i mean, when i go out, i make sure i have a good time.

but, it's a few times a month, usually.

i'm not out all of the time...

"so, how does she go out to party all the time, then?"

i don't.

i went out once in november, once in december, zero times in january, february or march and twice in april.

i'm often able to save a few dollars over the winter, so that i can go out more frequently in the summer. i also get those gst checks in every three months. but, the budget gives me about $100/month to spend, most months - which is enough for one or two nights out

and, the truth is that i spend most of my time inside in front of the computer.

as you can see.

rent: $700
groceries: $200
estrogen: $90
internet: $30
laundry: $10

roughly.

do i really have to make this argument?

i have one source of income: odsp.

it's $1150/month.

my expenses are $1026/month [if i spend $200 on groceries, which is often an exaggeration].

where do you propose that i get all of this money to get stoned all of the time?

i don't have an alternate source of income. i don't have a marijuana card.

please just accept the fact that i don't smoke.

i get pleasure out of learning, not out of burning out.

there's lots of people on this planet that just don't like marijuana.

i'm not going to say that, exactly.

but i certainly don't enjoy perpetual inebriation.

i'd really rather be sober.

and, i honestly don't know why i have this reputation, otherwise - i am, in fact, usually sober.

it's not that i'm living some kind of ascetic lifestyle or something.

i don't have any kind of philosophical objection to being a stoner - it's just not my idea of a good time.

i simply prefer being sharp-witted, awake, alert. i don't enjoy the sore throat. i don't like being tired....

if i was going to get addicted to something, it would be cocaine, not marijuana. as it is, i'm usually fine with coffee.

i need to be clear: the problem here is not the drugs, it's the user. drugs don't smoke themselves.

if she were to go take a walk, she wouldn't be bothering anybody. she really wouldn't.

but, her insistence on smoking inside is very much bothering somebody: she's making me very sick, and dramatically negatively impacting on my quality of life.

my costing is as follows:

$1000 for moving costs
$300 for materials used to smoke-proof the apartment (which the landlord ordered me to take down)
$500 for laundry & dry-cleaning
$100 for cleaning supplies
$500 for a new bed [my mattress is ruined]
25% of rent paid is $1400, presuming the lease ends august 1st.
==========
$3800

i hope it makes people think twice about renting to drug addicts.

given that she's obviously smoking this much because she can't get high any more, she's probably actually at risk of moving to something harder.

i've seen studies arguing both ways, and they're probably both right, depending on the context. i can understand how marijuana could help a heroin addict - although i might suggest methadone, instead. less harmful. on the other hand, when your tolerance to marijuana is as absurd as this woman's is, and the delivery method is giving you pneumonia, it's easy to understand the appeal of something stronger, too.

it probably depends on what stage the addict is in. an opiate addict that wants to get better but is physically addicted could use pot as a crutch, even if they relapse in the long run; a desperate pothead that just isn't getting high anymore might look at opiates as the only way to get what they're after. and, i might have thought that was obscure a few months ago, but i never thought i'd meet somebody that smokes as much as she does, either.

she's obviously just not getting high.

the way marijuana works is that the more you smoke, the less high you get. all drugs are like this: it's the law of diminishing returns.

so, if you wanted to emulate me, for whatever reason, the way to do this is to only smoke once in a while. that way, you get really high from just getting in on the odd round. when you smoke as little as i do, you only have to buy a $5 pre-roll to get stoned enough that you're still feeling it in the morning. those rastas don't even get a buzz off of that.

whatever media exists of me baked is in fact strong evidence that i don't get high very often, as i would be less obviously trashed if i did.

and, the key to accomplishing this level of inebriation on a regular basis is actually to buy into the culture of sobriety. my daily drug of choice is coffee, not marijuana. i've quit tobacco. but, i drink a pot of coffee a day, and only smoke up a couple of times a month - if that. some months, i don't get stoned at all.

you need that space to prevent yourself from developing tolerance; what my media footprint really is is a lack of tolerance, due to sporadic use.

if i smoked as much as people seem to think i do, i wouldn't get high in public at all - i'd just be your average "chill" stoner.

and, if i disappear from public view for a long period, as i tend to, it's safe to assume i'm completely sober during that period. and, i don't want to build up a tolerance - that would just make my infrequent binges less fun.

this should all be obvious, but it isn't, for some reason. people seem to think i somehow get completely ripped from a random toke at the bar, then go home and smoke mad amounts. but, that doesn't actually make any sense, and you should all know that it doesn't...my obviously low tolerance is evidence that i don't smoke much at all....

right now, i just have a sore throat and wish i was more awake.

she's still blazing. every twenty minutes. it's surreal.

if i was writing policy, that would be my primary focus: to get rid of this ridiculous idea that marijuana is some kind of medicine.

that is utterly ignorant.

that must be corrected.

marijuana is a recreational drug that is relatively safe, if consumed in moderation, and should be heavily taxed like alcohol and cigarettes.


it is not a medicine. and, like alcohol, it can be abused with disastrous consequences.

i don't normally sit in this room.

as far as i can tell, she lights a joint about every 20 minutes. and, i've seen these things - they're not joints, they're cigars, really.

she's been chain smoking since about 3:30, maybe a bit before. she seems to have overwhelmed my defenses around 3:30, anyways. let's say 3:40 to make the math easier.

that means she has smoked at least 10 cigar-sized joints in the last 3.5 hours. that's probably at least $50 worth of pot. in the last 3.5 hours. by herself.

that's more expensive than cocaine.

me? i take one three-toke pass between sets and i'm licked until the morning. and, then i don't touch it for three weeks - until the next show.

if she's smoking that much, the sad truth is that it must be because it doesn't actually get her high, anymore. and, so, what's the point of even smoking it?

it's easy to deduce that this woman goes to work all day in order to spend all her money on a drug that makes her really sick, pisses off her neighbours and doesn't even get her high.

doctor's orders?

what a sad joke.

this isn't a medicine, and it's not doing anything for her.

it's an addiction that is ruining her life.

in fact, i am a health nut and enviro-fascist.

i have an extremely healthy diet.

i don't smoke.

i get a lot of exercise.

i recycle in buildings that don't.

i compost.

i don't own a car; i walk, i bike.

i had a struggle with cigarettes that i've won. but, my entire life is centered around minimizing my carbon output and living as healthily and as safely as possible. and, living in other people's smoke is consequently an impossibility - a contradiction, an unacceptable premise.

i'm very sorry if you thought that i was some kind of advocate for heavy drug use, but i've been very clear that i am not.

most marijuana users are not drug addicts, as most alcohol users are not alcoholics. but, the ones that are addicts need help, not normalization.

all i care about is my lungs, which i have gone to great lengths to keep healthy by quitting smoking over two years ago and cannot allow to be damaged due to the selfish negligence of asshole neighbours.

i do not care what happens to her.

she's created her own problems.

i do hope they evict her, but i ultimately don't care.

i care about my own health.

when somebody repeatedly asks you to stop doing something because it's bothering somebody, and you keep doing it, you're an asshole.

no, she's back to smoking again in her usual spots.

the t2 will be mailed on monday.

that's the end of this.

and, don't let anybody tell you that "medicinal marijuana users" aren't drug addicts. there's no other way to understand this: this person is an addict, and she's not going to stop.

she didn't stop when i asked.
she didn't stop when the cops asked.
she didn't stop when the landlord asked.
and, she didn't stop when the owner asked.

