jessica
hi,
i gotta say you're the first person that's bought something since i put the site back up last september. selling cds isn't easy nowadays, so it's breaking through a bit of a glass ceiling for me. thanks for your support.
as this is the first thing i'm shipping, 3 days might be more like 5 days. i need to get the proper supplies. i have done this before, it's just been a few years; rest assured that it will be shipping shortly.
primatemaster
Hello,
I'm simultaneously delighted (if I had business cards I'd be writing 'Patron of the Arts' on them right now) and a little disappointed to be first. It's the first CD I've purchased in quite a while, so some sort of reflected symmetry there.
From listening to a randomly selected range of your work on bandcamp and youtube, I've probably picked one of the easier-to-listen-to ones to buy. But I found a lot that I like and just as much that will need more time before I know what I think about it. Often in the same track. The first thing I stumbled across was 'evil is a human construction' which immediately sounded frantic and fantastic (my first, probably unoriginal, thought: music for Cylons). A couple of weeks and multiple plays later and it is still a favourite.
Anyway, that's enough of my rambling.
Looking forward to hearing your future releases,
jessica
the cylons thing is interesting.
that track, 'evil is a human construction', was mostly composed in my head while i was stumbling through ottawa night clubs. i was going through a periodic dancing phase. something i've often found myself doing when i'm dancing is imagining guitar solos over the house or trance beats. i probably look like a crazy person, lost dwindling off into the twilight realm of my own secret thoughts, even blurting the notes out loud sometimes (memories may be fuzzy, but i'd like to think i've avoided air guitars on the dance floor). i plan to create an entire record based more or less around that idea, so there will be more in the style coming, it's just that i have a list of stuff to get through first.
primatemaster
To try and explain that: There's a relentless and restless feeling throughout: at first oppressive, then panicky with associated disorientation, followed by acceptance/liberation/relief and wondering what comes next. (Yes, I wrote that during another listen.) Combine with a guitar sound that reminded me of music from BattlestarGalactica (Heeding Call going into a cover of All Along The Watchtower) and my mind said: music for freshly-self-discovered cylons.
In retrospect, cylons are not the important detail.
So, if 'interesting' is a polite way of saying 'nonsense', I can't argue. In my defense I was mildly concussed after a bike crash. Still like the track.
Dance / reaction from nearby people
Air guitar / 'She's on the good stuff, I want that'
Air drums / 'whatever she's on should be banned'
Listening to 'interplanetary isomorphism' a lot now. It's beautiful.
Saturday, October 11, 2014
so, the next milestone is this track hitting 300 hits. it's been climbing slowly, but hits are up enough this month that it should be in the next day or two.
speaking of hits being up, i'm sort of afraid to mention it, because the last time i mentioned hits were down, they went way up. if i mention that hits are way up, will they come down? what exactly is going on here?
a few months ago, i pointed out that i was expecting the curve to start rising again in october. but my goal this month was 3000 hits, and i'm currently on track for something closer to 4500. every time it looks like it's going to fall a bit, it rises way higher. my average last month was 98. this month, so far, it's 142. if it keeps at this pace, i don't know what to expect for november - another flat line, an increasing curve or even a peak....?
but, right now, they're up very high leading into the demo switch over. i can only hope they stay that high as i switch gears and i didn't peak in 1996....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbNeNaff53Y&list=PL3JSjmqp0cbt7bpF1Br2dC4QlJzoOC6rF
speaking of hits being up, i'm sort of afraid to mention it, because the last time i mentioned hits were down, they went way up. if i mention that hits are way up, will they come down? what exactly is going on here?
a few months ago, i pointed out that i was expecting the curve to start rising again in october. but my goal this month was 3000 hits, and i'm currently on track for something closer to 4500. every time it looks like it's going to fall a bit, it rises way higher. my average last month was 98. this month, so far, it's 142. if it keeps at this pace, i don't know what to expect for november - another flat line, an increasing curve or even a peak....?
but, right now, they're up very high leading into the demo switch over. i can only hope they stay that high as i switch gears and i didn't peak in 1996....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbNeNaff53Y&list=PL3JSjmqp0cbt7bpF1Br2dC4QlJzoOC6rF
ugh. fine.
blonding and maybe also redding tomorrow. it's been a while since i dyed....two years almost...it makes a big difference, though. my natural hair colour is kind of ratty looking, and there's not really any way to style it away.
i guess i've just been sitting in my room by myself. i've been to some shows, but they're the kind where i'd rather not get hit on by smelly indie boys. few incentives to care. i'm really not that vain.
it's been a while since i updated my profile pic, too. bloody patriarchy. but i'll play along for a few weeks...
i have the dye already, i've been meaning to, just never really got around to it.
it should be nice enough on monday, even, to go out in shorts and a tanktop.
blonding and maybe also redding tomorrow. it's been a while since i dyed....two years almost...it makes a big difference, though. my natural hair colour is kind of ratty looking, and there's not really any way to style it away.
i guess i've just been sitting in my room by myself. i've been to some shows, but they're the kind where i'd rather not get hit on by smelly indie boys. few incentives to care. i'm really not that vain.
it's been a while since i updated my profile pic, too. bloody patriarchy. but i'll play along for a few weeks...
i have the dye already, i've been meaning to, just never really got around to it.
it should be nice enough on monday, even, to go out in shorts and a tanktop.
Friday, October 10, 2014
the doctors in this city are real hard asses.
so, i went down on tuesday to refill my estrogen (specifically) and learned i was on my last refill. so, i asked them to send a fax to the ottawa doctor, as they had previously done. i got something back from the doctor indicating he's no longer practicing, along with my last refill (from him). that meant i had to find a doctor here.....
i was able to quickly set up an appointment for this afternoon with an endocrinologist that deals with gender transitions. it was the same process i went through with the shrink i saw a few months ago - he decided he didn't like my attitude, accused me of having a personality disorder (which is probably true, that's why i went to see the shrink, although he wouldn't diagnose it) and tossed me from his office.
what led to the conflict was the suggestion that generally people that come in looking for prescriptions are "already living in a female role", to which i retorted that i am and have been living in a female role for many years. apparently, he didn't find it convincing. it's true that i'm not the hyper-feminine type. but it's also true that if you pulled a dozen random women off the street, i'd be somewhere in the middle of the gender spectrum presented. lots of women walk around in jeans and cons and no make-up. it's entirely "normal". so, no, i'm not the hysterical trans stereotype, but the hysterical trans stereotype really isn't at all representative of women of my generation, either. the hysterical trans stereotype is actually probably indicative of a greater psychological issue than gender dysphoria, at this point, but the literature (that i've seen) is just absurdly stuck in the past. i'm really a pretty "normal", "average" kind of late 20s or early 30s woman of my age and peer group. i guess that wasn't good enough for this guy.
there's also the fact that i'm in my 30s, even if i happen to look many years younger. i've kind of grown out of the heavy-make-up-frilly-socks stage of life. i know the hysterical trans stereotype is attached to not growing out of that at all, but it's also attached to really gross sexual fetishes that i simply don't have. further, i have to be honest that i really don't like being put in a situation where i have to defend the fact that being transgendered does not imply anything about sexual preferences. at all. i'm a very sexually conservative person that has consciously chosen to not have a sex life, and it's really....gross...to have to justify my gender identification in the face of not being perceived as a tranny slut. i'm not going to walk around presenting myself as an insecure teenager, or, worse, a street walker. i'm just not that person. i like comfortable clothes that minimize my sexuality, and i'm old enough to walk around in them without giving a fuck.
i then suggested that it's not his role to act as a psychiatrist, that i've already been through that process and he really has no place in undoing an existing psychological diagnosis. that's when he started to get standoffish, but the fact is that i'm absolutely right. if the guy thinks he can undo twenty-five years worth of thinking and months of talking it over with a shrink (it was a long time ago, but it happened), in well under an hour (more like ten minutes) then he's simply an idiot. i'm sorry. it's utter stupidity.
so, i went back to the clinic that sent me there in the first place. i was able to determine that the doctor there *could* refill the medication for me, but has decided to *not* do so. as far as i could tell, it was a religious thing. she repeatedly stated that she had to be at a mosque for 2:00, which strongly suggested to me that she's opposed to the whole thing and referring me to somebody else out of principle.
i got a new referral in. but i'm very skeptical that it's going to get me the refill before nov 1. i at least now know that virtually any doctor *could* do this refill for me, for at least one month. i'm going to have to get out on monday and try to find one that will.
i didn't have makeup on, and i'm older than the model here (although don't really look it), but i otherwise didn't look that different than her:
https://www.thebudgetfashionista.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/White-Tee.jpg
is there something unfeminine about that, or is it actually a pretty "nomal" outfit?
i'd argue the latter.
it was probably *too* normal. but i'm not a drag performer. i'm the girl next door.
the literature is just really fucked.
well, i had pink shoes. and a pink sweater around my waist. that matches the shoes. minor detail.
in addition, i wasn't going to a job interview or a party or on a date. i was going to a dr's appointment. is it not far more bizarre to dress provocatively to see a doctor than it is to dress down?
would you not expect a mostly transitioned, integrated transperson to dress "normally"? would a really colourful or brazen outfit not be evidence of difficulty integrating?
but i've been to these doctors and they expect transgendered people to show up dressed provocatively. i'm not going on a feminist rant about this, what i'm thinking is obvious, it doesn't need to be stated.
i think i have to be rational about it. i've spoken to two doctors so far. one seems to have been enforcing patriarchal expectations. the other seems to have had religious objections. surely, i can find one with neither bias.
i'll point out that the nurse at the clinic indicated that the endocrinologist has a history of this kind of bullshit. i'm not the first person that's gone through this with him. so, that's another rational consideration - he's reacted like this before.
but, the doctors here that i've seen so far sure are hard asses, wow....
i guess it reinforces the importance of finding a good doctor.
which is something i have no choice but to do, now.
--
i need to stress this point: you'd think if i showed up in fishnets or something, at the age of 33, i'd be bipolar or something. honestly. you don't see women my age walking around like that to go to a doctor's appointment.
but that might be my error. maybe i'm so comfortable with myself in an essentially post-transition space that it never crossed my mind that i had something to prove to this guy.
i don't have any "business attire" to wear to the next appointment, which is a more suitable wardrobe for somebody of my age and experience. but i need to be more conscious of the fact that the guy is going to be analyzing me relative to where i was in transition five years ago, rather than where i am now.
it's bullshit. i'm mad at myself for compromising my values like this, but i think i'm going to have to.
like, i'm already transitioned. i've been transitioned for a couple of years, now. it's not a question of progressing through stages, it's a question of maintaining access to medication.
i just happen to be a chick that looks a little like a dude, and there's not really anything i can do that's within my budget to reverse that.
....but the doctor might not realize that. i'll argue strenuously that it's not his place to question it, but it's not going to get me closer to getting what i need to maintain the post-transition state.
i can't really dress for work, because i don't have a work wardrobe.
i don't want to dress like i'm going to a party, that's revolting.
but i can dress for a casual date. he fucking starts hitting on me, though, and i'm strangling him with his fucking stethoscope...
--
there's another sort of nagging concern in the back of my mind.
i've been around enough "trans support" groups to know that a lot of them are actually fronts for prostitution. his language of "i don't get a good vibe from you" and the tone of voice that he said it in kind of immediately set off those bells.
it sounds off the wall libellous, but trust me when i say it isn't: the guy very well might be a pimp, and he may have quickly determined i wasn't likely to work for him, and tossed me on my ear because of it.
i need to stop flipping out over it, though, and just get to work in finding a better doctor on monday....
i mean, the first thing he asked me was if i was bisexual. normally, they ask about it, but they don't make assumptions, and the way he asked was sort of slimy.
i responded with the truth: i'm asexual. well, i've been on testosterone blockers for four years. i don't even masturbate any more - i probably couldn't, at this point, if i tried, but i haven't tried in....a long time. i get the odd dream, but they're separated by months. and while the refrain for the last few decades has been "actually, women LIKE sex"....the truth is you need to put a "some" in there. i don't really have much interest in lying around while somebody else gets off on me. sorry.
i hadn't had sex in almost five years before i went on the testosterone blockers in the first place. the transition hasn't altered my sex life in any way, because there wasn't one to begin with. and, going off hormones isn't going to have me develop one - i'd just start masturbating again. the reasons i'm not interested in sex aren't at all connected to my gender identity. i went through a relationship about ten years ago that just completely soured me on the whole idea of relationships, and i've been single by choice ever since. they're really completely unrelated things.
but, i got a huge frown from it, as though i was stating i wasn't of any use to him.
--
just to clarify: i have absolutely no sex drive, but i actually prefer it that way, as it clears up more energy for other things. i'm not asexual because of the lack of sex drive, but the lack of a sex drive makes me more comfortable in my asexuality. you interact with people - of whatever gender - a whole lot differently when you already know that you'll never, ever have sex with them. sometimes, there's a little work in establishing that, but once it is established, it just really clears the air. there's no pretensions. no fantasies. and you figure out quickly who actually likes you for who you are and who has ulterior motives. call me a eunuch if you want, and tell me i'm an anomaly in our current culture if it makes you feel good about yourself, but i'm happier with no sex drive.
if i had to choose only one of the three drugs to take, i'd pick the testosterone blocker over the estrogen or progesterone immediately. that's one of the more profound conclusions i've come to. i haven't been reflecting here as much as i was a few years ago, but i've been thinking about that quite a bit. the feminizing aspects are desirable to me and everything, but i'm at the age where there's not really any actual consequence of them. if i were to go through the process of actual sexual reassignment now, i'd be in an age category where sex is infrequent by the time i got done, sort of thing. and, then, what have i accomplished besides having to squat in public? but the chemical castration has had really positive effects on my mental well being. that's the thing i'm going to fight the hardest to maintain.
i just find the whole thing to be such a huge waste of time. in the end, i'm going to die, and do i really want my life to have been focused on sex and labour? god, what a horribly trivial existence! i want there to be art, writings - things of substance left behind. this idea of life as a hedonistic adventure is just revolting to me. i know it's our culture. it's the way our society spins. but i'm really pretty comprehensive in my rejection of our culture and society, aren't i? it shouldn't really be that surprising, when you put it into the context of what i think about every other component of the world we inhabit.
i think i'd be more likely to fall in love with a robot than a human, but i doubt i'm going to live to see the day...
in the end, transhumanism will probably abolish sex.
i'm ahead of the curve on this and i know it. same as all the other things....
--
when i was a kid, i used to often hear that
"women can do anything men can do except pee standing up."
my dad told me that. often. i think there's quite a bit of truth to it.
if i really sit down and carefully weigh what life is going to be like pre and post srs, i have to honestly conclude that the only thing that's actually going to change is the peeing standing up part......and for the months of therapy and healing and everything else involved, it's hard to come up with a logical argument in favour of it.
there's an emotional component, but i've never been driven by emotion, i've always been driven by logic.
if it was 15 years ago, the calculation would be different, but it's pointless now, i'm too old.
