and, i
want to be clear about something: i am not a nihilist. i am an atheist
and a secular humanist. i believe i've actually argued very strenuously against
moral relativism and very strenuously against subjectivity in art. i
believe in the objective reality of a world determined via scientific inquiry.
there is no god in this world, but there are plenty of things that are true. in
fact, i would argue that the truth value of the statement there is no god
is true. that is, itself, a truth. i am a positivist. i believe truth is
obtainable - and that one of those truths is that there is no guiding force in
the universe.
but, i haven't been through this here. not exactly. bits and pieces.
the problem is the way the discussion is framed, to assume various things for
granted. i am an anarchist; i reject hobbes. i do not believe that people need
the threat of god, or the threat of some sovereign, to fall in line and behave.
rather, i think that religion and authoritarianism are corrupting forces. we
are not evil in despite of the state but because of it. the collapse of the
state would bring us back to a "natural condition" of mutual aid and
reciprocal altruism. this is not because we have a selfless nature, it is
because altruism and rational self-interest are equivalent, when fully
understood.
what that actually means is that i think that nietzsche is just a tempest in a
teapot, because i reject the assumptions he was working under in the first
place. understanding the obvious truth that there is no god will not collapse
society, but allow it to reach it's next stage of development. nihilists should
consequently be seen as reactionaries that seek to uphold the status quo - at
best. at worst, they end up as straussian neocons like hillary clinton and want to take
us back into the dark ages.
there is a certain line of thinking that ends with nietzsche, but it was a
stupid line of reasoning that was in opposition to the real movements of
enlightened thinking, anyways. his supposed crisis was resolved by aquinas, who
was himself just quoting aristotle. what you see in his writings is a fool
coming to terms with the idiocy of his systems of thought. but, only fools
would have ever walked down that path in the first place. this is centuries
after galileo!
so, i don't think that nihilism presents us with any sort of a real problem.
but, if we want to be stuck in this foolish historical narrative? a very
obvious and completely satisfactory solution immediately presents itself in secular
humanism. and, there is consequently really no reason to take note of the man
or his writings at all. he should be forgotten. instead, we should remember the
line of thinking that takes us from aristotle, through aquinas and ends with
comte.
a cold and warm front were colliding over detroit on this evening, and it was that time of the year where the ten degree drop can mark the difference between spring and winter. while it was the proper background for this type of music, trying to figure out the timing of the collision and how to navigate it caused me havoc all day. the shifting weather forecasts did not help much; i was trying to plan within the margin of error.
--
the warm front seemed to linger a little longer than was forecast, which led me to overheat on the way to the show. i had planned to walk in single digit temperatures through a north wind and low humidity; i got double digit temperatures through a south wind and high humidity. had i worn any makeup, it would have melted off by the time i got there - so i at least made that choice correctly.
--
dark red are a two piece drums/bass combo, but i want to stress that they weren't really what you'd expect with a drums/bass combo in 2016. the bass functioned as a guitar, but it was actually a very slow-moving kind of almost doom rock sound. and, he was able to get enough harmonic complexity out of the combination of things to give it a gazey feel. the culmination was a kind of grassroots grunge sound, in the way the term was initially constructed. this is going to be quite the acquired taste - at the end of the day, it really reduces largely to a very fuzzy bass throwing layered walls of distortion at you. so, i have to caveat it by saying that the idea is a little bit stale. but, if this is something you have a taste for, it was done fairly well. it's all in the tone, really, right - it doesn't really matter what else is happening, so long as you get a thick enough tone.
the stargazer lilies seem to be touring their new record, but they haven't released it yet. i'm only familiar with the first record, so i may have been tricked - they may have played older material i don't know. but, i think that around half the set was new material. the newer material seemed to be a little grittier, and a little less focused on melody - which is a shame, because that's what drew my attention to this disc. see, it's not much of a feat nowadays to string a rack of effects together and staccato out to nowhere; rather, the abundance of acts doing this since the early 90s has kind of blurred it all together into a stale cliche. time has just made the situation worse. it's become very formulaic and really rather boring. what's been lost in the rush to total atmosphere over musical content is that the genre was initially built on overlapping harmonies. whether you want to cite the cocteau twins or mbv or the cure or whatever else, this genre shines when it is music with counterpoint and harmonization and 13th chords and other fun things of the sort - and falls apart when it's just some more boring I-IV-V folk tones, run through a flanger or not. what pulled me into the record was the greater level of musical literacy. it's not just a wall of sound, it's a very musical wall of sound. the newer material seemed to take a step back from that in favour of generic shoegazer contrivances, but i'll withhold judgement until the record comes out.
that may come off harsher than intended. see, i wouldn't go out of my way to see sounds-like-every-other-sheogaze-band on a blicky march night. but, if i happened to find myself in front of one, i wouldn't complain about it either. i recognized about half the set, and enjoyed what i recognized more than what i didn't, but the truth is that the last record set a high bar. it was an enjoyable head cave, either way.
here is a full set:
the trip home was horrific. it initially seemed like i was making excellent time (the show was done before 11:00), but i ended up getting stuck at the bus stop with a horde of drunken frat boys on their way home from a hockey game. worse, the bus missed it's route (the driver claimed it got stuck in the tunnel, and i'm suspecting it had to do with increased security from the attacks in belgium). so, it turned into having to listen to these idiots throw homophobic slurs at each other for almost two hours.
they kept calling cabs down, and the cabs kept refusing to take them because they just wouldn't shut up. it's probably a lot of repressed homosexual desires, and i get that, but it's just really annoying to listen to. one minute, they're yelling at somebody to suck their cock; the next, they're calling each other faggots.
it's not as though i'm offended by the language - i don't care, really. it's more that i'm offended by the stupidity. when i find myself in these situations, i just want to snap my finger and have them cease to exist - or perhaps click my heels and transport home.
even worse is when they want to talk to you. everything is a competition, right, so they're constantly trying to start a debate and win it. it's never about the discussion. it's always about winning and losing. this one buffoon was unable to differentiate nihilism from atheism. if i didn't believe in god, i therefore couldn't believe in anything else. and, he just wouldn't drop the strawman. he had to win. so, you have to let him, to avoid losing brain cells in the resulting discussion - and then hope he goes away. thankfully, there was a beer waiting for him down the road.
then, they expected me to get into a cab with them. right. like i'm going to risk going through customs with these idiots. you can't just explain to the border guards that you took the cab with them but don't know them; that's not how that works. when they did finally leave, though, the serenity that followed was almost overwhelming.
the drip was forming at the corner. i've just
taped it over. hopefully that's good enough. i don't know if the drip
was coming out of the corner or just rolling down towards it. my concern
is just keeping the water off the floor, so if that doesn't work then
i'll tape the connector over. but i think i have the responsibility to
inform you.
i still don't have a phone. i've lived long
enough without one that i've learned how to exist without one, and
decided it's more of a luxury than a necessity. and given that it is
essentially a government spying device, i've actually decided that i
even actively don't want one.
so, i know you're transferring ownership. let me know if there's a better email address to use.
but, yeah. it's dripping. slowly. it seems like the plastic cracked. but it may be the seal, too.
getting from windsor to ann arbor and back to see tortoise was somewhat of an adventure, and the vlog really only tells a part of the story. so, i'm going to go ahead and start from the beginning.
