i don't care about family entertainment. fuck your family...
i mean, you want to slap an 18+ on this? go ahead. i've actually already slapped a 30+ on it...
i think there's enough options for kids, guys. if you want to shelter them, i'm frankly in solidarity with them. you don't have the right.
there's just no pretense. and no reason there should be one.
Sunday, September 11, 2016
i stopped by the emergency room this morning. there simply aren't any clinics open within walking distance of where i am. why? because it's sunday.
in 2016. no clinics open. because sunday. fuck. did i wake up in an amish country or what? wtf? weirder: most of the doctors around here are actually muslims. or come from muslim places. if your day of rest is saturday, why are you booking sunday off? isn't that supposed to be one of the benefits of being diverse about superstitions? that you can get them to stagger, so somebody is always open?
as an aside, the statement:
"i couldn't go to work today, because the bible said so."
...is just about the last thing i want to hear from a doctor.
i know. what is this the fucking spanish inquisition? well, that's my point! i hear that from a doctor and the next thing i want is a waiver indicating that i do not consent to bloodletting.
fuck...
so, i went to the emergency room instead. and, i feel i'm bloody well entitled to do it, too. i at least made sure to go at what is probably the deadest time of the day: 7:00 am on sunday morning. when the drunks are cleared out and everybody else is still asleep.
i bet you think i had a terrible wait time, right? that i was there for hours and hours and didn't even get to see the...
no. actually, i basically walked right in. i was in the hospital for less than an hour.
diagnosis: it's a bruise, not a clot. that's relieving.
see, i need you to think about this. i take the amount of estrogen in a single day that women on steady birth control will take in 2 months. 6 mg is 60x the dosage in your average birth control pill. and, they say merely taking birth control is a clot risk.
so, this is something i need to be keenly aware of at all times. and, it is the actual reason i quit smoking. note that i was smoking at the bar. hence, my concern was very well placed.
but, no. it's just a series of bruises. some of them make more sense than others.
i'm going to wait until i get the mri results before i get a test, because i could end up testing for lyme disease at the same time.
in 2016. no clinics open. because sunday. fuck. did i wake up in an amish country or what? wtf? weirder: most of the doctors around here are actually muslims. or come from muslim places. if your day of rest is saturday, why are you booking sunday off? isn't that supposed to be one of the benefits of being diverse about superstitions? that you can get them to stagger, so somebody is always open?
as an aside, the statement:
"i couldn't go to work today, because the bible said so."
...is just about the last thing i want to hear from a doctor.
i know. what is this the fucking spanish inquisition? well, that's my point! i hear that from a doctor and the next thing i want is a waiver indicating that i do not consent to bloodletting.
fuck...
so, i went to the emergency room instead. and, i feel i'm bloody well entitled to do it, too. i at least made sure to go at what is probably the deadest time of the day: 7:00 am on sunday morning. when the drunks are cleared out and everybody else is still asleep.
i bet you think i had a terrible wait time, right? that i was there for hours and hours and didn't even get to see the...
no. actually, i basically walked right in. i was in the hospital for less than an hour.
diagnosis: it's a bruise, not a clot. that's relieving.
see, i need you to think about this. i take the amount of estrogen in a single day that women on steady birth control will take in 2 months. 6 mg is 60x the dosage in your average birth control pill. and, they say merely taking birth control is a clot risk.
so, this is something i need to be keenly aware of at all times. and, it is the actual reason i quit smoking. note that i was smoking at the bar. hence, my concern was very well placed.
but, no. it's just a series of bruises. some of them make more sense than others.
i'm going to wait until i get the mri results before i get a test, because i could end up testing for lyme disease at the same time.
am i rationalizing?
the bruise on my ass is a scary size, now. if that was from fucking, it wasn't consensual. i'm going to the clinic in the morning to get a blood test, and check for clots.
i've never really contemplated whether rape kits can be used for possible anal penetration on a genetic male.
i wouldn't necessarily press charges. that's not exactly what i'm getting at. i know what the law says, and i support it as it is - it shouldn't be legal to have sex with a blacked out person. but, i also know how i get when i'm drunk....
the reality is that there's every reason for me to conclude i was probably all over him. i don't mean in the sense that i went across the bar to get him. i mean in the sense that...
...if somebody was in the room, they may very well have thought i was the one raping him.
i know that i'm like that. when i say i got fucked hard, that doesn't necessarily mean i was on the bottom.
i'm a girl. i fuck like a girl.
so, i mean...i can't know. i don't remember. i just don't. but, the doubt is pretty reasonable in my own mind given the evidence. i wouldn't want to jump to that conclusion.
but the bruise is out of control, too. i dunno....like i say, i never really thought about it.
i don't know how i could get the proper evidence to know whether i should pursue it or not. and, to me, erring on the side of caution means upholding the presumption of innocence.
the bruise on my ass is a scary size, now. if that was from fucking, it wasn't consensual. i'm going to the clinic in the morning to get a blood test, and check for clots.
i've never really contemplated whether rape kits can be used for possible anal penetration on a genetic male.
i wouldn't necessarily press charges. that's not exactly what i'm getting at. i know what the law says, and i support it as it is - it shouldn't be legal to have sex with a blacked out person. but, i also know how i get when i'm drunk....
the reality is that there's every reason for me to conclude i was probably all over him. i don't mean in the sense that i went across the bar to get him. i mean in the sense that...
...if somebody was in the room, they may very well have thought i was the one raping him.
i know that i'm like that. when i say i got fucked hard, that doesn't necessarily mean i was on the bottom.
i'm a girl. i fuck like a girl.
so, i mean...i can't know. i don't remember. i just don't. but, the doubt is pretty reasonable in my own mind given the evidence. i wouldn't want to jump to that conclusion.
but the bruise is out of control, too. i dunno....like i say, i never really thought about it.
i don't know how i could get the proper evidence to know whether i should pursue it or not. and, to me, erring on the side of caution means upholding the presumption of innocence.
if my 'rave kids like hanging out in green spaces' quip doesn't make
sense to you, let me remind you that i'm from the 90s. 90s rave culture does
still exist, you just need to look past the candy girls and bottle
services and try and find smaller venues with more real people in them.
cover last night was $10.
and, no, it's not the 90s. nobody had giant pants on. but, you get the point.
i should also clarify that i'm too young for 90s rave culture. my prime dancing years were in the intellectual dearth of the late 90s early 00s, and i lived in a town that simply didn't have the kind of scene i would actually be able to associate with from a distance.
https://www.buzzfeed.com/summeranne/rave-kids-in-the-90s-vs-rave-kids-today
and, no, it's not the 90s. nobody had giant pants on. but, you get the point.
i should also clarify that i'm too young for 90s rave culture. my prime dancing years were in the intellectual dearth of the late 90s early 00s, and i lived in a town that simply didn't have the kind of scene i would actually be able to associate with from a distance.
https://www.buzzfeed.com/summeranne/rave-kids-in-the-90s-vs-rave-kids-today
Saturday, September 10, 2016
my pants and shoes from last night are both demoed, like they've been over used heavily by some skate kids. for the shoes, it's the kind of thing that shoe goo fixes, although the pants are eaten right away at the cuffs. the pants were previously a little ripped, but it was nothing like that. i must have been running through a field or something. they look like they were for real cut up...
i'm not a fan of ripped jeans as a fashion statement. it's bourgeois.
i must have been with at least one other person, otherwise i would have vlogged. i refuse to vlog when i'm near people. but, as soon as i get walking..
see, if i had left the bar alone, i would have recorded it. even if i was too drunk to remember it, i would have recorded it. eventually. there's no exception to this, basically. it's routine. therefore, i left the bar with somebody.
i regained consciousness around 5:30ish. i have every reason to think i was probably at the bar until close to 4:00 - and i wouldn't have vlogged this, i would have just danced. i got my last shots in around 1:30, on closer inspection. the rain didn't get heavy until nearly 5:00, and i could not have gotten that wet otherwise, so i couldn't have been in the car long, either.
so, the idea that he picked me up makes sense: i was clearly out in the rain right before i woke back up. that means i was near gratiot & chene, no doubt wanting to walk home, some time a little after 5:00 am.
i probably got in the car to escape the rain. not smart, but i was blacked out, and it is at least rational. i can't imagine getting picked up on the street, otherwise - unless i thought i could hitchhike.
yes, i think he thought i was streetwalking.
the part of the night that needs to be reconstructed, then, is going to be from about 3:45-5:15. i left the bar with somebody. i must have taken a car from michigan to gratiot as i couldn't have walked that distance that quickly. then, what?
it seems that two things happened in some unknown order or connection.
1) i seem to have ended up in a park or a field or something. this is actually not particularly bizarre. we used to do campfires in wooded urban spaces during occupy. i've randomly followed hippie kids into the woods to do drugs. i've been to pagan dance parties. sometimes, people just have particularly overgrown backyards. somebody probably offered to smoke me, and i ended up with a group of people in an overgrown space. raver kids are just like that. it's just the only way that the shoes get like that - they were sitting in wet grass for at least an hour.
2) it remains obvious that i had sex with somebody, at some point.
i'm not a fan of ripped jeans as a fashion statement. it's bourgeois.
i must have been with at least one other person, otherwise i would have vlogged. i refuse to vlog when i'm near people. but, as soon as i get walking..
see, if i had left the bar alone, i would have recorded it. even if i was too drunk to remember it, i would have recorded it. eventually. there's no exception to this, basically. it's routine. therefore, i left the bar with somebody.
i regained consciousness around 5:30ish. i have every reason to think i was probably at the bar until close to 4:00 - and i wouldn't have vlogged this, i would have just danced. i got my last shots in around 1:30, on closer inspection. the rain didn't get heavy until nearly 5:00, and i could not have gotten that wet otherwise, so i couldn't have been in the car long, either.
so, the idea that he picked me up makes sense: i was clearly out in the rain right before i woke back up. that means i was near gratiot & chene, no doubt wanting to walk home, some time a little after 5:00 am.
i probably got in the car to escape the rain. not smart, but i was blacked out, and it is at least rational. i can't imagine getting picked up on the street, otherwise - unless i thought i could hitchhike.
yes, i think he thought i was streetwalking.
the part of the night that needs to be reconstructed, then, is going to be from about 3:45-5:15. i left the bar with somebody. i must have taken a car from michigan to gratiot as i couldn't have walked that distance that quickly. then, what?
it seems that two things happened in some unknown order or connection.
1) i seem to have ended up in a park or a field or something. this is actually not particularly bizarre. we used to do campfires in wooded urban spaces during occupy. i've randomly followed hippie kids into the woods to do drugs. i've been to pagan dance parties. sometimes, people just have particularly overgrown backyards. somebody probably offered to smoke me, and i ended up with a group of people in an overgrown space. raver kids are just like that. it's just the only way that the shoes get like that - they were sitting in wet grass for at least an hour.
2) it remains obvious that i had sex with somebody, at some point.
i was just checking to see where the beaches even are around detroit,
and something is coming back to me: the guy in the car said i was "up
near chene park." i don't see any beaches right there. there are some on
belle isle...
it's beach sand. or at least sandbox sand :o.
you know....the light, grainy stuff. you don't get that from a field or something.
i can't confirm the beach. it may have been a park.
it's beach sand. or at least sandbox sand :o.
you know....the light, grainy stuff. you don't get that from a field or something.
i can't confirm the beach. it may have been a park.
when, after trying all day to shit, you finally get it out and your shit
smells like condom lubrication. that's when you know you got fucked
hard last night. i know i looked good, but i didn't realize i looked
that good. he really smashed me. i really don't remember, but i suspect
he will for a while :).
and, that answers that question. i still need to get a blood test. but, that's the actually concerning part about the situation.
maybe i should keep the hair colour?