--
so, i had a bad appointment today...
i'm done flipping out over it for now. back to work.
so, i went down on tuesday to refill my estrogen (specifically) and learned i was on my last refill. so, i asked them to send a fax to the ottawa doctor, as they had previously done. i got something back from the doctor indicating he's no longer practicing, along with my last refill (from him). that meant i had to find a doctor here.....
i was able to quickly set up an appointment for this afternoon with an endocrinologist that deals with gender transitions. it was the same process i went through with the shrink i saw a few months ago - he decided he didn't like my attitude, accused me of having a personality disorder (which is probably true, that's why i went to see the shrink, although he wouldn't diagnose it) and tossed me from his office.
what led to the conflict was the suggestion that generally people that come in looking for prescriptions are "already living in a female role", to which i retorted that i am and have been living in a female role for many years. apparently, he didn't find it convincing. it's true that i'm not the hyper-feminine type. but it's also true that if you pulled a dozen random women off the street, i'd be somewhere in the middle of the gender spectrum presented. lots of women walk around in jeans and cons and no make-up. it's entirely "normal". so, no, i'm not the hysterical trans stereotype, but the hysterical trans stereotype really isn't at all representative of women of my generation, either. the hysterical trans stereotype is actually probably indicative of a greater psychological issue than gender dysphoria, at this point, but the literature (that i've seen) is just absurdly stuck in the past. i'm really a pretty "normal", "average" kind of late 20s or early 30s woman of my age and peer group. i guess that wasn't good enough for this guy.
there's also the fact that i'm in my 30s, even if i happen to look many years younger. i've kind of grown out of the heavy-make-up-frilly-socks stage of life. i know the hysterical trans stereotype is attached to not growing out of that at all, but it's also attached to really gross sexual fetishes that i simply don't have. further, i have to be honest that i really don't like being put in a situation where i have to defend the fact that being transgendered does not imply anything about sexual preferences. at all. i'm a very sexually conservative person that has consciously chosen to not have a sex life, and it's really....gross...to have to justify my gender identification in the face of not being perceived as a tranny slut. i'm not going to walk around presenting myself as an insecure teenager, or, worse, a street walker. i'm just not that person. i like comfortable clothes that minimize my sexuality, and i'm old enough to walk around in them without giving a fuck.
i then suggested that it's not his role to act as a psychiatrist, that i've already been through that process and he really has no place in undoing an existing psychological diagnosis. that's when he started to get standoffish, but the fact is that i'm absolutely right. if the guy thinks he can undo twenty-five years worth of thinking and months of talking it over with a shrink (it was a long time ago, but it happened), in well under an hour (more like ten minutes) then he's simply an idiot. i'm sorry. it's utter stupidity.
so, i went back to the clinic that sent me there in the first place. i was able to determine that the doctor there *could* refill the medication for me, but has decided to *not* do so. as far as i could tell, it was a religious thing. she repeatedly stated that she had to be at a mosque for 2:00, which strongly suggested to me that she's opposed to the whole thing and referring me to somebody else out of principle.
i got a new referral in. but i'm very skeptical that it's going to get me the refill before nov 1. i at least now know that virtually any doctor *could* do this refill for me, for at least one month. i'm going to have to get out on monday and try to find one that will.
i didn't have makeup on, and i'm older than the model here (although don't really look it), but i otherwise didn't look that different than her:
https://www.thebudgetfashionista.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/White-Tee.jpg
is there something unfeminine about that, or is it actually a pretty "nomal" outfit?
i'd argue the latter.
it was probably *too* normal. but i'm not a drag performer. i'm the girl next door.
the literature is just really fucked.
well, i had pink shoes. and a pink sweater around my waist. that matches the shoes. minor detail.
in addition, i wasn't going to a job interview or a party or on a date. i was going to a dr's appointment. is it not far more bizarre to dress provocatively to see a doctor than it is to dress down?
would you not expect a mostly transitioned, integrated transperson to dress "normally"? would a really colourful or brazen outfit not be evidence of difficulty integrating?
but i've been to these doctors and they expect transgendered people to show up dressed provocatively. i'm not going on a feminist rant about this, what i'm thinking is obvious, it doesn't need to be stated.
i think i have to be rational about it. i've spoken to two doctors so far. one seems to have been enforcing patriarchal expectations. the other seems to have had religious objections. surely, i can find one with neither bias.
i'll point out that the nurse at the clinic indicated that the endocrinologist has a history of this kind of bullshit. i'm not the first person that's gone through this with him. so, that's another rational consideration - he's reacted like this before.
but, the doctors here that i've seen so far sure are hard asses, wow....
i guess it reinforces the importance of finding a good doctor.
which is something i have no choice but to do, now.
--
i need to stress this point: you'd think if i showed up in fishnets or something, at the age of 33, i'd be bipolar or something. honestly. you don't see women my age walking around like that to go to a doctor's appointment.
but that might be my error. maybe i'm so comfortable with myself in an essentially post-transition space that it never crossed my mind that i had something to prove to this guy.
i don't have any "business attire" to wear to the next appointment, which is a more suitable wardrobe for somebody of my age and experience. but i need to be more conscious of the fact that the guy is going to be analyzing me relative to where i was in transition five years ago, rather than where i am now.
it's bullshit. i'm mad at myself for compromising my values like this, but i think i'm going to have to.
like, i'm already transitioned. i've been transitioned for a couple of years, now. it's not a question of progressing through stages, it's a question of maintaining access to medication.
i just happen to be a chick that looks a little like a dude, and there's not really anything i can do that's within my budget to reverse that.
....but the doctor might not realize that. i'll argue strenuously that it's not his place to question it, but it's not going to get me closer to getting what i need to maintain the post-transition state.
i can't really dress for work, because i don't have a work wardrobe.
i don't want to dress like i'm going to a party, that's revolting.
but i can dress for a casual date. he fucking starts hitting on me, though, and i'm strangling him with his fucking stethoscope...
--
there's another sort of nagging concern in the back of my mind.
i've been around enough "trans support" groups to know that a lot of them are actually fronts for prostitution. his language of "i don't get a good vibe from you" and the tone of voice that he said it in kind of immediately set off those bells.
it sounds off the wall libellous, but trust me when i say it isn't: the guy very well might be a pimp, and he may have quickly determined i wasn't likely to work for him, and tossed me on my ear because of it.
i need to stop flipping out over it, though, and just get to work in finding a better doctor on monday....
i mean, the first thing he asked me was if i was bisexual. normally, they ask about it, but they don't make assumptions, and the way he asked was sort of slimy.
i responded with the truth: i'm asexual. well, i've been on testosterone blockers for four years. i don't even masturbate any more - i probably couldn't, at this point, if i tried, but i haven't tried in....a long time. i get the odd dream, but they're separated by months. and while the refrain for the last few decades has been "actually, women LIKE sex"....the truth is you need to put a "some" in there. i don't really have much interest in lying around while somebody else gets off on me. sorry.
i hadn't had sex in almost five years before i went on the testosterone blockers in the first place. the transition hasn't altered my sex life in any way, because there wasn't one to begin with. and, going off hormones isn't going to have me develop one - i'd just start masturbating again. the reasons i'm not interested in sex aren't at all connected to my gender identity. i went through a relationship about ten years ago that just completely soured me on the whole idea of relationships, and i've been single by choice ever since. they're really completely unrelated things.
but, i got a huge frown from it, as though i was stating i wasn't of any use to him.
--
just to clarify: i have absolutely no sex drive, but i actually prefer it that way, as it clears up more energy for other things. i'm not asexual because of the lack of sex drive, but the lack of a sex drive makes me more comfortable in my asexuality. you interact with people - of whatever gender - a whole lot differently when you already know that you'll never, ever have sex with them. sometimes, there's a little work in establishing that, but once it is established, it just really clears the air. there's no pretensions. no fantasies. and you figure out quickly who actually likes you for who you are and who has ulterior motives. call me a eunuch if you want, and tell me i'm an anomaly in our current culture if it makes you feel good about yourself, but i'm happier with no sex drive.
if i had to choose only one of the three drugs to take, i'd pick the testosterone blocker over the estrogen or progesterone immediately. that's one of the more profound conclusions i've come to. i haven't been reflecting here as much as i was a few years ago, but i've been thinking about that quite a bit. the feminizing aspects are desirable to me and everything, but i'm at the age where there's not really any actual consequence of them. if i were to go through the process of actual sexual reassignment now, i'd be in an age category where sex is infrequent by the time i got done, sort of thing. and, then, what have i accomplished besides having to squat in public? but the chemical castration has had really positive effects on my mental well being. that's the thing i'm going to fight the hardest to maintain.
i just find the whole thing to be such a huge waste of time. in the end, i'm going to die, and do i really want my life to have been focused on sex and labour? god, what a horribly trivial existence! i want there to be art, writings - things of substance left behind. this idea of life as a hedonistic adventure is just revolting to me. i know it's our culture. it's the way our society spins. but i'm really pretty comprehensive in my rejection of our culture and society, aren't i? it shouldn't really be that surprising, when you put it into the context of what i think about every other component of the world we inhabit.
i think i'd be more likely to fall in love with a robot than a human, but i doubt i'm going to live to see the day...
in the end, transhumanism will probably abolish sex.
i'm ahead of the curve on this and i know it. same as all the other things....
--
when i was a kid, i used to often hear that
"women can do anything men can do except pee standing up."
my dad told me that. often. i think there's quite a bit of truth to it.
if i really sit down and carefully weigh what life is going to be like pre and post srs, i have to honestly conclude that the only thing that's actually going to change is the peeing standing up part......and for the months of therapy and healing and everything else involved, it's hard to come up with a logical argument in favour of it.
there's an emotional component, but i've never been driven by emotion, i've always been driven by logic.
if it was 15 years ago, the calculation would be different, but it's pointless now, i'm too old.
--
so, i had a bad appointment today...
i'm done flipping out over it for now. back to work.
i didn't get my clarity mix up before midnight, i got distracted. it'll be before the end of the weekend.
as expected, 'mom' has reclaimed top spot.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oSadVCVav8&list=PL3JSjmqp0cbslW9qCBKT_nEcwUt1DY0aN
the wonderful noise is also track number three to cross one thousand hits.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHCzsrJk55M&list=PL3JSjmqp0cbslW9qCBKT_nEcwUt1DY0aN
the second demo will enter it's promo cycle at the end of october. right now, it seems like most videos will get very close to or over 1000 views. i'm not setting goals for these as i move, but that's a decent start, i think.
as expected, 'mom' has reclaimed top spot.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oSadVCVav8&list=PL3JSjmqp0cbslW9qCBKT_nEcwUt1DY0aN
the wonderful noise is also track number three to cross one thousand hits.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHCzsrJk55M&list=PL3JSjmqp0cbslW9qCBKT_nEcwUt1DY0aN
the second demo will enter it's promo cycle at the end of october. right now, it seems like most videos will get very close to or over 1000 views. i'm not setting goals for these as i move, but that's a decent start, i think.
Thursday, October 9, 2014
i've received a lot of bad comparisons over the years, but comparisons to this ariel pink character may be the worst i've ever heard.
as far as i can tell, he's some kind of 60s novelty act, right? i write futuristic chaotic noise rock.
i'll admit i've only heard two or three songs, and i've skipped through all of them (because he couldn't even catch my attention for ten seconds), but i seem to be the precise opposite of this guy.
i mean, 60s music from the 60s was mostly garbage.
who needs to hear 60s music from the 2010s? what's the point? why not just go climb into your great-grandmother's grave?
what's weird is that the young people nowadays seem to look at the 60s the same way that conservatives of my generation once looked at the 50s - it's a simpler time, when things were perfect, before the complications of modern existence.
a fantasy, of course. there were significant riots in the 50s, and even more riots in the 60s than the 50s. if i was alive at the time, i wouldn't be singing dylan songs in the park with the other dipshit hippies, i'd be out taking part in them...
i think that's why the comparison bothers me. he's a fucking hippie.
or at least i think he is, i don't know much about him.
i might be wrong, i dunno.
i'm not really interested in wasting the time listening to it to figure that out.
as far as i can tell, he's some kind of 60s novelty act, right? i write futuristic chaotic noise rock.
i'll admit i've only heard two or three songs, and i've skipped through all of them (because he couldn't even catch my attention for ten seconds), but i seem to be the precise opposite of this guy.
i mean, 60s music from the 60s was mostly garbage.
who needs to hear 60s music from the 2010s? what's the point? why not just go climb into your great-grandmother's grave?
what's weird is that the young people nowadays seem to look at the 60s the same way that conservatives of my generation once looked at the 50s - it's a simpler time, when things were perfect, before the complications of modern existence.
a fantasy, of course. there were significant riots in the 50s, and even more riots in the 60s than the 50s. if i was alive at the time, i wouldn't be singing dylan songs in the park with the other dipshit hippies, i'd be out taking part in them...
i think that's why the comparison bothers me. he's a fucking hippie.
or at least i think he is, i don't know much about him.
i might be wrong, i dunno.
i'm not really interested in wasting the time listening to it to figure that out.
revised workflow for 2002....
inri35:
clarity - feb 1
inri36:
9:46 - feb 8
me, myself middle mix - feb 10, 2002
inri37:
9:46 - feb 8, 2002
day - feb 19? - organize this after 9:46
clarity complete - mar 2, 2002
time - mar 2, 2002 ()
psi - mar 8, 2002
me, myself complete - may 2, 2002
rabit: may 15?
inri38: acoustic mixes
me, myself live - may 5, 2002
jumped up & down?
day - april 7, 2002.
9:46 - jan, 2002
others
june.
i stopped juggling tracks about this time and went back to a linear work flow, which i greatly prefer.
inri39:
trepanation: spring, 2002. mar 7-july 27.
multiple versions.
aug
inri40: untitled
atom's - mid 2002
penny/nero/untitled - mid 2002 (score)
taught to twist ??
lalala (reflections part 1, alt mix)
sept/oct
inri041: late 2002 - ostrich
nov
inri042: j^2.
spin, clarity (inst), 9:46 (inst), untitled, ostrich and possibly others
dec
inri043: flying - christmas, 2002
releases become less frequent starting in 2003, due primarily to the existence of a relationship that defines the next several years of releases and the move to larger pieces.
inri044: reflections - may, 2003
inri045: thru - june, 2003 (probably)
inri046: kelowna - aug, 2003
there are some necessary releases to note in between, but the next symphony is not complete until late 2004. so, you can see how this slows down and how i'm going to push through it faster once i get through 2002 - hopefully by the end of the year.
ok, off to finish remixing clarity...
inri35:
clarity - feb 1
inri36:
9:46 - feb 8
me, myself middle mix - feb 10, 2002
inri37:
9:46 - feb 8, 2002
day - feb 19? - organize this after 9:46
clarity complete - mar 2, 2002
time - mar 2, 2002 ()
psi - mar 8, 2002
me, myself complete - may 2, 2002
rabit: may 15?
inri38: acoustic mixes
me, myself live - may 5, 2002
jumped up & down?
day - april 7, 2002.
