake, whether i liked it or not.

whenever i had a down period, i'd get most of the way there. but, as soon as i had anything substantive to do, the smoking would start up again.

so, nobody should be surprised by how militant i'm being about this: even when i smoked, i was very anti-smoking, as weird as that sounds.

it follows that if you ever see me with a cigarette in my hand, you can be sure i'm either already drunk or on the way there.

if i end up going to court with this, all parties should expect an affidavit from me, declaring the following:

1) i finally definitively quit smoking cigarettes as a habit at the beginning of 2016, after smoking habitually from 2002-2016, with many attempts to quit over the period.
2) i have never been a habitual marijuana smoker.
3) i have never had a medical marijuana card.
4) as a rule, i have never smoked inside of any dwelling that i've inhabited; i've always smoked outside. i have not smoked anything - at all - inside of the apartment in question.
5) while i may have relapsed a couple of times due to overwhelming stress, including at the end of 2017, because quitting smoking is hard, those relapses have been short-lived and are not evidence of hidden habits. all relapses have been carried out exclusively outside of the dwelling in question.
6) i acknowledge that i may continue to smoke casually when i'm drinking, meaning when i'm at the bar. this is infrequent and likewise does not suggest habitual use - it is behaviour relegated strictly to bar patios and other places of alcohol consumption.

those are the facts.

you don't have to like them.

but please stop disputing them.

clearly, i crashed.

i need to get some work done today.

it's clear that she's still smoking inside, but less clear whether she's leaving or not. i woke up to an overhang of tobacco smoke, and have noticed some minor plumes. but, i continue to hear a lot of banging downstairs.

i guess if she's leaving then she'll want to be out by the first.

and, i'll wait until the first before i start making daily complaints. it's just going to be something like:

"yeah. she's still smoking. *click*."

again: you can't just order an addict to stop.

unfortunately, when your apartment constantly smells like drugs and smoke, it's hard to see the value in things like laundry and showering because everything smells bad again in minutes, anyways.

i'm going to have to redo the last load i did.

but i'm coming up against my own stench, right now.

and i actually think that's a good sign - if i can smell myself over the background radiation.

i've been sitting here for hours, unsure if i'm going to fall asleep or not.

either i'll get to work or i'll fall asleep.

i think that when i do crash, i'll be happy to get something a little less broken.

the air is better tonight, but we'll see how long that lasts. i'm even considering showering...

yeah, i got the regular estrace and paid the difference.

the physical is on monday.

the blood test will be some time next week.

and, we can talk about dosages and medication decisions when the results come back, in mid-may.

i could very well switch, in the end; this is just not the right time to play with this.

i'm apprehensive about this.

since i had my dosage increased a little over two years ago, i haven't felt as though my estrogen levels were low.

and, i feel that this should be measured empirically, rather than guessed at.

i will have a blood test this upcoming week; this is the wrong time for this experiment. it's just going to fuck up the test results.

so, i'm going to take the pills back and ask for the estrace, and then act as though i missed a dose.

wait.

this isn't a generic estrace, it's a hemihydrate.

the difference appears to be that the regular estrace needs to go through your liver, whereas the hemi-hydrate is just estrogen surrounded by water, and so absorbs on contact. but, if you take estrogen like this, you get a spike of estrogen and then a fall - which is likely to lead to mood swings. and, i kind of don't like the idea of taking estrogen like a drug. i want constant and stable levels, not to get high on hormones and then crash.

i know that i don't want to do this through absorption - i want my liver to regulate it - but i don't know if it's going to be as effective, taken orally. logic kind of tells me that it's going to get ruined in my stomach, if it's just estrogen surrounded by water.

i have an appointment on monday...

but, let's see what i can learn about this in the short run.

hey, here's some good news - new ownership at the local shopper's has got my pills down in cost by ~25%.

they claim it's due to moving to generics.

here's the thing: i knew generics were less expensive the whole time, and i actually shopped around a few years ago, but everybody gave me the same price. the price went up a lot at one point at the beginning of 2016, and the answer i got had to do with the brand switching. i explicitly asked for generics, and they told me something about distributors. now, the pharmacist randomly switches me back to generics and is claiming he always had generics.

?

$20+/month over two years adds up to around $500. i should probably be kind of irked.

and, i know that the previous management didn't like the fact that she couldn't refuse me service, or set her own prices to get me out of the store. she seemed to be both religious + very pro-market. but, she bought a chain store in canada, inheriting two layers of strict rules. she really didn't have the right to discriminate against me, and nobody was going to let her do it - not even her employees.

i'm going to guess that they probably did run out of generics at some point two years ago, and they didn't switch me back when the generics came back in. the new management noticed the problem, and fixed it.

so, thanks. i guess.

i don't have an argument for a claim, because i received what i paid for. i don't think the store made anything from it - it was more about enforcing a value system than making a profit.