===
i had decided before i went to bed that the racist bus system was going to stop me from seeing the show, but i dreamt of the suspension bridge at iguazu falls and woke up invigorated by the prospect. i decided that i would go if i could find a truck stop close to the drop off point - which i did find. so, i dirtied myself up a little, grabbed my knapsack and hit the road....
they had the dogs out at customs to sniff some greyhound passengers. the ridiculousness of the drug war was really apparent, at that point. just the absurdity of it, you know. it's one thing to get kids to watch some infomercials in grade school, it's another to send the canine unit out under threat of a term in a cage. that's a game i don't play. it's a fool's game; your opponent is not rational, not swayed by discourse. it's another layer of the hyperreal, but to poke at the surreal and hope it vanishes is better left to thought experiment than real life....
i caught the bus outside a federal building (overheard statement by a passing bureaucrat: "we control the department of health"); it was an hour and a half before it dropped me a mile from the I-275, which is the highway that i've identified to be the segregation line between detroit and the surrounding suburbs. it did not take long for a three-piece family to pick me up, and drop me at the bus station.
the car was full of bernie supporters, who were intrigued and a little unsettled by the canadian health care system. you can imagine it's a big thing, right. see, but that's exactly what i picked up: that it *is* a big thing. and, that's exactly what i tried to get across. see, in canada we just take our coverage for granted. we don't ever have to worry about losing our insurance. it's never up for debate: it's universal. and, universal means universal. it took a few tries, but i think that eventually got across - and when it did, a very comfortable pause set in.
but, what about the taxes? don't i get tired of taxes for everything? i was in the middle of explaining that i've never made enough money to pay health care taxes when the car pulled in, i thanked them kindly and i headed for the bus stop.
the bus from ypsilanti to ann arbor was another hour up washtenaw road, pulling into a detour through the university of michigan campus and eventually stopping at the city's central bus station. the good news was that i beat the sunset; the bad news was that i had three hours to blow before the show started.
===
after poking around the area, and determining that almost everywhere i could go within the range of my mental compass would require a reservation, i stopped at a restaurant that's fancier than anywhere i'd normally go to to get a beer and something to eat. i wanted a burger, but had to settle for some kind of salsa poutine and a greek salad.
"would you like bread while you're waiting?"
"listen. i hitchhiked here. i don't want to spend a lot of.."
"...it's free."
"ok. great."
i'm not ashamed of my lower class upbringing, or afraid to put it on display. but, i was afraid that i'd get one of those famous tiny plates that you get at fancy restaurants. twenty dollars for a leaf of lettuce, right? and that'll be ten dollars for a side of dressing, please. but, in fact, the two plates, together, were a relatively large meal. and, it came to no more than the price of an expensive sub - or perhaps the price of a burger.
two beers later, and i was out to see the show. but, i'll make sure to do a little more research on places to wait, pre-show, if i ever go back to ann arbor.
===
i was there right at doors, so the line-up was fairly short. but, the door guy was very reluctant to accept my id.
"you're 35?"
"yeah."
a skeptical glance.
"you look good for 35."
"it runs in the family..."
i'm actually used to this. in fact, i've been told more than once that my id is fake and i'm not getting in - past the age of 30. but, this would have been a distance to travel to get bounced. he motions to his buddy...
"is this real id? nexus card?"
"is it from canada?"
"yeah."
"it's good."
i saw the guy repeatedly over the night, as i came in and out. the skepticism on his face was palpable: no way this kid is 35. i'm only 32! if this kid is 35....
but, this kid *is* 35. sorry, dude. it's true.
===
i take a look at the beer menu. $1.75? score.
"what is this rolling rock?"
"it's just a watery beer."
"well, i'm from canada. it'll feel like home. i'll go with that."
i need to carry a pocket drum machine with me.
the beer went down quick, so i was out into the smoking section within a few minutes, where i bumped into somebody willing to share - which was useful for the first act.
====
mind over mirrors were a synthesizer act with an unusual light show. they played on the floor, surrounded by this bright, glowing orb. this gave it the feel of some kind of ritual. on the one hand. it was a lot of overdone tropes, right - the spiritual indigenous european thing, trying to bring out your inner druid by ripping on the froese brothers. on the other hand, this was exceptionally well put together in terms of the space it covered in the spectrum, if not in terms of melodic complexity. i happened to be stuck in front of somebody that wasn't enjoying it, and the argument was apparent - there were no melodies, and minimal percussion. it was just sound. but, when you get enough bass out of the speakers to make it feel like the walls are going to cave in? you're accomplishing something. but, it's something that you utterly have to *feel* in order to understand. so, footage of the show would be entirely pointless. this is experiential, and recommended if you get the chance, but i will reiterate that my detour into the smoking section was pretty fundamental in my enjoyment of the set.
this set is similar to what i saw:
tortoise did not need to clear the stage, so they started almost immediately; i barely had time to get a beer. how was the show? really?
i have to admit that the last tortoise record that i really sunk into was standards. i found that the 2004 record was very much following in the footsteps of do make say think, but without the tension - it lacked a concept of grit, and kind of floated by. i did listen to the 2009 disc for a few weeks when it came out, but got bored with it almost immediately and never went back to it - the truth is that it just couldn't compete for space in my mp3 player. and, i was walking into the show without having heard much of their new record at all. but, i am very much familiar with their three classic records - and was hoping to see a lot more material from them.
the truth is that i should have known better. it's largely a question of who the guitarist was. the magic on millions and tnt was all pajo; at this stage, the differences in style between pajo and parker are really absolutely apparent and it's obvious who did what. so, it's not really fair to anybody to show up to a tortoise show in 2016 with jeff parker on guitar and expect them to run through twenty year-old material that somebody else wrote. i should have thought that through a little more closely.
i can't claim the same familiarity with their newer material, but it's....it's not written at the same level. see, that's the thing: if it was, i'd have the same familiarity. it's not due to lack of exposure. some of the stuff on beacons came back to me when they played it, but even so it was kind of fuzzy.
which is not to say it wasn't enjoyable. the display of drum wizardry, itself, was worth the price of admission! and, they played a handful of older tunes, too. it's just that it's not the same thing - because it's not the same band. and, one should have reasonable and realistic expectations when going to see tortoise with their current lineup in 2016. i need to point the finger at myself in walking in with unrealistic expectations.
so, it's still tortoise. it's still a good show. but, be reasonable about what you're expecting.
i'm disappointed in the lack of footage online from the show, but this is a decent representation:
i found myself in an overnight diner until 8:00 am, due to the late night saturday morning bus service. diners are always entertaining if you have the right approach to them: you get drunks & cokeheads battling it out with saucy waitresses that expect to be tipped in inverse proportion to their attitudes, and usually are. there's always some narrative to follow. they were good about coffee, there, which is about all i ask for. although i managed a free breakfast from somebody, too.
he walked over towards me..
"i'm going to buy you breakfast."
"no, i'm ok. i know i'm sorting through change, but my bank card doesn't work here so i only have what i brought with me."
"no, i'm buying you breakfast."
"but, it's not..."
"i'm buying you breakast."
*pause*
the waitress asks me what i want. i get a special. he's gone before i can pay for it...
"he didn't actually buy me breakfast did he?"
"yup."
"i don't look that bad do i?"
"no. you actually look pretty good. i think that's *why* he bought you breakfast, if you see what i mean."
"but i told him over and over. if that's true, it's kind of invasive. i mean, it's non-consensual. i...i should just be quiet, right. say thank you and forget about it."