9:46 - jan, 2002
others
june.
i stopped juggling tracks about this time and went back to a linear work flow, which i greatly prefer.
inri39:
trepanation: spring, 2002. mar 7-july 27.
multiple versions.
aug
inri40: untitled
atom's - mid 2002
penny/nero/untitled - mid 2002 (score)
taught to twist ??
lalala (reflections part 1, alt mix)
sept/oct
inri041: late 2002 - ostrich
nov
inri042: j^2.
spin, clarity (inst), 9:46 (inst), untitled, ostrich and possibly others
dec
inri043: flying - christmas, 2002
releases become less frequent starting in 2003, due primarily to the existence of a relationship that defines the next several years of releases and the move to larger pieces.
inri044: reflections - may, 2003
inri045: thru - june, 2003 (probably)
inri046: kelowna - aug, 2003
there are some necessary releases to note in between, but the next symphony is not complete until late 2004. so, you can see how this slows down and how i'm going to push through it faster once i get through 2002 - hopefully by the end of the year.
ok, off to finish remixing clarity...
real life things happened less this week than i was expecting.
things i got done:
1) groceries.
2) set a dr's apt
3) cleaned
4) laundry
*5) attend dr's apt
* tomorrow. no, our public health insurance up here isn't so outstanding that you get an appointment in a day, i happen to have been playing phone tag and she'd already pencilled me in because she couldn't get a hold of me. well, i don't actually have a phone, so reaching me in real time with a phone number is actually impossible at the moment. yeah, how's that for being a hipster? no phone. ahahaha...
i honestly don't want to pay for the phone. that's really the crux of it. i pay roughly $20/yr for a mailbox. i will eventually get a phone and connect it to the voip service; for now, i'm using the leave-a-message-i'll-call-back approach, which creates problems when the other side is always busy.
the other thing is that i don't trust phones. i'm in the "harmless, but monitored out of interest" category. i don't need the cia following my gps around. it's just unsettling. i don't know how so many people can just shrug it off.
things i didn't get done:
1) buying wood. i can't; the bus is on detour. in a few weeks.
2) compost dropoff. i would have had to go this morning, but i slept-in. i leave my compost in the freezer until it builds up, then drop it off to some kids that use it to feed hungry people. i think it's technically a muslim group, but i don't get the impression that they're proselytizing. i'm solely interested in the feeding hungry people part. yeah, the state should do it, but if you've been in a food bank you know that items like fresh vegetables aren't actually there. it's mostly about dumping near expired goods. i don't like it, but i understand that the thatcher-reagan system is designed for religious groups to fill this void. given that reality, i'd much rather support a minority muslim group than a dominant christian group. balances of power and whatnot. so, i've got these giant bags of frozen banana peels and stuff and i need to walk 2-3 km to get them to there. leaky banana peel juice is kind of nasty, so i tend to prefer to go in the spring and fall when it's close to 0 to minimize the melt. i'll take this out next week, when the temperature gets back down to 3 or 4.
anyways....that means i've got all day to record, and i will! some kind of clarity something or other should be up before midnight...
things i got done:
1) groceries.
2) set a dr's apt
3) cleaned
4) laundry
*5) attend dr's apt
* tomorrow. no, our public health insurance up here isn't so outstanding that you get an appointment in a day, i happen to have been playing phone tag and she'd already pencilled me in because she couldn't get a hold of me. well, i don't actually have a phone, so reaching me in real time with a phone number is actually impossible at the moment. yeah, how's that for being a hipster? no phone. ahahaha...
i honestly don't want to pay for the phone. that's really the crux of it. i pay roughly $20/yr for a mailbox. i will eventually get a phone and connect it to the voip service; for now, i'm using the leave-a-message-i'll-call-back approach, which creates problems when the other side is always busy.
the other thing is that i don't trust phones. i'm in the "harmless, but monitored out of interest" category. i don't need the cia following my gps around. it's just unsettling. i don't know how so many people can just shrug it off.
things i didn't get done:
1) buying wood. i can't; the bus is on detour. in a few weeks.
2) compost dropoff. i would have had to go this morning, but i slept-in. i leave my compost in the freezer until it builds up, then drop it off to some kids that use it to feed hungry people. i think it's technically a muslim group, but i don't get the impression that they're proselytizing. i'm solely interested in the feeding hungry people part. yeah, the state should do it, but if you've been in a food bank you know that items like fresh vegetables aren't actually there. it's mostly about dumping near expired goods. i don't like it, but i understand that the thatcher-reagan system is designed for religious groups to fill this void. given that reality, i'd much rather support a minority muslim group than a dominant christian group. balances of power and whatnot. so, i've got these giant bags of frozen banana peels and stuff and i need to walk 2-3 km to get them to there. leaky banana peel juice is kind of nasty, so i tend to prefer to go in the spring and fall when it's close to 0 to minimize the melt. i'll take this out next week, when the temperature gets back down to 3 or 4.
anyways....that means i've got all day to record, and i will! some kind of clarity something or other should be up before midnight...
got some student loan mail, today.
minimum payment: $1100 month. right. ahahahahaha....
i qualify as very low income, it's not really a serious concern. i'm actually not sure if the best thing to do is to ignore it or to apply for further loan forgiveness, but i'm going to ignore it for now. i mean, they can try to debit my account if they want, but they're going to get nsf every single time.
obviously, if i catch them doing that, i'll have to call them. until then? meh...
i'm in the "zero chance of paying back a dime" category.
if it comes down to it, i'm more likely to nail gun my forehead to the cra building in protest, kind of thing.
i didn't want to get in this mess and did a lot of juggling a few years ago to avoid it. what happened was my father pleaded with me to go back to school around '08. i really, really didn't want to, because i didn't want to take on more loans for more useless schooling. i was aware at the time that it wasn't going to get me any closer to accomplishing my goals in life. however, he convinced me to go back by telling me he'd pay tuition and rent. that gave me the following choice:
1) work bullshit jobs to pay rent and do music in spare time
2) go to school and have rent paid for and do music in spare time
school doesn't have strict schedules. nobody yells at you for showing up late. you don't have to deal with people. it's a better choice....so long as you don't have to pay for it.
so, i took him up on his offer.
about a month before classes started, he tells me the market crashed (this is the infamous '08 crash - it's true, it did crash, and pretty badly) and he can't pay for it in real time, but if i take out a loan then he'll pay it back later. at this point, i'm kind of screwed. i need to make a quick choice - find *immediate* employment, or take out a loan. i'd been living off a few thousand dollars i had put away for the previous few months, waiting for the rent money to start coming in in september.
finding immediate employment didn't work, so i took out a loan under the promise that he'd pay it back when i was done school.
now, he's dead (and left me basically nothing) and i have a $50K student loan that i'm never going to pay back.
i can blame myself on some level. i did make an error. i sort of had little choice but to take the loan by the time september came around, as it was the only option i had to pay rent. however, i shouldn't have put myself in a situation where i was so reliant on money coming in. in my defence, my father was always very reliable in the past. i had little doubt in believing him.
unfortunately, he badly misjudged his financial situation and lead me around by the nose a little, convincing me that he'd eventually be able to pay it down for me when the market recovered. as we all know, the market never really recovered. i held on to some resentment about this for quite a while, but in hindsight i have to come to terms with the fact that it was a function of bad planning and i'm as much at fault (moreso for not taking control of the situation for myself) as he is.
that doesn't change the fact that i can't pay this back, and i knew i was never going to pay it back as i was signing up for it.
i'll let them do the work in really tracking me down....
i'm not exactly up to date on the letter of loan forgiveness legislation, but it will no doubt kick in eventually.
don't worry - i'll check out what's offered at the university of windsor before i start nail gunning myself anywhere.
but for now, i'm ignoring it...
if i can get enough music finished before they find me, that might be what i want to end up doing, anyways.
i mean, i realize going to school isn't going to help me accomplish any of my current life goals, but there's going to be a point where these things are going to be more aligned. maybe around the age of 40 or so. i wouldn't mind living the last thirty years of my life as an associate prof somewhere, but if i don't get the music out of my system then i'm never going to have my head focused there enough to delve into it.
i'm an A+ student when i want to be. the problem is i've historically usually wanted to spend my time doing something else. the idea of advancing through these departments has really not appealed to me. but i'm well aware that i will eventually reach a point where i do want to be an A+ student because i will want to get somewhere in some department..
conversely, i don't see any future in an employment role whatsoever. there's nothing worthwhile to it. no goals, no aspirations...just a waste of time.
at this point, considering the size of the existing debt, i don't care how old i am, or how much debt it produces, i'll always pick school over employment so long as the option exists.
minimum payment: $1100 month. right. ahahahahaha....
i qualify as very low income, it's not really a serious concern. i'm actually not sure if the best thing to do is to ignore it or to apply for further loan forgiveness, but i'm going to ignore it for now. i mean, they can try to debit my account if they want, but they're going to get nsf every single time.
obviously, if i catch them doing that, i'll have to call them. until then? meh...
i'm in the "zero chance of paying back a dime" category.
if it comes down to it, i'm more likely to nail gun my forehead to the cra building in protest, kind of thing.
i didn't want to get in this mess and did a lot of juggling a few years ago to avoid it. what happened was my father pleaded with me to go back to school around '08. i really, really didn't want to, because i didn't want to take on more loans for more useless schooling. i was aware at the time that it wasn't going to get me any closer to accomplishing my goals in life. however, he convinced me to go back by telling me he'd pay tuition and rent. that gave me the following choice:
1) work bullshit jobs to pay rent and do music in spare time
2) go to school and have rent paid for and do music in spare time
school doesn't have strict schedules. nobody yells at you for showing up late. you don't have to deal with people. it's a better choice....so long as you don't have to pay for it.
so, i took him up on his offer.
about a month before classes started, he tells me the market crashed (this is the infamous '08 crash - it's true, it did crash, and pretty badly) and he can't pay for it in real time, but if i take out a loan then he'll pay it back later. at this point, i'm kind of screwed. i need to make a quick choice - find *immediate* employment, or take out a loan. i'd been living off a few thousand dollars i had put away for the previous few months, waiting for the rent money to start coming in in september.
finding immediate employment didn't work, so i took out a loan under the promise that he'd pay it back when i was done school.
now, he's dead (and left me basically nothing) and i have a $50K student loan that i'm never going to pay back.
i can blame myself on some level. i did make an error. i sort of had little choice but to take the loan by the time september came around, as it was the only option i had to pay rent. however, i shouldn't have put myself in a situation where i was so reliant on money coming in. in my defence, my father was always very reliable in the past. i had little doubt in believing him.
unfortunately, he badly misjudged his financial situation and lead me around by the nose a little, convincing me that he'd eventually be able to pay it down for me when the market recovered. as we all know, the market never really recovered. i held on to some resentment about this for quite a while, but in hindsight i have to come to terms with the fact that it was a function of bad planning and i'm as much at fault (moreso for not taking control of the situation for myself) as he is.
that doesn't change the fact that i can't pay this back, and i knew i was never going to pay it back as i was signing up for it.
i'll let them do the work in really tracking me down....
i'm not exactly up to date on the letter of loan forgiveness legislation, but it will no doubt kick in eventually.
don't worry - i'll check out what's offered at the university of windsor before i start nail gunning myself anywhere.
but for now, i'm ignoring it...
if i can get enough music finished before they find me, that might be what i want to end up doing, anyways.
i mean, i realize going to school isn't going to help me accomplish any of my current life goals, but there's going to be a point where these things are going to be more aligned. maybe around the age of 40 or so. i wouldn't mind living the last thirty years of my life as an associate prof somewhere, but if i don't get the music out of my system then i'm never going to have my head focused there enough to delve into it.
i'm an A+ student when i want to be. the problem is i've historically usually wanted to spend my time doing something else. the idea of advancing through these departments has really not appealed to me. but i'm well aware that i will eventually reach a point where i do want to be an A+ student because i will want to get somewhere in some department..
conversely, i don't see any future in an employment role whatsoever. there's nothing worthwhile to it. no goals, no aspirations...just a waste of time.
at this point, considering the size of the existing debt, i don't care how old i am, or how much debt it produces, i'll always pick school over employment so long as the option exists.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
i have more subscribers in the last ten hours than i have views on the video i just uploaded.
youtube, you're fired.
no, seriously. whoever's pushing this model needs the boot. i've been through this. it doesn't require much thought to deconstruct it as nonsensical, and all i'm getting is empirical confirmation of that very basic analysis.
and, i know - i'm the product, right? it's how they sell it to advertisers, and they just expect everybody to conform to the system they're selling. but it defies reason, and the advertisers are going to figure this out, eventually.
that's the business world, right: fools selling nonsense to fools, who buy the nonsense because they're fools.
i should really just relax and enjoy my artist subsidy and not concern myself with it.
there is an upside to the subscriber count, i'll admit - the more subscribers you have, the higher your posts rank in the comment section. i have some ethical opposition to this, but so long as it's there, i can't complain about it. so, yeah, maybe i have 215 subscribers and apparently something like 20 of them are actually interested and it's annoying. but, they're helping me reach a larger potential audience and i should be grateful for that.
"subscribers! what's up with these weirdos? they say they want to get your videos in their feed, then they don't watch them. what's with that?"
youtube, you're fired.
no, seriously. whoever's pushing this model needs the boot. i've been through this. it doesn't require much thought to deconstruct it as nonsensical, and all i'm getting is empirical confirmation of that very basic analysis.
and, i know - i'm the product, right? it's how they sell it to advertisers, and they just expect everybody to conform to the system they're selling. but it defies reason, and the advertisers are going to figure this out, eventually.
that's the business world, right: fools selling nonsense to fools, who buy the nonsense because they're fools.
i should really just relax and enjoy my artist subsidy and not concern myself with it.
there is an upside to the subscriber count, i'll admit - the more subscribers you have, the higher your posts rank in the comment section. i have some ethical opposition to this, but so long as it's there, i can't complain about it. so, yeah, maybe i have 215 subscribers and apparently something like 20 of them are actually interested and it's annoying. but, they're helping me reach a larger potential audience and i should be grateful for that.