:P
and, that answers that question. i still need to get a blood test. but, that's the actually concerning part about the situation.
maybe i should keep the hair colour?
:P
so, i'm pretty sure that what happened last night is that i had sex
on a beach, due to the amount of sand i brought home with me and the
enlarged size of my asshole. and i'm pretty sure it was consensual
because my clothes are otherwise not ripped. but i don't have any memory
of this at all. and i don't know why i woke up in a stranger's car
rather than with the person i had sex with (i don't think they were the
same person...)
i mean, i'd kind of like to know who i spent the night with. if they'd like to let me know. maybe see them again, in a state i can remember?
this is a still shot from last night, before i left.
i'm not the type to fuck strangers at all, let alone fuck them and run. the only thing i can seriously think of is that he was leaving immediately in the other direction...
the reason i don't think it was the guy in the car is that he was legitimately surprised by my penis. he could not have just fucked me.
but, i mean....
i'mma stay for breakfast. what you makin'? you know?
the situation is uncharacteristic. all around.
but, there is no question that i was penetrated last night. and rather vigorously, at that.
i mean, i'd kind of like to know who i spent the night with. if they'd like to let me know. maybe see them again, in a state i can remember?
this is a still shot from last night, before i left.
i'm not the type to fuck strangers at all, let alone fuck them and run. the only thing i can seriously think of is that he was leaving immediately in the other direction...
the reason i don't think it was the guy in the car is that he was legitimately surprised by my penis. he could not have just fucked me.
but, i mean....
i'mma stay for breakfast. what you makin'? you know?
the situation is uncharacteristic. all around.
but, there is no question that i was penetrated last night. and rather vigorously, at that.
i'm not joking. this is what i sobered up to.....
"i got a rubber. i can't believe you got a penis. but i still want to.."
"why am i in your car?"
"you was walking up gratiot..."
"i was on michigan last night."
"you was on gratiot."
"can you get me to the tunnel?"
"i still want to."
"listen, i don't remember getting in your car. i would normally never do that. you have to understand this."
"no, i get it. but i can't believe i still want to, even though i know you got a cock."
"how far are we?"
"it's right there...."
"i got a rubber. i can't believe you got a penis. but i still want to.."
"why am i in your car?"
"you was walking up gratiot..."
"i was on michigan last night."
"you was on gratiot."
"can you get me to the tunnel?"
"i still want to."
"listen, i don't remember getting in your car. i would normally never do that. you have to understand this."
"no, i get it. but i can't believe i still want to, even though i know you got a cock."
"how far are we?"
"it's right there...."
waking up with a bruise on your ass is a little unsettling when you
have a black hole of five hours that ends in a stranger's car.
"yo. you have a penis? what the fuck?" <--- you don't want to hear that within minutes after sobering up, either.
i'm walking straight, anyways. it was maybe hard enough to leave a bruise, but not hard enough that i can't walk.
i have no memory of this.
i may have been drugged, actually.
i have no footage. last starlog is my third round of shots, about 1 am.
"yo. you have a penis? what the fuck?" <--- you don't want to hear that within minutes after sobering up, either.
i'm walking straight, anyways. it was maybe hard enough to leave a bruise, but not hard enough that i can't walk.
i have no memory of this.
i may have been drugged, actually.
i have no footage. last starlog is my third round of shots, about 1 am.
Friday, September 9, 2016
i look so much ridiculously better as a blonde. but, if i'm going out today, i'm going red.
i had a bit of a pattern: red in the fall, black in the winter, blond in the summer. i haven't been keeping up with that....
my last black job was really disappointing. black hair makes me look more masculine. if i get back into regular die jobs, it will probably be to jump between red and blonde to get that kind of faded strawberry, and various shades of orange.
my last black job was really disappointing. black hair makes me look more masculine. if i get back into regular die jobs, it will probably be to jump between red and blonde to get that kind of faded strawberry, and various shades of orange.
i had a bit of a pattern: red in the fall, black in the winter, blond in the summer. i haven't been keeping up with that....
my last black job was really disappointing. black hair makes me look more masculine. if i get back into regular die jobs, it will probably be to jump between red and blonde to get that kind of faded strawberry, and various shades of orange.
my last black job was really disappointing. black hair makes me look more masculine. if i get back into regular die jobs, it will probably be to jump between red and blonde to get that kind of faded strawberry, and various shades of orange.
considering blackgummy
haven't gone dancing in a while.
this is more my thing. a little minimalist. but, the bro is toned down. i'm not a fan of the bro....
so, thinking about it.
https://soundcloud.com/blackgummy/sets/dancing-astronaut-the-radar-51
this is more my thing. a little minimalist. but, the bro is toned down. i'm not a fan of the bro....
so, thinking about it.
https://soundcloud.com/blackgummy/sets/dancing-astronaut-the-radar-51
i'm ok with a 90s revival. but, where's the smart side of it?
a sarcastic criticism of hypercapitalism would actually be really relevant, right now.
i don't photoshop, fwiw. i don't even wear much makeup. i'm rare.
https://scholarsandrogues.com/2008/04/17/even-better-than-the-real-thing/
a sarcastic criticism of hypercapitalism would actually be really relevant, right now.
i don't photoshop, fwiw. i don't even wear much makeup. i'm rare.
https://scholarsandrogues.com/2008/04/17/even-better-than-the-real-thing/
Thursday, September 8, 2016
i stopped for karaoke last night (i didn't sing on stage, but helped
out a little from my seat. doors. pearl jam.) and got hit on a little at
the bar....
i'm used to this. i don't get offended.
"so, i don't know....were you born a girl?"
"i was born XY"
"wow. so you have both genders?"
biology. you got it or you don't, i guess.
at one point, somebody guessed that i was a 24 year-old genetic female, and i had every right to feel complimented.
my actual age is nearly 36.
i'm used to this. i don't get offended.
"so, i don't know....were you born a girl?"
"i was born XY"
"wow. so you have both genders?"
biology. you got it or you don't, i guess.
at one point, somebody guessed that i was a 24 year-old genetic female, and i had every right to feel complimented.
my actual age is nearly 36.
07-09-2016: a quick concert turned into a night of drinking (got a little paranoid walking home...)
concert footage:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SU_KkRzm-IM
review:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2016/09/07.html
tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SU_KkRzm-IM
review:
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2016/09/07.html
tracks worked on in this vlog:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
Wednesday, September 7, 2016
Tuesday, September 6, 2016
Saturday, September 3, 2016
Friday, September 2, 2016
i never vomit. i think that was the first time since moving to windsor. legit.
i bought a coffee a few hours ago, and there was a leak at the corner. i was about to walk into a grocery store when i noticed. i didn't want to trail coffee around the store, so i chugged it on a pretty empty stomach.
i'm guessing that's what came up. otherwise, i caught a bug somewhere. hope not.
extra large size.
i bought a coffee a few hours ago, and there was a leak at the corner. i was about to walk into a grocery store when i noticed. i didn't want to trail coffee around the store, so i chugged it on a pretty empty stomach.
i'm guessing that's what came up. otherwise, i caught a bug somewhere. hope not.
extra large size.
01-09-2016: updating the alter-reality
tracks worked on in this vlog:
http://therealinri.blogspot.ca
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
http://therealinri.blogspot.ca
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/period-1
Thursday, September 1, 2016
alter-reality update
i have finished the listening through the sansa, as well as the first run through the laptop. i don't see any use in updating this here because it's monotonous. it's in the vlog.
but, i'm also pushing forward with the alter-reality for the day.
1) new blog post:
sept 1, 1996
happy new year!
well, it's not really the new year, i guess, but it kind of feels like it. the roman calendar is heliocentric and resets when the sun reverses course and starts coming back towards us. how did we escape the victorian era without reconfiguring the calendar to the start of the school year, anyways? there are new beginnings to be found in the innocence of youth. yet, maybe such a concept of yearly rebirth was a little too pagan.
it's labour day tomorrow, which means i go back to school on tuesday. i'll be starting grade ten. it's not just a new year, though: i'm also being sent to nerd school. yuck :(. this is not consensual!
it's a little bit of my own fault, though. i tend to fool around in class. a lot. while i get almost solid As, the kids i'm distracting are not doing nearly as well. one may kneejerk into blaming the kids with the lower marks, but i've actually been fingered repeatedly as the root cause of the distractions. so, i'm a kind of an enigma. they haven't been able to figure out what to do with me; while they ought to expel me based on my behaviour, they just can't justify it because i'm an A student. what happened around the end of last year was that a cabal of teachers conspired with my parents to take me out of advanced courses and put me into enriched classes. the argument is that i'll be less bored that way, but that, more importantly, i won't be so much of a distraction to the students around me. everybody should win out...
...except that i know that the reality of it is that i'm actually going to be even more bored because i'm going to have to hang out with the nerds all of the time. the thing is that the nerds aren't really nerds. if they were legit nerds, i'd probably like them. the legit nerds are all in the advanced courses. what the enriched class "nerds" actually are are really the rich kids and they're actually mostly wannabe jocks. these are the kids that walk around in sports jerseys but can't make the school team. the only reason that most of them got separated out is because their parents demanded they get special treatment. there was no testing. there were no interviews. entry to enriched classes is dependent solely on maintaining an A average and being recommended by a teacher, which only happens with outside pressure. there are plenty of students in the advanced stream with higher grade averages.
how do i get out of this? well, i didn't have the choice. my parents would never do this to me under normal circumstances, but the cabal of teachers was absolutely insistent and they ultimately relented. the only way out of this next year is to get Bs this year. nobody's going to care, right? nobody's going to check my grade ten marks, right? i'm already thinking about a scorched earth policy...
what about the last week?
well, i picked up the new pearl jam record, no code. to be entirely honest, i'm kind of still processing it. i'm not too young to remember early pearl jam, but i'm pretty close; i was ten years old when ten was released (oddly enough...) and not really a fan of what i interacted with. i liked jeremy, but it was a distant appreciation rather than an active experience. i didn't like the other singles nearly as much. you have to understand that the headspace i was in at the time was not very open to anything that might be interpreted as "heavy metal". the reason is that i was growing up with a set of influences that saw metal as the refuge of violent drunks and uneducated losers. it took me a few years to realize that i was actually conflating an idea with it's anti-thesis and that my inability to differentiate between pearl jam and guns 'n' roses (and grunge and glam, more generally) was really just youthful ignorance on my behalf. in fact, pearl jam was exactly the kind of rock band i could get into, i just didn't realize it. i was eventually able to get into vs a little near the end of it's run, but it wasn't until vitalogy was released that i was actively converted into a fan. on some level, and notwithstanding my age, i may be a better actualization of what the band really desires as a fan. but, that itself - combined with my near violent aversion to 80s metal - makes me a very atypical listener. i actually tend to prefer their more experimental tendencies, as well as their punk sensibilities, over the cliches and muscular riffs. of their four released records, i like ten the least! but, the thing i like about pearl jam the most is actually the lyrics.
i'm finding this new record to really be pretty good on the few listens i've had over all night civ 2 sessions. it's kind of uneven, though, and i'm not sure how it's going to ultimately hold up as a result of it. vitalogy was also uneven, but it wasn't as pronounced. see, the flip of that is that some of the high points on no code are just that much stronger. the irony is that this exaggerates the weakness of the weaker tracks, which makes it less cohesive, overall. i'm still enjoying the record, mind you. i just wish they had cut a few of the slower tracks out. i don't mean the artsy ones, i mean the rural ones: off he goes & around the bend, specifically.
something, i did listen to a lot of in the early 90s, though, was REM, who were definitely my favourite band. so, i'm super hyped about the new REM album. i didn't like monster as much as their older stuff. it seemed kind of shallow, to me, in comparison. it didn't breathe or flow and kind of got boring under the monotony. but, i really really like the new single...
i don't know who the female singer is, though. is she actually singing or is she just an actress?
i've also been spending a lot of time in the recording studio in the basement. on the last update, i wondered out loud whether i should keep waiting for band members or just go ahead and start recording on my own. i've decided that i will be recording songs on my own with the intent of teaching them to other people when they're done. in fact, i have already finished my first song! in my next post, i will provide links to stream my very first song, recorded in my basement studio over the last week.
http://therealinri.blogspot.ca/1996/09/there-is-no-code-to-get-into-enriched_1.html
2) second part of the blog post:
sept 1, 1996
this is my very first recording!
i initially wrote this song in the wee hours of a morning in 1995, where it was recorded for future use by notating it on loose leaf (using a mix of tablature and chord blocks). it was slowly mutated into a final form over the next few years through solitary performance, and was eventually recorded in the summer of 1996.
the dream in the song is something that actually happened, although the concept was exaggerated for the track. there is a clear underlying misanthropy. but, it's more hands-off than the term usually implies. the song is not about starting fires, it's about not interfering in fires that are burning. all young people contemplate ways they can make a difference and "save the world" - literally or figuratively. but, is the world really worth saving?
i've also set up a youtube channel...