that is drug addiction.

period.

t2 is coming.

i need to get out of this hellhole...

the smell in here tonight is tobacco, but i can't get a handle on the source.

it's absolutely revolting.

but, the thing is that a part of it might be the actual floor, and the smell might be the building adjusting to the spring. and, if i'm not careful, i could be blaming people for something that is actually nobody's fault.

also, given that the source is unclear, i could be mistaking the smell of tobacco for the smell of mold.

it's annoying that this happened on the first night after moving my bed out, but it's also a saturday, and i need to deal with one thing at a time.

if or when i move out of here, i'm going to need to be more careful in analyzing the tenants. again: i like the building. it's that i don't like the other people living in it.

so, what's happening in the saga of the second-hand smoke, now well into it's second year?

as far as i can tell, the woman directly below me is still not smoking in the unit. so, i'm still holding off on that t2. i'm not holding my breath, though.

last night, however, around 1:00, i got a nasty whiff coming from what i think is the tenant diagonally below me. but, i think i can fix that.

it's not that i want to pick on the tenant directly below me, it's just that there's no solution due to the geometry of the unit, and, frankly, the amount of smoke involved. the guy directly across me smokes a little bit - like, a pinner on friday nights, right; minimal. i had fixed that by taping up the door frame. i took the tape down, so i'll have to put in a request to caulk around the frame, instead. problem solved. if the person on the diagonal smokes a little, on weekends or something, i think we can solve that by building up the baseboards - or maybe by asking the person to smoke on the other side of the unit. the point is that there's a solution. unfortunately, it doesn't matter where the woman below me smokes, and i've learned that i can't keep it out - either one of us has to leave, or she's gotta stop smoking. there's no compromise - it has to be absolute.

see, and she's going to cry that it's not fair that she has to stop while everybody else gets to smoke, and maybe that's true. sometimes, life isn't fair. but, all i care about is keeping the smoke out. i'm not pretending that this isn't a difficult situation, i'm just being crystal clear that all i care about is my own well-being. so, i'm not interested in the application of fair laws across the building; this is simply not my prerogative. she happened to be unlucky enough to have a vocal non-smoker move in above her, and the property owner happens to not be sticking up for her. that's how this cookie has crumbled.

i still expect to be the one that moves, in the end, but we're not there, yet.

i flipped out a little last night, because the smoke triggered the bronchitis. i've moved everything out of the bedroom and will need to put in a work order on monday or tuesday. right now, the space is airing out, and i'm going to need to clean the remaining glue out before i put the order in.

what does it look like?

well, it looks a tad worse. i lost a little bit of paint; it's nothing structural, and all of the problems that exist already existed. but, i'll acknowledge some aesthetic issues with the existing damage. which is...

ok: imagine there's a crack in the wall, and imagine that there is smoke seeping in through the crack. so, i put duct tape over the crack as a simple solution - and it mostly works, at least in the short term. then, when i take the tape down, on request of the owner, i peel a little paint off from around the crack, making the crack look a little worse.

you could make the naive argument that i ought to be liable for the damage, but this is really absurd - there was already a crack in the wall and it already needed to be fixed. rather, i'm going to make the following argument:

1) there was a crack in the wall.
2) smoke was coming in through the crack.
3) therefore, i blocked off the crack with duct tape.
4) the property owner has requested that i remove the duct tape.
5) therefore, i am going to request that the crack be fixed to prevent further seepage.

and, i mean, they could sue me if they really want. they'll probably lose. and, even if they win, they'll never get anything out of me.

they should just fix the cracks.

and, that's where i am right now: i have everything back in the living room, i'm caustically waiting for the woman downstairs to light a blunt, which will trigger the final exit, and i'm going to give the property manager a letter in the next few days asking that the cracks in the bedroom be fixed,.

regarding the paint...

yeah. i lost a little paint.

they employ a full time painter.

and they'd have to paint, anyways.

again: they'll spend thousands trying to extract a few dollars out of me, they'll probably lose and if they win they'll never see it. it's going to cost them $10 worth of paint to just fix it.

but, you can't quantify stupidity.

right now, i'm going to eat and try to spend the night rebuilding.

the smell tonight - and this isn't the first time - is overwhelming levels of garlic.

this is actually leading me back to meth; maybe they are smoking outside, but i can smell their armpits from here, kind of thing. meth users are known to smell like garlic - like, not from the smoke, but from the body odour.

nobody eats garlicy meals for hours straight. i guess somebody could have left something out, but it's happened repeatedly.

somebody could have terrible gas, and i could be smelling it over and over again. it's actually quite plausible.

it could be another distraction tactic - burning garlic so i can't smell the pot.

but, the reality is that all evidence points towards this building being some kind of meth centre - either through production, or through massive use.

is there some possibility that all of the potheads around me are smoking laced pot and don't know it? well, three months ago i'd have told you that the premise of meth-laced marijuana is crazy talk. you'll find it with pcp from time to time, unfortunately - it's unpleasant; you deal with it. but, meth? this isn't real, right?

maybe it is.

i may never figure out what the truth is around this. i've got clues, and i can put them together, but getting some kind of confirmation is going to be almost impossible. and, i'm no doubt just scratching the surface of something.

i don't need or even want to know, frankly.

but the clearer the meth connection gets, the more i want out.

it's possible that somebody just needs to shower more frequently. but, it's really one thing after another...

i need to be clear: i don't know if these leaves are being burned or cooked with.

i noticed a mild cheesy smell, as well.

it could be some kind of chili.

like i say: if the pot smell goes away, we'll deal with this as it is. i doubt that happens.

i don't care what your witch-doctor says.

smoke is never good for you.

ever.

"burn bay leaves in the house and see what happens after ten minutes"

i'm going to ask for an x-ray of your lungs, and observe that you're coughing your ass off.

smoke is smoke.

so, stop burning shit inside...it's all the same cancer-causing smut...

tobacco. marijuana. sage. now, bay leaves. it's all the same thing.

tonight was a little weird.

i took some of the tape off of the kitchen cabinets, and what it revealed was this overpowering smell of bay leaf, that i remember smelling when i first moved in - and which was in fact the initial reason that i taped up the cabinets. the smell of marijuana only presented itself once the smell of bay leaf had subsided.

see, here's the thing: i don't actually care about the smell. this is a rank, nasty smell - granted. but, it's a minor annoyance. what i care about is the damage caused by second hand smoke - which means that burning sage inside would be as bad as smoking pot. worse, really, because it's pointless.

as it is, i don't know if the request not to smoke was heeded or not because i couldn't smell anything over the bay leaves.

i'm not sure where the smell of bay leaves is coming from, but i suspect that re-opening the hole on the bottom of the cabinet has left me at the whim of a number of tenants. i remember concluding at the time that the cabinet must be connected to six units moving down, around the plumbing, and that it was just never properly finished - thereby meaning that i can plausibly smell the guy three floors down when he makes a burrito. it's maybe facile to suspect that the smell of indian food is coming from the indian tenant, but it could very well be true. at the least, this is the same stench that came in when i moved in, so it's not infrequent. and, in the end, whether this is by design (by the pothead) or by coincidence doesn't matter.

i need to reiterate that bad smalls are not the same thing as second-hand smoke, and that this is a fundamentally different type of problem.