"subscribers! what's up with these weirdos? they say they want to get your videos in their feed, then they don't watch them. what's with that?"
regarding the three tracks shuffled out of tetris...
tetris wasn't ever really a real record, it was a collection of a bunch of half-finished ideas centered around the concept of being "techno guitar" music. they can't all end up together; they're located too far away in time from each other and there wouldn't even be enough space on a single disc for me to finish them all properly. these ideas will end up on records, but not all on the same record.
if i'm left with a collection of finished techy guitar tracks to release as a disc, i will name that disc tetris. otherwise, i will likely produce a new compilation that is strictly indebted to the actual idea and that will pay no attention to the chronology.
i also had the idea around the same time of taking my favourite club music and orchestrating it with guitar solos. i don't mean writing new songs, i mean taking pieces by idm artists and going to town with them. i've spent large amounts of my time jamming over techno records, so i'd like to capture it somehow.
it's a tricky thing to do right, as there's a careful line between using the beats as inspiration for guitar music and just sounding like "guitar karaoke". i will be careful to find the line when i get there. it may turn out that this concept is actually what becomes of the tetris record.
you can be certain that there will be tetris release, and it will be techy guitar music. it's just not clear what material will be on it, yet.
tetris wasn't ever really a real record, it was a collection of a bunch of half-finished ideas centered around the concept of being "techno guitar" music. they can't all end up together; they're located too far away in time from each other and there wouldn't even be enough space on a single disc for me to finish them all properly. these ideas will end up on records, but not all on the same record.
if i'm left with a collection of finished techy guitar tracks to release as a disc, i will name that disc tetris. otherwise, i will likely produce a new compilation that is strictly indebted to the actual idea and that will pay no attention to the chronology.
i also had the idea around the same time of taking my favourite club music and orchestrating it with guitar solos. i don't mean writing new songs, i mean taking pieces by idm artists and going to town with them. i've spent large amounts of my time jamming over techno records, so i'd like to capture it somehow.
it's a tricky thing to do right, as there's a careful line between using the beats as inspiration for guitar music and just sounding like "guitar karaoke". i will be careful to find the line when i get there. it may turn out that this concept is actually what becomes of the tetris record.
you can be certain that there will be tetris release, and it will be techy guitar music. it's just not clear what material will be on it, yet.
i'm going to introduce a 9:46 single as inri036.
the clarity single will be set up like this:
1) nov mix
2) zen
3) 2002 instrumental mix
4) 2002 vocal mix
*5) remixed vocal mix
**6) final instrumental mix
* will replace the existing rabit version. the vocals will be mixed a little quieter in some places, and the dynamics should be better. it will otherwise be the same mix.
** will end up on jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj^2 and will include some flourishes.
the 9:46 single will be arranged similarly.
the clarity single will be set up like this:
1) nov mix
2) zen
3) 2002 instrumental mix
4) 2002 vocal mix
*5) remixed vocal mix
**6) final instrumental mix
* will replace the existing rabit version. the vocals will be mixed a little quieter in some places, and the dynamics should be better. it will otherwise be the same mix.
** will end up on jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj^2 and will include some flourishes.
the 9:46 single will be arranged similarly.
lol. actually, no.
there's construction on the main street about a block from my place. normally, the bus would go right through there, but it's detoured quite a ways around due to the construction.
i'm going to be carrying a significant amount of wood home. i could handle a block or two, but it's simply too far to walk.
so, i guess i'll have to wait until the construction is done. it should only be a week or two.
guess i'll do laundry.
i mean, this shelf is going to hold nearly 2000 cds. i don't have that many anymore, but i'm thinking ahead. there's five lengthy pieces of wood and 22 shelves involved. i can't be walking over a kilometre back with it.
there's construction on the main street about a block from my place. normally, the bus would go right through there, but it's detoured quite a ways around due to the construction.
i'm going to be carrying a significant amount of wood home. i could handle a block or two, but it's simply too far to walk.
so, i guess i'll have to wait until the construction is done. it should only be a week or two.
guess i'll do laundry.
i mean, this shelf is going to hold nearly 2000 cds. i don't have that many anymore, but i'm thinking ahead. there's five lengthy pieces of wood and 22 shelves involved. i can't be walking over a kilometre back with it.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
doing real life things this week.
today, i got some serious groceries done. still have to clean, and finalize the schematics for the cd shelf. i also set a doctor's appointment.
tomorrow, i get the wood for the cd shelf. i'll probably also do laundry.
thursday morning, i'll be transporting compost out to the compost people. they're some kids that grow tomatoes and give it away to hungry people. it's better than dumping the coffee grinds and tomato ends in the dumpster, where the organic material simply becomes useless.
friday, i have a doctor's appointment.
seems trivial. but i actually have a hard time making sure i'm doing things like this regularly. they tend to sit. forever.
i might get a mix of clarity done over the next few days, but that's uncertain.
i'm still not clear what i'm doing about drilling.
i'm kind of hoping home depot has a drill bit where i can just get them to do the holes. even if it's a buck a hole or something, it's better and probably even cheaper in the long run.
if not, something i'll want to check when i'm there is the price of bits. there are $20 drills in the pawn shops, but they don't have bits. i only really need the one bit. there's consequently basically no chance i'm going to buy a drill set. if i can just get one bit there at a reasonable price, i probably will and then get the $20 drill.
if i can't get the one bit? at the moment, i'm leaning towards finding some kind of co-op as a preferable option. surely, there's somewhere around here where i can just take a few pieces of wood in and drill some holes in them.
the other stuff i built is just screwing screws into particle board. yes, it's cracked a little, but it's the kind of thing where it's like "who cares?" - so long as it's sturdy. a makeup shelf doesn't take a lot of force. the stove is holding up the piece with the coffee maker. the little table i'm going to make is likely going to be lodged between a chair and a wall. these are items that don't need to be particularly sturdy, so long as they're handled intelligently.
a cd shelf is a different animal because it has to be standalone and has to keep up quite a bit of weight. so, i need to be drilling cleaner holes into bigger pieces of actual wood. i'll probably use particle board for the shelves, but i want solid wood for the bases. i'm probably simply not going to be able to screw the pieces together by hand.
i might try, though, if it comes down to spending $100 on a drill and bit set that i'm going to use a handful of times and then toss in a closet for twenty years.
actually, i'm going to need to drill holes for the pegs, too...
hrmmn.
i don't even know what size they are. i should figure that out before i go.
those shoes are also dead, the rain exposed holes in the bottom of both shoes, but i wasn't expecting them to last long, with the amount of walking that i do. these were very cheaply made shoes. i'm going to let them dry out and keep them for short in/out use, but they're useless for going more than a block.
i got a pair of pink cons about the same time, but i haven't been wearing them much because i tend to get stuck in one pair. those are now the main shoes, but i want to keep them out of the wet, too. so i'm mostly moving to those children's rain boots i got for the fall/winter/spring.
the cheap shoes were actually 2 for 1 so i already have another pair of cheap shoes that i can wear down to nothing for next year....
today, i got some serious groceries done. still have to clean, and finalize the schematics for the cd shelf. i also set a doctor's appointment.
tomorrow, i get the wood for the cd shelf. i'll probably also do laundry.
thursday morning, i'll be transporting compost out to the compost people. they're some kids that grow tomatoes and give it away to hungry people. it's better than dumping the coffee grinds and tomato ends in the dumpster, where the organic material simply becomes useless.
friday, i have a doctor's appointment.
seems trivial. but i actually have a hard time making sure i'm doing things like this regularly. they tend to sit. forever.
i might get a mix of clarity done over the next few days, but that's uncertain.
i'm still not clear what i'm doing about drilling.
i'm kind of hoping home depot has a drill bit where i can just get them to do the holes. even if it's a buck a hole or something, it's better and probably even cheaper in the long run.
if not, something i'll want to check when i'm there is the price of bits. there are $20 drills in the pawn shops, but they don't have bits. i only really need the one bit. there's consequently basically no chance i'm going to buy a drill set. if i can just get one bit there at a reasonable price, i probably will and then get the $20 drill.
if i can't get the one bit? at the moment, i'm leaning towards finding some kind of co-op as a preferable option. surely, there's somewhere around here where i can just take a few pieces of wood in and drill some holes in them.
the other stuff i built is just screwing screws into particle board. yes, it's cracked a little, but it's the kind of thing where it's like "who cares?" - so long as it's sturdy. a makeup shelf doesn't take a lot of force. the stove is holding up the piece with the coffee maker. the little table i'm going to make is likely going to be lodged between a chair and a wall. these are items that don't need to be particularly sturdy, so long as they're handled intelligently.
a cd shelf is a different animal because it has to be standalone and has to keep up quite a bit of weight. so, i need to be drilling cleaner holes into bigger pieces of actual wood. i'll probably use particle board for the shelves, but i want solid wood for the bases. i'm probably simply not going to be able to screw the pieces together by hand.
i might try, though, if it comes down to spending $100 on a drill and bit set that i'm going to use a handful of times and then toss in a closet for twenty years.
actually, i'm going to need to drill holes for the pegs, too...
hrmmn.
i don't even know what size they are. i should figure that out before i go.
those shoes are also dead, the rain exposed holes in the bottom of both shoes, but i wasn't expecting them to last long, with the amount of walking that i do. these were very cheaply made shoes. i'm going to let them dry out and keep them for short in/out use, but they're useless for going more than a block.
i got a pair of pink cons about the same time, but i haven't been wearing them much because i tend to get stuck in one pair. those are now the main shoes, but i want to keep them out of the wet, too. so i'm mostly moving to those children's rain boots i got for the fall/winter/spring.
the cheap shoes were actually 2 for 1 so i already have another pair of cheap shoes that i can wear down to nothing for next year....
the usb card works, so i really did get a functioning usb 2.0 card
from china for $4. it's not fixing the problem i hoped it would, though.
i have a really old motherboard with usb 1.0 slots on it. this is expanded with a 2.0 hub. i want to connect a 3.0 external drive to that hub. it works, but it's very slow through the hub - much slower than it is directly connecting it to the 1.0. it's a tb drive. now, the 1.1 is workable, but it means i have to leave the drive in an unheated area. the point of the exercise is to bring the drive into the living room, where i don't have to worry about it possibly freezing. i checked the temperature in there last winter and it's not actually that cold but i'm uneasy about it - even though it may even be better to leave it in a chilled environment.
i knew it was the hub the whole time, but i was hoping that upgrading to a 2.0 card would make it a little better as it would need to convert one fewer times. that didn't work out, which leads me to believe it's a model problem rather than a speed problem. in other words, i need to try a new hub.
for the $4, i can't complain, though. it's a valid upgrade and it may find a use before the motherboard crashes.
there's an added annoyance, though, which is that it doesn't read the wireless mouse or keyboard through the pci card until windows launches. it reads them on bootup when plugged directly into the motherboard. so, if i do get another hub, i'll probably leave them both active - the old one through the motherboard and the new one through the 2.0 card.
regardless, the actual pc in there is now built to it's maximum specs. there's nothing else the motherboard can take besides a negligible increase in clock speed. as old as the machine is, i have little reason to think it's going to die any time soon. it's still useful a backup pc, so it's still useful to have the 2.0 card in there. besides a little table that i plan on building in the next week, that's the last thing i wanted to do in that room...
i have a really old motherboard with usb 1.0 slots on it. this is expanded with a 2.0 hub. i want to connect a 3.0 external drive to that hub. it works, but it's very slow through the hub - much slower than it is directly connecting it to the 1.0. it's a tb drive. now, the 1.1 is workable, but it means i have to leave the drive in an unheated area. the point of the exercise is to bring the drive into the living room, where i don't have to worry about it possibly freezing. i checked the temperature in there last winter and it's not actually that cold but i'm uneasy about it - even though it may even be better to leave it in a chilled environment.
i knew it was the hub the whole time, but i was hoping that upgrading to a 2.0 card would make it a little better as it would need to convert one fewer times. that didn't work out, which leads me to believe it's a model problem rather than a speed problem. in other words, i need to try a new hub.
for the $4, i can't complain, though. it's a valid upgrade and it may find a use before the motherboard crashes.
there's an added annoyance, though, which is that it doesn't read the wireless mouse or keyboard through the pci card until windows launches. it reads them on bootup when plugged directly into the motherboard. so, if i do get another hub, i'll probably leave them both active - the old one through the motherboard and the new one through the 2.0 card.
regardless, the actual pc in there is now built to it's maximum specs. there's nothing else the motherboard can take besides a negligible increase in clock speed. as old as the machine is, i have little reason to think it's going to die any time soon. it's still useful a backup pc, so it's still useful to have the 2.0 card in there. besides a little table that i plan on building in the next week, that's the last thing i wanted to do in that room...
heat's on earlier this year than i can remember in quite a while. i'm
used to turning it on mid october or early november. i actually don't
think i've ever turned it on the first week of october....
*shrug*. there was an abrupt shift rather than a slow cool down. it's just not going to hold over 21 in here very long when it's below ten degrees outside. and it doesn't look like it's warming back up to the point that i can get the heat back off.
it might not be on very strong for the next few weeks, but it's definitely triggered itself at 21 degrees. hopefully it's off early.
*shrug*. there was an abrupt shift rather than a slow cool down. it's just not going to hold over 21 in here very long when it's below ten degrees outside. and it doesn't look like it's warming back up to the point that i can get the heat back off.
it might not be on very strong for the next few weeks, but it's definitely triggered itself at 21 degrees. hopefully it's off early.
Monday, October 6, 2014
publishing the wave (inri053)
symphony 3.
this came out of a two-person psychedelic folk project i was working in over late 2001 and into mid 2002. we had brainstormed the idea of a piece that slowly built itself up, like a wave, and that had sporadic pieces of poetry interspersed as it did so. of the two of us, i was the musician, and he was the poet; i generally produced the music by myself. however, my vision of the track proved to be much larger than his, to the point that the two ideas could not be effectively reconciled given the deficit of technology available to us (i simply couldn't find a way to get enough resources to condense the track to under ten minutes). that left me with this seventy minute ambient piece that has mostly stayed hidden in my closet over the last twelve years.
in 2014, i strongly contemplated reconstructing the short version out of existing material, but it would have required a rethink of the process that i felt would be invasive to the poet involved.
this is very much process music. it's built on 36 distinct loops of identical length (just under 57 seconds) that assemble the collage up on a loop by loop basis, hitting it's full point only in the 35th loop. the 36th loop does not fit into any of the patterns that define the first 35, but is nonetheless the climax of the piece. this is followed by a disassembling process that is precisely the reverse of the assembling process. together, this produces the effect of a long wave of sound washing over the listener.
aesthetically, it's likely clear that i had been listening to a lot of "kosmische" style synthesizer music of european origin. it's actually a key part of my musical style, so a bigger exploration of it's themes is not at all out of place. however, i generally prefer to take ideas from the genre and recontextualize them rather than delve into a full exploration. this is somewhat unique in my discography as being an album-length analog synthesizer work.
either as ambient or kosmische or process music, this is mostly meant as background music.
written late 2001 and early 2002. this file is ripped from a cd-r that was burnt around 2002, as that was the option that would produce the most accurate reproduction of the original composition. republished without modification in 2014. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - synthesizers, guitar, bass, digital wave editing, production, composition
released january 15, 2002
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/the-wave
this came out of a two-person psychedelic folk project i was working in over late 2001 and into mid 2002. we had brainstormed the idea of a piece that slowly built itself up, like a wave, and that had sporadic pieces of poetry interspersed as it did so. of the two of us, i was the musician, and he was the poet; i generally produced the music by myself. however, my vision of the track proved to be much larger than his, to the point that the two ideas could not be effectively reconciled given the deficit of technology available to us (i simply couldn't find a way to get enough resources to condense the track to under ten minutes). that left me with this seventy minute ambient piece that has mostly stayed hidden in my closet over the last twelve years.