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXlH5Ds5mqClkdAUFJwQCNQ/
http://therealinri.blogspot.com/1996/09/external-links-to-recorded-music.html
3) the alter-reality bandcamp site is now up and running:
https://jnrj.bandcamp.com
4) the alter-reality youtube page will be up soon, too:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXlH5Ds5mqClkdAUFJwQCNQ/
i'll be back to listening soon, too.
but, i'm also pushing forward with the alter-reality for the day.
1) new blog post:
sept 1, 1996
there is no code to get into enriched classes, but i wish there was one....
happy new year!
well, it's not really the new year, i guess, but it kind of feels like it. the roman calendar is heliocentric and resets when the sun reverses course and starts coming back towards us. how did we escape the victorian era without reconfiguring the calendar to the start of the school year, anyways? there are new beginnings to be found in the innocence of youth. yet, maybe such a concept of yearly rebirth was a little too pagan.
it's labour day tomorrow, which means i go back to school on tuesday. i'll be starting grade ten. it's not just a new year, though: i'm also being sent to nerd school. yuck :(. this is not consensual!
it's a little bit of my own fault, though. i tend to fool around in class. a lot. while i get almost solid As, the kids i'm distracting are not doing nearly as well. one may kneejerk into blaming the kids with the lower marks, but i've actually been fingered repeatedly as the root cause of the distractions. so, i'm a kind of an enigma. they haven't been able to figure out what to do with me; while they ought to expel me based on my behaviour, they just can't justify it because i'm an A student. what happened around the end of last year was that a cabal of teachers conspired with my parents to take me out of advanced courses and put me into enriched classes. the argument is that i'll be less bored that way, but that, more importantly, i won't be so much of a distraction to the students around me. everybody should win out...
...except that i know that the reality of it is that i'm actually going to be even more bored because i'm going to have to hang out with the nerds all of the time. the thing is that the nerds aren't really nerds. if they were legit nerds, i'd probably like them. the legit nerds are all in the advanced courses. what the enriched class "nerds" actually are are really the rich kids and they're actually mostly wannabe jocks. these are the kids that walk around in sports jerseys but can't make the school team. the only reason that most of them got separated out is because their parents demanded they get special treatment. there was no testing. there were no interviews. entry to enriched classes is dependent solely on maintaining an A average and being recommended by a teacher, which only happens with outside pressure. there are plenty of students in the advanced stream with higher grade averages.
how do i get out of this? well, i didn't have the choice. my parents would never do this to me under normal circumstances, but the cabal of teachers was absolutely insistent and they ultimately relented. the only way out of this next year is to get Bs this year. nobody's going to care, right? nobody's going to check my grade ten marks, right? i'm already thinking about a scorched earth policy...
what about the last week?
well, i picked up the new pearl jam record, no code. to be entirely honest, i'm kind of still processing it. i'm not too young to remember early pearl jam, but i'm pretty close; i was ten years old when ten was released (oddly enough...) and not really a fan of what i interacted with. i liked jeremy, but it was a distant appreciation rather than an active experience. i didn't like the other singles nearly as much. you have to understand that the headspace i was in at the time was not very open to anything that might be interpreted as "heavy metal". the reason is that i was growing up with a set of influences that saw metal as the refuge of violent drunks and uneducated losers. it took me a few years to realize that i was actually conflating an idea with it's anti-thesis and that my inability to differentiate between pearl jam and guns 'n' roses (and grunge and glam, more generally) was really just youthful ignorance on my behalf. in fact, pearl jam was exactly the kind of rock band i could get into, i just didn't realize it. i was eventually able to get into vs a little near the end of it's run, but it wasn't until vitalogy was released that i was actively converted into a fan. on some level, and notwithstanding my age, i may be a better actualization of what the band really desires as a fan. but, that itself - combined with my near violent aversion to 80s metal - makes me a very atypical listener. i actually tend to prefer their more experimental tendencies, as well as their punk sensibilities, over the cliches and muscular riffs. of their four released records, i like ten the least! but, the thing i like about pearl jam the most is actually the lyrics.
i'm finding this new record to really be pretty good on the few listens i've had over all night civ 2 sessions. it's kind of uneven, though, and i'm not sure how it's going to ultimately hold up as a result of it. vitalogy was also uneven, but it wasn't as pronounced. see, the flip of that is that some of the high points on no code are just that much stronger. the irony is that this exaggerates the weakness of the weaker tracks, which makes it less cohesive, overall. i'm still enjoying the record, mind you. i just wish they had cut a few of the slower tracks out. i don't mean the artsy ones, i mean the rural ones: off he goes & around the bend, specifically.
something, i did listen to a lot of in the early 90s, though, was REM, who were definitely my favourite band. so, i'm super hyped about the new REM album. i didn't like monster as much as their older stuff. it seemed kind of shallow, to me, in comparison. it didn't breathe or flow and kind of got boring under the monotony. but, i really really like the new single...
i don't know who the female singer is, though. is she actually singing or is she just an actress?
i've also been spending a lot of time in the recording studio in the basement. on the last update, i wondered out loud whether i should keep waiting for band members or just go ahead and start recording on my own. i've decided that i will be recording songs on my own with the intent of teaching them to other people when they're done. in fact, i have already finished my first song! in my next post, i will provide links to stream my very first song, recorded in my basement studio over the last week.
http://therealinri.blogspot.ca/1996/09/there-is-no-code-to-get-into-enriched_1.html
2) second part of the blog post:
sept 1, 1996
external links to recorded music
this is my very first recording!
i initially wrote this song in the wee hours of a morning in 1995, where it was recorded for future use by notating it on loose leaf (using a mix of tablature and chord blocks). it was slowly mutated into a final form over the next few years through solitary performance, and was eventually recorded in the summer of 1996.
the dream in the song is something that actually happened, although the concept was exaggerated for the track. there is a clear underlying misanthropy. but, it's more hands-off than the term usually implies. the song is not about starting fires, it's about not interfering in fires that are burning. all young people contemplate ways they can make a difference and "save the world" - literally or figuratively. but, is the world really worth saving?
i've also set up a youtube channel...
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXlH5Ds5mqClkdAUFJwQCNQ/
http://therealinri.blogspot.com/1996/09/external-links-to-recorded-music.html
3) the alter-reality bandcamp site is now up and running:
https://jnrj.bandcamp.com
4) the alter-reality youtube page will be up soon, too:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXlH5Ds5mqClkdAUFJwQCNQ/
i'll be back to listening soon, too.
the new youtube rules are not going to bother me, because i don't upload for the cash, anyways.
but i think, in the end, that youtube may find that the family-friendly market is less lucrative than it thinks.
this is an error. it could produce a set of serious competitors.
i don't have a problem with it. people just don't get the business model.
youtube is selling advertising space, not acting as a speech platform. they give you a cut of their revenue, but they don't even have to, really. it's just an incentive for you to upload. in the end, you're just being used as a conduit.
the actual financial transaction that occurs is that youtube sells space in your videos to advertisers. it's consequently entirely up to the advertisers as to whether they want to be associated with your videos or not. i think that's in their rights. and, if the advertisers don't want to be associated with you? that's their choice.
imagine your girlfriend breaking up with you because she doesn't like your politics. is that censorship? no. you have every right to keep talking. she just doesn't want to hang out with you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gbph5or0NuM
this playlist may increase in size.
no biggie.
but i think, in the end, that youtube may find that the family-friendly market is less lucrative than it thinks.
this is an error. it could produce a set of serious competitors.
i don't have a problem with it. people just don't get the business model.
youtube is selling advertising space, not acting as a speech platform. they give you a cut of their revenue, but they don't even have to, really. it's just an incentive for you to upload. in the end, you're just being used as a conduit.
the actual financial transaction that occurs is that youtube sells space in your videos to advertisers. it's consequently entirely up to the advertisers as to whether they want to be associated with your videos or not. i think that's in their rights. and, if the advertisers don't want to be associated with you? that's their choice.
imagine your girlfriend breaking up with you because she doesn't like your politics. is that censorship? no. you have every right to keep talking. she just doesn't want to hang out with you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gbph5or0NuM
this playlist may increase in size.
no biggie.
Wednesday, August 31, 2016
there's actually no reason that you couldn't have a 20th note, you just couldn't express it in terms of quarter notes because you get an infinite series. it's convergent. but it doesn't help the notation.
you couldn't count it, but you could feel it.
i flipped my fraction over and thought i had an answer (i do this, flip the fraction over, to myself all the time), because i'm actually used to dealing with these kinds of weird conversions as a relic of writing drum sequences in a scorewriter. there's lots of ways to convert weird signatures. the series just has to terminate. it doesn't here, but that's just bad luck.
if you split the bar into five equal temporal spaces, each one will be four fifths of a quarter note. .8/4 = 0.2. so, a 20th note would be 20% of a quarter note - which is 40% of an eighth note and 80% of a sixteenth note. indeed, .8*(1/16) = 1/20. you can't notate this using western music theory (because the series happens not to terminate....), but that doesn't mean it's undefined or unplayable
80%(1/16th) =
160% (1/32nd) =
1/32nd + 60%(32nd) =
1/32nd + 1.2(64th) =
1/32nd + 1/64th + .2(64th) =
1/32nd + 1/64th + .4(128th) =
1/32nd + 1/64th + .8(256th) =
1/32nd + 1/64th + epsilon =
3/64th + epsilon
you simply couldn't hear 80% of a 256th note. that's indistiguishable from human error.
so, a 20th note would be indistinguishable from a triplet of 64th notes. that means that 4/20 would be four triplets of 64th notes.
....which is a blast beat.
http://thehardtimes.net/2016/08/29/stoner-tech-metal-band-trying-really-hard-write-song-420-time/?fb_comment_id=1161463340592034_1163796750358693
you couldn't count it, but you could feel it.
i flipped my fraction over and thought i had an answer (i do this, flip the fraction over, to myself all the time), because i'm actually used to dealing with these kinds of weird conversions as a relic of writing drum sequences in a scorewriter. there's lots of ways to convert weird signatures. the series just has to terminate. it doesn't here, but that's just bad luck.
if you split the bar into five equal temporal spaces, each one will be four fifths of a quarter note. .8/4 = 0.2. so, a 20th note would be 20% of a quarter note - which is 40% of an eighth note and 80% of a sixteenth note. indeed, .8*(1/16) = 1/20. you can't notate this using western music theory (because the series happens not to terminate....), but that doesn't mean it's undefined or unplayable
80%(1/16th) =
160% (1/32nd) =
1/32nd + 60%(32nd) =
1/32nd + 1.2(64th) =
1/32nd + 1/64th + .2(64th) =
1/32nd + 1/64th + .4(128th) =
1/32nd + 1/64th + .8(256th) =
1/32nd + 1/64th + epsilon =
3/64th + epsilon
you simply couldn't hear 80% of a 256th note. that's indistiguishable from human error.
so, a 20th note would be indistinguishable from a triplet of 64th notes. that means that 4/20 would be four triplets of 64th notes.