"yup. just be like: thanks weird dude..."
"i think it's gotta be more about him. after i tell him, like, five times - that's not about me. that's salvation through works, or something. it's just that there are people who actually can't get breakfast. people that would actually benefit. i'm just stuck here overnight. i just spent money on food and concert tickets and beer...you know..."
"you should just say thank you."
"yeah. i should."
the sun was shining brightly when i left, although the temperature was a little chilly.
===
the ride back was a struggle to keep my eyes open, and i *did* nod off a few times before i got to the end of the aata route, and started walking up michigan.
it was literally the moment that i put my thumb out that somebody slowed down and picked me up - as though he'd been waiting for me. or perhaps waiting for somebody to be waiting to get picked up, anyways.
it was an older guy, in what i guess was his fifties. he claimed he'd been up all night, and he was definitely a little bit drunk - but he was also obviously harmless. he had stories about wild nights in his youth at the bar i'd been to, and seemed a little surprised when i told him the band sounded a little like king crimson - as though he wished he was there. it was a short ride up to the mcdonalds on the other side of the freeway, a quick thank you and a brisk walk away. if i set off any flashbacks, i hope they were positive memories, on the whole.
the bus ride back was non-eventful. and, i did eventually make it home safely - and then slept for a full 24 hours.
the backstory for this evening was mostly related to the question of whether getting to this bar and back, through a part of detroit i'd yet to enter, could be done safely. in the end, i believe i was overly cautious: the bar is perhaps on the edge of scary-town, but it's also a block from campus. it may take a few trips for my nerves to calm, but i do not believe that i am putting myself in any danger by going to this venue, so long as i do not stray too far in the other direction. that said, i would obviously prefer to go to other bars to see shows...
===
the first act consisted of a woman playing guitar. it wasn't very interesting. if it was trying to be atmospheric or ambient, it wasn't; if it was trying to be technical, it wasn't, either (at all). it was actually to the point where a little bit more proficiency could have helped it succeed in being better, as ambient music. bluntly: it was some generic country/roots riffs played through a reverb pedal, masqueraded as some kind of art. i don't mean like morricone. i mean like garth brooks. again: i don't know how this kind of thing gets booked.
i tried to suggest to the guitarist that she needs to add more to what she's doing in order for it to not be boring, but the suggestion was received poorly. so, i moved on.
===
guerrilla toss came on considerably earlier than i expected, which allowed me to make the choice of whether to stay for the headliner or not. when i got home, i realized that they had done their "normal set" at third man records, down the street, a little earlier in the day (i didn't know that was taking place; if i did, i would have went). it seems as though they refrained from recycling their set. i had been listening to their most recent record for a few days up to the show, but the choice to not recycle the set meant i didn't know much of the material. they may have actually played some new material - i don't know; i've bumped into them a handful of times over the last couple of years, and i've had a mixed reaction, but i wouldn't exactly consider myself a fan. my decision to go to the show was more experiential: it just struck me as something that would be good live.
in fact, my immediate impression was that they sound a lot better on record than they do live. i've checked out a few live recordings (including footage of the early set...) and the issue is actually persistent and obvious: it's the open room. this is a band that has a very tight, compressed sound. it has a lot of complexity all over the spectrum, but it's rooted in a very busy and very squished bass/drum combo. so, you basically want to see them in a closet. a basement would be ideal! any kind of space with any kind of reverb at all is going to hollow them out, and make them sound blurry. you don't want to give them any space at all.
there's some mixing decisions you can make to balance it out, of course - and they seem to refrain from making them. but, more than anything else, it's the open ceiling. and, that's actually something more general to keep in mind about the bar - it would be good for anything ambient, but bad for any kind of punk.
i'm not knocking the show. don't misunderstand. it's just that the acoustics were very unfriendly. and, they seem to be making that error repeatedly. see them in an enclosed space, if possible. and recommend it, too - if you get the chance.
here's a full set:
they were done a little after 11:00, so i figured i'd get time to at least sample the headliner. but, rangda took a good while longer to set up; i'm guessing that they probably came on around 12:00. i didn't have to catch the bus until 12:23, but i didn't know how long it was going to take to walk back to the stop or how safe it was going to be, so i took the safe choice and left about 11:45....
frankly, i wasn't really impressed by the samples. nor am i at all a fan of ben chasny or richard bishop [i'm a little more familiar with chris corsano]. if it was ten degrees warmer out, or an hour earlier (or an hour later) or i was more comfortable in my surroundings or ... then i would have stayed and sauntered down to a coffee shop and hung out for the night. but, as things were, i was experimenting with the feasibility of getting to this bar and back before the last bus, and setting those parameters was more important.
maybe i missed a great show. but, i suspect that i just missed some aimless jamming by some guitarists that have never previously impressed me very much.
i nearly missed this show by passing out early in the afternoon, but i was able to get there right before the set started. apologies to the opening act, whom i will probably catch with psychic tv in a few months. this was not an intentional snub.
the issue was made worse by the fact that it was a messy night in detroit, and the venue is a forty minute bus ride away from the downtown core. that likely slowed me down an extra half hour, both from having to walk a little more slowly and from the bus moving at a slower pace.
but, it's not as though i arrived at the venue late, either. this was an early start to an early night.
=====
i bumped into somebody in the smoking section that was on his way out, and he decided to share a little - which was much appreciated. he was voting for trump, based on the logic that the country is in debt and a good businessman would help fix the debt problem.
"first of all, the country is not in real debt, it's just an accounting identity..."
this produced a puzzled glance.
"...and, second of all, this is a guy that's declared bankruptcy repeatedly. so..."
he knew how to answer the second part, even if he didn't know how to answer the first.
"bankruptcy is something that rich people do to help them out of taxes and stuff. it doesn't mean he was actually broke. it's all a scam."
"that's true. but, the same argument leads to the conclusion that the country isn't broke - that it's really just a big tax scam. and do you really want to make a tax cheat president?"
somebody else butts in, before he can respond.
"i'm afraid trump will start a war because somebody will look at him funny, or something. he's unstable. it's scary."
"really? i think he might argue that the military budget is a waste of money. i think the most pro-war candidate is actually clinton. and if you really want to vote for an anti-war candidate..."
"....but sanders is saying he's going to take on the banks and stuff. how's he going to do that? he can't actually do anything he says he's going to..."
"actually, i agree with you. i think if sanders was really serious, he would have started a third party and tried to take congress. it's the congress that has all the real power."
"but, nobody will vote for a third party!"
"then, you're right - nothing can change. not if you can't see beyond the status quo. not if you insist it cannot."
i escaped the conversation at that point, and went in for a beer. and, they do have good beer at the loving touch - those raspberry blondes. mmmm.