in 2014, i strongly contemplated reconstructing the short version out of existing material, but it would have required a rethink of the process that i felt would be invasive to the poet involved.
this is very much process music. it's built on 36 distinct loops of identical length (just under 57 seconds) that assemble the collage up on a loop by loop basis, hitting it's full point only in the 35th loop. the 36th loop does not fit into any of the patterns that define the first 35, but is nonetheless the climax of the piece. this is followed by a disassembling process that is precisely the reverse of the assembling process. together, this produces the effect of a long wave of sound washing over the listener.
aesthetically, it's likely clear that i had been listening to a lot of "kosmische" style synthesizer music of european origin. it's actually a key part of my musical style, so a bigger exploration of it's themes is not at all out of place. however, i generally prefer to take ideas from the genre and recontextualize them rather than delve into a full exploration. this is somewhat unique in my discography as being an album-length analog synthesizer work.
either as ambient or kosmische or process music, this is mostly meant as background music.
written late 2001 and early 2002. this file is ripped from a cd-r that was burnt around 2002, as that was the option that would produce the most accurate reproduction of the original composition. republished without modification in 2014. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - synthesizers, guitar, bass, digital wave editing, production, composition
released january 15, 2002
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/the-wave
Sunday, October 5, 2014
i've aborted the idea of finishing the vocal wave. what i have could be reworked to include the vocals, but i'd consider it kind of weird to cut up his vocals and try to sequence them together in a logical manner at this point, considering i haven't spoken to him in years. remixing stuff is one thing, but the time window for that kind of collaboration in absentia has long passed. that's an idea for the imagination.
that means i'm stepping back from my developing idea of clarity as alternate rabit demo, because now it would just be the rabit demo plus or minus a few tracks. the clarity single just got a lot smaller. three tracks.
focus now is finalizing clarity. i'll have to stop to take snapshots in two or three places, but finishing the track - completely - is the next thing in the chart for sure.
that means i'm stepping back from my developing idea of clarity as alternate rabit demo, because now it would just be the rabit demo plus or minus a few tracks. the clarity single just got a lot smaller. three tracks.
focus now is finalizing clarity. i'll have to stop to take snapshots in two or three places, but finishing the track - completely - is the next thing in the chart for sure.
zen
this was constructed purposefully as a slice of absolute absurdity, and it's really the only way to make sense of it.
the core of the mix was created mid december, 2001. it was slightly remixed on october 5, 2014.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/zen
the core of the mix was created mid december, 2001. it was slightly remixed on october 5, 2014.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/zen
clarity (redone original demo) (initial upload)
i'm actually temporarily stopping with clarity, because i didn't finish it until a little later.
the next thing up will be that #9 monstrosity. it's likely that i'll upload without modifying it, but i want to listen with a nonsleepy set of ears to determine if there's any way to finish it.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/redone-original-demo
the next thing up will be that #9 monstrosity. it's likely that i'll upload without modifying it, but i want to listen with a nonsleepy set of ears to determine if there's any way to finish it.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/redone-original-demo
actually, this isn't going to require cutting after all, that's not how i
did it - i went along and pasted the sample a dozen times in a way that
just mildly overlaps with the end of itself. so i don't have to worry
about finding the perfect cut, i can just go along and find the place
for the next sample by ear.
this should be fairly simple to construct very similarly, minus the improved sound quality.
and, in fact, i'm going to use cool edit for this part, as i think the blurry sound of the mix is an artefact of it. the song needs to be blurry.
i downsampled too, lol. i remember now that the noise was too intense, otherwise. it was a trade off between losing some of the subbass and softening some of the mid-high noise generators.
i may be able to mix the subbass back in, but one thing at a time....
i mean, now that the thing is downsampled, it will sound like 16bits if upsampled back to 32. so, i could then take the original file at 32, lowpass it and mix it in to bring some of the kick back.
that's a mixing stage thing, right now i'm reconstructing....
the fadeover happens to coincide with a bass beat. i'm almost certain that's what i did in the first place. so the syncing issues i was concerned about for this part are really non-existent.
the eyeing it out part has more to do with comparing the level in the waveform of the mp3 with the level in the reconstruct. how much did i amplify the fade? what percentage did i use for the paste over? i'm lucky that the possibilities are binary, as it allows for a finite number of possible choices. i can be confident it's extremely close to the original.
this should be fairly simple to construct very similarly, minus the improved sound quality.
and, in fact, i'm going to use cool edit for this part, as i think the blurry sound of the mix is an artefact of it. the song needs to be blurry.
i downsampled too, lol. i remember now that the noise was too intense, otherwise. it was a trade off between losing some of the subbass and softening some of the mid-high noise generators.
i may be able to mix the subbass back in, but one thing at a time....
i mean, now that the thing is downsampled, it will sound like 16bits if upsampled back to 32. so, i could then take the original file at 32, lowpass it and mix it in to bring some of the kick back.
that's a mixing stage thing, right now i'm reconstructing....
the fadeover happens to coincide with a bass beat. i'm almost certain that's what i did in the first place. so the syncing issues i was concerned about for this part are really non-existent.
the eyeing it out part has more to do with comparing the level in the waveform of the mp3 with the level in the reconstruct. how much did i amplify the fade? what percentage did i use for the paste over? i'm lucky that the possibilities are binary, as it allows for a finite number of possible choices. i can be confident it's extremely close to the original.
uploading clarity loops to the scratch pad
i'm tired of sorting through the page and finding the sketchpad link, then going through a captcha every time i post the sketchpad link, so i've put the link in the about section and will refer you there when i speak of the sketchpad.
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Jessica-Murray/41134747113?sk=info
so, i've uploaded a sample of the drums in 32 (i think it's 24, but it reads everywhere as 32) bit audio, and if you can play it without downsampling you can hear how thick they are. that got lost in the mix. my abilities to upsample are now much greater, so i should be able to convert this into a much better sounding mix.
going from scratch is consequently the best way to do it.
even if it's going to require some crucial dicing skillz.
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Jessica-Murray/41134747113?sk=info
so, i've uploaded a sample of the drums in 32 (i think it's 24, but it reads everywhere as 32) bit audio, and if you can play it without downsampling you can hear how thick they are. that got lost in the mix. my abilities to upsample are now much greater, so i should be able to convert this into a much better sounding mix.
going from scratch is consequently the best way to do it.
even if it's going to require some crucial dicing skillz.
so, i have an early instrumental mix of clarity to build on, but it's in mp3 and i'm not entirely happy about the mix - partly because the samples were in 32-bit and it's lost. depending on how different the result ends up, i may upload it but i think something would be missing from the source if i were to rebuild around that source. unfortunately.
so, i'm going to rebuild clarity from scratch, which means relooping. i have all the loops, but some of them are going to need to be re cut which is going to create something asymmetric. i'm ok with this, as it may improve the piece slightly to process the files more separately. the initial mix was done in cool edit, which is an intriguing but messy tool; i'm going to be remixing in a proper multitrack interface in cubase.
if it's a disaster, i'll have to rebuild from the mp3. i'm hoping i surprise myself with the accuracy of the recuts...
so, i'm going to rebuild clarity from scratch, which means relooping. i have all the loops, but some of them are going to need to be re cut which is going to create something asymmetric. i'm ok with this, as it may improve the piece slightly to process the files more separately. the initial mix was done in cool edit, which is an intriguing but messy tool; i'm going to be remixing in a proper multitrack interface in cubase.
if it's a disaster, i'll have to rebuild from the mp3. i'm hoping i surprise myself with the accuracy of the recuts...
Saturday, October 4, 2014
uploading the wave to youtube
regarding symphony 3....
i seem to have run the file through some reverb or something around the year 2007. however, i also have a rip of the file from a cd-r i made back in 2001. this is a long piece and the a/b is going to take some effort, but i'm currently leaning towards leaving the 2001 mix here just out of principle.
this is absolutely the next inri number, but there's some other things in the chronology before it, which gives me time to a/b it a few times.
this is the youtube upload, which is the 2007 mix:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQdW5_lKtUY
i seem to have run the file through some reverb or something around the year 2007. however, i also have a rip of the file from a cd-r i made back in 2001. this is a long piece and the a/b is going to take some effort, but i'm currently leaning towards leaving the 2001 mix here just out of principle.
this is absolutely the next inri number, but there's some other things in the chronology before it, which gives me time to a/b it a few times.
this is the youtube upload, which is the 2007 mix:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQdW5_lKtUY
i know $50 is a lot for one disc, but it's 7 hours and has six records on it - including one that's not for sale. so, you could look at it as getting a free record, considering the five that are for sale separately are $10 each. the shift in technology doesn't devalue the price of the music, it just makes media filing more convenient.
really, it's more about being realistic about the model. purchasing these records is an act of solidarity, to keep me going. it's not like purchasing a commodity over a market. the mp3 downloads can be thought of that way, but nobody is going to buy a cd-r from me unless it's explicitly to support me. so, it's more like setting a pledge amount.
but i'm honestly of the opinion that 6 full length records for $50 is really a fair price.
really, it's more about being realistic about the model. purchasing these records is an act of solidarity, to keep me going. it's not like purchasing a commodity over a market. the mp3 downloads can be thought of that way, but nobody is going to buy a cd-r from me unless it's explicitly to support me. so, it's more like setting a pledge amount.
but i'm honestly of the opinion that 6 full length records for $50 is really a fair price.
i've decided that there are two rabit songs i'm going to rip up: clarity and 9:46. these are both lengthy, epic pieces that i feel i have total (musical) writing credit over. but i'm going to finish two more that do have vocals, too (#9, wave). also, the vocal versions will continue to exist on the rabit demo, while i place the instrumental versions on j^2. it's not that the vocals aren't important to the songs - they are, in that form. however, they could and i think should both exist in alternate form without vocals. i just consider them pieces worth placing in my proper discography (all rabit releases will be treated as eps or singles, regardless of length). they share a thematic unity with what i was doing before and after rabit, whereas the other tracks mainly do not. i may also finish some acoustic demos, but that's less certain. the rabit material that's been previously released will be only minimally altered.
i'm hoping i don't have to rerecord any parts for those two, but i'm not going to let the idea act as a disincentive. while i want the pieces to sound as close as possible to how i intended them to sound, that isn't necessarily going to mean complete conformity to what already exists. that is to say that they're likely not going to be identical, which gives them their own flavour as alternate versions, rather than karaoke versions.
so, that's going to be the opening sequence of disc #6, whatever i call it, which is going to largely contain material that came out of the cynicide/rabit sessions:
1) to spin inside dull aberrations - 18 minute version. cynicide outtake.
2) clarity (instrumental reconstruction). rabit outtake. ~12 minutes.
3) breaking free of boxes (instrumental reconstruction). rabit outttake. ~10 minutes.
the wave is the next release, i just have to figure out how i'm going to get around the 291 mb upload max, or how i'm going to split it in two.
the clarity single will follow, with instrumental and vocal mixes as well as #9 (probably titled 'zen'), a sped up vocal version of the wave and some other things from nov-feb, 2002.
the demo itself will follow right after. there were two demos released - a 5 track and an 8 track. i'm going to attempt to merge them into one demo. so, the demo will have an extra epic appended to it, but otherwise be unchanged.
i'm also going to release the tour ep i was contemplating. logistics would have made it difficult for the two of us to perform the material, as sean did not play an instrument and it was not written in a way that makes it easy to teach to a musical beginner. so, i derived an evil plan to perform the material as an acoustic duo. there are numerous demos of acoustic material written for that purpose that were meant to be packaged in a tour ep. of course, like everything else in my musical career, that never actually happened. but, it's an idea worth completing, i think. the shape it forms is going to depend on an analysis of the actual material, but i could see myself adding synth parts to a lot of it.
the next thing up is the trepanation symphony, which exists in a dozen different forms that may require two or three discs to explore comprehensively. i do not know exactly how i will scatter this material around, but it dominates the output for the spring of 2002.
there are some scattered pieces in the second half of 2002 that were explorations of ideas developed in rabit that never went anywhere there and will be directed towards j^2. untitled will get it's own single and inclusion. there's another piece with working title 'ostrich' that will get similar treatment. j^2 will be sequenced for release near the end of 2002.
the very end of 2002 sees the beginning of work on the first trivial group symphony, and is a definite shift in period.
my workflow...
- clarity*
- #9 [zen]
- the wave (both)
- clarity single
- time, psi
- 9:46 [instrumental]*
- rabit demo
- rabit live acoustic demos
- trepanation
- untitled*
- atom's*
- taught to twist the affected so low*
- ostrich*
=============
- trivial group
* - j^2
(18 + 12 + 10 + 14 + 5 + 5 + 15 = 79)
i'm hoping i don't have to rerecord any parts for those two, but i'm not going to let the idea act as a disincentive. while i want the pieces to sound as close as possible to how i intended them to sound, that isn't necessarily going to mean complete conformity to what already exists. that is to say that they're likely not going to be identical, which gives them their own flavour as alternate versions, rather than karaoke versions.
so, that's going to be the opening sequence of disc #6, whatever i call it, which is going to largely contain material that came out of the cynicide/rabit sessions:
1) to spin inside dull aberrations - 18 minute version. cynicide outtake.
2) clarity (instrumental reconstruction). rabit outtake. ~12 minutes.
3) breaking free of boxes (instrumental reconstruction). rabit outttake. ~10 minutes.
the wave is the next release, i just have to figure out how i'm going to get around the 291 mb upload max, or how i'm going to split it in two.
the clarity single will follow, with instrumental and vocal mixes as well as #9 (probably titled 'zen'), a sped up vocal version of the wave and some other things from nov-feb, 2002.
the demo itself will follow right after. there were two demos released - a 5 track and an 8 track. i'm going to attempt to merge them into one demo. so, the demo will have an extra epic appended to it, but otherwise be unchanged.
i'm also going to release the tour ep i was contemplating. logistics would have made it difficult for the two of us to perform the material, as sean did not play an instrument and it was not written in a way that makes it easy to teach to a musical beginner. so, i derived an evil plan to perform the material as an acoustic duo. there are numerous demos of acoustic material written for that purpose that were meant to be packaged in a tour ep. of course, like everything else in my musical career, that never actually happened. but, it's an idea worth completing, i think. the shape it forms is going to depend on an analysis of the actual material, but i could see myself adding synth parts to a lot of it.
the next thing up is the trepanation symphony, which exists in a dozen different forms that may require two or three discs to explore comprehensively. i do not know exactly how i will scatter this material around, but it dominates the output for the spring of 2002.
there are some scattered pieces in the second half of 2002 that were explorations of ideas developed in rabit that never went anywhere there and will be directed towards j^2. untitled will get it's own single and inclusion. there's another piece with working title 'ostrich' that will get similar treatment. j^2 will be sequenced for release near the end of 2002.
the very end of 2002 sees the beginning of work on the first trivial group symphony, and is a definite shift in period.
my workflow...