nonetheless, while the tape was only partly successful in keeping the smell of marijuana smoke out of the cabinets, it was actually quite successful in keeping out the smell of everybody else's food. if she surprises me and continues to smoke outside for any length of time, if she even is at all right now, i'm still going to need to get somebody in to fix the cabinet. i had an easy solution that worked well, but we can go with a more expensive solution if the property owner would prefer. i don't expect this happens; i'll be surprised if she's not blazing all day tomorrow.

for right now, i'm going to have to suffer this, keeping in mind the following truth: if i can smell their stinky herbs, then they can smell my fresh citrus air fresheners, too. and, i can be pro-active in pushing nice smells down to ward off their evil ones.

i've got about 1/4 of the tape off, but in the process of everything happening over the last few days, i've aggravated an injury i suffered last week when i was cleaning up my bicycle. it's a small cut on my right thumb (the most important finger.....) that has reopened and that i'd like to close before i continue with the process of ripping up tape off of baseboards. so, i'm going to wait until monday before i get back to that.

i actually don't have anything planned this weekend; it seems to be quiet in detroit. i may change my mind at the last minute, but i'm expecting to stay in and type. i keep pointing out that december shouldn't take long, once i can sit down and do it. if the weekend goes through uneventfully, i guess i'll get to clearing off the tape on monday; if it doesn't, i guess i'll file the t2 on monday morning, and focus on looking for new apartments, then pull the rest of the tape off as i'm moving out.

that was truly bizarre.

this enforcer of a man shows up, with a thick french accent, looking like denis coderre, that time he filled in for dave semenko, and declares, with a snort, that there shall be no smoking in the building.

he claims that there is a no smoking clause in the lease (there is not).
he claims that he could enforce such a clause (he could not).

and he has decided, by decree that this is the solution to the problem.

further, i am to remove all of the tape from the wall.

i'm going to take the tape down, but i hardly have faith in the outcome. it's just that i'd have to take the tape down anyways, so i'd might as well do it now.

regardless, that means they get another day or two to put off the t2.

note that tomorrow is 4/20.

i mean, don't get me wrong - i hope this works. is it "crazy enough that it just might work"? who knows. who knows. we'll see. but, i think the outcome is a foregone conclusion, and...

...i should really go ahead and start writing the t2 up tonight.

right now, i'm going to lose another day on the unit. ugh.

well, everything is in order in the space, or at least as much as it can be for now.

i'll find out in a few hours if my next step is to wait for renovations, or to file a t2 to end the tenancy.

at the least, i won't be spending any more time rearranging furniture in the other room; i should get back to this shortly, one way or another.

i'll have to continue to run through the files after jan 10th. but, it should pick up quite a bit after that, as the blog started when i picked back up in june; the direction of information then flips, and it becomes about pulling information down, rather than putting it up.

thankfully, the weather seems finally set to turn, so i should be able to keep the windows open most of the time.

well, there's my quarterly stomach wrench.

it's officially spring in windsor. finally. but i need to sit for a bit, too...

as with the last few days, i had difficulty getting out of bed this morning, no doubt due to the poor air quality in the unit. the property owner - from bc - woke me up, with a request to inspect the unit today.

this is actually what i want. sort of. i think. i mean, i put in the request for renovations. so, the next step is to inspect the two units - and i did hear the knock downstairs a few minutes before hand.

there's an off chance they could show up with an n5 or something, but if they do that i'm going to file a t2 anyways, so it's just a waste of time - that would be stupid of them. i've been clear that i want to leave, i'm just giving them a last opportunity to save my tenancy before i get the court to let me out. trying to evict me for trying to smoke-proof the apartment when i'm trying to get out of the lease due to second-hand smoke is likely to get me some judicial sympathy. it would make more sense for them to just buy me out.

i think they're worried about the duct tape. it's not the problem they're maybe imagining it is, partly because of the smoke, itself. the first place i taped up was the closet and the tape had been dried out by the smoke within three months. judging by that, the tape may fall off on it's own by the summer; even if it doesn't, it should come off cleanly with a wet rag.

so, if they try to do that, i'll have to countersue for the cost of the tape - which i was going to do anyways - and then disassemble all of the tape. i'll have to show up with some pictures indicating that there is no damage at all, but that i still want out of the lease, anyways. oops?

i decided that i'd spent the first part of the day rebuilding, get something to eat and clean the place up overnight. if the place is too cluttered, they could claim a fire code violation; obscure, but i didn't want to give that to them. and, if they come in tomorrow with a renovation plan, i could still salvage the tenancy - so why not set up the unit? there's still some chance i could get started on period 3 before i leave here.

 i couldn't stay awake so i stopped to eat early and got to cleaning early. and i got a little optimistic about things. maybe this will work out?

but, i got the plumes coming up from downstairs around 21:00, and it was just too much - this place is not inhabitable.

still, i carried through to see, and i'm going to be sad to leave here, even though i must. i like this place for what it is, but it's just not a healthy place to live, and i'm getting to an age where i need to be concerned about my health. it would be negligent to my own well-being to let myself exist in this kind of environment any longer than necessary.

the immediate fire code issue is resolved, at least. i mean, the place was always navigable. but, i'm quite thin.

i'm hoping it's just a nap, but these stomach wrenches really require me to stop until they pass.

i've said this repeatedly: i am incapable of passing the workplace behaviour test.

that is supposed to be the easy one.

but, i've failed it repeatedly.

i simply don't understand it.

note that i've aced the competency tests, though. my iq scores are quite high; it's my behaviour that is unacceptable.

so, what i need is an isolated environment, where i can keep social interactions with others to an absolute minimum. this apartment is not that space...

somebody with a social aptitude as low as mine is going to require drugs and/or alcohol to function in a social situation, and will regularly abuse substances due to feelings of social inadequacy; somebody like me is consequently not well advised to medicate with mind-altering substances, as it is likely to trigger episodic behaviour rather than alleviate it.

i have never been (substantively) diagnosed with depression.

i have never experienced treatment for depression.

i do not believe that i suffer from depression.

i am diagnosed with "social anxiety disorder", which is like the lowest level of personality disorder. i do believe that i have a personality disorder. however, i've never been able to get this diagnosed because i supposedly am not episodic.

in fact, i believe that i am constantly episodic, but i just can't get a doctor to take the evidence i've provided seriously because it's not coming from a police report or a hospital. this is the catch-22: i can't get diagnosed until i do something crazy, but i've generally been able to utilize the resources available to me effectively enough to stop myself from going over the precipice. so, the more that the system works, the weaker my argument that i need it is.

unfortunately, i may need to go through a court process to get properly diagnosed - that's how a mental health system works in a calvinist society. and, if i never get through the court process, i may never get properly diagnosed - despite presenting myself repeatedly to mental health professionals for this purpose.

the basic understanding of the situation is that my social skills are too chronically underdeveloped to allow me to function in any kind of workplace. there's lots of jobs i could theoretically do, if i wanted to, but i can't handle the social component.

i'm going to argue with management. i'm going to argue with staff. my co-workers will dislike me, and i will dislike them, back. i will not want to spend time with them. i will be passed over for promotion, as i am unable to build social relationships. and, i will ultimately demonstrate little interest in what i'm doing, as a consequence of it.

we generally think of disability in terms of mental or physical aptitude. but, there is a third dimension - social aptitude - that is every bit as important in gaining and holding employment. in some ways, this is the most important skill of all.

and, my diagnosis is that my social aptitude is so low that you can label me socially retarded.