....which is a blast beat.
http://thehardtimes.net/2016/08/29/stoner-tech-metal-band-trying-really-hard-write-song-420-time/?fb_comment_id=1161463340592034_1163796750358693
if you want to watch or take part in pornography, go ahead. what do i care? and, you don't need my permission, either. just don't insult my intelligence by referring to your pornography as 'art'.
if you want to go to a strip club, go ahead. just don't pretend that you're going to a 'concert'.
...and if you want to let your kids watch strippers on tv, that's your choice. well, at least it is in the sense that you own the tv. your kids aren't your property. just, stop fooling yourself into thinking it's a 'music video'. it's not. they're strippers. and it's porn.
if you want to go to a strip club, go ahead. just don't pretend that you're going to a 'concert'.
...and if you want to let your kids watch strippers on tv, that's your choice. well, at least it is in the sense that you own the tv. your kids aren't your property. just, stop fooling yourself into thinking it's a 'music video'. it's not. they're strippers. and it's porn.
Monday, August 29, 2016
i'm just getting through the listening phase through my laptop
without phones, and i have to publicly plead yet again: don't do it.
this isn't a cheap laptop. and i'll acknowledge, even, that the highs
sound pretty good. but you just simply get no bass out of laptop
speakers, and you need bass.
when it comes to audio, your laptop is a fucking potato. stop.
and don't even think about using your phone...
when it comes to audio, your laptop is a fucking potato. stop.
and don't even think about using your phone...
Sunday, August 28, 2016
i've never stated, in public or private, anything other than that my
only regret was that i put my transition on hold way back when. i don't
regret anything else that happened. and, i wouldn't do anything else
differently. but i do very, very much wish that i would have dealt with
this properly back in 2002.
the intent was to stop for a few months. that turned into a few years. and, it became financially difficult to pick up where i was.
it was a huge mistake....
....but i mean the choice to suspend was a mistake. x > y. sure. but, it's only that part that i'd reverse, if i could. then, we'd have to see what would happen from there....
yes: a lot of the things that happened would not have happened had i not paused. that is true. but, given that i did pause, i don't regret what i did. what i regret is only that i paused.
i simply can't know what the alternate path would have been, or how similar it would be to what actually happened. so, i can't say anything else. i can only look at the choices i actually made. and, there's really only one i'd reverse.
i'm sorry if that's not what you think, but i need to reiterate: i've never stated anything else. anything else is just in your head.
the intent was to stop for a few months. that turned into a few years. and, it became financially difficult to pick up where i was.
it was a huge mistake....
....but i mean the choice to suspend was a mistake. x > y. sure. but, it's only that part that i'd reverse, if i could. then, we'd have to see what would happen from there....
yes: a lot of the things that happened would not have happened had i not paused. that is true. but, given that i did pause, i don't regret what i did. what i regret is only that i paused.
i simply can't know what the alternate path would have been, or how similar it would be to what actually happened. so, i can't say anything else. i can only look at the choices i actually made. and, there's really only one i'd reverse.
i'm sorry if that's not what you think, but i need to reiterate: i've never stated anything else. anything else is just in your head.
again: quality v quantity misunderstands what i'm doing. the question
is whether i'm being thorough in documentation, or haphazard about it.
this is not a film production, it's a vlog. how detailed am i being?
another way to put it is that i don't really have control over the viewing quality of my life, nor am i particularly concerned by it. what i have control over is how meticulous i am in building a historical document.
i went from not being able to sleep to crashing really, really hard. we had some rain move in. it does that to me. i haven't been able to stay awake for more than a few hours at a time the last few days. i feel awake, but we'll see.
another way to put it is that i don't really have control over the viewing quality of my life, nor am i particularly concerned by it. what i have control over is how meticulous i am in building a historical document.
i went from not being able to sleep to crashing really, really hard. we had some rain move in. it does that to me. i haven't been able to stay awake for more than a few hours at a time the last few days. i feel awake, but we'll see.
Saturday, August 27, 2016
j reacts to a dream about genetic factors in gender identity
i've been over this a few times: i really don't think that gender is genetic in the sense that there's a gene for liking skirts or a gene for liking cars. rather, i think it's partly hormonal and partly experiential. the only serious genetic determinant going into somebody's gender identity is consequently the way that their bodies regulate hormones.
that means that there actually might be an observable physical trait that i demonstrate that has something to do with things, which is the fact that i've never grown a single hair on my chest in my life. this is actually very rare. the categorization of "apilose" means "less than 6%".
...and i'm not exaggerating. nary a hair. ever. in my entire life.
(i'll remind you that i'm nearly 36. it's never going to happen.)
how does that happen? well, here's the truth: this is androgenic hair. that is, it's presence is triggered by the release of testosterone during puberty. humans demonstrate lots of variation, as a species. so, some dudes release huge amounts of testosterone and end up looking like hairy man-apes. others release a lot less and just end up with a little baby fuzz. and, yes: some women release enough testosterone to end up with hair on their chests and faces, too.
the fact that i've never grown any chest on my hair at all ever means that i didn't go through that testosterone flush. i can't tell you why not with any real certainty, but it's almost certainly genetic. note that my dad was a typical hairy italian jew.
and, hence this is where one needs to look at the genetic basis of things, for me. as mentioned: i think this is overly facile. it's not that easy. it's at most one of multiple factors. but, if i was a geneticist, that's where i'd be looking: the genes that regulate hormone release during puberty.
as an aside, that makes the issue reducible to a "hormonal imbalance" and the treatment of hormone therapy rational. but, it also means that the ultimate truth here is that i very much had a choice in correcting the imbalance: that i could have equally well chosen to pop testosterone pills. the ultimate choice here, at the end, has to be experiential, when seen that way.
that means that there actually might be an observable physical trait that i demonstrate that has something to do with things, which is the fact that i've never grown a single hair on my chest in my life. this is actually very rare. the categorization of "apilose" means "less than 6%".
...and i'm not exaggerating. nary a hair. ever. in my entire life.
(i'll remind you that i'm nearly 36. it's never going to happen.)
how does that happen? well, here's the truth: this is androgenic hair. that is, it's presence is triggered by the release of testosterone during puberty. humans demonstrate lots of variation, as a species. so, some dudes release huge amounts of testosterone and end up looking like hairy man-apes. others release a lot less and just end up with a little baby fuzz. and, yes: some women release enough testosterone to end up with hair on their chests and faces, too.
the fact that i've never grown any chest on my hair at all ever means that i didn't go through that testosterone flush. i can't tell you why not with any real certainty, but it's almost certainly genetic. note that my dad was a typical hairy italian jew.
and, hence this is where one needs to look at the genetic basis of things, for me. as mentioned: i think this is overly facile. it's not that easy. it's at most one of multiple factors. but, if i was a geneticist, that's where i'd be looking: the genes that regulate hormone release during puberty.
as an aside, that makes the issue reducible to a "hormonal imbalance" and the treatment of hormone therapy rational. but, it also means that the ultimate truth here is that i very much had a choice in correcting the imbalance: that i could have equally well chosen to pop testosterone pills. the ultimate choice here, at the end, has to be experiential, when seen that way.
Thursday, August 25, 2016
slept through the tornado
i slept through the rain - you could tell it was coming down,
certainly. and, i'm a bit north of it's path. enough that i don't expect
to see any damage.
it's a little unnerving, though.
www.cbc.ca/news/canada/windsor/tornado-windsor-lasalle-1.3734826
it's a little unnerving, though.
www.cbc.ca/news/canada/windsor/tornado-windsor-lasalle-1.3734826
listening is moving slower than i'd like (as always....story of my
life....), but i just want to update that i am 100% certain at this
point about what is happening with the distorted audio. there's no
longer any ambiguity at all whatsoever.
for some reason, the cord in this specific pair of headphones is picking up a charge. it's very easily grounded - all i have to do is touch the tips. but, it's audible, too. because i'm just that type of audio nerd...
the issue, of course, is not persistent. it will sometimes stop, which is why i had so many false positives. i'm still going to need to do a lot of testing to figure out exactly what it is that is creating the field and whether certain pieces of equipment are acting as catalysts or not.
but, the basic reality that i'm living in some kind of magnet is now beyond question. what i'm going to do about it is a little less clear.
i'm opting strongly for building a tent to place around the recording space.
for some reason, the cord in this specific pair of headphones is picking up a charge. it's very easily grounded - all i have to do is touch the tips. but, it's audible, too. because i'm just that type of audio nerd...
the issue, of course, is not persistent. it will sometimes stop, which is why i had so many false positives. i'm still going to need to do a lot of testing to figure out exactly what it is that is creating the field and whether certain pieces of equipment are acting as catalysts or not.
but, the basic reality that i'm living in some kind of magnet is now beyond question. what i'm going to do about it is a little less clear.
i'm opting strongly for building a tent to place around the recording space.
Wednesday, August 24, 2016
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
Monday, August 22, 2016
very briefly
"Owing to variations in humidity and likely clothing, recommendations for summer and winter may vary; a suggested typical range for summer is 23 °C (73 °F) to 25.5 °C (78 °F), with that for winter being 20 °C (68 °F) to 23.5 °C (74 °F)."
https://books.google.ca/books?id=KBbHmp2yisEC&lpg=PA149&ots=yTqUP4xIOx&dq=%2BASHRAE+%2B%22recommended+temperatures%22&pg=PA149&redir_esc=y&hl=en#v=onepage&q=%20ASHRAE%20%20%22recommended%20temperatures%22&f=false
my personal preference would be in the higher end of that range - and actually even higher than that, if the external temperature allows for it.
j
https://books.google.ca/books?id=KBbHmp2yisEC&lpg=PA149&ots=yTqUP4xIOx&dq=%2BASHRAE+%2B%22recommended+temperatures%22&pg=PA149&redir_esc=y&hl=en#v=onepage&q=%20ASHRAE%20%20%22recommended%20temperatures%22&f=false
my personal preference would be in the higher end of that range - and actually even higher than that, if the external temperature allows for it.
j
fwiw, i am in the midst of some massive insomnia in what is now a three day and may become a four day vlog. i've had several two-three hour naps
over the last three days, but every time it seems like i'm going to actually sleep i end up jolted awake....
i haven't been as productive as i'd have liked. there have been some annoying issues that have had to be tended to, and a little bit of time wasting,
although i am finally a good ways of the way through the final sansa listen. that is: mp3--sansa--440-IIs. it sounds great, so far. but, these are the
unshielded cables that are prone to interference.
thankfully, the temperature has come down. the a/c is off, so the heat is off.
....but i'm getting the feeling that things are 'back to normal' for me, meaning that these multi-day vlogs will be the new normal and sleeping more than
three hours at a time will only happen when my body just refuses to co-operate any further.
what that also means is that the vlogs may start to come up two-three times a week, but in extra long installments. i simply don't know how much
longer i'll be awake for. but, this at least three day vlog is currently over two hours.
i've stated repeatedly that this is documentation. i split the chunks of time up the way i do for a reason. and, if i can't sleep for a week then the vlog
will be 8 hours and you'll just have to accept it as it is.
over the last three days, but every time it seems like i'm going to actually sleep i end up jolted awake....
i haven't been as productive as i'd have liked. there have been some annoying issues that have had to be tended to, and a little bit of time wasting,
although i am finally a good ways of the way through the final sansa listen. that is: mp3--sansa--440-IIs. it sounds great, so far. but, these are the
unshielded cables that are prone to interference.
thankfully, the temperature has come down. the a/c is off, so the heat is off.