====
her set was very good; her material is very strong, and she's just simply very talented. i'm only familiar with two of her records (tragedy, and the newest one), and i think all of the material came from one of those two discs. her band was composed of what were obviously studied jazz pros (drums, bass, violin), which gave the set a bit of a loose feel; this was actually a net positive over top of some of her more structured material, although a big aspect of the opening up of those tracks had to do with her keyboard shutting off mid set and needing to be rebooted. those old nord leads sound great, but they're getting to the end of their life cycles. hey, i can empathize with being a little bit skeptical about just buying a new keyboard. but, her synth actually really kept dying during the set.
so, when the synth crashed, the band would need to take over until it came back in, and then she'd need to bring them back in. this is of course perilous for any performing artist and could have been an absolute disaster. but, through luck or talent it actually worked out very well on this night by inserting these jazzy instrumental improv sessions into what are very high-end pop songs.
i can't predict when her synth will die; certainly not any better than she can. but, i would suggest seeing her if you get the chance.
this is a late review, which i initially intended not to do at all, but i do think that i need to, after all.
the reason i decided to not do the review was that i intuited that the band realized i was there, and tried a few antics with the intent that i would take notice of them. that's pretty shitty, and i felt that the proper response was to pretend i never went.
but, that would leave a gaping hole in the show review list, which is just punishing myself. but, i will not take note of any of the things that were meant for me to take note of. and, i would prefer it (moving forwards) if bands and venues would continue to allow me to be the unimportant fly on the wall that i want to be. this is a waste of time, otherwise. it's being written solely for historical purposes; i will stop publishing these writings altogether if i start to think that i'm developing any kind of an audience.
----
this was actually a really screwed up night (see the vlog, below), with all kinds of broken plans as a consequence of some bad advertising. i was actually hoping to take advantage of the scheduling to hit two shows, but the scheduling for both shows changed at the last minute, and i ended up only seeing most of one of the shows that i wanted to see, rather than both of them. it's life. things have worked out the other way more than once and will again more than twice.
---
the first opening act for the show that i did get to see was entirely pointless, and at the end of the set it just left me wondering why the bar owner decided to waste anybody's time with it. it was all muzak covers. just a total waste of time. i don't know how a band like that manages to even get booked...
---
this was the second time that i saw brothels. the first time, the show seemed really loose and haphazard - as though the songs were still being written. but, there was some potential if they could polish it a little. on this night, the songs seemed really compressed and a little too generic-punk-rock for my tastes (although the guitar tone was quite nice). the last song of the set, though, hit the middle point that i think they want to be aiming towards, hitting upon this incesticide-era sweet spot (think something like hairspray queen). abstract and noisy, but catchy and fun, too. the bassist claimed it's a side project for everybody, and they just don't spend much time with it. that's a shame, as that last track was hitting on something.
as far as i know, there is no media for brothels anywhere on the internet. so, i do wish i had caught that last track. alas...
====
the topic in between sets was trump and how to stop him, but the patrons didn’t seem to be particularly left-leaning, either. they seemed to realize that there was something unsettling about trump, but they didn’t really seem to be able to articulate it. the impression i got from them was more along the lines of the perception that the policies are already decided upon, so while trump may seem like an outrageous idiot, it wouldn’t really matter if he won – because the same legislation would get passed, either way. see, this is not an uninformed view, relative to the last thirty years of american politics. clinton and obama (and to a lesser extent, carter) have all carried on with the same basic republican game plan. so, why would anybody think it would matter if trump wins? this is a dangerous mindset, but it’s also a rational one – blame the people that brought us here, not the kids reacting to the situation!
so, quotes were thrown around, but as little more than frat-house shock value: “he actually said that!?”. the consequences of the words neither rung true nor false, but simply hollow. it was just another reality show, to be viewed from a distance with a gaped jaw rather than participated in.
but, something that got a bit more of a response was a discussion of the economic consequences of the proposed wall, and the idea that it will lead to massive inflation. a sampling of the response:
“i was hoping to get off ramen noodles after i graduate. shit. i guess i’ll need to put it off until i get promoted?”
that generated a laugh, and it was reflective of the general disconnected approach to the political process, the relegation of reality to fiction – the hyperreality that sets in when a guy that plays a joke on tv runs for president, and it looks like he might win. but, it also reflected the level of resignation that people seem to have to their place in the class hierarchy – even as they acknowledged the absurdity of the situation. if this is all you’ve ever known…
====
pop 1280 played a set with a split personality. when they were on, they were on. but, for whatever reason (no sound check? well, who do you blame for that?), half the set was out of time or out of tune. the singer was having a particularly bad night; he was having a really hard time staying in time. so, the takeaway was pretty lacklustre. the track i caught was probably the high point of the show, so take that as you may. for a variety of reasons, they didn't come on until after midnight; i left after about a half hour (i probably only a missed a song or two), because catching the bus was just more important than staying for a band that was having a bad night.
i finished the wipedown of deathtokoalas - as much as i can - from youtube on the 9th. i went on some adventures at the end of last week. i've been editing all week (i admit i was distracted by the democratic party primaries on the 15th). i'll be pushing through with editing until i've got everything i have uploaded, but i'm at least back on schedule.
when i get that done, it's going to be another week or so of clearing off rants from canadian online newspapers over the 2015 election cycle. this will be a faster run, i think, because it should be totally cross-linked.
i do believe that this is the last deletion operation, and that i should be able to get back to what i was doing by the beginning of april.
this has been lengthy. it will be about three months, in the end. but, the takeaway is that i really actually seriously have quit smoking cigarettes. and, that's worth a few months of low productivity in the long run.
it's something i had to do, eventually. and it's almost done.
if you're curious as to what i've been up to over the last two months, the place to catch up is over here. i should be back to the music pretty soon, though.
the power went out this morning, and it seems to have fried the
heater in the living room. this happened some time last summer, and it
wasn't a big deal because it was summer. but it's still winter. so, that
really can't be allowed to sit.
the last time it
happened, you just changed out the electronics. but, i need to ask - is
there something about the wiring that could be modified? i mean, that's
twice that it knocked out in an electrical storm.
things are continuing to move a lot more slowly than i'd like, but i ran into a conversation at the bar the other night that i'd kind of like to address.
if i'm such a shit hot musician, why don't i start a band?
and, it's really hard to explain to people that i just haven't met anybody i could work with. i've tried a few people. and, they all suck.
like, i don't want to just put together a band to be cool or make money or some other pointless thing. if it's not the way i want to do it, i don't want to do it at all. and, that probably means it will never happen, but i'm not particularly upset by that.
i'm somebody that actually values recorded music as of much greater value than live music. i know that's some kind of heresy, but i don't really give a fuck. it's really not of any great sadness to me that i can't get a band together; i'd really rather you listen to this music over headphones, in a quiet space, anyways.
recorded music has a sense of permanence to it. there's a sanctity to it. the cool kids don't understand that, but that's ok - it's not meant for them. i'm not loudly broadcasting myself as a nerd by some kind of accident. the accident was that people misinterpreted me as some kind of hipster. no. i'm a nerd. and, this music is designed entirely for nerds. if you're not a nerd, you won't appreciate it.
i mean, it would be fun, don't get me wrong, if i could find the right drummer, mostly. but, everybody i've found that has the right training wants to do metal, and everybody that i've found that's interested lacks the talent. my needs are just very specialized - i need a jazz/fusion drummer that wants to start a leftield progressive punk band.
but, like i say....it's not what i *do*. it's something i might like to do one day, circumstances permitting. but what i actually do is make recorded music to listen to over headphones. the reality is that essentially none of it was ever written with the intent of being performed, and most of it probably never will be.
and, that's not something to shy away from or be ashamed of.
there appears to be an issue with the water
pressure. it comes in and out, which is not the end of the world - so
long as it comes back, and it always does. but, it seems to be dependent
on the weather. it seems to slow down a lot when the temperature comes
down. that relationship has held this morning. so, i'm left to conclude
that maybe something is freezing over....?
i'll let you know if the pressure comes back when it warms up over the next few days.