i would be willing to explore this further through treatment. but, there is not a solution to this problem.

i hate everybody the same, though; i'm an equal opportunity hater.

things like physical characteristics or ideological leanings won't make me hate you more or less.

i will acknowledge that i'm relatively good at pretending that i like people.

but, trust me: i don't like you.

at all.

i'm a humongous introvert.

i don't have any friends.

so, finding drugs is a difficult process. i have to go talk to people, pretend i like them, even hang out with them for a little while, sometimes.

i'd rather just go to the fucking store.

that's the point. that's why casual users support legalization: because we don't like the social requirements attached to finding drugs.

so, you've got this completely backwards.

i'm sorry.

i don't even know where it came from. was it my profile pic? the fact that i'm vocally pro-legalization?

did you have some desire to uphold me as a high-functioning drug addict?

all of it was a lie - but it wasn't a lie i told. i was clear about the truth, whenever i could be.

i am not and never have been a pothead. i've only ever smoked sporadically and recreationally. once in a while - and generally sparingly.

very little of the writing i've done has been under the influence of drugs. that's a false perception, and one i've never perpetuated - the misunderstanding is 100% on your side.

and, if you think about it, it's really the casual users that benefit the most from legalizing the drug, as we don't buy large amounts in bulk, anyways - we don't mind if we overpay a little, because we don't buy much, anyways. what's more important to us is being able to find it on the rare occasion we want to, because we don't have dealers and don't know where to go to find it.

heavy smokers generally tend to be pessimistic about this, and largely ok with the status quo. it's the infrequent users that want this to happen.

it's not my fault. i told you - again and again and again. you didn't listen.

there's an old cliche about not judging a book by it's cover. i suppose this needs to be updated slightly, but the idea is no less valid: don't judge an individual by their memes.

i shouldn't have slept another 10 hours this morning, and i'm actually going to blame it on the weather. we got some snow overnight...

all i can do is get going.

and, now, i'll have to put off eating until i get through the month, however long it takes.

also - for those that are curious, there will, in fact, be a youtube / music review blog, and it will go over all of the music discussions that i've skipped at the two existing blogs.

but, this will only become relevant when i launch the music review site, and that won't be for years, probably.

yes. there will be a point in the mid 2020s where i'll post youtube comments from 2014 to a blogspot archive - along with facebook posts from 2009.

the existing focus is really on building liner notes for inri000-inri074, and then tying them altogether into the aleph discs.

that gets me through november, 2015, which was still a heavy posting month. it took ten days to finish, but i didn't spend most of those 10 days posting, so, if i can keep up that kind of productivity, i could be done december in a day or two.

i didn't get my blast of smoke tonight around 21:30. that's a positive. i think i should be alert for a good while, then.

this is taking a long time, and i kind of knew it would, but it's not a choice i have to make. i need to at least follow this through up to mid 2016 in order to finish the liner notes for inri000. and, given that i'm coming up on inri015 in the alter-reality, that's going to push me through until late 2016, at least.

also, keep in mind that the next things to do are to finish the aleph discs, as well. the period 1 aleph disc should be ready to ship by the end of 2020. so, i'd might as well just push through.

i'll look back on this in a few years and be glad i did it.

who wants to be tired all of the time, and why?

i admit i drank a lot on friday night, but that doesn't explain why i can't stay awake on monday afternoon.

the air quality in here got better around midnight, but it's....it's weird...instead of getting these plumes of smoke, i'm getting this persistent dusty background, and the odd whiff of it.

i'm tired, not very alert, kind of slow-moving, groggy and stuck with a scratchy throat. i'm not sure where it's coming from, but i'm going to try opening the window overnight.

something changed, and it's for the better, but i'm still feeling it. let's hope i'm awake enough to get some serious rebuilding done tonight.

to be clear: my understanding is that one of these people leaves for work late in the evening, and that this person seems to be in control of the situation, when she's there - but that, as soon as she leaves, the other people light up.

see, and this is as disrespectful to the person on the lease as it is to me. but, she may feel as though she has no responsibility. that's just a bad friend, whatever kind of friend it is...

it was nice in here. warm. dry. clean.

it's a shame they had to ruin it.

i've suspected for a while that there's two people living there, taking shifts.

it may be that the night shift seems to be worse than the day shift and that the night shift only works weekdays or something. i dunno. but, it seems like it's that one is worse than the other.

the property manager insists there's only one person living there, but this isn't true. is the bigger problem even on the lease? and, if so, why is this woman letting this other woman create all of these problems for her?

about 21:30, they're back at it.

so, what happened over the weekend, and why did it change all of a sudden?

i'm going to guess that there's a point where they get too stoned to care; like i say, i know the psychology fairly well. they may even regret it when they wake up, but they'll decide it doesn't matter any more. and, this is a cycle - if they get another scary warning, they'll stop for a few days, and then get really stoned and stop caring again.

again: somehow, these people are being prescribed marijuana as a cure for depression and apathy. it's not clicking that it's at the root cause of their problems, rather than a solution to them. and, any doctors that are enabling them ought to be liable for this.

for right now, i have no choice but to open the windows and hope it clears out.

i don't know what changed, exactly, but i'm happy about the air quality this weekend.

is there some possibility that this could still work? well, i don't really know what happened. i know that the second letter appears to have had some effect, but who knows for how long.

i guess i should wait until may 1st before i finish cleaning up and setting up the studio.

it's been almost a week since i was at this, but here i go, back at it. let's get through 2015 before i do anything else....

the show last night was...

they play short sets. that's how it is.

it was good, but too short.

i was there way too early; my bike is ridable in the short term, but probably going to literally crumble in my hands at some point. i'm not going to bring it back to canada. i'll just ride it until it dies. i'll probably bring something to clean the rust off, next time. if i can get a year out of it, it was a bargain. it won't last another winter...unless i can get it in somewhere, like the trumbullplex.

they might let me do it. they have space.

as i was there early, i pre-drank a lot, and i ended up pretty drunk. so, i'm actually just coming to in any serious sense, just now. i smell like the fire pit at el club, and need to shower.

i'm developing a love-hate relationship with el club. the sound is great, and the crowd is always solid. but, the shows end before midnight. consistently. the band was done at 11:50, and i just don't know if the set was or could have been longer.

but, i know that they do this - that they have this attachment to half hour sets as an inherently punk thing.

and, they consequently rarely play older songs.

there were a few points in the show where i had this different understanding of them, as an off-broadway kind of operatic show tune act. her vocals are becoming the central focus of what the band is doing, and i do think that the whole thing is shifting in the process.

but, this isn't a full review, which i'm very behind on.

it turns out that this woman is smoking drugs with her grandkids in the unit, which confirms she's in her 40s. i don't think she's much older than that.

it's just hard to believe that somebody that old hasn't grown out of this yet, or plays top 40 radio at full blast on her stereo. she acts like a teenager.

must have had the kid very young. my own grandmother became a grandmother in her late thirties.

anyways, i got the letter to the property manager, who tried to guilt trip me on it, but that's not happening.

i can't believe she's chain-smoking pot in front of her grandson.

well, believe it lady, 'cause that's what's happening.

this property manager is not going to be of any use to me; she's clearly on the pothead's side. we'll have to see if i can get a more rational/honest response from the owner or not.

smoking is gross.

therefore, smokers are gross.

so, if smokers don't want to be treated as though they're gross then they should quit smoking.

deal with it.

but, i mean, really, here.

what is a better idea?