....but i'm getting the feeling that things are 'back to normal' for me, meaning that these multi-day vlogs will be the new normal and sleeping more than
three hours at a time will only happen when my body just refuses to co-operate any further.
what that also means is that the vlogs may start to come up two-three times a week, but in extra long installments. i simply don't know how much
longer i'll be awake for. but, this at least three day vlog is currently over two hours.
i've stated repeatedly that this is documentation. i split the chunks of time up the way i do for a reason. and, if i can't sleep for a week then the vlog
will be 8 hours and you'll just have to accept it as it is.
the device is unfrozen
i don't know when it unfroze. i know the heat was on full blast most
of the morning. i just checked now because i felt it cooling down in
here and it was working again.
i guess it will happen again at some point, but it's useful to know that the situation is recoverable and it's up to you whether or not it's worth swapping out.
j
i guess it will happen again at some point, but it's useful to know that the situation is recoverable and it's up to you whether or not it's worth swapping out.
j
Sunday, August 21, 2016
& there's no excuse for water falling through the ceiling
i haven't heard from anybody about the electrical yet.
but i'll tell you that if that happens one more time, i'm going to caulk over the wood panelling and you can deal with the water damage upstairs.
j
but i'll tell you that if that happens one more time, i'm going to caulk over the wood panelling and you can deal with the water damage upstairs.
j
Saturday, August 20, 2016
that same electrical box blew again..
hi.
the one on top of the couch. i think this is the third time, now.
i just want to clarify that i really require the heat on because of the a/c upstairs. i understand that the upstairs tenant has weight problems and needs for it to be unreasonably cool, but that absolutely requires me to turn the heat on to compensate. otherwise, the conditions down here would be equivalent to a meat locker. even opening the window has no effect. i've tried reducing the heat on multiple occasions and i've found myself in really dangerous situations. i've woken up shivering, for example. clammy skin. it's like living inside a fridge. yes, it's unpleasant. but, it's worse - it's dangerous.
you have to keep in mind that the listed temperature on the thermostat becomes somewhat meaningless in the face of the refrigeration. it's like the wind chill effect, or the humidity effect. they'll say it's 27 degrees, but feels like 40 with the humidity. if i turn the heat off, the thermostat will say 27 degrees but it will feel like 18 with the a/c.
it's the summer. i like it in the mid to high 20s. i feel i have every right to enjoy that and that if he needs the a/c on so high that it overpowers it then he's liable to compensate that through electrical costs.
so, i'm sorry - but i need that device replaced yet again. i'm going to go ask paul, but i know he'll need to call you anyways. and, so i again need to suggest that something be done about the electrical, which probably includes finding a way to either turn his a/c down or put it on a separate circuit.
(pause)
it just came back, but now it's frozen on full blast at 43 degrees celsius, which is obviously unsafe....
(pause)
it's back off again. i've explained to paul that it is probably a fire hazard, but he said he'll wait to call ryan in the morning.
(pause)
i don't know if it will come on and off or not, but at least it seems to be shutting itself off when it overloads
(pause)
.....and now it's back on again, so that's what's happening. it's in a loop. it comes on, it overloads, it shuts off, it comes on, it overloads, it shuts off - and it's frozen, i can't do anything.
j
the one on top of the couch. i think this is the third time, now.
i just want to clarify that i really require the heat on because of the a/c upstairs. i understand that the upstairs tenant has weight problems and needs for it to be unreasonably cool, but that absolutely requires me to turn the heat on to compensate. otherwise, the conditions down here would be equivalent to a meat locker. even opening the window has no effect. i've tried reducing the heat on multiple occasions and i've found myself in really dangerous situations. i've woken up shivering, for example. clammy skin. it's like living inside a fridge. yes, it's unpleasant. but, it's worse - it's dangerous.
you have to keep in mind that the listed temperature on the thermostat becomes somewhat meaningless in the face of the refrigeration. it's like the wind chill effect, or the humidity effect. they'll say it's 27 degrees, but feels like 40 with the humidity. if i turn the heat off, the thermostat will say 27 degrees but it will feel like 18 with the a/c.
it's the summer. i like it in the mid to high 20s. i feel i have every right to enjoy that and that if he needs the a/c on so high that it overpowers it then he's liable to compensate that through electrical costs.
so, i'm sorry - but i need that device replaced yet again. i'm going to go ask paul, but i know he'll need to call you anyways. and, so i again need to suggest that something be done about the electrical, which probably includes finding a way to either turn his a/c down or put it on a separate circuit.
(pause)
it just came back, but now it's frozen on full blast at 43 degrees celsius, which is obviously unsafe....
(pause)
it's back off again. i've explained to paul that it is probably a fire hazard, but he said he'll wait to call ryan in the morning.
(pause)
i don't know if it will come on and off or not, but at least it seems to be shutting itself off when it overloads
(pause)
.....and now it's back on again, so that's what's happening. it's in a loop. it comes on, it overloads, it shuts off, it comes on, it overloads, it shuts off - and it's frozen, i can't do anything.
j
i still haven't slept, fwiw. that's coming up on two full days, awake -
excluding a short nap yesterday afternoon that i can't consider
delineating. this could be a three day vlog. even if i crash soon, if i
crash long...
i've spoken at length on my tendency to be awake for long periods, but i don't have a lot of evidence to show for it to this point. i think it's because i was still getting over the physical effects of nicotine withdrawal, which i found to be very powerful. i was also still smoking, if infrequently, meaning i kept pushing myself back off and into reset. it's been a month cold turkey, now - although this is not really intentional and after a long period of barely smoking. so, it's not the same as quitting cold turkey. it's more like a detox.
what i'm getting at is that it kind of feels like i tripped a wire or something. i've been doing something the last 36 hours that i actually rarely do: putting myself to bed. more characteristic is that i tend to wait until i just fall over. the result is that this very long day has not been productive.
but, it could be a sign of things to come. i could be back to my normal self, which is routine 45+ hour days. we'll see....
right now, i'm very hungry. we'll see how long i'm awake for after i get the blood sugar back up. long enough to finally finish with the 449s?
i've spoken at length on my tendency to be awake for long periods, but i don't have a lot of evidence to show for it to this point. i think it's because i was still getting over the physical effects of nicotine withdrawal, which i found to be very powerful. i was also still smoking, if infrequently, meaning i kept pushing myself back off and into reset. it's been a month cold turkey, now - although this is not really intentional and after a long period of barely smoking. so, it's not the same as quitting cold turkey. it's more like a detox.
what i'm getting at is that it kind of feels like i tripped a wire or something. i've been doing something the last 36 hours that i actually rarely do: putting myself to bed. more characteristic is that i tend to wait until i just fall over. the result is that this very long day has not been productive.
but, it could be a sign of things to come. i could be back to my normal self, which is routine 45+ hour days. we'll see....
right now, i'm very hungry. we'll see how long i'm awake for after i get the blood sugar back up. long enough to finally finish with the 449s?
Friday, August 19, 2016
i have to point this out every now again...
i'm not even sure which sex i like better. well, i'm 35. nearly 36. shouldn't i have that figured out? so, perhaps what that indicates is that i really don't like either.
there was a time where i reasoned that women were lesser douchebags, but i no longer think that that is true - women are just as douchey as men. that language is difficult, but i don't think it's confusing. but, i've discarded this thinking that women are emotionally superior, or something. we all have layers of hierarchy to disentangle. but, that means that i've discarded both sex and gender, preferentially. it's down entirely to individuality.
...and i hate everybody, as individuals. as people. as collections of character traits. almost everybody is a horrific asshole.
i don't even pretend to try.
yet, is it the case that i'm disinterested in others or the case that i'm obsessed with myself? there's a synthesis, no doubt.
if you cross out sex and gender as irrelevant altogether, and ignore that nobody agrees with this, what i've learned is that the biggest obstacle to a purely emotional relationship is that people want children. they say they don't, but they actually do.
therefore, i've concluded that i'm simply too young for a relationship.
there is some possibility that i may end up dating when i'm older, but my tinder profile will specify that i'm only interested in people that have adult children and that have minimal relationships with those adult children. that is my true sexual orientation: i'm only attracted to people that have a 0% interest in wanting to raise kids.
for now, file me under hyper-individualist asexual loner.
i'm not even sure which sex i like better. well, i'm 35. nearly 36. shouldn't i have that figured out? so, perhaps what that indicates is that i really don't like either.
there was a time where i reasoned that women were lesser douchebags, but i no longer think that that is true - women are just as douchey as men. that language is difficult, but i don't think it's confusing. but, i've discarded this thinking that women are emotionally superior, or something. we all have layers of hierarchy to disentangle. but, that means that i've discarded both sex and gender, preferentially. it's down entirely to individuality.
...and i hate everybody, as individuals. as people. as collections of character traits. almost everybody is a horrific asshole.
i don't even pretend to try.
yet, is it the case that i'm disinterested in others or the case that i'm obsessed with myself? there's a synthesis, no doubt.
if you cross out sex and gender as irrelevant altogether, and ignore that nobody agrees with this, what i've learned is that the biggest obstacle to a purely emotional relationship is that people want children. they say they don't, but they actually do.
therefore, i've concluded that i'm simply too young for a relationship.
there is some possibility that i may end up dating when i'm older, but my tinder profile will specify that i'm only interested in people that have adult children and that have minimal relationships with those adult children. that is my true sexual orientation: i'm only attracted to people that have a 0% interest in wanting to raise kids.
for now, file me under hyper-individualist asexual loner.
alter-reality update
august 19, 1996
that was a lot longer between updates than expected, but i have good news - the room is finished and i've largely taken it over. i've been trying to find some friends to come down and jam but have been completely unsuccessful in convincing anybody. well, the truth is that there are at most three people on the planet that would admit to being a friend of mine, and none of them seriously want to play music. one of them is a skateboarder kid that i've known since the third grade and just listens to trendy hip-hop. we don't have much in common except that we went to a small school and have just kind of clung together as a consequence of it. there's some concept of trust there, at least, and sometimes that can be mutually reassuring. the other is a bmx kid that's into punk rock (sort of - i question his authenticity), but he has the attention span of a gnat and just could not make it through anything. i'm only really friends with him because of the assigned seating at school and, ironically, because i'm old friends with the other kid. they have a lot more in common with each other and get along better with each other. i'm kind of more of a conduit. i don't begrudge them - good for them. i'm happy i helped them find each other. it's more that i don't really know why i stick around with them, except that there's safety in some numbers. the other option is to turn myself into a sitting duck for bullies. again: at least there's some concept of trust with these two. but, they're the kind of teenagers that want to play outside on their boards/bikes or stay in and play video games. there's just no interest in any kind of art. i did ask the bmx kid already to try out the drums, and he just kind of laughed at me, as though he was obviously incapable. he said he didn't want me to yell at him for sucking. to be honest, i think he's right to react that way!
that's not to say that they don't respect my craft on some level. you have to remember that, while i'm only 15, i've been playing guitar for a long time, already. i can pick up just about anything in the style i like, which is broadly categorized as alternative/grunge. i'm truly pretty impressive for my age. but, for them, that's more intimidating than reassuring, especially considering that they can't put it into context. further, i don't have a reputation for patience. so, they can tell ahead of time what this is going to be like - i'm going to yell at them for not being able to keep up, and they're going to get frustrated and give up. then, i'm going to pout. again: they're right. that's exactly what would happen...
the third kid is a little more promising. he's a big marilyn manson fan and seems to legitimately want to start a punk band. i don't really like marilyn manson, but i am a really big nine inch nails fan and i like punk, too, so surely we can find some common ground. the problem is that he's kind of flaky. he wants to play bass, but he's more concerned about the image involved in getting a "goth guitar" than he is in getting something that sounds good. he's also stood me up a few times, already. so, i don't know if i can really rely on him. he seems like the type that would get bored and give up really easily if it doesn't immediately work out. i don't think he really wants to just jam...