*shrug*.

let's just look forwards...

see, now it's after 2:00, so she's extra sure that mom & dad are asleep.

ugh.

like, she seems to have reacted to the situation this afternoon by turning the cure up really loud and going in her room and pouting.

as though she'd been grounded.

"it's not fair!" - with eyeliner picking up marijuana smoke, running amuck through kyoto song.

the thing is that she's like 45.

arrested development. entitlement. just a spoiled brat. call it what you will. but, it has to end soon, one way or another.

you're going to get arguments like "but it was after midnight" or "but it was after 4:00", like that matters - because, in her warped concept of logic, it actually does, because that's when her parents went to sleep and she could do what she wants.

this is what i'm dealing with, here.

there's no logic to it.

it's been mostly ok most of the night, but she seems to be smoking right now.

it's not exactly overwhelming. yet.

but, it demonstrates the problem, which is the addiction itself. she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong. so, she's going to push it and push it until we're back where we were. and, that's why i had to file to the board - she's just not interested in making the choice of complying.

she's like a 12 year old. really.

that said, i think i overheard her say she was moving in with her daughter.

that would be nice...

you can't just tell a drug addict to stop doing drugs.

that's not how this works.

i woke up to a bit of a curveball.

the property manager showed up a little after 11:00, and handed me a new set of building regulations.

- no smoking
- no drugs

hrmmn.

everybody in this building smokes pot. this was never my intent, but i guess the owner had to buckle.

if the other tenants are upset about the universal application of the rules, they should blame her, and not me. i only care about my own unit. she's the one that cried that it's not fair. it's her fault.

that said, these rules are not enforceable, and i don't have any faith in these tenants to obey them - or in management to enforce them. they're just going to spend a lot on legal costs, with no end point.

she's smoking right now.

so, i mailed the t2 & t6 this morning.

and, i have a letter for the property manager., as well.

Update on the Situation in Unit 15

A T2 and T6 were completed on the evening of April 25th, 2018, with intent to process them on April 26th.

On the morning of April 26th, before these documents were processed, Ina appeared at my door with a new list of rules, including a no-smoking rule and a no drugs policy.

I do not have faith in the tenant to abide by these rules, and I do not have faith in the management to enforce them. My last smoke complaint was met by a request for me to move, so I don’t expect anything different in the future. And, as I am typing this, I can smell marijuana wafting into the unit from downstairs.

So, the documents were processed on the afternoon of April 26th, despite the existence of the new rules. Should the situation improve, to my surprise, by the time of the court appearance, I will cancel the court date. I would actually prefer not to move, I just can’t stay in an unhealthy unit. Be advised that I can always reapply for an end to the tenancy, with proper compensation.

Despite Ina’s claims, there was no law passed in Ontario restricting smoking indoors. There was in fact a law passed in Ontario restricting the outdoor use of cannabis. I do not think that Ina was confused, I think she was being dishonest. My legal opinion is that an action against the tenant below me would be unsuccessful, given the current legal realities. The legal reality in Ontario is that it is the ownership’s responsibility to renovate the unit, or compensate me for moving costs and damages. I did not write these laws, and do not like them much, but they are as they are.

In the mean time, I am making the following requests for renovations in the unit. There will be further requests made as the tape is fully removed.

Bedroom

When I moved into this unit, the bedroom had cracks in the wall. This was presented to management in writing, and I took pictures, as well. I eventually noticed smoke seeping in the cracks. As I did not want to be a nuisance tenant, I hoped that covering the cracks with tape would keep the smoke out. This was actually partially successful. However, management has asked me to remove the tape. I believe it is reasonable to request that the holes be patched, in exchange for removing the tape.

I have left a tarp over the water closet in the short term, until a proper discussion can be had on how to fix the water closet.

I also acknowledge that the baseboards will need to be repainted, but, as a tenant, I don’t care much about this. I would, however, advise management to contemplate the wisdom in seeking legal action over $5 worth of paint, considering that they are unlikely to even win the case at all. It would be a better idea to just paint the baseboards.

I will at least apologize for the inconvenience, but would request that you in turn realize the desperation underlying it.

Door Frame

While the seal on the new doors is in fact quite impressive, the frame was never completed properly. In an attempt to be a quiet tenant, I simply taped around the frame. This was reasonably effective. As per the request of management, I have removed this tape, but feel it is reasonable to ask for the management to compensate by caulking the door frame. This is actually a simple request to finish a job that was never really finished.