1) telling smokers to their face that they're disgusting and hoping it sinks in.
2) coddling them about being "bullied" and telling them they're not really disgusting, while secretly agreeing with the bully.

it's not bullying if it's true.

and, you know this is (almost certainly) somebody susceptible to peer pressure, because they're smoking in the first place.

if you follow this line of reasoning to it's end point, you're going to have to go back to the days where models and athletes advertised smoking on tv and in magazines (because that's realistic, right? which brand was most recommended by doctors...?), because you wouldn't want to offend children with all of those gory images of burnt out lungs and chemotherapy patients, right?

i'm not big on political correctness, anyways.

but, this is an issue where it's not just annoying - you are truly doing great harm to everybody by perpetuating the bullshit.

can you look me in the eye and claim it isn't disgusting?

then, why are you allowing your emotions to cloud your judgement?

the question of whether smoking inside is disgusting or not - and thereby whether the person engaging in the behaviour is disgusting or not - is an empirical question to be determined objectively using science.

and, given that cigarette smoke (or marijuana smoke. whatever.) is the most dangerous substance known to humanity, in terms of toxicity level as a consequence of chronic exposure, it would follow with very little ambiguity that smoking cigarettes inside any dwelling is, in fact, completely disgusting - and that it would follow that anybody that engages in that behaviour is also completely disgusting.

if that hurts your feelings, you're just denying the facts, and i have no patience for you and no interest in discussing the issue with you further.

...because i am on the side of science, first and foremost.

which i've been quite clear about.

i never smoked inside, when i was a smoker, ever. ever. ever.

i'd trudge out in -30.

because indoor smoke is up there with dog feces and drunken vomit as one of the most disgusting things you can do to your living space...

i can't stay here.

it's disgusting.

so, i know the psychology i'm dealing with.

well.

they don't care....

i moved in with my dad when i was 13, as my mom had to admit it was my choice. my sister did the same thing.

see, the complicated thing was this...

my mom got a certain amount of money from the state because she had kids. she didn't want to have kids, but she didn't want to give up the extra money (which she spent on drugs). so, she actually fought my dad for custody, and even received child support on top of it - and then took all that money and used it to fuel her drug habits.

the court should have given my dad custody and sent my mother to jail.

but, that was seen as "unnatural" at the time. children were seen as best left with their mothers, even if their mothers are negligent drug addicts. and, here i am, with chronic bronchitis, and uncountable other problems, thirty+ years later, as a result of it.

i can't stay here.

i remember coming home after school with my latch key around my neck, holding my breath before i opened the front door, unlocking it, running to the basement door, and not exhaling and breathing in until i got downstairs - like i was running through a toxic waste zone.

what eventually ended up happening was that my stepfather built me a bedroom in the basement, and the rule was that there was no smoking down there.

i would then pretend i was sleeping so i wouldn't have to sit through meals,  and then come up when everybody was asleep to make myself something to eat. this was when i was like 9.

in hindsight, that may have saved my life.

yeah - it was the teacher that sent me to a doctor.

i've been feeling it come in for a few days.

but, as of apr 13, 2018, the second hand smoke in the unit has officially triggered my bronchitis. this is going to put me in a fit of extreme coughing for the next 4-12 weeks.

once it hits, there is no solution. removing myself from the source of the smoke does not help. there is no way out of this. i will cough and hack and wheeze for weeks, whether anybody likes it or not.

the reason is that my lungs are quite seriously damaged from my mother's heavy smoking habits. they gave me a puffer when i was about seven or so, because i was disrupting the class. i still have one, but it has really never been effective. my mom seemed to understand what she was doing, but really simply didn't care - and may have even taken some pleasure in causing harm.

if abortion was legal at the time, i wouldn't exist; that's the kind of thing you get from mothers that really don't want to raise kids, but are forced to by the government, against their will. when i coughed from the smoke, she'd just yell at me to shut up and light another one.

and, that's all i'm likely to get from these tenants, too.

i can't do anything about the situation besides cough it out and hope i get a reasonable response from management, soon.

i think it's just too much calcium, actually - and i eat a lot of cheese and fortified soy milk as it is. i'd probably just be putting myself at risk for kidney stones, as i piss most of it out.

if i ever test deficient for calcium, i can try it, i guess.

for now, i'm thinking it'll likely end up in a park. just don't let your kids play in the dirt....

i decided against composting my eggshells at the community compost. i wasn't ever really sure those kids were doing it right...

should i just eat them?

i'm thinking i could microwave them to kill whatever's left (they've been left frozen.) and then mash them up and add them to my smoothies.

i need to do more research than this...

the other option, i'm thinking, is to leave them outside in a park. that might sound gross at first. but, the calcium takes a long time to breakdown, which is the reason it's maybe not the best thing for actual compost. so, you want to put them in places where the soil is more continually utilized, so they can replenish the soil as the calcium comes out.

https://www.nytimes.com/2014/07/01/science/eating-the-shell-along-with-the-egg.html

they could always try and evict me, but it would be faster and cheaper to pay me out, considering i actually want to leave, so i'm not sure why they'd make a bad choice like that.

and, i think i was clear enough about that in my letter.

at the least, if he gets proper legal advice, it should get me a clear answer on an eviction attempt downstairs, which is not likely to be successful - which i pointed out clearly in the letter.

well, the property manager claims that the building owner is in the process of contacting his lawyer.

i don't know if that means that he's planning on carrying through with an eviction or planning on buying me out. but, that was pretty much the only answer i could accept without moving to the next step.

and, i guess they'll have until monday to get me a response.

the cheapest and easiest thing to do is to buy me out, and i'll happily take the offer.

i'm home.

compost run done; freezer clear. it actually feels good, for some reason.

and my grandmother called when i was out.

she does indeed sound pretty rough, which i'm noticing for the first time.

i've never meant to ignore her, i just live in my own head. so, i need to call nana first, and then the property manager second.

i had to pick between the university and the community centre, and i went with the community centre. it's where the community garden ought to be.

they do the free food thing. i like that...

if you have one of these things around, and you probably do, give them your food scraps.

it's really the least you can do. literally.

https://www.facebook.com/FordCityCommunityGarden/

you know, being able to bicycle to the tunnel kind of opens the city up, if i have to move.

it opens up a larger area to exist within...

i'm going to give the property manager to the end of the day before i call her, just to make sure she's received proper instructions - and because i'm curious about whether the banging i heard around 22:00 was my door or not (i was asleep, and not sure where it was coming from...nobody was there when i got up...but it was a while later...i sleep through anything and often literally can't get up when awoken, if not expecting it...).

maybe the buddhists got a few things right, in the mess of things they got wrong.

you check via the scientific method.

any similarities in thought are strictly coincidental, and of little concern to me.