i'm kind of thinking that it might be a better idea to just start recording on my own. i mean, none of these kids can play anything. at all. i can probably play drums better than the bmx kid, anyways. i'm sure i can play bass better than the goth kid - that's not even a serious question. i have this room here, and i'm in it quite a bit. why am i waiting for other people? why don't i just record the parts myself? if trent reznor and billy corgan can do it, why can't i?
speaking of the room, perhaps i should describe it. i wish i had a camera, but i wouldn't know how to get it on the internet, anyways. dad says you need a 'scanner', but i don't know what that is.
i've had a subscription to guitar world for a few years, now. it was a christmas present. well, she offered me national geographic - and i do legitimately like to read up on science - but i requested the guitar world because i thought i'd get more out of it. so, i had about fifty magazines to cut & paste into a collage to spread across the wall, which is now full of alternative rock icons.
in one corner of the room, there's a table with a luxman receiver connected to a tascam four-track that was borrowed from my dad's friend, larry. the tascam connects to a mixdown tape deck through the luxman. larry also left an acoustic guitar and an mxr phaser down here. he said he doesn't play van halen any more and the phaser is cheesy, otherwise. personally, i can't tell the difference between his phaser and the flanger in my multi-effects unit but i'm told there's an engineering difference in the effects.
as for my guitar setup, i really have everything i need to record in a small space. i'm on my second guitar, now, which is an entry level ibanez with a locking bridge. i moved up a little while back from your standard piece of shit hondo. the ibanez has a three-way selector switch and a very clean signal, which are things that i like, but there's also a knot in the neck that was lacquered over at the store and has become somewhat of a splinter hazard. there's some fret wear, too. believe it or not, sometimes the problems with the guitar make me miss my old hondo! but, the important thing is that it sounds good through the signal path, which is into a zoom 1010 multieffects unit and out into a cheri practice amplifier. the amp came with my first guitar, whereas i purchased the multieffects unit in 1995 with combined christmas money.
there is an electric bass on the table behind the recording devices. there are no speakers in the room, but there is a pair of sennheiser 440-II headphones. dad said they're awesome headphones and i should 'baby' them so they last. there are two microphones in this room, connected to sponges to deaden the sound. and, there is for real a drum kit in the other corner of the room along with a selection of sticks and a pair of brushes. the space in between is very cramped - we could fit at most two adults in here, and at most four kids. nor is there any ventilation (as it was designed to be sound proof), so it gets very hot with the equipment, very fast. i'll admit that i've overheated and had to leave the room a couple of times...
so, i've been down here all night playing guitar for most of the month. sometimes i'm practicing other people's music, and sometimes i'm playing my own. while i haven't started to do any recording yet, because i want to wait to find people to play with, i've been mapping out a number of songs using a combination of tablature and notation on some left over loose leaf from last year. i have a lot of music already written, some of it going back to 1994. i even have some notes that i wrote back in 1994. it's all carefully organized in a binder, waiting to be actualized.
but, am i ever going to find anybody to jam with? what if i don't? i'm really seriously considering just starting to record by myself. then, maybe, i can teach the parts to other people, after. do you think that's a good idea?
i also picked up the new white zombie record, which is a remix record. i'm not a really big white zombie fan, but i do enjoy their other records and i reasoned that experimental remixes of white zombie songs would have to be really amazing to hear. so, i was hoping it would be a little more abstract, like those crazy nine inch nails remix records that i really like. on first listen, i found it to be too techno for me but it's grown on me a little and i think that it's really flat out demented qualities may prove it to be somewhat of a keeper, in the long run. what do you think?
http://therealinri.blogspot.ca/1996/08/the-logistics-around-finding-ways-to.html
the logistics around finding ways to create some supersexy swingin' sounds of my own
that was a lot longer between updates than expected, but i have good news - the room is finished and i've largely taken it over. i've been trying to find some friends to come down and jam but have been completely unsuccessful in convincing anybody. well, the truth is that there are at most three people on the planet that would admit to being a friend of mine, and none of them seriously want to play music. one of them is a skateboarder kid that i've known since the third grade and just listens to trendy hip-hop. we don't have much in common except that we went to a small school and have just kind of clung together as a consequence of it. there's some concept of trust there, at least, and sometimes that can be mutually reassuring. the other is a bmx kid that's into punk rock (sort of - i question his authenticity), but he has the attention span of a gnat and just could not make it through anything. i'm only really friends with him because of the assigned seating at school and, ironically, because i'm old friends with the other kid. they have a lot more in common with each other and get along better with each other. i'm kind of more of a conduit. i don't begrudge them - good for them. i'm happy i helped them find each other. it's more that i don't really know why i stick around with them, except that there's safety in some numbers. the other option is to turn myself into a sitting duck for bullies. again: at least there's some concept of trust with these two. but, they're the kind of teenagers that want to play outside on their boards/bikes or stay in and play video games. there's just no interest in any kind of art. i did ask the bmx kid already to try out the drums, and he just kind of laughed at me, as though he was obviously incapable. he said he didn't want me to yell at him for sucking. to be honest, i think he's right to react that way!
that's not to say that they don't respect my craft on some level. you have to remember that, while i'm only 15, i've been playing guitar for a long time, already. i can pick up just about anything in the style i like, which is broadly categorized as alternative/grunge. i'm truly pretty impressive for my age. but, for them, that's more intimidating than reassuring, especially considering that they can't put it into context. further, i don't have a reputation for patience. so, they can tell ahead of time what this is going to be like - i'm going to yell at them for not being able to keep up, and they're going to get frustrated and give up. then, i'm going to pout. again: they're right. that's exactly what would happen...
the third kid is a little more promising. he's a big marilyn manson fan and seems to legitimately want to start a punk band. i don't really like marilyn manson, but i am a really big nine inch nails fan and i like punk, too, so surely we can find some common ground. the problem is that he's kind of flaky. he wants to play bass, but he's more concerned about the image involved in getting a "goth guitar" than he is in getting something that sounds good. he's also stood me up a few times, already. so, i don't know if i can really rely on him. he seems like the type that would get bored and give up really easily if it doesn't immediately work out. i don't think he really wants to just jam...
i'm kind of thinking that it might be a better idea to just start recording on my own. i mean, none of these kids can play anything. at all. i can probably play drums better than the bmx kid, anyways. i'm sure i can play bass better than the goth kid - that's not even a serious question. i have this room here, and i'm in it quite a bit. why am i waiting for other people? why don't i just record the parts myself? if trent reznor and billy corgan can do it, why can't i?
speaking of the room, perhaps i should describe it. i wish i had a camera, but i wouldn't know how to get it on the internet, anyways. dad says you need a 'scanner', but i don't know what that is.
i've had a subscription to guitar world for a few years, now. it was a christmas present. well, she offered me national geographic - and i do legitimately like to read up on science - but i requested the guitar world because i thought i'd get more out of it. so, i had about fifty magazines to cut & paste into a collage to spread across the wall, which is now full of alternative rock icons.
in one corner of the room, there's a table with a luxman receiver connected to a tascam four-track that was borrowed from my dad's friend, larry. the tascam connects to a mixdown tape deck through the luxman. larry also left an acoustic guitar and an mxr phaser down here. he said he doesn't play van halen any more and the phaser is cheesy, otherwise. personally, i can't tell the difference between his phaser and the flanger in my multi-effects unit but i'm told there's an engineering difference in the effects.
as for my guitar setup, i really have everything i need to record in a small space. i'm on my second guitar, now, which is an entry level ibanez with a locking bridge. i moved up a little while back from your standard piece of shit hondo. the ibanez has a three-way selector switch and a very clean signal, which are things that i like, but there's also a knot in the neck that was lacquered over at the store and has become somewhat of a splinter hazard. there's some fret wear, too. believe it or not, sometimes the problems with the guitar make me miss my old hondo! but, the important thing is that it sounds good through the signal path, which is into a zoom 1010 multieffects unit and out into a cheri practice amplifier. the amp came with my first guitar, whereas i purchased the multieffects unit in 1995 with combined christmas money.
there is an electric bass on the table behind the recording devices. there are no speakers in the room, but there is a pair of sennheiser 440-II headphones. dad said they're awesome headphones and i should 'baby' them so they last. there are two microphones in this room, connected to sponges to deaden the sound. and, there is for real a drum kit in the other corner of the room along with a selection of sticks and a pair of brushes. the space in between is very cramped - we could fit at most two adults in here, and at most four kids. nor is there any ventilation (as it was designed to be sound proof), so it gets very hot with the equipment, very fast. i'll admit that i've overheated and had to leave the room a couple of times...
so, i've been down here all night playing guitar for most of the month. sometimes i'm practicing other people's music, and sometimes i'm playing my own. while i haven't started to do any recording yet, because i want to wait to find people to play with, i've been mapping out a number of songs using a combination of tablature and notation on some left over loose leaf from last year. i have a lot of music already written, some of it going back to 1994. i even have some notes that i wrote back in 1994. it's all carefully organized in a binder, waiting to be actualized.
but, am i ever going to find anybody to jam with? what if i don't? i'm really seriously considering just starting to record by myself. then, maybe, i can teach the parts to other people, after. do you think that's a good idea?
i also picked up the new white zombie record, which is a remix record. i'm not a really big white zombie fan, but i do enjoy their other records and i reasoned that experimental remixes of white zombie songs would have to be really amazing to hear. so, i was hoping it would be a little more abstract, like those crazy nine inch nails remix records that i really like. on first listen, i found it to be too techno for me but it's grown on me a little and i think that it's really flat out demented qualities may prove it to be somewhat of a keeper, in the long run. what do you think?
http://therealinri.blogspot.ca/1996/08/the-logistics-around-finding-ways-to.html
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
fuse situation less urgent (still would be nice to fix soon...)
hi.
it turns out the outlets around the stove are on the stove breaker. so, i dragged the fridge across the kitchen and also moved the internet into the kitchen. i guess i'll want to avoid making eggs until it's back up. but, that means that the immediate concern is not pressing and i can wait it out. although, i mean....it's out everywhere except those two outlets around the stove. it's not a good situation. it's just not urgent anymore.
i'm assuming it''s the fuse. i don't know, really. i know i heard something pop when the microwave was at 0:01, and then everything was out.
j
it turns out the outlets around the stove are on the stove breaker. so, i dragged the fridge across the kitchen and also moved the internet into the kitchen. i guess i'll want to avoid making eggs until it's back up. but, that means that the immediate concern is not pressing and i can wait it out. although, i mean....it's out everywhere except those two outlets around the stove. it's not a good situation. it's just not urgent anymore.
i'm assuming it''s the fuse. i don't know, really. i know i heard something pop when the microwave was at 0:01, and then everything was out.
j
it's been a few days, now, and this is likely to be quiet around here for a bit, still. i'm going to commit to an alter-reality update when i get my electrical back up...
it's just that it kind of sucks typing while sitting on the floor.
i think i blew a fuse down here this evening. around 7ish. i thought i was done for the night. but, it turns out that the breaker around the stove is still up. i only have one way on to the internet down here...
i could live for a few hours without the internet. i mean, i've chosen not to. but i'd be ok. i'm more relieved by getting the fridge plugged back in (by dragging it across the kitchen...).
that just means that i'm that much further behind. but it's a minor annoyance, really, in the bigger scheme.
i'm hoping to get most of the sansa listening done tonight, so i can finish it up tomorrow. but, i haven't updated the listening plan here (it's on the vlogs....). so...
i have a number of sources and three sets of phones, as well as several speakers (although not all will be used). what i'm going to be doing is listening to the full ten hour inri002-inri015 sequence through every combination that i can think of, then draw as many conclusions as i can. so, that's going to be a while.
the alter-reality starts more seriously on the 1st. that's probably about how long it will take to get back to finishing period 1.2.
but, that is the last segment that requires major work. 1.3 is done. 2.1 is done. 2.2 is done. 2.3 is done. 2.4 is pretty much done. so, this will be moving very quickly by the end of the year.
everything takes longer than i expect. it's coming. that's all i can really say.
it's just that it kind of sucks typing while sitting on the floor.
i think i blew a fuse down here this evening. around 7ish. i thought i was done for the night. but, it turns out that the breaker around the stove is still up. i only have one way on to the internet down here...
i could live for a few hours without the internet. i mean, i've chosen not to. but i'd be ok. i'm more relieved by getting the fridge plugged back in (by dragging it across the kitchen...).
that just means that i'm that much further behind. but it's a minor annoyance, really, in the bigger scheme.
i'm hoping to get most of the sansa listening done tonight, so i can finish it up tomorrow. but, i haven't updated the listening plan here (it's on the vlogs....). so...
i have a number of sources and three sets of phones, as well as several speakers (although not all will be used). what i'm going to be doing is listening to the full ten hour inri002-inri015 sequence through every combination that i can think of, then draw as many conclusions as i can. so, that's going to be a while.
the alter-reality starts more seriously on the 1st. that's probably about how long it will take to get back to finishing period 1.2.
but, that is the last segment that requires major work. 1.3 is done. 2.1 is done. 2.2 is done. 2.3 is done. 2.4 is pretty much done. so, this will be moving very quickly by the end of the year.
everything takes longer than i expect. it's coming. that's all i can really say.