(pause)
yeah,
i think that what's happened is that the heat upstairs was turned off,
and the pipes somewhere in the basement have frozen as a consequence of
that. i'm leaving the water running (cold) to try and de-ice the pipes.
it
was very nice last weekend. but, it's been below zero for the last
several days. and, there's no source of heat in the basement. so, if you
don't have the heat upstairs on, it gets very cold in the basement
(causing me to turn my heat up to buffer).
what i'm
getting across is that i understand that i have a lease responsibility
to prevent the pipes from freezing. i've had the heat on in the unit.
but, it seems like the heat is not on on the main floor. so, i need to
deflect responsibility for any burst, frozen or broken pipes.
(pause)
i
let it run for a few hours and turned it off because it wasn't making
any difference. also, the pressure is the same for both the cold and the
hot; one would think that a frozen pipe would affect one more than the
other, unless the frozen pipe is on the way into the building. i still
think the dominant factor is like the heat coming off upstairs.
i'm
just pulling out a correlation with temperature and making a guess. it
should warm up on monday. i'll let you know if the pressure comes back
before then.
so, i've done enough testing that it's clear to me that a lot (most...) of the posts that i'm making on youtube are invisible to everybody except myself.
that goes a long way to explain why the hit count came down. and, this is very sneaky - because i experience no signs of censorship. i can see my posts. if i go back to the page, my posts are there. i get no error message. but, if i log out of the site and come back, i can no longer see the posts.
that is behaviour that couldn't possibly be designed with anything other than political censorship in mind.
let's see if i can jam this....
i may have been targeted specifically because i had a habit of removing posts made to my posts. but, let's be clear about a few things.
(1) it was my post. i had the functionality to remove the responses to my posts. and, frankly, i believe i had ownership of those posts. no rules broken, there.
(2) i was actually very enlightened in the way i did this. i'm trying to save the conversations i had. that means plenty of people didn't get deleted - and there were plenty of interesting back and forths.
now, of course, some of the morons that ended up with deleted posts may disagree. but, that's a function of their idiocy - and the problem in the first place. just because they don't realize they're buffoons doesn't mean i have a responsibility to listen to them.
it's just another symptom, really. youtube was perhaps too good for it's user base, for a while.
i don't feel i have a choice but to stop posting here, seriously. they've reduced the platform to something that is essentially useless for anything but trolling. but, if that's what they want, they can get ready for some of it...
what i'm saying is that i may have gotten a very high number of complaints, because i deleted a large number of posts.
but, if you saw those posts, you'd understand - they were personal attacks, baseless insults, unsupported arguments and just flagrant idiocy.
the difference is that i didn't cry to an authority figure. i just removed the posts. then, the people that were posting nonsense and insults complained that their posts were being removed, and i'm the one that ends up getting silenced - while they keep on posting stupidity.
should i have reported them instead of taking matters into my own hands?
no.
the system was designed so that people could police their own content, and that was actually an ideal way to do it.
1) the owner of the video could decide if they wanted the thread there or not; if the owner of the video removed the thread, it appeared only in google+.
2) the owner of the thread could decide who was allowed to comment on the thread, and which comments were allowed to stand.
this allowed for people to moderate their own content - this is the anarchist ideal of self-moderation. it's easy to see why i liked it...
but, people didn't seem to understand the system, or thought that they should have the right to comment on other people's posts, whether they liked it or not. they weren't able to get the abstraction of personal property rights. so, they complained to authority figures, who had to step in - and i'm the one that got punished for it.
again: it's not a situation where i wish i had reacted differently. it's a situation where i'm learning that this is a bad platform, and that i need to adjust to it's failings.
the other option was that my content, while it existed, would not have been the pleasant conversations that people became accustomed to seeing my name attached to. instead, it would have been full of people posting personal insults, back and forth name-calling, strawmen arguments, unsupported arguments, stupid memes - everything else on youtube, essentially. and, then i would have stopped using the platform quite a long time ago. it was either that i cleaned these threads up and pissed a lot of people off, or that i didn't use the system at all.
and, you just have to laugh, right? people wanted in on my comments because they were high profile enough to be noticed. but, that relied on my ability to screen the garbage out. in the end, the garbage i screened out seems to have ganged up on me and has gotten me declared a spammer, out of spite.
but, i wouldn't have had anything worth noting if i had let anybody and everybody go ahead and vomit all over my posts.
in the end, i got nailed for using the system as it was designed, and actually succeeding in making it better, and the youtube comment system has remained a nest of absolute stupidity. if anything, it's worse now than it's ever been.
i can't regret that. rather, i have to point out that i'm a victim of stupidity.
listen: this is how the world works, right?
where's the alternate history where everybody listens to jesus, agrees and goes to smoke a fatty in the park?
mass idiocy is normal. intelligence is always persecuted.
they hate you when you're clever....
the reality is that any other outcome would be unheard of - astonishing.
really, i should be content in realizing that i'm lucky that i haven't been lynched, yet.
i'm almost done in clearing the page down. i should get close to 1500 pages in the end. it's probably 1500/2000 or so. i'm sure the lost ideas will regenerate elsewhere, eventually.
Saturday, February 20, 2016
it's now been six weeks without smoking, btw. and i'm feeling like i'm over it.
youtube just pushed down a character limit.
i think
it's as clear as day that they are shutting down comments - for
political reasons. they want this shut down before the election cycle
heats up.
as time consuming as this has been, i
actually waited too long to do it and have lost much more than i wanted.
the last few days of vlogs have dealt with this topic. i've got over a
thousand pages off, and have quite a bit more to go, but i've also lost a
lot of really interesting conversations.
with the character limit? it's over. it's useless. i'm moving to my own space - there's no other solution.
it's
going to be a while before i get back to work, unfortunately. but if i
had doubts about the worth of this, the character limit has reinforced
the need for me to be doing this asap.
youtube, as we know it, is on the verge of collapse. it's been too successful in spreading ideas. and, it's getting shut down.
bernie sanders may very well win the election. that is a failure of the propaganda system.
the result is just pointless clutter. and, i'm not going to pull back from it out of aesthetic - i'm going to push it hard, to demonstrate how bad it looks and why you should change it.
so, i will need to post five separate posts - part 1, part 2, etc.
nor will it allow me to post it as replies.
i am trying to post a comment on my own page, and it will not allow me to paste the entire thing in.
character limits?
wow.
getting worse and worse by the day, youtube.
do you know what character limits accomplish? they force users to copy and paste a long reply into multiple shorter replies.
it's an incredibly pointless, utter dick move.
here's
a tip: if my post is too long, don't read it. zero fucks given. and, if
i post too many long posts, and you don't want to read them? maybe you
should unsubscribe from my feed.
i can't even believe, really, that this is seriously a thing. it's so horrifically backwards and so remarkably stupid...
i wasn't crying censorship before, but i'm noticing that a lot of my posts disappear when i log out. meaning only i can see them. see, that's sneaky - it means i don't actually know that i'm being censored.
and that i don't know how long i've been being censored for.
listen: i don't want my content on somebody else's channel. that was never my intent. my intent was always to have a feed of content. comments are content.
the cross-link was just incredibly useful.
i've explained this already: i'll be vlogging my comments. yes, it's stupid. but, don't look at me, i'm just adjusting to a stupid system.
but, i'm not just figuring out that the videos are down and the content is evaporated - i'm figuring out that i'm not getting posts through. it's pretty random. and, when something like this is random there are two possible causes:
1) error. which is exceedingly unlikely. this is youtube.