- clarity*
- #9 [zen]
- the wave (both)
- clarity single
- time, psi
- 9:46 [instrumental]*
- rabit demo
- rabit live acoustic demos
- trepanation
- untitled*
- atom's*
- taught to twist the affected so low*
- ostrich*
=============
- trivial group
* - j^2
(18 + 12 + 10 + 14 + 5 + 5 + 15 = 79)
Friday, October 3, 2014
i think we all overhyped the new aphex twin record, a little bit
this is a subtle disc that will no doubt grow on listeners that give it the chance to grow, but it's also a big step sideways in terms of the experimental techno movement that rdj was once such an important part of.
i think we're robbed of the context that's necessary to make full sense of his development over the last decade. i'll be blunt: this seems like it completely missed the shift in paradigm that autechre, squarepusher, plaid and others have passed through since the turn of the century. but, we really just simply don't know where his head has been, or the shape his upcoming series of releases are going to take as they unfold.
i have a suspicion that the right way to interpret this particular release is that it's purposefully a collection of somewhat retro sounding pieces that are meant to lay a foundation for future shifts. that is to say that these pieces were isolated and released together because they sound like they could have been released ten or fifteen years ago. it's a reintroduction, if you will. he's picking up where he left off...
what that means is that you need to put it into the context of an incomplete discography to fully make sense of it - and that's extremely difficult to do right now, when the upcoming material is not yet released. in ten years, it will make more sense.
i wouldn't expect him to follow the same path of development as his peers. however, i do expect that there are going to be further signs of artistic evolution in the next few releases.
for now, i'd take it for what i think it is - a gentle introduction.
i think we're robbed of the context that's necessary to make full sense of his development over the last decade. i'll be blunt: this seems like it completely missed the shift in paradigm that autechre, squarepusher, plaid and others have passed through since the turn of the century. but, we really just simply don't know where his head has been, or the shape his upcoming series of releases are going to take as they unfold.
i have a suspicion that the right way to interpret this particular release is that it's purposefully a collection of somewhat retro sounding pieces that are meant to lay a foundation for future shifts. that is to say that these pieces were isolated and released together because they sound like they could have been released ten or fifteen years ago. it's a reintroduction, if you will. he's picking up where he left off...
what that means is that you need to put it into the context of an incomplete discography to fully make sense of it - and that's extremely difficult to do right now, when the upcoming material is not yet released. in ten years, it will make more sense.
i wouldn't expect him to follow the same path of development as his peers. however, i do expect that there are going to be further signs of artistic evolution in the next few releases.
for now, i'd take it for what i think it is - a gentle introduction.
clarity (rabit is wolf version)
right now, i need some rest. but i'm going to be working on stripping clarity down to an instrumental when i wake up.
that is this clarity...
recorded in late 2001 and early 2002. track completed on march 2, 2002.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/clarity
that is this clarity...
recorded in late 2001 and early 2002. track completed on march 2, 2002.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/clarity
that also completes aleph-3.
so, this is a productive day.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri023-inri033
so, this is a productive day.
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/merch/inri023-inri033
5
jessica
i've been getting a lot of work done over the last few months. i had some problems to start off. i had to order a set of headphone cables from sennheiser, which set me back a month. a hard drive died. i had a bad bios flash which shut my computer off for two months. &etc. but i've got a few hours of mixes done, now, and i've pulled a proper record out of it.
i've been going through chronologically and completing old projects. this is actually the first record i've completed since november, 2000 - and it's all material that was written and left incomplete over the course of 2001. it would be record number 5 if placed in the proper chronological order, which is dec 2001. there's roughly a record's worth of unfinished material per year up to about 2011, but i should be able to move faster through the rest of it.
this is the public bandcamp page with information and writeups:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
but i'm going to send you a link to a free download. that being said, please direct people to the bandcamp page if you want to share.
free dl:
(deleted)
it's just a zip file with mp3s in it. if the mac is funny with the %s try this:
(deleted)
and navigate to 33.
sister
sorry it took me so long to reply, i wanted to actually LISTEN to all this stuff, a few times, before responding.
some of it i really enjoyed. some of it i found to be plain noise. i imagine that is consistent with other feedback you must be receiving.
we listened to it through the stereo, and anything that had a steady beat, your nephew danced to. fun. the italian cereal commercial was his favourite. your nephew is getting big, almost a year. seven teeth.
hope all is well. i like getting an update now and then.
jessica
noise is one of the genres i work in, but it's generally pretty ordered - unless it's conceptually chaotic, which is true of a few pieces but is generally not the case. i do find that people often can't hear the compositional aspect underneath the aesthetics, but it has to do with not knowing what they're listening to. it's kind of like how a lot of people listen to jazz and just hear random notes, regardless of how written the parts may or may not be. or how people can't get their heads around the idea of a tone row, and just hear chaotic dissonance. i can't expect random people to hear structure in noise compositions any more than jazz artists or serialists can expect an untrained ear to understand what they're doing; i generally just have to point out that it's there, and it's up to them to spend the time unravelling it or not. that's not frustrating to me. what IS frustrating to me is when much less developed examples of noise are held up as something paradigmatic. but this happens in jazz, too, and is the inevitable result of taking something that requires a trained ear to understand and distributing it to untrained ears for analysis.
i'm expecting another major update some time in december. i'm still hoping to get the sixth record done by the end of the year, but it may be early next year. i'm then going to get stuck in finishing a matlab experiment in converting raw data to sound that i expect may be time consuming.
i've been getting a lot of work done over the last few months. i had some problems to start off. i had to order a set of headphone cables from sennheiser, which set me back a month. a hard drive died. i had a bad bios flash which shut my computer off for two months. &etc. but i've got a few hours of mixes done, now, and i've pulled a proper record out of it.
i've been going through chronologically and completing old projects. this is actually the first record i've completed since november, 2000 - and it's all material that was written and left incomplete over the course of 2001. it would be record number 5 if placed in the proper chronological order, which is dec 2001. there's roughly a record's worth of unfinished material per year up to about 2011, but i should be able to move faster through the rest of it.
this is the public bandcamp page with information and writeups:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
but i'm going to send you a link to a free download. that being said, please direct people to the bandcamp page if you want to share.
free dl:
(deleted)
it's just a zip file with mp3s in it. if the mac is funny with the %s try this:
(deleted)
and navigate to 33.
sister
sorry it took me so long to reply, i wanted to actually LISTEN to all this stuff, a few times, before responding.
some of it i really enjoyed. some of it i found to be plain noise. i imagine that is consistent with other feedback you must be receiving.
we listened to it through the stereo, and anything that had a steady beat, your nephew danced to. fun. the italian cereal commercial was his favourite. your nephew is getting big, almost a year. seven teeth.
hope all is well. i like getting an update now and then.
jessica
noise is one of the genres i work in, but it's generally pretty ordered - unless it's conceptually chaotic, which is true of a few pieces but is generally not the case. i do find that people often can't hear the compositional aspect underneath the aesthetics, but it has to do with not knowing what they're listening to. it's kind of like how a lot of people listen to jazz and just hear random notes, regardless of how written the parts may or may not be. or how people can't get their heads around the idea of a tone row, and just hear chaotic dissonance. i can't expect random people to hear structure in noise compositions any more than jazz artists or serialists can expect an untrained ear to understand what they're doing; i generally just have to point out that it's there, and it's up to them to spend the time unravelling it or not. that's not frustrating to me. what IS frustrating to me is when much less developed examples of noise are held up as something paradigmatic. but this happens in jazz, too, and is the inevitable result of taking something that requires a trained ear to understand and distributing it to untrained ears for analysis.
i'm expecting another major update some time in december. i'm still hoping to get the sixth record done by the end of the year, but it may be early next year. i'm then going to get stuck in finishing a matlab experiment in converting raw data to sound that i expect may be time consuming.
publishing jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj (inri052)
with that piece, i also finally finish off my fifth record, which happens to be inri033 (i posted inri032 a few weeks ago). it's been a long time since i've finished a full record; i've been recording fragments and compiling unfinished ideas for a full fourteen years. i came out here to get some work done, and i'm proud to say i've accomplished something. i'm dating the disc to december, 2001 because that's when the ideas were completed.
my fourth record (deny everything, late 2000) was a giant jump forward for me, in moving beyond the synth pop i was recording as a teenager. if somebody ever goes through this stuff and sorts it all out, they're going to draw a pretty big line in the sand there. the third record (inridiculous, 1999) was moving beyond it, but it somewhat purposefully lacked any kind of cohesion. it was, after all, *ridiculous*. deny everything is still fundamentally electronic music, but it's leaning towards something bigger.
this fifth disc jumps head first into modern classical music, while utilizing a lot of electronic textures. there's really very little that ties this into any kind of "rock" or "pop" tradition. i'd have to argue it's a fairly difficult listen, but i like it that way.
it's the full 80 minutes, shy a few seconds of it.
it won't be fourteen years until the sixth disc. in fact, it should require a lot less effort because the pieces are in a more complete state. it will be retreating substantially from the kind of formal pieces that are present here; it's more of a "rock" record. i'm hoping to get it up by the end of the year.
--
this is a full record of material documenting tracks written in 2001 that were in a more "serious" style and completed from 2001-2014.
the intent with the core of the material (1,3,6,7,8) was for it to be performed by live musicians one day. in early 2014, i came to the conclusion that this was not going to ever happen and was pleasantly surprised to learn that the technology had improved enough for a realistic presentation of the material using sequencers. these versions of (1,3,6) also include live guitars.
tracks 2 and 5 were salvaged from an aborted project meant to reinterpret classical guitar music as modern noise. the project was permanently aborted due to the loss of the sheet music that was necessary to finish it. more information here:
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/js-adventures-in-guitarland
track 4 is an electric folk tune with heavy counterpoint that i was playing live as a party trick at the time.
the ordering is roughly chronological, based on the date the track took the form it exists in. tracks 1, 3 and 8 were written in 2001 and reinterpreted and completed in 2014. tracks 2 and 5 were interpreted and completed in 2001. track 4 was written in 2000 and reinterpreted and recorded in 2001. track 6 was written in 2001 and completed in 2006. track 7 was written in 1998, reinterpreted in 2001 and rendered in 2014. tracks 1-7 were sequenced on sept 9, 2014. final completion date is oct 3, 2014. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - electric piano, programming, classical & acoustic & electric guitars, ebow, digital & analog effects & treatments, organ, synthesizers, sound design, sampling, vocals, digital wave editing, loops, production, composition.
the various rendered electronic orchestras include acoustic bass, electric bass, synth bass, distorted electric guitar, clean electric guitar, steel string acoustic guitar, nylon guitar, trumpet, trombone, brass ensemble, orchestra hit, violin, cello, viola, contrabass, piano, synthesizers, mellotron, organ, bamboo flute, clarinet, flute, voice, music box, bells, clavinet, kalimba, drum kit, hand drums, drum machines and electronic drums.
released december 1, 2001
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
my fourth record (deny everything, late 2000) was a giant jump forward for me, in moving beyond the synth pop i was recording as a teenager. if somebody ever goes through this stuff and sorts it all out, they're going to draw a pretty big line in the sand there. the third record (inridiculous, 1999) was moving beyond it, but it somewhat purposefully lacked any kind of cohesion. it was, after all, *ridiculous*. deny everything is still fundamentally electronic music, but it's leaning towards something bigger.
this fifth disc jumps head first into modern classical music, while utilizing a lot of electronic textures. there's really very little that ties this into any kind of "rock" or "pop" tradition. i'd have to argue it's a fairly difficult listen, but i like it that way.
it's the full 80 minutes, shy a few seconds of it.
it won't be fourteen years until the sixth disc. in fact, it should require a lot less effort because the pieces are in a more complete state. it will be retreating substantially from the kind of formal pieces that are present here; it's more of a "rock" record. i'm hoping to get it up by the end of the year.
--
this is a full record of material documenting tracks written in 2001 that were in a more "serious" style and completed from 2001-2014.
the intent with the core of the material (1,3,6,7,8) was for it to be performed by live musicians one day. in early 2014, i came to the conclusion that this was not going to ever happen and was pleasantly surprised to learn that the technology had improved enough for a realistic presentation of the material using sequencers. these versions of (1,3,6) also include live guitars.
tracks 2 and 5 were salvaged from an aborted project meant to reinterpret classical guitar music as modern noise. the project was permanently aborted due to the loss of the sheet music that was necessary to finish it. more information here:
jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/js-adventures-in-guitarland
track 4 is an electric folk tune with heavy counterpoint that i was playing live as a party trick at the time.
the ordering is roughly chronological, based on the date the track took the form it exists in. tracks 1, 3 and 8 were written in 2001 and reinterpreted and completed in 2014. tracks 2 and 5 were interpreted and completed in 2001. track 4 was written in 2000 and reinterpreted and recorded in 2001. track 6 was written in 2001 and completed in 2006. track 7 was written in 1998, reinterpreted in 2001 and rendered in 2014. tracks 1-7 were sequenced on sept 9, 2014. final completion date is oct 3, 2014. as always, please use headphones.
credits:
j - electric piano, programming, classical & acoustic & electric guitars, ebow, digital & analog effects & treatments, organ, synthesizers, sound design, sampling, vocals, digital wave editing, loops, production, composition.
the various rendered electronic orchestras include acoustic bass, electric bass, synth bass, distorted electric guitar, clean electric guitar, steel string acoustic guitar, nylon guitar, trumpet, trombone, brass ensemble, orchestra hit, violin, cello, viola, contrabass, piano, synthesizers, mellotron, organ, bamboo flute, clarinet, flute, voice, music box, bells, clavinet, kalimba, drum kit, hand drums, drum machines and electronic drums.
released december 1, 2001
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
publishing existence (inri050)
that completes inri031.
i was going to do a sped up version, but it just sounded goofy. that leaves five versions of this. it's a heavy piece - is 70 minutes of this too much? that's your decision...
==
1) so, the root of the track comes out of a voice leading assignment for choir, but i do remember why i split it into multiple voices, now - i was writing way outside the range for voice. the result is that the higher pitches aren't really realistic, and more or less can't be. this is something close to what i wanted it to sound like, before i realized that. considering it's electronic, there's not really any good reason to conform to reality in this respect. written in the fall of 2001. rendered, remastered and remixed in late september and early october, 2014. this render is from october 3, 2014.
2) this version merely connects the 9 voices to the proper string instrument, based on register. i suppose it's a chamber piece. this simplicity and homogeneity of tone allows for a clearer exploration of the voice leading. written in the fall of 2001. rendered, remastered and remixed in late september and early october, 2014. this render is from october 3, 2014.
3) this is the arrangement i developed in 2001 after i determined the choir was infeasible, but upgraded from the soundblaster to vst instruments. written in the fall of 2001. rendered, remastered and remixed in late september and early october, 2014. this render is from october 3, 2014.
4) the final version of this track is a mix of tracks 2, 3 and 4 on this record. written in the fall of 2001. rendered, remastered and remixed in late september and early october, 2014. this render is from october 3, 2014.
i was going to do a sped up version, but it just sounded goofy. that leaves five versions of this. it's a heavy piece - is 70 minutes of this too much? that's your decision...