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
Monday, August 15, 2016
Sunday, August 14, 2016
Friday, August 12, 2016
my brain is ok regarding growths (for now), but there's something lodged in my ear. as time has progressed, i've become more and more frustrated with this ear doctor - who despite reading an mri report that indicated that something was found inside my ear, decided to discharge me. the mri demonstrated that i was right: there's something in my ear. the response is discharge? it seems like she runs a more profitable plastic surgery operation on the side. i've argued for years that cosmetic surgeons should not be allowed to run medical practices...
she got me the mri, anyways. i had to prod for it, but it wasn't a complete waste of time...
i have an appointment with another ear specialist in december that i have yet to cancel (i suspected i may want a second opinion...) and i may very well end up bringing him the mri scans. i don't have a lot of confidence in this doctor.
for right now, the second scan is scheduled for september and i'll just have to wait and see. it could be anything from a growth to a dead insect to ear wax. but, i need to be clear: the mri did pick something up. there is something in there. and, i did make the right choice in insisting i see an ear doctor rather than a neurologist.
she got me the mri, anyways. i had to prod for it, but it wasn't a complete waste of time...
i have an appointment with another ear specialist in december that i have yet to cancel (i suspected i may want a second opinion...) and i may very well end up bringing him the mri scans. i don't have a lot of confidence in this doctor.
for right now, the second scan is scheduled for september and i'll just have to wait and see. it could be anything from a growth to a dead insect to ear wax. but, i need to be clear: the mri did pick something up. there is something in there. and, i did make the right choice in insisting i see an ear doctor rather than a neurologist.
Thursday, August 11, 2016
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
finishing the record-keeping aspect of the write-up for inri015 was an unexpectedly tedious process, but it is now done. i have not yet started my epic listening process, and will not likely do so tonight. i'm going to do a few more record-keeping type things to prepare for it, and begin the process in earnest when i get back from my appointment tomorrow.
....presuming that i'm not devastated by the discussion.
i have no idea. really. i know that there's something very wrong with my ear. i got the mri to check for structural damage - tmj type issues. i know the radiologist insisted on redoing the mri using a process that is usually intended to search for tumours. but, i have little reason to think i have a tumour.
obviously, if i come home tomorrow with the understanding that i have brain cancer, my life is going to change quite a bit. i don't expect this. but, we'll see what happens.
for right now, i'm just focusing on getting done the things i need to get done in order to pivot to a pure listening phase that i expect to last for roughly the next week. i have two more records to formally close when that is done, inri014 and inri015. i can then move on to the singles for the second record and eventually the second record itself.
....presuming that i'm not devastated by the discussion.
i have no idea. really. i know that there's something very wrong with my ear. i got the mri to check for structural damage - tmj type issues. i know the radiologist insisted on redoing the mri using a process that is usually intended to search for tumours. but, i have little reason to think i have a tumour.
obviously, if i come home tomorrow with the understanding that i have brain cancer, my life is going to change quite a bit. i don't expect this. but, we'll see what happens.
for right now, i'm just focusing on getting done the things i need to get done in order to pivot to a pure listening phase that i expect to last for roughly the next week. i have two more records to formally close when that is done, inri014 and inri015. i can then move on to the singles for the second record and eventually the second record itself.
Monday, August 8, 2016
i've been very sensitive to the weather for years and years. for as
long as i can remember, i've tended to get nasty stomach aches when the
pressure outside changes. it's to the point that i can predict the
season changes through reductio ad estomach - that is, by appeal to
stomach. right now, i seem to be reacting very negatively to the
reduction of humidity that came in last night. it's a really brutal
sinus headache. so, loud music - and particularly absurdly loud music -
is not a very good idea at the moment.
Sunday, August 7, 2016
baby steps can be very important, sometimes.
i closed the audio for inri014 back on the first, but haven't finished the write-up yet. i did finally get the record-keeping done, at least - although the writeup is not yet complete and won't be for some time.
i should get that section of inri015 done soon, too.
i closed the audio for inri014 back on the first, but haven't finished the write-up yet. i did finally get the record-keeping done, at least - although the writeup is not yet complete and won't be for some time.
i should get that section of inri015 done soon, too.
Saturday, August 6, 2016
where have you been?
"it's alright, we know where you've been."
i wanted to finish up to inri015 before i stopped, but i got to a point where i just had to shower. i felt i wasn't focusing and needed a bit of a break. i tried a lot of things, and i was just so horribly distracted...
wednesday was spent doing laumdry. on thursday, i cleaned the apartment top to bottom. i did a compost run on friday and picked up a new set of phones. today, i did some groceries - although it wasn't as much as i wanted.
i think i can finish the boring part of writing up inri014 and inri015 today - tracklistings. etc. but, i'm going to check the show schedule, first.
either tonight or tomorrow, i'm going to begin a final listening of inri002-inri015 over every source i have. i will then move on.
the alter-reality kicks in for good on sept 1. that will be the next thing i focus on.
...and i have an appointment on the 11th to discuss the mri results with the doctor the referred me in the first place. i don't know what to expect, but think i will probably walk out with another referral to some kind of bone specialist.
"it's alright, we know where you've been."
i wanted to finish up to inri015 before i stopped, but i got to a point where i just had to shower. i felt i wasn't focusing and needed a bit of a break. i tried a lot of things, and i was just so horribly distracted...
wednesday was spent doing laumdry. on thursday, i cleaned the apartment top to bottom. i did a compost run on friday and picked up a new set of phones. today, i did some groceries - although it wasn't as much as i wanted.
i think i can finish the boring part of writing up inri014 and inri015 today - tracklistings. etc. but, i'm going to check the show schedule, first.
either tonight or tomorrow, i'm going to begin a final listening of inri002-inri015 over every source i have. i will then move on.
the alter-reality kicks in for good on sept 1. that will be the next thing i focus on.
...and i have an appointment on the 11th to discuss the mri results with the doctor the referred me in the first place. i don't know what to expect, but think i will probably walk out with another referral to some kind of bone specialist.
water damage from the air conditioner (is that really the best window for it? how about a bucket?)
hi.
brief email....
i'm just attaching some pictures of the damage created by the a/c on the front step, as well as the consequences of it on the space under the step.
i'm currently running two fans in the space to air it out. i've also left the door open and am keeping the window open over night. but, why not just put a bucket on the step to catch the water?
brief email....
i'm just attaching some pictures of the damage created by the a/c on the front step, as well as the consequences of it on the space under the step.
i'm currently running two fans in the space to air it out. i've also left the door open and am keeping the window open over night. but, why not just put a bucket on the step to catch the water?
Friday, August 5, 2016
Thursday, August 4, 2016
i wrote this during the 2008 election cycle. it's out of sequence, so it won't be up very long. it's about my perceptions of obama in the lead up to november....
the point is that this isn't new. not only did i not buy into the hope, but i was actually deeply disillusioned that the country fell for it so badly - and to an extent seemed to legitimately buy into it.
-
face in sand and textbooks filled with dread
crazy ideals swirl inside your head
the rhetoric of competition just deflates
how is it that some beings can actually relate?
no. no. no. n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-o. what i say is....
(chirping)
psst.
it's ok.
it's safe out here.
the warmth of the sand is lost, but i think that you might find that the crispness of the air is refreshing in it's own respect.
pssst.
it's ok.
we would like you to reappear.
i know that it seems as though you can't, but if you yank that head out of the sand...
...your descendants might some day spread some wings and float off into the galaxy!
that's what you've always wanted, isn't it?
just to fly off into the galaxy?
to spread some wings and float away?
oh, what a wonderful goal that is.
first...
enjoy the breeze.
it's been so long, hasn't it?
now...
take a look at the world around you..
and look what you've done.
i'm not just saying that.
really.
take a look around you...
look what you've done.
put down the sports and the porn and the reality tv and the badly acted reinterpretations of star trek and look what you've done!
in what,
in the name of democracy?
and the spread of human rights?
of freedom of speech,
and of freedom of thought?
look what you've done!
our most cherished axioms are tainted now, they're done.
you shoot your neighbour in the face, you think you're free.
you shoot my sibling in the face, tell me i'm free.
they'll blame it on me,
but this is not my hypocrisy.
you're shooting people in the face and telling them they're free.
no.
i don't want to be
part of this polity
that would ignore these pleas
if it's up to me,
i'll choose not to be
in your community
if you'll ignore these pleas
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/first-movement
the point is that this isn't new. not only did i not buy into the hope, but i was actually deeply disillusioned that the country fell for it so badly - and to an extent seemed to legitimately buy into it.
-
face in sand and textbooks filled with dread
crazy ideals swirl inside your head
the rhetoric of competition just deflates
how is it that some beings can actually relate?
no. no. no. n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-o. what i say is....
(chirping)
psst.
it's ok.
it's safe out here.
the warmth of the sand is lost, but i think that you might find that the crispness of the air is refreshing in it's own respect.
pssst.
it's ok.
we would like you to reappear.
i know that it seems as though you can't, but if you yank that head out of the sand...