2) active censorship.
i wanted to avoid that conclusion. i really did. but it's unavoidable.
i've been posting comments here for the last several months, hardlinked to google. flip through the page (or the koalas page), open a few links and tell me - how many of the links bring you somewhere other than the comment they're hardcoded to?
it's probably not google, exactly.
google has probably allowed full control over my profile to somebody at some ministry of information.
i'm not sure if my status as a canadian gives me more or less rights, here.
i hit my first post-smoking show last night, and how did i do?
well, i did have a few. three. although, i regretted it immediately and i walked out with no cravings. chances of a relapse - in the form of buying a pack - are zero.
the vlog for the night will come up at my site on feb 24th at 12:30 am. in the mean time, i'll do a written review here (which will get moved to the appropriate places, in time).
---
i ended up a little irritated at ritual howls, but i really ought to be irritated with the bar, instead. this isn't the first time i've seen the bar try and combine shows like this. they'll get a local band in on a touring band's bill, then essentially give the show to the opening act. and, i'm not exaggerating. the bar legitimately really seems to be very strongly biased towards the local bands, and essentially treats the touring acts as a kind of burden to deal with. it's this "we let you play here, you should thank us" kind of attitude.
the problem is really in the marketing. if you bill a show for a touring band, people expect they're going to be the focus. if you bill a show for a local band, people will expect they're the focus, too. what is really shitty is to bill the show for the touring band, and then go out of your way to co-opt it for the opening band. you're not doing that local band any favours by pissing off a possible new audience.
it's consequently really not fair to attack the opening act for setting up late and then acting like it was their show - it's the bar that enables this. this then forces the headliner to cut their set short.
but, it does mean that i was irritated and less than objective about the set as it was happening.
were ritual howls any good? the actual truth is that they really weren't much to take note of. at their best, they were yet another joy division knock-off. they weren't horrible, or anything - they were legitimately mildly enjoyable, but they were very much the archetype of an opening act. so, i would have absolutely preferred to have them play a shorter set earlier in the night, to allow for a longer set by the headliners (who have well over an hour of material). and, the fact that i've seen this happen twice at this bar, now, means that i'm less excited about going there.
they had a chance to allow a substantial touring act to play a lengthy set; instead, they gave the floor to a mediocre local act.
i need to acknowledge, though, that they brought their own crowd, and they made them happy. it's this scene of kids that is all about grasping on to an aesthetic. so, what they're interested in is time capsuling this forty-year old sound as a kind of a fashion trend. the less original you are, the better. they catered almost perfectly to this audience.
but, there's truly not a whole lot to take not of in what they're doing - it's a competent instantiation of a formula that's been done to death for decades.
we got a roughly fifty minute set in from disappears, who i think are a well enough known entity that there's not really much use in being descriptive. they did what they do, and they did it well. i was in the correct state of inebriation to enjoy it, and i did.
it just would have been nice if they weren't cut short by by bylaws and if i didn't have to catch the bus at 1:10 - although i'll point out that i would have certainly missed the bus to stay late, too.
there are longer and fully professionally recorded sets on youtube, but this is the closest to what the show was actually like. i caught some audio that will come up on my vlog next week.
update: i have less than a year of posts to clear out of youtube.
but, that's just part one of a three or four part process.
it's slow. but necessary. and i need to be clear: i'm done with the youtube comments section, once i'm done.
the koala central command would like to request your help in tracking down our prime fugitive, deathtokoalas.
we have managed to take over her page and will soon have succeeded in erasing all of her comments. our koalas are hard at work in accomplishing this task. however, she, herself, remains at large.
this individual has recently changed her name and identity. she is considered armed with wit and dangerous to communicate with, so please approach (verbally) with caution.
we believe that she will continue to communicate from the following known pseudonyms:
i just want to point out that, in line with what i'm doing to wipe my
profile down, i'm removing access to subscriber stats. and, i'd hide
the hit counts, too, if i could.
see, the lesson i'm
walking away from this with may not be what you're expecting. i learned
that my previous approach generated what i'm suggesting is the wrong
kind of interest.
what does wrong interest mean?
well,
i still have 350 subscribers at the koala profile. there were at most
five people (i think less) that followed me to the vlog site. i'm not
selling units. these are people that are neither interested in my music
nor my opinions. they seem to have really just liked my hair. i'm
honestly not exaggerating.
i don't want to generate a
group of followers that like my hair. i know that this is a thing that
people do, but it's really kind of scary for me to think about. i don't
have profiles at flickr or snapshot or whatever is being used nowadays
for pictures. instagram? i don't even know what the sites are.
i
write essays. i write symphonies. i've recently gotten into the habit
of recording myself ranting. but, i don't do modelling - and i really
don't want to, either. sorry. it's just not what i want to be selling.
so, by taking that information out altogether, i can avoid these kinds of people and avoid these kinds of conversations.
everybody
will tell me i'm wrong. but, if you follow my reasoning, i'm actually
right for exactly the reasons they claim i'm wrong. deductions require
assumptions. and, if you change your assumptions in certain ways, you
can sometimes modify your conclusions without recalculating anything.
i
just wanted to make it clear that this was done on purpose, and that
i'm hiding the information to reject the issue altogether, rather than
to hide what the stats actually are.
i just want to point out that it was at this point that i can trace
the beginning of a decrease in my hit count. the changes in youtube have
not helped and make it almost impossible to reverse the problem. but,
this is the real root cause of the decline.
i talk
about this in the vlog for feb 13th. but, it's very disappointing -
depressing, really - to truly be cognizant of what has actually
happened...
my metrics were consistently increasing up
to this point. i peaked at over 3000 hits in october - substantial, and
enough to think i'm growing and am breaking through something. yet, by
the middle of 2015, my hits were cut down to almost nothing. what
happened?
well, it seems as though people were not actually interested in what i was typing. rather, people were interested in my profile picture.
i
consciously picked that profile picture because it was a "bad shot" - i
was very badly hungover. i liked the irony of this, in juxtaposition to
the world of fake media images. it was a kind of fuck you to selfie
culture.
but, it became it's own fake media image. i
had dozens of comments directed at it. the reaction that was most
instructive was to point out that the nature of the commentary fit the
picture well - and this is why the hit count increased so much, and i
ended up with so many upvotes on my comments. it wasn't that what i said
affected anybody, or caused anybody to think about anything. people
weren't indicating any kind of actual solidarity. it was merely that
people found my picture amusing, and wanted to see it near the top of
the comments. it didn't really matter what i was saying, so long as it
vaguely fit their preconception of what they imagined i ought to be saying.
other
comments, in hindsight, were more illuminating than i realized:
suggestions that i look "emo", or "black metal", for example. this was
both completely wrong and entirely void of any substance - it was merely
extrapolated from the fact that i was hungover. it seems that a false
perception of who i am was projected from the image, and it was that
false projection that was getting upvoted and generating views.
it
also generated negative comments. much of this was at a low level of
discourse - crude insults that can be broadly summarized as claims that i
was "ugly", and often in ways that forced me to research terms i hadn't
seen before. this was annoying, but it wasn't what forced me to change
the profile picture.
what forced me to change was the
misgendering. you can imagine how that might be irritating. i didn't
upload the picture thinking that it made me look "emo" or "metal" or
anything of the sort. rather, i thought it just made me look like a
hungover female with a overactive gothic dye job. i really didn't need
or want this kind of abuse.