"why don't you just get stoned and create?"

because you can't create anything when you're stoned - it is a condition that is antithetical to creative expression.

creativity requires clear thinking through the proper observation of sobriety.

what inebriation is good for is numbing the pain of repetitive tasks. it is good for low wage workers that just need something to help them through the day, or people that can't find a purpose in a system that is designed to make it impossible to find one.

but, nobody uses drugs to make music - or at least not to make music worth listening to.

and, perhaps you might want to actually listen to the music i create to hear how distant it is from marijuana culture. it's basically classical music.

there was a period, from 2011-2013, where i didn't have access to my gear, and i really did just get drunk and stoned all of the time. i spent this period living with my grandmother and hanging out with occupy protestors.

when you take away my ability to create, i lose focus. and it follows that if you insist that i get fucked up all of the time then the way to do that is to separate me from a purpose.

but, that changed over five years ago.

when i first moved to windsor, i stopped drinking & smoking almost altogether; although it took a few years to get a handle on the cigarettes, i really did quit smoking in the winter of 2015/2016. i have relapsed for a few weeks at a time since, but i have not and will not go back to this.

i have also since spent some extended periods partying on weekends, but this is actually mostly an act of depression. i would rather be sitting in my room by myself recording, but i haven't been able to do this, so i've gone out and gotten drunk instead.

i have never habitually smoked marijuana, nor have i ever wanted to do so. given that i have smoked it sporadically and recreationally for over 20 years without having developed any desire to convert it into a habit, i'm just about the lowest probability target you could imagine in terms of becoming a regular, daily-smoking marijuana addict. that is not going to happen.

however, the more separated i become from my art due to constant distraction and inability to create, the more likely i am to sink into daily alcohol use, as i become more and more depressed and more and more distraught. while marijuana may end up as a complement to this alcohol use, it is not going to reverse that depression. nor do i want to become a daily marijuana user, have i ever seen myself as a daily marijuana user or will i ever conceptualize myself in these terms.

this is simply not who i am.

i was in bed around 19:00 last night, but the smoke was so horrible that it woke me up around 22:00. i spent some time cleaning and slept all morning. so, i am going to follow through with the process within a few hours, and seek clarity on the building's approach: will they seek eviction or not?

any other answer besides "yes, we are seeking eviction" will leave me no choice but to assume they are not doing so, and to formally request repairs to the unit below me.

and, if they acknowledge they are seeking eviction, at whatever difficulty, i'll have to sit tight and wait it out.

i found some compost drop-offs for tomorrow...

but, i'm still convinced that this woman is smoking meth.

when i moved in, i noticed some difficult-to-get-off orange stains over the stove. i thought it was just a sloppy cook; it could have been ancient grease stains. but, i cleaned most of it.

these stains have reappeared today at the end point of the tarp over the kitchen, in the same place i was sitting when i got loopy on the stimulants.

that hasn't happened since; the contact high i got at the end of april was exactly that, and i recognized it for what it was. but, these orang stains are associated with meth use...

there's also the issue of the inch worth of stains i pulled out of the bathroom floor. i thought it was some kind of urine, maybe from a cat. but, this is also a potential build-up from a meth user.

hey, if i can use it to get the tenant out, i'll do it.

i don't care about following trends or being cool or fitting in.

i care about science.

and, you may want to educate yourself on what it actually says, and re-evaluate your stance accordingly.

i haven't really been in this room this morning, and it still has a herby smell that i can't fully finger the source of, although it appears to be coming from directly under my bed, but the rest of the apartment seems to be ok.

i've decided to wait for the next episode to call. i expect that to be in a few days.

this morning was spent cleaning and rearranging, and i don't even know why - wishful thinking, i guess.

for this morning, i need to find a way to get the compost out of my freezer. it's just time to get it out...i'm running out of space...

so, how did we end up with this joke of an idea - this "medicinal marijuana" crock of shit?

it's a legal loophole. it's not science; there's no science upholding this, and plenty debunking it.

the reality is that it's hard to legalize pot, because of the international drug laws around it. that's ultimately the reason i don't expect it to happen here at all. so, you get around that by calling it a medicine and letting a doctor prescribe it.

but, smart people can see through this, and can see that the whole charade has done more to damage the medical profession than it has to legitimize the marijuana industry.

the right answer is to deregulate it like alcohol (it's harmless, in moderation.), to treat potheads like alcoholics (they need help.) and to stop selling it like snake oil.

and, for fuck's sake, don't smoke in the goddamned house.

listen.

i've smoked a lot of pot.

and, the idea that it would treat depression is retarded.

if there's any benefit of drug use on depression, it would be due to the fact that drug use is often social. so, you get the benefits of social interaction caught up in taking the drug. and, that's what these people need - friends, not drugs.

smoking mad amounts of pot by yourself is going to end with you crying in the corner while you're trying to masturbate. it's not just wrong; it's flatly moronic.

likewise, longterm chronic marijuana use - of the type associated with "medical" users - is thought to cause psychosis, not treat it.

there's no scientific excuse for this. and, if your doctor gave you marijuana, he belongs in jail - he's not a doctor, he's a drug dealer.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/edmonton/medical-cannabis-guidelines-alberta-1.4537039

the first step for "medical marijuana patients" needs to be in getting them to admit that they have a problem.

and, you're not helping them in enabling their habits.

the more i complain, the more she smokes.

just doesn't get it....

again: i still don't know if they're going to follow through with this. what i know is that i need an answer, so i can plan to leave if they aren't going to.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/in-theory/wp/2016/04/29/5-reasons-marijuana-is-not-medicine/?noredirect=on

what i'm learning from this is that the idea of "medical marijuana" should really be abolished.

it should be regulated like alcohol, and treated as a recreational drug that is mostly harmless in small dosages but potentially fatally toxic in large doses. daily smokers are drug addicts that need treatment, not patients that need access. doctors should not be prescribing this, and should not be normalizing it - and should be liable for negligence charges if they are. and, nobody should be getting subsidies for it.

the only exception i'm willing to allow for is people diagnosed with a terminal illness. in that case, nothing else really matters anymore.

but, the "doctors" that are prescribing this to healthy people and telling them it's ok to smoke all they want should be rounded up and shot. what a waste.

and, the only way she knows how to cope with anything is to smoke more drugs.

the pothead appears to be basically retarded. i don't know what she was like before they prescribed this to her, but she doesn't appear to be mentally capable of comprehending the situation, as it is. she's forty-something years old, but she's mentally comparable to a fourteen year old child.

the only response anybody is going to get out of her is going to be something like "so what if i smoke", "it's ok if i smoke", "i have a card", "i'm allowed to smoke", etc.

the only thing she's going to understand is her own behaviour. she's going to be convinced everybody is judging her, that the issue at hand is the morality of her own behaviour, etc.

she's never going to understand the premise of her behaviour affecting others. this is just too abstract, too complicated.

so, it's maybe unfair of me to call her selfish; she's not capable of understanding this, no doubt as a consequence of the drug use.

if they could detox her and send her to rehab, she might get better after a few weeks and be able to get her head around it. right now? this is pointless. it's just beyond her mental capabilities.

i can't get a clear answer from the property manager, so i've asked her to call her boss.

i suspect the truth may be something along the lines of the property owner wanting to kick the smokers out, and the property manager being on the side of the smokers. so, she's trying to stand in between and being obstructionist on purpose.

i mean, if i'm to take her at face value, she doesn't seem to understand her own job. and i don't think that's true; i think she's just playing stupid.

so, the manager is not a willing participant, here, and i may find myself with somewhat of a pyrrhic victory, as a result. but, it's not clear to me yet if they're going to follow through...

the owner may jump at it, while the manager drags her feet.

but, i need to be clear: i can't tolerate this situation. and, if i don't get a prompt response, i'm moving to the next step.

i quit smoking 2.5 years ago.

i have no patience for being sick like this.

:(

Request for Renovations in The Unit Below Me

this is a backup letter. she hasn't ruled out eviction, yet. i don't expect her to follow through, though....