Once these issues are dealt with, similar small requests will be made on the other side of the unit.

so, i have a t2 and a t6 filled out.

i am requesting:
$1000 - moving costs
$1000 - bed
$1000 - couch
$500 - dry cleaning & laundry
$200 - tape & tarps
$100 - cleaning supplies
============
$3800 + a tbd percentage of rent paid, which will be $5600.

at 25%, that will be over $5000.

they will also no doubt hire lawyers.

the law is an ass, here. but, hopefully the court will make renting to inside smokers quite expensive, and hopefully that will create some pressure to put some more reasonable laws in place.

nobody should be allowed to smoke inside, ever. ten feet from the house should be the law....

i'm still hurting, but i'm going to try to start.

is this even possible?

well, i know what it feels like to be high, and i know that the smoke is getting me high. i'm not guessing that maybe i'm this mysterious thing called "being high". i'm identifying something i know very well.

i think that the basic idea here is correct: it's hard for second-hand smoke to get you high.

what are the facts, here?

1) this building has no "ventilation system". my windows are wide open when they can be, which is not always. hers are shut. it's certainly not a "hot box", but the smoke is only exiting one direction, and it is up. the winds tend to blow around the building rather than into it.
2) the floors basically aren't there. so, it's like i'm sitting in an open concept above her, directly in her exhale path. sometimes, it's like she's blowing it in my face.
3) i have a very, very low tolerance to marijuana. it appears to be unusually low. i also know this from experience.
4) she has a very high tolerance.
5) she smokes very potent marijuana. it appears to be very high cbd, very low thc. i actually think that the terpene stuff is bullshit. but, this is the kind of pot that knocks you out for days, without really getting you "high".
6) she smokes very big joints, and smokes them frequently.

all of these factors are going to play into this. and, all i can say is i know what i'm feeling, and it's pretty real. this is the experiment, and these are the results i'm reporting. somebody else may have different experiences, due to a higher tolerance....

....but i'm perfectly comfortable with stating that i'm getting knocked out by a high volume of high potency marijuana, even in a relatively open space, but i recognize that it depends on whether i get into contact with what i call a "plume" or not.

i'm not watching her from downstairs, but a "plume" probably happens when she takes a hard three or four hit toke on one of these huge joints. when that happens, i'm getting the smoke burned off the joint (which is substantial), the smoke missed in the toke and the exhaled smoke. what i'm getting at is that the way she smokes is very wasteful, and i'm actually getting a lot of uninhaled marijuana as a result of it.

the smell itself is not going to do it. i have to walk into one of these plumes. and, because she seems to be smoking near my bed [both before and after i moved my bed], that is exactly what is happening, repeatedly.

https://www.livescience.com/50880-secondhand-marijuana-smoke-effects-drug-test.html

"how's the pot in windsor?"

it's terrible.

my eyes are still burning, but i'm going to get a start on this. i'm not sure if i'll get it mailed today, but, if i don't i should get it mailed right away in the morning.

nope.

knocked out, again.

around 6:00.

this stuff is very, very powerful, but it's not any fun to get a headache and pass out. no euphoria. no buzz. no "high". just overwhelming lethargy, and a really nasty throb in the head.

i might actually recommend actual marijuana to get rid of this.

i can't write like this.

well, that gets me through dec of 2015, anyways.

i have a headache. again.

i'm going to get something to eat and hope it wakes me up a little and then get to writing that essay, with the full intent to mail it today. i've always tended to avoid doing school work when stoned (drugs and school don't go well together, kids), so i might have to wait for the influence to wear off a little, first.

i'm going to enter this journal into evidence, so i'll be posting detailed accounts of when the second hand smoke has an effect on me.

season 2 ends about a week into january, and the music blog is going to be updating sporadically afterwards. that should actually speed me up quite a bit.

"we spent the night playing video games and doing drugs, and then walking around talking about tv shows. 

you missed out."

thankfully, i have some coffee.

because that's the drug i like.

coffee.

i'm once again feeling tired and miserable in the wee hours of the morning.

the strangest thing is that they're just wasting their drugs.

throw a dart and you'll hit somebody that wants this.

why harass the one that doesn't?

i moved here hoping to meet people that wanted to start a new society in the ruins of the old one.

unfortunately, this place is full of people that perfectly represent that society's decay.

i don't like the junkies; it's the junkies that like me.

but, i really don't like them.

at all.

i don't want anything to do with these people that are showing up here every morning and doing drugs.

the only people i was able to build friendships with after high school were the anarchists at occupy.

those are literally the only friends i've met since i was 20.

why can't i have adults show up at my door and talk about revolutionizing the means of production, rather than children show up smoking drugs?

i'm actually looking forward to turning 40, so i can say it.

thirty-something isn't scary.

but, they leave you alone when you tell them you're 40.

so, i do - but i'm lying.

it'll be nice when it's actually true...

they see me as a peer, but my interest in twenty-somethings is non-existent. i see them as children.