so, i changed the profile
picture to a more recent shot of me as a blonde with a bit of lipstick.
my intent was to prevent me from being misgendered. and, this seems to
have worked.
in the process, the false projection of me
as "emo" or "metal" or whatever it is that people made out of the black
dye job and hungover eyes [in truth, i mostly listen to instrumental
music, although i once listened to a lot of socal punk, which is how i
dress - tshirts, jeans and minimal makeup] evaporated. as people were
more interested in how i looked than what i thought, the
attention that i was generating dried up. i also think that my newly
unambiguous self-gendering alienated young girls that thought i was cute
as much as it alienated dudes that found out that i was actually
seriously queer, not just faggy in a metal kind of way.
again:
i've never liked metal. i don't even really like rock music, in the
broadest sense. the only rock music i've ever liked is some early psych
and the anti-rock strains of punk/post-punk and grunge. rock culture has
always sickened me. i'm a very bookish nerd. i'd rather hang out in the
library.
i have a degree in mathematics. i've studied deep into degrees in physics, computer science and law.
nerd. total. and, not afraid of stating it.
but, that's not what my hungover picture suggested. and, so, everything came crashing down when i changed it....
i
don't regret this change, and i would do it again. rather, i think i
learned an important lesson. i thought people were actually interested
in what i had to say about things - that admittedly surprised me, and i
should be less naive about things as i move forward.
in
the broader scope of things, it doesn't do me any good to get thousands
of purely social-media level hits from young girls that are
misgendering me (and would be freaked out to actually see me) or guys
that i'd never talk to. the truth is that i'd rather have friend-level
conversations with those girls and get hit on by those guys (if they're
old enough). the reality of everything being backwards was not useful to
me in getting an image out. it was, and may unfortunately remain for
some time, much more of a hindrance to me.
and, did i
even want to get an image out? was i gunning for subscribers and views?
the truth is that i didn't ever care. i wanted people to listen to my
music. and, neither teenage girls nor metalhead/emo guys are (on
average) going to be interested in listening to my blender rock.
moving
forwards, i should perhaps target my audience a little bit more
carefully. it was maybe pointless to bother posting insults on the emo
band's site, as nobody interested in who i am or what i do is going to
post there. i should perhaps be focusing more on music that i actually
like and less on trends that i do not. my discography channel will deal
with this, while my vlog channel will focus more on my ideas and
opinions of things.
the reality is that this is all
still experimental. there's no understood model. and, in a real sense,
i'm trying to accomplish the impossible. i get all of this. but, i've
learned a few things along the way and hope that i can apply them.
but,
it was the profile pic change that killed me. and, that's a really sad
reflection of society - style meant everything, substance meant nothing.
i mean, you gotta understand that a big part of what i'm doing right
now is saving the comments before they disappear, rather than deleting
them.
almost everything on youtube will eventually be
deleted. when google+ and youtube were integrated, that didn't matter -
the comments remained on google+. even when the video was removed. i
would not have moved here, otherwise.
but, now there's a link to "view comments on youtube" that just goes to a 404.
if i don't do this, i will lose all of the comments.
and, so why keep commenting here at all?
like, i need to be clear.
i haven't lost a couple of comments.
i've lost hundreds of threads - many that carried on for months, with dozens of people.
hundreds of pages worth of writing.
hours - days, weeks - of my time.
and, i'm not happy about that.
if you're a heavy user of the comment section on youtube, take a flip through your google+ profile. it's no doubt a bloodbath.
this isn't a safe place to type.
so, it's kind of wrongheaded for you to think i'm destroying my profile.
i'm saving my writing.
i've
cleared off the first six months of 2014. and, even with the dozens of
threads that i've lost, it's over 280 pages. that suggests i should get
over a thousand pages off by the time i'm done - and that i've lost who
knows how much.
what i'll say, at least, is that most
of what i've lost seems to be related to album discussions rather than
politics. i'm not crying persecution or anything. i'm not being
targeted. it was just incredible incompetence on the programming side of
things, and it's left me with absolutely no confidence in the platform.
again:
up until a point in late august, 2015, videos going down did not
delete the comments. so, comments could be made safely at youtube with
the understanding that they would be archived at google+. with no
warning that i received, the products were separated at the snap of a
finger and all of the archived comments were deleted. these were
comments that the previous system had safely stored in the google+
profiles, even though the videos were down.
the reality is that the separation deleted large amounts of google+ content.
i've
been posting hyperlinks at google+ since, waiting for a youtube comment
feed to appear. it's not happening. so, i'm cutting my losses and
getting out.
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
as i've explained a few times, this page will relaunch once it's wiped - before july, anyways. probably more like april. but, it will be focusing purely on a perspective of 1996, moving forwards.
you know where my vlog site is.
the following page, however, may be a better continuity, as it will explore my cd collection - records i've actually purchased at some point.
as i'm going through and archiving posts one by one, i'm running
across some videos that are set to "private". i cannot access these
discussions.
this is different than videos that have
been deleted or profiles that have been removed. unfortunately, google
fucked this up. before it disentangled youtube from google, those posts
could be read on google+ - even if the videos had been deleted. now,
they've been removed along with the videos.
part of the
reason i moved to youtube was because i liked the integration. part of
the reason i'm moving out is that the separation makes the platform
useless. as these posts come down, the comments will disappear and
become unrecoverable. so, what's the point of making them?
examples of destroyed content:
1)
i had a long discussion about punk rock on a video for death. this was
permanently destroyed when the video was taken down on copyright
infringement.
2) i had a long discussion about language on a video for la dispute. destroyed, in a copyright takedown.
so, why would i continue to use the platform when i know the content will eventually be destroyed?
i'm
going to put out a public request that the videos set to private are
temporarily republished (and i'm informed of it) so that i can get the
conversation out. as the page strips down, these posts set to private
will reveal themselves as all that is left.
i'm not going to be able to recover any of this.
another thing that's happening repeatedly is that threads that i muted have evaporated altogether.
as
a consequence of all of this, i've actually made the decision to
refrain from using the comments section at all. google/youtube does not
seem to have the slightest interest in developing the platform as a
permanent record. to be frank, i'm not sure what the point of having
comments is at all if the author is to lose all their content at the
whim of somebody else.
once this page is wiped down, i
will be commenting entirely on my own site - and those comments will be
sent out solely through rss.
please follow my lead on this. let's decentralize...
i'm
not going to pretend that i thought the move to google/youtube would be
permanent. but, it's absolutely inconceivable - and totally
unacceptable - to have entire conversations disappear like this.
i
mean, imagine waking up and finding out that half of your facebook
profile had just disappeared because of copyright claims. or that all of
the tweets that you made about a specific topic have evaporated.
they
had a good idea in integrating. it's not up to me to tell them how to
run their network, either. but, the way they separated the two products
was a disaster.
i would have never moved here if it
wasn't for the integration - i want a feed of my comments. and, i gave
them some time to work it out. but it's not being fixed. so, i'm out of
here.