===

In my previous letter, I identified four approaches to addressing the problem of continual plumes of second-hand marijuana smoke coming from the unit below me, which is making me sick/inebriated and rendering the unit uninhabitable.

I need to reiterate that this tenant chain smokes marijuana for hours at a time. She must smoke upwards of 30 thick joints a day. This is not casual or occasional use, but sustained drug addiction on a level that I can barely comprehend. I can’t imagine what kind of negligent doctor would prescribe this; it seems cartoonish, truly. I’m repeatedly getting really, really high on nights that I want to be completely sober; trying to read when you’re baked is extremely unpleasant. It’s hard to focus; it’s hard to stay awake. I’m also finding myself with a smoker’s cough. I can only imagine her own cognitive state, or lack thereof. So, my claim that the unit is uninhabitable is in no way an exaggeration, unless, perhaps, you’re a Rastafarian. No sane person would merely accept this.

I also now suspect that she may smoke cigarettes, after all. It’s just hard to tell because she smokes so many drugs...

It is obvious that the first approach - a simple request to smoke elsewhere - is not viable, and will not be mentioned further. This tenant does not appear to understand the health hazards of second-hand marijuana smoke, and/or does not appear to be even remotely concerned about the well-being of the people around her. She simply doesn’t care if her habits are making the other tenants sick and/or inebriated when they don’t want to be. Sadly, she may even think that the smoke is healthy.

You initially decided upon the path of removing this tenant below me, but have since decided against that option. I frankly did not expect you to pursue this option in the first place and am not surprised that you’re not following through with it.

That leaves us with two further paths to attempt: we could try and renovate the unit, or you could agree to release me from the lease (with compensation). This letter outlines my perceptions around renovating the unit, in a last attempt to maintain my tenancy in this building. I have decided that I will not sue to force these renovations, that I would rather sue to end the tenancy, so this is up to your discretion to pursue in order to maintain the tenancy; if these renovations end before they are successful, i will move directly to the next option of asking the board to end the tenancy in a reasonable time frame, and with compensation.

My sole concern is my health. This is the most important thing in life - maintaining one’s health. And, I frankly don’t expect the renovations to be successful.

To begin with, I should point out that i have already gone to great lengths to try and keep the smoke out of this space, and that it has ultimately not been successful. It took me some time to understand what was happening, but I believe the situation is as follows: whenever I block an area, it merely moves the smoke to another one. So, I do believe that I was initially successful in blocking the smoke from entering my bedroom, but this ultimately just pushed it into the hallway. When I tried to stop the smoke from entering the hallway, i merely pushed it back into the bedroom. Now, the seal I created in the bedroom is broken, and the smoke is coming in both spaces, once again. I think you might want to imagine this like a balloon filling up from two separate directions, and then popping on both sides - leaving me no better off than when i started.

So, it seems to be the case that once the smoke has entered the subfloor, it has nowhere to go except out; any serious attempts to block the many holes in my space will merely create more holes, as the smoke forces itself out elsewhere. Caulking this unit could actually damage the flooring further, as the substantive amount of smoke being produced merely finds other ways to escape the subfloor, by enlarging existing holes or creating new ones. So, in order to prevent the smoke from entering this unit, it will need to be kept out of the subfloor altogether. Any renovations must consequently be done in the smokers’ unit, rather than in mine.

If we are to embark upon this process, I would expect a continuing conversation, as it will take several attempts to resolve the problem. I’m not going to be able to give you an easy request - this is going to go on for a long time. I cannot concern myself with how this might affect the other tenant, as that basic concept of respect is not being and will not be reciprocated. But, to begin with, we can look at the following actions:

1) caulking holes in the unit downstairs - especially in the bathroom, bedroom, kitchen, closets and shelving units.
2) the shelving units in the downstairs unit may need to be rebuilt altogether, as this is one of the worst sources
3) the ceilings below me badly need to be sealed.
4) i suspect that the water closet downstairs is a major source of smoke entering the subflooring, as it is then coming in through the bathroom fixtures. this will need to be sealed. note that caulking the bathroom in my unit will just force the smoke into my bedroom, and that fixing my own water closet will just push it back into the bathroom.
5) the tenant appears to enjoy “hotboxing” the closet, which is sending smoke into both my living room and my kitchen. her closet will likely need to be rebuilt.

more generally, i suspect that there is substantial smoke damage in the downstairs unit and that the only serious solution is going to be in fixing that, where it is found. all that caulking up here will do is push the problem around under the floor. and, i suppose that you’ll have to talk to the tenant about those costs, as they are ultimately of her creation - this problem is ultimately rooted in the damage she’s already done to her own unit.

i need to reiterate that i will not sue to force renovations, because i’ve come to realize that the damage to the subfloors is too great, from however many years of smoking however many different things. i will work with management to resolve the issue for as long as they would like to try to resolve it, but my next step will be to ask the board to let me out of the lease. reasonable compensation will be enough to cover the costs i’ve put into smoke-proofing the unit and the expenses required to allow me to move somewhere else.

when she's not coughing and hacking and heaving, she's crying or cursing - but she sounds drunk more often than stoned, so who even knows what she's on. if it's medical, it's not helping with any symptoms, that's for sure - not with anything physical and not with anything emotional. and she has that patty/selma croak in her voice that makes her sound like she's on the brink of shooting up a playschool.

this is a scary person, through and through.

i mean....

i have to file the complaint before i can apply to get out of the lease.

and, even if i win, it could take forever.

i just want to get away from this person. now.

i'm actually hoping that they don't follow through with the secondary complaint, so i can just go ahead and apply to get out of the lease.

i just want to get out of this place, asap.

this woman appears to smoke upwards of a half ounce of pot a day. 

i'm continually astounded by this.

it's like something out of a cartoon.

but there's no end to it. there's no reprieve. it's just constant.

and, it's terrible for my skin :(.

i mean, i keep pointing out that i'm going to have the same problems in the next place: that there isn't a solution to this.

but, i'm living on top of what is probably the most disgusting person in town.

she's chain smoking marijuana, for hours. she's bringing people in to smoke with her. there might not be a perfect answer, but the status quo is almost the worst situation imaginable.

actually, i should...

this is just logic. i'm not an engineer. i can't even build a paper airplane.

but, if trying to tarp over the floor leads me to the conclusion that i'm just moving the smoke around, it follows that the problem is that the smoke is getting into the subfloor - and the actual renovations that need to be done are in the smoker's unit, not mine.

i'm just wondering to myself what kind of reaction that would produce in the smoker. if i could get a court order to renovate her unit, would she stick around for it?

and, would they just pay me to leave, instead?

but, this is what i need to present: that renovations need to occur in the unit below me.

i have nothing to lose by upsetting management; i don't want to be here.

i spent some time tossing and turning, but i'm ultimately still awake - tired and angry and frustrated, but still awake.

i'll have to give them until wednesday, but i'm going to be making a call on that day.

we initially had four options:

a) talk to her

that's clearly not going to work.

b) get rid of her.

i have to continue my due diligence on this, but it's a very difficult and probably unsuccessful process. and, it will no doubt embolden her, if she wins.

c) fix the unit.

i'm giving up on this.

i initially thought i had the bedroom fixed up, but what that did was push the smoke into the bathroom and hallway. so, i patched those areas up, and it just pushed the smoke back into the bedroom.