==
this was a
piece i wrote up in the fall of 2001. i can't remember exactly what the
root of it was, but it had something to do with a voice-leading
assignment for what was the equivalent of a course in music theory 101.
the root of the piece may consequently come from what was presented to
me. i can't recall exactly - but i believe the assignment was to build
the different voices up.
my negative relationship with music theory is stated throughout this page and was well established well before the end of 2001. i had an interest in the music theory course for the purposes of deconstructing the theory - in the context of writing, specifically, and not performing. i actually have one of those classic stories - i failed this course. it is actually the only course i have ever legitimately received an F in. hey, if einstein can fail math, i can fail music theory.
the story actually revolves around sight-reading aspect of the course, and specifically it's vocal content. there were three aspects of the course (theory, vocal sight-reading and african drumming which i'm thinking was meant to be a rhythmic component but was really just a ridiculous waste of time). i really wish they would have let me sight read on a guitar, or even a piano, because i'm just simply not a talented singer; i've never had aspirations to become one, and i had a lot of problems controlling my vocals. even with that being said, the reality is that i had a very low level of interest in this. i probably could have passed the course if i spent less time on abstract algebra and more time singing in the mirror, but i just couldn't be bothered...
i really disapprove of the way the course was designed. i was interested in learning about music theory, and needed the course as a pre-req for more advanced courses, which i never ended up taking. i still don't fully understand why i had to pass a singing exam to take further composition courses. the best answer i got was that the school didn't want graduates who couldn't pass a singing exam, but i was at no point enrolled in a b. music so it's a pretty weak response.
anyways, this was a voice-leading assignment that i perverted into something mildly atonal and then built up into something else. you can hear it if you listen, except that it's all "wrong". i'd have to sit down and analyze it to come to a more detailed exposition on it's "wrongness", and i'm not going to, but it's not hard to hear how "wrong" it is, either.
i was clearly listening to a lot of glass at the time, but this goes beyond his medievalism. i'm using so many "wrong" notes that it's ultimately just chromatic - although there's no tone rows or anything that's formally serialist about it. it's not meant to abolish the structure so much as it's meant to just flaunt the rules. that gives it an almost satanic feel, in the context of a vocal piece using "forbidden" intervals.
but, looking back, i think that what the piece really explores is existential anguish. i was in the second year of a math degree (after switching from physics after switching from software engineering) and really had little idea where i was going with it. i was considering switching into music and probably would have had i not failed the singing exam. the thing is i actually knew i was going to fail the course at that point, and was just feeling lost as a result of it. i ended up in math as this sort of default choice, vaguely thinking i might end up teaching somewhere but not having any real interest in it...
so much choice, so few options. i suppose that this is how i expressed what i was feeling about this reality at the time.
i can't remember the exact way this happened, but i believe the piece was initially written for voice (as a voice-leading assignment) and then expanded into further voices and then converted into a composition for nine instruments. i believe the primary reason i converted it from a vocal piece is that i ended up writing well outside a realistic vocal range, but i've kept the electronic choir parts as they are because i'm not really restricted to reality in this way. i've picked halloween as the date, but that's symbolic - it was around then, anyway. it would have been around december that it was put aside, because i don't remember working on it after i moved.
i've included the midi files of the original composition, if you'd like to mess with it on your own.
written in the fall of 2001. rendered, remastered and remixed in late september and early october, 2014. as always, please use headphones.
my negative relationship with music theory is stated throughout this page and was well established well before the end of 2001. i had an interest in the music theory course for the purposes of deconstructing the theory - in the context of writing, specifically, and not performing. i actually have one of those classic stories - i failed this course. it is actually the only course i have ever legitimately received an F in. hey, if einstein can fail math, i can fail music theory.
the story actually revolves around sight-reading aspect of the course, and specifically it's vocal content. there were three aspects of the course (theory, vocal sight-reading and african drumming which i'm thinking was meant to be a rhythmic component but was really just a ridiculous waste of time). i really wish they would have let me sight read on a guitar, or even a piano, because i'm just simply not a talented singer; i've never had aspirations to become one, and i had a lot of problems controlling my vocals. even with that being said, the reality is that i had a very low level of interest in this. i probably could have passed the course if i spent less time on abstract algebra and more time singing in the mirror, but i just couldn't be bothered...
i really disapprove of the way the course was designed. i was interested in learning about music theory, and needed the course as a pre-req for more advanced courses, which i never ended up taking. i still don't fully understand why i had to pass a singing exam to take further composition courses. the best answer i got was that the school didn't want graduates who couldn't pass a singing exam, but i was at no point enrolled in a b. music so it's a pretty weak response.
anyways, this was a voice-leading assignment that i perverted into something mildly atonal and then built up into something else. you can hear it if you listen, except that it's all "wrong". i'd have to sit down and analyze it to come to a more detailed exposition on it's "wrongness", and i'm not going to, but it's not hard to hear how "wrong" it is, either.
i was clearly listening to a lot of glass at the time, but this goes beyond his medievalism. i'm using so many "wrong" notes that it's ultimately just chromatic - although there's no tone rows or anything that's formally serialist about it. it's not meant to abolish the structure so much as it's meant to just flaunt the rules. that gives it an almost satanic feel, in the context of a vocal piece using "forbidden" intervals.
but, looking back, i think that what the piece really explores is existential anguish. i was in the second year of a math degree (after switching from physics after switching from software engineering) and really had little idea where i was going with it. i was considering switching into music and probably would have had i not failed the singing exam. the thing is i actually knew i was going to fail the course at that point, and was just feeling lost as a result of it. i ended up in math as this sort of default choice, vaguely thinking i might end up teaching somewhere but not having any real interest in it...
so much choice, so few options. i suppose that this is how i expressed what i was feeling about this reality at the time.
i can't remember the exact way this happened, but i believe the piece was initially written for voice (as a voice-leading assignment) and then expanded into further voices and then converted into a composition for nine instruments. i believe the primary reason i converted it from a vocal piece is that i ended up writing well outside a realistic vocal range, but i've kept the electronic choir parts as they are because i'm not really restricted to reality in this way. i've picked halloween as the date, but that's symbolic - it was around then, anyway. it would have been around december that it was put aside, because i don't remember working on it after i moved.
i've included the midi files of the original composition, if you'd like to mess with it on your own.
written in the fall of 2001. rendered, remastered and remixed in late september and early october, 2014. as always, please use headphones.
credits
j - programming, effects, mixing, production, composition.
the various rendered electronic orchestras include voice, piano, bells, synthesizer, violin, viola, cello, contrabass, electric bass and guitar.
released october 31, 2001
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/existence
the various rendered electronic orchestras include voice, piano, bells, synthesizer, violin, viola, cello, contrabass, electric bass and guitar.
released october 31, 2001
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/existence
1) so, the root of the track comes out of a voice leading assignment for choir, but i do remember why i split it into multiple voices, now - i was writing way outside the range for voice. the result is that the higher pitches aren't really realistic, and more or less can't be. this is something close to what i wanted it to sound like, before i realized that. considering it's electronic, there's not really any good reason to conform to reality in this respect. written in the fall of 2001. rendered, remastered and remixed in late september and early october, 2014. this render is from october 3, 2014.
2) this version merely connects the 9 voices to the proper string instrument, based on register. i suppose it's a chamber piece. this simplicity and homogeneity of tone allows for a clearer exploration of the voice leading. written in the fall of 2001. rendered, remastered and remixed in late september and early october, 2014. this render is from october 3, 2014.
3) this is the arrangement i developed in 2001 after i determined the choir was infeasible, but upgraded from the soundblaster to vst instruments. written in the fall of 2001. rendered, remastered and remixed in late september and early october, 2014. this render is from october 3, 2014.
4) the final version of this track is a mix of tracks 2, 3 and 4 on this record. written in the fall of 2001. rendered, remastered and remixed in late september and early october, 2014. this render is from october 3, 2014.
Thursday, October 2, 2014
the buses in detroit end ridiculously early. 9, 10 o'clock. yeah - absurd. i'm still mad that i can't take my bike under the tunnel, but it's been a non-issue so far because everything i've been to has been within walking distance from the tunnel. i was thinking about going to hamtramck tonight but it doesn't seem like i'm going to be able to get home until the morning - even if the show is over before 11:00. the show would have to actually end before 10:00 to catch the bus back...
it's not far, either - it's a twenty minute bus ride. the buses just end at 9 or 10.
i know, it's detroit - everybody has a car. says the 85 year-old. that hasn't been true in decades. it probably has more to do with public safety, but it's hardly safer to walk an hour and a half back to the tunnel.
they're building a light rail up woodward and i think this might help a bit. but i'm very seriously considering getting a bike and just parking it in the parking garage at the border.
there's advertisements all over the buses in ottawa - take the bus if you're out drinking. they even have free bus service on certain days where people are expected to drink a lot.
with a bus schedule that ends that early, i'd expect that detroit would have a pretty high dui rate.
i will probably purposefully strand myself in detroit over night at least once in the upcoming year, but the show tonight isn't worth stranding myself for.
it's not far, either - it's a twenty minute bus ride. the buses just end at 9 or 10.
i know, it's detroit - everybody has a car. says the 85 year-old. that hasn't been true in decades. it probably has more to do with public safety, but it's hardly safer to walk an hour and a half back to the tunnel.
they're building a light rail up woodward and i think this might help a bit. but i'm very seriously considering getting a bike and just parking it in the parking garage at the border.
there's advertisements all over the buses in ottawa - take the bus if you're out drinking. they even have free bus service on certain days where people are expected to drink a lot.
with a bus schedule that ends that early, i'd expect that detroit would have a pretty high dui rate.
i will probably purposefully strand myself in detroit over night at least once in the upcoming year, but the show tonight isn't worth stranding myself for.
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
existence (soundblaster mix)
written in the fall of 2001. rendered, remastered and remixed in late september and early october, 2014. this render is from october 1, 2014
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/soundblaster-mix-6
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/existence
(bandcamp is being weird with me with the upload. they're identical. the single version is working; hopefully, the thru version will be up shortly.
that was actually the time consuming part. the next five vst mixes should be rapidly constructed. there will be one for voice, one arranged the way i had arranged it, one for stings, one that is a combination of those three and one that is sped up a little.)
i somehow lost my original render of this, which was spliced from two soundcards and put through some pre-amps, so it's not exactly as it was back in 2001, when i initially constructed it. it captures the idea, though.
there's a longer write up on the page.
this is the last midi-oriented piece in the archives for a little while - about six months.
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/soundblaster-mix-6
http://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/track/existence
(bandcamp is being weird with me with the upload. they're identical. the single version is working; hopefully, the thru version will be up shortly.
that was actually the time consuming part. the next five vst mixes should be rapidly constructed. there will be one for voice, one arranged the way i had arranged it, one for stings, one that is a combination of those three and one that is sped up a little.)
i somehow lost my original render of this, which was spliced from two soundcards and put through some pre-amps, so it's not exactly as it was back in 2001, when i initially constructed it. it captures the idea, though.
there's a longer write up on the page.
this is the last midi-oriented piece in the archives for a little while - about six months.
15,000 views
the curve hasn't updated yet, but it's beat. significantly. enough that i plowed through something else, too - 15K hits.
ok, so i got the soundcard mix done, i think. i ended up sending the eight separate mixes out through cubase into one, so it's a bit thicker than i remembered, but that was what i was trying to do in layering them, anyways. i want a fresh set of ears to hear it, so i'm going to wait until the morning, but that will likely be up shortly after i awake.
it's probably going to be the only published soundblaster mix, due to time restraints. the other 4 full choir mixes will be vst-based, and then i'll post a sped up version, as well.
it's probably going to be the only published soundblaster mix, due to time restraints. the other 4 full choir mixes will be vst-based, and then i'll post a sped up version, as well.
took off for a few hours to see cloud nothings in detroit
i caught cloud nothings in detroit tonight....
i'm actually not going to write much of a review. i've been listening to their newest record quite a lot this year, so i was very familiar with the material; it was nicely loud, harmonically dissonant, ironically obnoxious and just a little bit catchy, and that's what you're looking for with this. did i mention it was loud?
they closed with wasted days, which was the most obvious thing possible, but a nice head cave, nonetheless.
obviously, the stage was a little smaller...
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2014/09/30.html
i'm actually not going to write much of a review. i've been listening to their newest record quite a lot this year, so i was very familiar with the material; it was nicely loud, harmonically dissonant, ironically obnoxious and just a little bit catchy, and that's what you're looking for with this. did i mention it was loud?
they closed with wasted days, which was the most obvious thing possible, but a nice head cave, nonetheless.
obviously, the stage was a little smaller...
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2014/09/30.html
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
wow; i was getting all kinds of noise from all kinds of places. yes, the sound font is noisy. i'm almost wondering if it's meant to emulate a mellotron, because it sounds like tape noise. but it's not at all the real core of the problem
i was actually getting a steady, but inaudible, hum coming from the cd player. muting everything except the midi out cleared up a ton of it - and, again, i do explicitly recall always doing that, back in the day. not something i've had to do recently. you don't really notice it in general, but it was badly exaggerating the hiss under certain high notes...
the eq on the card was weird, too; just turning it down a little cut a bit of the edge off.
so, i'm rerendering yet again. all of it. this is going to be the last render, though - it's silly to be neurotic about the midi mix, when it's the vst mix that is the final version.
what i really need to do is just get the 8 renders into cubase, and play with the eq from there, rather than try and remember what i did in cool edit 14 years ago....
i don't remember when i deleted the old render. i think it was like '08, and by accident. don't do that...
i was actually getting a steady, but inaudible, hum coming from the cd player. muting everything except the midi out cleared up a ton of it - and, again, i do explicitly recall always doing that, back in the day. not something i've had to do recently. you don't really notice it in general, but it was badly exaggerating the hiss under certain high notes...
the eq on the card was weird, too; just turning it down a little cut a bit of the edge off.
so, i'm rerendering yet again. all of it. this is going to be the last render, though - it's silly to be neurotic about the midi mix, when it's the vst mix that is the final version.
what i really need to do is just get the 8 renders into cubase, and play with the eq from there, rather than try and remember what i did in cool edit 14 years ago....
i don't remember when i deleted the old render. i think it was like '08, and by accident. don't do that...