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
streaming media sites like spotify are not the future of independent music. rather, what i'm doing at this very moment - telling you to buy a couple of my records or to stop wasting my time, to fuck off and to stop following me on the internet - is the future of independent music.
as consumers, you have a choice to keep art alive. if you choose not to do this, the era of art as an accessible product for middle class consumption will end. the era of consumption will end, altogether.
this is the future that the internet is leading us towards:
Music is banned in Khomeini's Iran On the grounds that it stimulates the brain We've done him one better in the land of coke & honey using music to put people's brains to sleep
Ever wonder why commercial radio's so bad? It's 'cause someone upstairs wants it that way If the Doors or John Lennon were getting started now The industry wouldn't sign 'em in a million years
So what do we get GOVERNMENT MUSIC Christian censorship and taxed blank tapes Shoppers strung out on our false hopes Will flock to obey
i've got a start on wiping the old deathtokoalas profile. the videos are all gone. the truth is that it's going to be a while.
on second thought, i'm going to wait for this page because i'm going to have to do it all over again when i finish the period one disc, anyways.
i'm just going to get right to wiping out the deathtokoalas page, instead.
i just finished wiping/cleaning my main profile. that's done. this is up next. and, that will be it for my facebook wipe. it will be monthly cleaning after that.
this page will continue to exist as it does. i will create a new page for the alter-reality.
i've changed the profile to
allow for my birth date, which is 1981, to be public. that's not an
error. i am actually 35 years old. really.
i'm entirely
aware that i literally look half of my age. or, let me rephrase that. i
look precisely like a fashionable (and single) 35 year old woman - but i
can very easily be mistaken for an unruly-looking 17 year-old boy. is
that really particularly unusual?
while i acknowledge
that there are some advantages to looking young, especially considering
that i do not at all act my age, i also need to point out that i'm at
the age where a significant generation gap exists. i'm not 17 years old.
i'm 35 years old. i identify as generation x (people born from
1965-1985). that might be your parents' generation. and, i'm
consequently a little bit leery about being hit on by 17 year-olds. or
25 year-olds, for that matter. of either gender.
and it does happen. which is why i'm pointing this out.
so,
yeah. i'm old. we don't need to draw attention to it. but, it would be
nice if we all realize it. if you see me out or about, just understand
that i'm there to see the show and nothing more.
no: i don't want to hang out with a bunch of kids. i'm friendly. sure. but, no.
no: i don't want to get hit on by kids.
and, no: i'm not going to hit on children.
but,
when you center your life around music as much as i have, you don't
grow out of it. it's a lifelong thing. i'll be continuing to attend
small shows when i'm 50, so long as i don't get bounced. not for the
people, and not for the scene. just for the tunes.
this message will self-deconstruct....
it's not just an internet/distance thing. don't be embarassed if you thought i was in my 20s or younger. i get it all the time.
when
i went to see jimmy chamberlain a few months ago, i ended up having a
smoke outside with a kid from in the bar. i could see he was in his late
teens. i ended up giving him a pumpkins lesson (he was there to see the
sax player). but, his jaw just dropped when i told him my age - because
it opened up a generation gap. he thought he was talking to a peer, at
first. then, he felt like he was talking to an adult, and that changed
his entire perspective of the situation. he visibly didn't like the idea
of "smoking an adult".
then there's the kid in the
unit upstairs. he seems to be in high school. and, it took him over two
years for him to realize i wasn't in his age group. he seemed offended
that i was keeping my distance. he kept obviously waiting for me to ask
him to come hang out. but, i hardly want to hang out with the high
school kid upstairs. it's just that he had no idea, right. he can't be
more than 18, but he interpreted me as in his peer group; the feeling
was not at all mutual - i immediately interpreted him as a kid. a few
months ago, i gave him a link to my bandcamp site and i think he finally
figured it out, because he's seemed more cognizant, since.
so,
it's not just you. it's everybody. online. in real life. it's just how i
look. and, in fact, it runs in the family - it's those finnish
bottleneck genes. everybody from finland is like this.
Thursday, February 4, 2016
if you like the pictures i am posting, i will block you and repost the pictures.
fuck off.
i want zero user interaction on this site. it's a read-only cv.
i just want to clarify that the reason i've set these videos to private is that the channel was not directing traffic to bandcamp as well as i hoped it would.
as a musician, trying to figure out how to exist in a world of streaming media is a delicate balance. streaming may be good for consumers, but it is not good for artists.
i do not care what is good for consumers. this all requires a little give and take, though - of course. in order for it to make sense for me to have my music on youtube, i need to be getting sales at bandcamp. for a musician, youtube is not a business model - it is an advertising platform. and, as an advertising platform, this approach is not working, largely because people are misinterpreting what it is.
see, people are interpreting this as the place where a product is published. they think i should get paid through ad revenue. it is this misunderstanding that is the core of the problem. if people understood that the youtube video is the ad for the product, and the product is available by clicking through the links, the system would work as intended.
so, what i've done is change my advertising delivery to something that:
(1) does not give away too much of my actual product for free.
(2) can act as a product, itself.
this video will not be up forever. rather, this site will go completely quiet within a few weeks - once i've archived and deleted all of the comments. the site will then relaunch within 4-6 months in the context of a historical based-alternate reality. but, most of the uploads will only be samples.
for the musician, youtube is still an experiment. and, i've deduced that it's a failed one.
and, for the inevitable "unsubbed" response, let me ask you this:
how many records did you buy?
i'm going to guess that you didn't buy any. so, why, exactly, do you think i want you to subscribe, or care that you've unsubbed?
you may want to note that i actually never asked you to subscribe in the first place. what i did ask you to do was go to my bandcamp site.
see, this is exactly the problem: you think i want you to subscribe. you think i want your views. no. these things are of precisely zero value. they're numbers on a screen that cannot be converted into anything tangible.
what i want is for you to go to my store and buy my records. and, if you don't want to do that, you can kindly fuck off.
Sunday, January 31, 2016
in fact, i'm going to be wiping this page down altogether. it will relaunch in a different context some time in the summer.
on second thought, i'm not going to need that other page because i'm rewinding back to 1996.
i know.
hear me out: this will give me time to prepare everything properly. and, it will allow me to construct a full alter-reality. plus, it's twenty years. round.
i know you're probably more interested in new material, and i'll be getting to it soon. 11 days before i need to figure shit out.
but, on the bright side: that's three weeks, cold turkey.
i needed an alter-reality to escape to to quit.
three weeks...
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
i'm making a bold move in setting all of my videos up to the alter-reality point to private. but, the reality is that i don't get paid for hits. and, it makes the presentation more thematic.
the whole thing is going to flatten out - i'm going to be wiping this page down, as well, to a point where it's only relevant in the context of the alter-reality.
things will come into focus as the history does.
this is a grand experiment. and, of course, this note will not exist forever.
i know it looks psychotic right now, but wait a few weeks and it will make sense. if you've been here up to this point, i suppose you're privy to the future in the alter-reality....
Monday, January 25, 2016
the politics page is done. kaput. deleted.
i dropped it all in temporary files, so i've got hundreds of pages to merge into the main file. but it's done...
Saturday, January 23, 2016
that's two weeks, btw.
cold turkey.
it's in the
two-three week window that i usually crack, although i must say this: i
don't usually go that long as total, cold turkey. there's usually some
kind of break in there. i might buy one of those $1.25 cigars, or maybe
bum a smoke when i'm out. normally, what it really means is "two-three
weeks without buying a pack".
but, this is totally cold turkey. so, it's different. and, i think i'm consequently just about there.
i
guess i have about another week of data archival ahead of me. so, that
will be three weeks - cold turkey. and, i can't see why i'd look back
after that...