i patched up the closet the other day, and it just came up a few feet to the side of it.

i had to do the experiment to see how bad it really is, but it seems like i'm not just patching up holes, but in need of replacing the whole floor. i kind of realized i'd need to tear out some fixtures, but it's beyond that, i'd have to tear down the whole unit. really.

the smoke is just going to have to come out somewhere, eventually. and all i'm doing by putting down tarps and taping up spaces is moving it around - i need something much deeper than this.

so, i'm realizing that i can't win this fight on these grounds. it's really gotta be that one of us leaves.

d) let me out of the lease. 

this is going to have to be the option i pursue on around the 1st of may, unless i get a clearer response over the next few days.

so, it's not going to be a letter. it's just going to be a call. i'll have to update her on the situation: the n4 didn't work, and my attempts to smoke proof the unit have led me to the conclusion that this would require replacing the entire floor. i consequently need management to dedicate itself to removing the tenant below me, or prepare to have me try and escape the lease.

i can't live in filth, like this.

as should be obvious, i don't care if people smoke pot, in the abstract.

i just don't want them to plume smoke into my unit, which i've always kept completely smoke-free.

i have never smoked inside, anywhere.

and, when it's obvious that people are blowing smoke in my face to upset me, i'm willing to use whatever tools are available to me to get them to stop.

i don't grasp the intent of people that want to split the world into binary choices of smokers and non-smokers. that's like arguing that everybody who has a glass of wine now and again is an alcoholic. most people measure their alcohol intake on a monthly or yearly scale, not a weekly or daily one. so, it shouldn't be that hard to understand.

enjoying a glass of wine now and again doesn't mean you want your bedroom to smell like vomit and urine. likewise, enjoying a toke when i'm out at a concert doesn't mean i want my pillow to smell like a bong.

this is not binary.

there is a very wide spectrum.

and, i am an extremely infrequent smoker that doesn't want to live in a hazy environment.

she's having some kind of party downstairs, so i have the windows wide open, and will have to keep them open all night - and potentially for the next several days.

it's hard for me to understand how a grown woman could act like such a child. she's received multiple complaints about second-hand smoke...so she throws a smoke party. how do people this stupid exist? and, how are her friends so irresponsible?

if she keeps it up, she's going to get evicted. and i don't care..

see, and it was mostly actually pretty much ok all week, after she got the n4, too.

i suppose one of two things is happening, right now.

1) the n4 in ontario gives you a week to change your behaviour. i suspect that her warped concept of logic interprets that as "i can get away with smoking as much as i want for the next week".
2) she's just ignoring the n4.

either option seems to be an attempt to upset me.

i can't do anything tonight, except take note of the utter childishness of this. but, if the situation doesn't improve immediately, i'm going to file a second complaint on tuesday.

and, there is a good chance that i'll have to call the cops tonight.

the new screaming females record is getting strong reviews. i actually gave it a wide berth, as it's been clear for a while that the band may be..."growing up" a little. i've been getting the impression for a while that the lead singer may be feeling sort of suffocated, in a role that she walked into before she was old enough to define who she really is, and that she's been role-playing for a few records - and ultimately wants out.

i get the impression that she's a lot more of a "normal" twenty thirty-something female than her persona might suggest, and that she's going to need to find a way to get out of this now completely phony teen-goth-angst schtick, one way or another.

she might actually secretly be a big green day fan.

that said, any substantive fears i had regarding the record appear to be being pushed off to the next one. the record starts off as strong as any other, but slows down quite a bit in the middle. it's not about soft or loud for me, but i just don't like country music, and when you take the kick out of punk rock, country music is what you're left with. it's more of an urban/rural thing....

see, i openly admit i hold prejudices towards rural culture. i try to rationalize them in real-world situations as best as i can - i try very hard to treat people fairly and not judge them and people that run into me in real-life will uphold that - but i simply don't want to celebrate anything to do with rural americana style culture. and, i have to be blunt: this culture really doesn't accept me, either. this isn't out of nowhere with this band, or with alternative/grunge music in general, but it kind of sticks out here.

that said, it's only a couple of tracks - minor enough to reduce the problem to the suggestion that the record has a bit of filler in it.

i preferred the more direct attack of the last one; this band excels when it's in early pumpkins mode, recycling sabbath riffs and just rocking out. but, it's a strong enough record, for the moment.

i do remain apprehensive about where they're going, but i'm also in total solidarity with complete honesty, even if i end up tuning out as they get more and more accessible.

and, i'll always have time for that tone.

i expect the show next week to be worth attending.

i slept in, so i'm certainly 100% staying in. if i was out anyways, i could talk myself into dealing with the cold for an overnight binge. but, it would be stupid of me to wander into the cold with intent, with a bicycle or not.

i have a gut feeling that the set was lacklustre, or at least was relative to my own tastes. as mentioned: i'm rather fond of their work with son lux, but i don't have any interest in 00s indie rock, more generally. if i was the person everybody wanted me to be, i'd care about sufjan stevens or the dirty projectors; the fact is that i don't, and never did, and that it was really never likely that i was ever going to.

the piece that lott wrote for them sounds commissioned, and i've always had such a problem with that - because it's always so obvious. you can't write good music in exchange for money; it has to come from somewhere, it's not just a market operation. it sounds uninspired; kind of flat - disappointing, given how emotionally engaging lott's work usually is. this is somebody that has a talent for being compelling. you could argue he has charisma, or something. so, how did the work end up so dry?

you put a price tag on it, that's how. you had to work around complicated schedules. you gave it time lines. you set goals. all of these things can only ruin art.

at some point, it became a product - and art cannot be commodified and remain art.

which is not to say that i don't hope that other people enjoyed it, so much as to say that i don't think i would have, and that this is much, much further from where i exist than perhaps would like to be imagined.

i took one of those 7/11 caffeine boosts this morning, and i'm still wired; impressive given that i had several drinks last night [2 jagers, 1 mikes & 2 strong beers]. i should be tired, but i'm wide awake...

i braved the cold last night, but the truth is that what i did was stupid. i was in some serious danger of hypothermia, and probably only staved it off because i'm in such ridiculously good health. i don't want to do that again tonight.

my bicycle is still where i left it, but the lock is frozen. this is actually a big deal, because having a bicycle would solve most of these problems. then again, i could also take my canada bike with me...hrmnnn...

i'll need to get some sleep, first.

in the time i've been in detroit, i have a total of one blackout, in the fall of 2016.

that was the night i woke up in somebody's car, a male that thought i was cis and was trying to fuck me.

i have a complete recollection of all other nights.

honest.

really.

no, seriously - i do. i know i look messy sometimes, but i'm almost always in control of myself.

no, wait.

i have been there in my conscious existence.

twice.

i didn't pass out either time, though.

wait.

i think i know where i was that night, now.

"didn't i see you passed out at..."

like i could answer that. like i could remember where i was passed out at.

but, i've never been to this place in my conscious existence. and the one night i blacked out, and woke up in somebody's car, was the night i was supposedly in that neighbourhood.

*shrug*.

well, i guess i went out after all, huh?

the magic stick was bopping. nice to see.

but i should have asked around about after parties instead of making assumptions. it seems like people wanted to even bring me there, as they noticed me and asked me about it, but i took off right away in an attempt to get to one asap. big mistake - the place i went to was empty, and i ended up back at the diner.

i had fun at the show. and i needed that, too.