...your descendants might some day spread some wings and float off into the galaxy!
that's what you've always wanted, isn't it?
just to fly off into the galaxy?
to spread some wings and float away?
oh, what a wonderful goal that is.
first...
enjoy the breeze.
it's been so long, hasn't it?
now...
take a look at the world around you..
and look what you've done.
i'm not just saying that.
really.
take a look around you...
look what you've done.
put down the sports and the porn and the reality tv and the badly acted reinterpretations of star trek and look what you've done!
in what,
in the name of democracy?
and the spread of human rights?
of freedom of speech,
and of freedom of thought?
look what you've done!
our most cherished axioms are tainted now, they're done.
you shoot your neighbour in the face, you think you're free.
you shoot my sibling in the face, tell me i'm free.
they'll blame it on me,
but this is not my hypocrisy.
you're shooting people in the face and telling them they're free.
no.
i don't want to be
part of this polity
that would ignore these pleas
if it's up to me,
i'll choose not to be
in your community
if you'll ignore these pleas
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/first-movement
i took the mri looking for something like this, in an attempt to rule
out ms. i was never looking for a growth. i'm not surprised that they
couldn't find anything - i don't see any reason to take another with a
contrast agent. but, there may be some subtleties in the imaging. i
obviously just simply don't know.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temporomandibular_joint_dysfunction
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temporomandibular_joint_dysfunction
progress update relating to inri014
i've had a down period the last two weeks that's a consequence of a variety of things, but i don't expect any further political commentary that is in any way meaningful.
i have a meeting on aug 11 to discuss the mri results with the ear doctor. i expect that it will lead to a referral to see another doctor - either a bone specialist of some sort or possibly a dentist. there is some possibility that i may get a bad surprise. a lot of uncertainty remains around this, and i just have to wait.
this "hybrid double ep single" that i left off at is in fact constructed. i just need to finish writing the notes - which shouldn't be taking so long.
i also need to be cleaning for the rest of the week, and will need to do a compost run, soon.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/schizoid-terrorist-2
i have a meeting on aug 11 to discuss the mri results with the ear doctor. i expect that it will lead to a referral to see another doctor - either a bone specialist of some sort or possibly a dentist. there is some possibility that i may get a bad surprise. a lot of uncertainty remains around this, and i just have to wait.
this "hybrid double ep single" that i left off at is in fact constructed. i just need to finish writing the notes - which shouldn't be taking so long.
i also need to be cleaning for the rest of the week, and will need to do a compost run, soon.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/schizoid-terrorist-2
Tuesday, August 2, 2016
i'm a little more productive today, but i'm still dragging. i just spent a while dropping the relevant vlogs on to the facebook page.
if i actually had any fans, they couldn't complain. it's a lot of content.
i've also closed the door to the other room, which has the effect of both eliminating the air conditioning from my main living space and turning it on in the recording studio. that may actually turn out relatively well, in both ways. but, i haven't really tested it yet.
the tracklisting was finalized and uploaded on the morning of the 31st. i was hoping to get the bureaucracy done yesterday, but it was just a wash. i should get it done by the time i fall asleep, today.
i should get a call from the doctor's today. i'm going to avoid checking email until tomorrow.
if i actually had any fans, they couldn't complain. it's a lot of content.
i've also closed the door to the other room, which has the effect of both eliminating the air conditioning from my main living space and turning it on in the recording studio. that may actually turn out relatively well, in both ways. but, i haven't really tested it yet.
the tracklisting was finalized and uploaded on the morning of the 31st. i was hoping to get the bureaucracy done yesterday, but it was just a wash. i should get it done by the time i fall asleep, today.
i should get a call from the doctor's today. i'm going to avoid checking email until tomorrow.
Monday, August 1, 2016
Sunday, July 31, 2016
i wasn't able to get a straight answer out of anybody at the radiology
department regarding why the second mri was requested, so i've cancelled
it. i was specific: do you think you might see a tumour? do you think
you might see a lesion? all i could get was "the doctor is requesting a
second mri". an appeal to authority is simply not convincing to me.
i have verified at least that the information was sent to the referring doctor, so i will call them on tuesday for further exploration of the issue.
while it is possible that the radiologist was just incompetent with his notes - that he has a good reason that he didn't specify because he's lazy - my reading of the situation is that he's just looking for a way to bill me twice, and that that's actually probably a good sign because it probably at least rules out the tumour.
as mentioned previously, i'm leaning more towards lyme disease at this point. but, i'm going to need to see the scans myself....
i have verified at least that the information was sent to the referring doctor, so i will call them on tuesday for further exploration of the issue.
while it is possible that the radiologist was just incompetent with his notes - that he has a good reason that he didn't specify because he's lazy - my reading of the situation is that he's just looking for a way to bill me twice, and that that's actually probably a good sign because it probably at least rules out the tumour.
as mentioned previously, i'm leaning more towards lyme disease at this point. but, i'm going to need to see the scans myself....
ok, i just woke up. i had checked my inbox, half asleep, during a mid-morning urination awakening and they want to inject me with some isotope of something...?
what it does is make the tumor or lesion more visible in the scan. that seems to indicate that there is a tumor or lesion. but, i need to know what it is, first, before i make any decisions. injecting me with some kind of metal seems kind of reckless, unless it's a mitigating factor. harm reduction. i'm not there yet.
are they lesions? if so, i'd rather get a blood test for lyme disease. and, i mean, there's not really any treatment for ms, anyways. i'll just take the diagnosis to my nearest odsp office and otherwise forget about it. no, really. so, i have ms. what does injecting me with a heavy metal for an mri accomplish? but, what if i only have lyme disease? there's safer ways to determine this.
do they think they found a tumour? how aggressive do they think it is? this is the one situation where i may consent to this...
....but i also need to see the existing scans first. apparently, it was the radiologist that requested the second scan. who is what? a technician?
"oh, i'm not a doctor."
two things i'm worried about.
1) all industry exists for the purpose of maximizing profit. even in canada, people get paid. and, what that actually means is that we have a lot of unnecessary procedures done because somebody gets paid. on first glance, too much health care might seem better than not enough. but, this is one of those circumstances where too much may be worse. i'm not ruling the procedure out on principle, i just want to make sure that we've gone through the safer - less expensive - options first.
2) i talk a lot of shit in a lot of places. i keep pointing out that i'm harmless, but i'm not sure i'm winning that argument. would somebody go out of their way to get rid of me? it's not impossible. it *is* outrageous. it *is* ridiculous. but, the world we live in is outrageous and ridiculous. i just need to be a little bit more careful than the average bear, i think.
so, i'm going to go call them back and tentatively cancel the appointment. i need to have them articulate exactly what they're looking for, and confirm that they've actually sent the results to the doctor that referred me. i also want to know when i can see the scans, myself.
what it does is make the tumor or lesion more visible in the scan. that seems to indicate that there is a tumor or lesion. but, i need to know what it is, first, before i make any decisions. injecting me with some kind of metal seems kind of reckless, unless it's a mitigating factor. harm reduction. i'm not there yet.
are they lesions? if so, i'd rather get a blood test for lyme disease. and, i mean, there's not really any treatment for ms, anyways. i'll just take the diagnosis to my nearest odsp office and otherwise forget about it. no, really. so, i have ms. what does injecting me with a heavy metal for an mri accomplish? but, what if i only have lyme disease? there's safer ways to determine this.
do they think they found a tumour? how aggressive do they think it is? this is the one situation where i may consent to this...
....but i also need to see the existing scans first. apparently, it was the radiologist that requested the second scan. who is what? a technician?
"oh, i'm not a doctor."
two things i'm worried about.
1) all industry exists for the purpose of maximizing profit. even in canada, people get paid. and, what that actually means is that we have a lot of unnecessary procedures done because somebody gets paid. on first glance, too much health care might seem better than not enough. but, this is one of those circumstances where too much may be worse. i'm not ruling the procedure out on principle, i just want to make sure that we've gone through the safer - less expensive - options first.
2) i talk a lot of shit in a lot of places. i keep pointing out that i'm harmless, but i'm not sure i'm winning that argument. would somebody go out of their way to get rid of me? it's not impossible. it *is* outrageous. it *is* ridiculous. but, the world we live in is outrageous and ridiculous. i just need to be a little bit more careful than the average bear, i think.
so, i'm going to go call them back and tentatively cancel the appointment. i need to have them articulate exactly what they're looking for, and confirm that they've actually sent the results to the doctor that referred me. i also want to know when i can see the scans, myself.
i initially noticed facial tics around my left ear some time around ten years ago. i had an mri done but i didn't hear anything back and i forgot about it. it was kind of just a mild annoyance. at the time, i was thinking something more along the lines of heavy metal poisoning from living on a busy street with a lot of truck traffic (bronson avenue) than anything else.
the issue of the facial tics would come and go, but never really got out of hand as anything more than an annoyance until a little over a yea ago when i noticed i was having an extended period of difficulty swallowing (dysphagia) that has yet to really resolve itself. i initially brought this up with a nurse at the camh here, who did not take me seriously. i asked several times for an mri, and he kept telling me we'll talk about it later. it never happened.
the first few years i was here, i was struggling to find a doctor willing to prescribe me hormones. i was able to finally find a family doctor last fall that was willing to not just prescribe but also to increase my dosage, and that has had some positive effects. he has also finally taken my concerns about dysphagia seriously. while he suggested i should see a neurologist, i insisted on seeing an ear doctor to start and then graduating to a neurologist as the issue resolved or complicated itself.
the ear doctor initially did not take me seriously, either. however, i pushed for a hearing test - which discovered some loss in the affected ear. she still refused to take the situation seriously, suggested that the test was just error and insisted that i take it again. i instead pushed for an mri - which i had on monday.
i felt the mri would be the best idea because it could determine three things:
1) is my jaw crooked? in 2006, i fell of my bike and landed terribly on my face. the tic and resulting dysphagia could be the result of a skeletal abnormality, which could either be broken back in place or just dealt with. it would be useful to know, one way or the other.
2) do i have brain lesions? if i do, are those lesions more consistent with something like ms or more indicative of something like lyme disease?
3) is there maybe a tumor in there? i'm considering this possibility to be extremely remote due to how long i've had the issue for. one does not have a malignant tumor in their head for over ten years. i'd be dead by now.
i just checked my email and realized that somebody called me on the saturday of the long weekend to book a second mri. while i will not know the reasons for this request until i call back, i'm considering this to be somewhat ominous. it is possible that there was some error and they need to redo it, but i would think that a request for a second mri indicates that they found something that shouldn't be there. is it a lesion or a tumor?
i think they open at 6:00 am.
the issue of the facial tics would come and go, but never really got out of hand as anything more than an annoyance until a little over a yea ago when i noticed i was having an extended period of difficulty swallowing (dysphagia) that has yet to really resolve itself. i initially brought this up with a nurse at the camh here, who did not take me seriously. i asked several times for an mri, and he kept telling me we'll talk about it later. it never happened.
the first few years i was here, i was struggling to find a doctor willing to prescribe me hormones. i was able to finally find a family doctor last fall that was willing to not just prescribe but also to increase my dosage, and that has had some positive effects. he has also finally taken my concerns about dysphagia seriously. while he suggested i should see a neurologist, i insisted on seeing an ear doctor to start and then graduating to a neurologist as the issue resolved or complicated itself.
the ear doctor initially did not take me seriously, either. however, i pushed for a hearing test - which discovered some loss in the affected ear. she still refused to take the situation seriously, suggested that the test was just error and insisted that i take it again. i instead pushed for an mri - which i had on monday.
i felt the mri would be the best idea because it could determine three things:
1) is my jaw crooked? in 2006, i fell of my bike and landed terribly on my face. the tic and resulting dysphagia could be the result of a skeletal abnormality, which could either be broken back in place or just dealt with. it would be useful to know, one way or the other.
2) do i have brain lesions? if i do, are those lesions more consistent with something like ms or more indicative of something like lyme disease?
3) is there maybe a tumor in there? i'm considering this possibility to be extremely remote due to how long i've had the issue for. one does not have a malignant tumor in their head for over ten years. i'd be dead by now.
i just checked my email and realized that somebody called me on the saturday of the long weekend to book a second mri. while i will not know the reasons for this request until i call back, i'm considering this to be somewhat ominous. it is possible that there was some error and they need to redo it, but i would think that a request for a second mri indicates that they found something that shouldn't be there. is it a lesion or a tumor?
i think they open at 6:00 am.
Saturday, July 30, 2016
it's less that it took me a long time to get started today and more that i was out doing some end/beginning of the month shopping. i didn't sit down to eat until close to 6:00 pm. and, i did have some loose ends to do, including closing inri013 over the vlog.
i actually didn't get a lot of sleep last night so i don't know if i'll be up all night or crash early. but i do think that i can at least get a tracklisting for inri014 done...
i actually didn't get a lot of sleep last night so i don't know if i'll be up all night or crash early. but i do think that i can at least get a tracklisting for inri014 done...
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