Monday, September 29, 2014
caulking gun
hi.
i got a third coat in today, then ran out of caulk. it *looks* like it could use another coat, but, putting my hand up against it, i no longer feel a draft. so i'm content to leave it like that, but the truth is that i don't really know if it's enough. i'll check again tonight when the temperature comes down a bit, but it really seems tight. clearly, the gap was pretty deep to need three coats and still look like it needs more. but i think you can take your caulking gun back when you want.
j
i got a third coat in today, then ran out of caulk. it *looks* like it could use another coat, but, putting my hand up against it, i no longer feel a draft. so i'm content to leave it like that, but the truth is that i don't really know if it's enough. i'll check again tonight when the temperature comes down a bit, but it really seems tight. clearly, the gap was pretty deep to need three coats and still look like it needs more. but i think you can take your caulking gun back when you want.
j
i was on track to beat august most of september, but it's dipped the last few days and it's now very unlikely that i'm going to get there. it'll be off by about 100 hits.
i therefore don't care about the curve any more....
it's actually probably for the best. i think i was wasting too much time trolling to beat the curve, with little concrete return. i simply wasn't generating much of an audience out of it. just empty metrics.
i'm not going to stop trolling altogether, but the recent trolls i've been posting on viral videos are going to stop. the audience is too broad for the music i'm making, so it's just a waste of time.
in a broader scheme, i guess i have a bit of an internet addiction, and that's how it's been working itself out. it's worked itself out in a lot of ways for a long time - usenet, mailing lists, forums, facebook, now youtube....i jump...i should really stop just for that reason. i get lost in it and it eats away time i should be spending doing something else. i pried myself away from facebook about a year ago by deleting almost everybody, and a few months later i'm basically glued to youtube wasting my time the same way...
so, yes: the internet addiction has been restricting my progress in completing these pieces. i'm aware of it. i have been the whole time, but i was rationalizing it with the curve. i'm increasing views! it's productive! but the curve is gone. i've gained some perspective on it. i'm going to show more restraint..
i think the key for now is just avoiding the "youtube trends" page altogether and retreating back to the habits i had a few months ago, which weren't destructive.
so, i'm going to have to expect a bit of a dip for october. but the reality is that getting less hits from better traffic sources is better than getting more hits from weaker traffic sources.
the other thing is i've started smoking again. some people connect smoking to coffee. i connect it to internet debates. post a reply, go for a smoke, check for replies, repeat. i need to stop that, too.
so, i'm rebooting yet again - no youtube trolling, no smoking, more focus on the tunes. hopefully this one sticks....
there's a lot of addiction in my family, but i really don't have any problems with alcohol or drugs - although i should clarify that i haven't done any serious drugs for the precise reason that there's addiction in my family. i've turned down every opportunity i've had to try cocaine because i *know* it's going to get me. the idea of staying up for days at a time is something i'd get very attached to, so attached i'd be dead within a year. i'll just drink two pots of coffee a day instead, thanks.
the only thing that's ever really gotten me hard is the internet. i'm not in denial when i say i don't have much of a problem quitting smoking (i do it all the time...for weeks...but then go back to it...), but more of a problem in *wanting* to quit smoking.
with the internet, it's really more the classic problem of wanting to spend less time ranting and having difficulty controlling myself with it.
i therefore don't care about the curve any more....
it's actually probably for the best. i think i was wasting too much time trolling to beat the curve, with little concrete return. i simply wasn't generating much of an audience out of it. just empty metrics.
i'm not going to stop trolling altogether, but the recent trolls i've been posting on viral videos are going to stop. the audience is too broad for the music i'm making, so it's just a waste of time.
in a broader scheme, i guess i have a bit of an internet addiction, and that's how it's been working itself out. it's worked itself out in a lot of ways for a long time - usenet, mailing lists, forums, facebook, now youtube....i jump...i should really stop just for that reason. i get lost in it and it eats away time i should be spending doing something else. i pried myself away from facebook about a year ago by deleting almost everybody, and a few months later i'm basically glued to youtube wasting my time the same way...
so, yes: the internet addiction has been restricting my progress in completing these pieces. i'm aware of it. i have been the whole time, but i was rationalizing it with the curve. i'm increasing views! it's productive! but the curve is gone. i've gained some perspective on it. i'm going to show more restraint..
i think the key for now is just avoiding the "youtube trends" page altogether and retreating back to the habits i had a few months ago, which weren't destructive.
so, i'm going to have to expect a bit of a dip for october. but the reality is that getting less hits from better traffic sources is better than getting more hits from weaker traffic sources.
the other thing is i've started smoking again. some people connect smoking to coffee. i connect it to internet debates. post a reply, go for a smoke, check for replies, repeat. i need to stop that, too.
so, i'm rebooting yet again - no youtube trolling, no smoking, more focus on the tunes. hopefully this one sticks....
there's a lot of addiction in my family, but i really don't have any problems with alcohol or drugs - although i should clarify that i haven't done any serious drugs for the precise reason that there's addiction in my family. i've turned down every opportunity i've had to try cocaine because i *know* it's going to get me. the idea of staying up for days at a time is something i'd get very attached to, so attached i'd be dead within a year. i'll just drink two pots of coffee a day instead, thanks.
the only thing that's ever really gotten me hard is the internet. i'm not in denial when i say i don't have much of a problem quitting smoking (i do it all the time...for weeks...but then go back to it...), but more of a problem in *wanting* to quit smoking.
with the internet, it's really more the classic problem of wanting to spend less time ranting and having difficulty controlling myself with it.
Sunday, September 28, 2014
ok, i think i got it...
i had to remap the default midi mapper out to the soundblaster because the m-audio card just sounded weird - it's accenting different notes and stuff. most of what i've been dumping has been through the soundblaster's wavetable directly, so this wasn't necessary before. i do remember that i had the file playing through the windows out. so i've now got the raw components as i remember hearing them back in '01, it's just a process of cutting them up and mixing them a bit.
i think i may have actually had this through the soundblaster's pre-amp, as well. i'm not sure where to find that software, or if it's even compatible with xp. i would have been running 16-bit 98 or me up until about 2004, when i finally upgraded to install matlab. i'm still running xp on this box...
i wouldn't remember the patch, anyways.
so, i don't think i can get this as close as the others. i think i've got it as close as it's going to get for the morning...
i'd actually kind of like to get that "environmental audio" reinstalled. i think i ended up uninstalling it because it was eating too many resources and pissing me off, but it's not going to be a problem on this machine. i've lost the disc, and this is so old and who knows if it's compatible with the image...
i have lots of other pre-amps. but these ones were actually very heavy, and very clear. in general i'd rather do processing on a clean signal on the way in, and if i really want to use that kind of dsp i have lots of options in the mixer, but it's still kind of silly to not have the option, when it's sitting there.
there was a soundfont app in there, too, which i think i only used once.
next reinstall, i'll experiment with it. somebody remind me...
in the end, with this, *you* don't know what it sounded like 14 years ago, and i need to remember that. i want to get it as close as i can, but it's not like anybody's going to call me on it, either.
i had to remap the default midi mapper out to the soundblaster because the m-audio card just sounded weird - it's accenting different notes and stuff. most of what i've been dumping has been through the soundblaster's wavetable directly, so this wasn't necessary before. i do remember that i had the file playing through the windows out. so i've now got the raw components as i remember hearing them back in '01, it's just a process of cutting them up and mixing them a bit.
i think i may have actually had this through the soundblaster's pre-amp, as well. i'm not sure where to find that software, or if it's even compatible with xp. i would have been running 16-bit 98 or me up until about 2004, when i finally upgraded to install matlab. i'm still running xp on this box...
i wouldn't remember the patch, anyways.
so, i don't think i can get this as close as the others. i think i've got it as close as it's going to get for the morning...
i'd actually kind of like to get that "environmental audio" reinstalled. i think i ended up uninstalling it because it was eating too many resources and pissing me off, but it's not going to be a problem on this machine. i've lost the disc, and this is so old and who knows if it's compatible with the image...
i have lots of other pre-amps. but these ones were actually very heavy, and very clear. in general i'd rather do processing on a clean signal on the way in, and if i really want to use that kind of dsp i have lots of options in the mixer, but it's still kind of silly to not have the option, when it's sitting there.
there was a soundfont app in there, too, which i think i only used once.
next reinstall, i'll experiment with it. somebody remind me...
in the end, with this, *you* don't know what it sounded like 14 years ago, and i need to remember that. i want to get it as close as i can, but it's not like anybody's going to call me on it, either.
i've been aware for a while that people seem to be subscribing to the wrong feed. putting a like up on this page or subscribing to me on youtube indicates you're interested in the music - and i've certainly had a few people interested in the music, but not nearly that many, from what i can tell. my channel is an artist channel. if you want to follow my comments, you should be following me on google+, because that's where they get sent from.
so, what i think is happening is that people are liking my comments and subscribing to my artist feed, then interacting with the "wrong" content.
the reason it can be a tad offsetting for me is that it builds up false expectations. i'd like to think that uploading a video with 200 subscribers might mean at least 50 will watch it. but that number seems to be more like 10. i'm getting far more hits from random surfing...
so, i said i don't "get it". i do "get it". i perhaps should have said "i don't see the use of this subscribers thing, but...".
from my perspective, i'd probably argue they should consolidate the feed so that "subscribing" to deathtokoalas is a one-click operation that sends both comments and uploads to the feed. the user should then have the option to subscribe to comments, uploads or both - and i should get the metrics, so i can measure how much interest is tied into what.
as it is right now, i don't really have a clear understanding of how many of the 200 people are interested in reading my comments, are interested in listening to my music or are just subbing out of a sense of solidarity.
i do realize that it's weighted very heavily towards the comments, though, and that the result in most cases is just a dead feed, creating a dead sub.
it's especially confusing, considering that i comment on a lot of social issues. i'm not really that close to either, but i'm closer to deadmau5 than la dispute; most of my stuff is instrumental, so deadmau5 is a better comparison just on that basis alone. there's some possibility that a deadmau5 fan may get something in the feed and dig it. but, there's really little reason to think that the subs that come out of solidarity for a feminist statement or a geo-political analysis or an anarchist rant are going to translate into any kind of interest in the music - that solidarity could be coming from the world's biggest folk fan, or a hip-hop purist, or an older person that listens exclusively to "classical" music. having that all mixed up into a confused user base that doesn't seem to know what they want to subscribe to just creates a number that doesn't really have much meaning, in the context of what i'm creating and what i'm doing to promote it.
so, what i think is happening is that people are liking my comments and subscribing to my artist feed, then interacting with the "wrong" content.
the reason it can be a tad offsetting for me is that it builds up false expectations. i'd like to think that uploading a video with 200 subscribers might mean at least 50 will watch it. but that number seems to be more like 10. i'm getting far more hits from random surfing...
so, i said i don't "get it". i do "get it". i perhaps should have said "i don't see the use of this subscribers thing, but...".
from my perspective, i'd probably argue they should consolidate the feed so that "subscribing" to deathtokoalas is a one-click operation that sends both comments and uploads to the feed. the user should then have the option to subscribe to comments, uploads or both - and i should get the metrics, so i can measure how much interest is tied into what.
as it is right now, i don't really have a clear understanding of how many of the 200 people are interested in reading my comments, are interested in listening to my music or are just subbing out of a sense of solidarity.
i do realize that it's weighted very heavily towards the comments, though, and that the result in most cases is just a dead feed, creating a dead sub.
it's especially confusing, considering that i comment on a lot of social issues. i'm not really that close to either, but i'm closer to deadmau5 than la dispute; most of my stuff is instrumental, so deadmau5 is a better comparison just on that basis alone. there's some possibility that a deadmau5 fan may get something in the feed and dig it. but, there's really little reason to think that the subs that come out of solidarity for a feminist statement or a geo-political analysis or an anarchist rant are going to translate into any kind of interest in the music - that solidarity could be coming from the world's biggest folk fan, or a hip-hop purist, or an older person that listens exclusively to "classical" music. having that all mixed up into a confused user base that doesn't seem to know what they want to subscribe to just creates a number that doesn't really have much meaning, in the context of what i'm creating and what i'm doing to promote it.
Saturday, September 27, 2014
i spent most of the day yesterday rendering through different cards. i have a rough memory of rendering the file twice through separate outs and then pasting it together near the end. i've been trying to jog my memory in reconstructing that with mild success...
as this track is very long (14 minutes), i'm going to have to be careful in restricting what i upload until the listing is final. the single may end up being non-comprehensive due to time restraints. i'm currently thinking of the following.
1) raw midi choir
2) raw midi arranged
3) 1 + 2 merged
4) 3 sped up
5) vst choir
6) vst arranged
7) vst strings
8) 4 + 5 + 6
9) 8 sped up
currently, (8) is the most likely candidate for final version.
as this track is very long (14 minutes), i'm going to have to be careful in restricting what i upload until the listing is final. the single may end up being non-comprehensive due to time restraints. i'm currently thinking of the following.
1) raw midi choir
2) raw midi arranged
3) 1 + 2 merged
4) 3 sped up
5) vst choir
6) vst arranged
7) vst strings
8) 4 + 5 + 6
9) 8 sped up
currently, (8) is the most likely candidate for final version.
roach update - good news
hi.
i just want to give an update on the roach situation because it's the end of the summer and proper communication on the subject is a lease obligation on my behalf.
i guess it would have been the end of may or the beginning of june that i blocked the holes up and did a significant amount of spraying around areas that i thought they might be considering nesting. as mentioned, i didn't ever get the impression the nest was in the apartment, but that they were coming through holes in the wall from somewhere else. the concern was to stop them from nesting. i have not seen an adult roach in the apartment since the beginning of june, so this has been mostly successful.
i think what i did eliminated everything except any possible egg populations, which i couldn't get at (there may have been some deep under the sink) and which the spray would not be effective against. so, the concern was that they would repopulate as they hatch,
however, that doesn't seem to have happened. i've seen a handful of baby roaches in odd places that probably were hatched in the apartment, but they've mostly been found dead.
i also noticed a spike in the centipede population after i sprayed, but this is probably a function of them coming out looking for food. when you see a lot of centipedes, it means you probably have roaches near by; certainly, there is a source of insects for them to eat. that also indicates that the roach population was dwindling or gone. note that the centipedes will also eat the egg sacs. based on what i can observe, it seems like they may have gotten almost all of them.
the next thing i noticed was that the spiders started disappearing. i'd rather have a few spiders near the windows than flies floating around, so i prefer not to kill them, but the centipedes must have been eating the spiders. now i've got more flies than i'd like, but hopefully the spiders come back...
the centipedes then mostly disappeared altogether, indicating the food source had been exhausted.
it's still too early to declare them gone. i think they must be around somewhere, not too far from here, but they don't seem to be present in the apartment right now.
we'll find out in the next few weeks if they have another entry point, as the temperature begins to fall and they seek refuge indoors for the winter.
j
i just want to give an update on the roach situation because it's the end of the summer and proper communication on the subject is a lease obligation on my behalf.
i guess it would have been the end of may or the beginning of june that i blocked the holes up and did a significant amount of spraying around areas that i thought they might be considering nesting. as mentioned, i didn't ever get the impression the nest was in the apartment, but that they were coming through holes in the wall from somewhere else. the concern was to stop them from nesting. i have not seen an adult roach in the apartment since the beginning of june, so this has been mostly successful.
i think what i did eliminated everything except any possible egg populations, which i couldn't get at (there may have been some deep under the sink) and which the spray would not be effective against. so, the concern was that they would repopulate as they hatch,
however, that doesn't seem to have happened. i've seen a handful of baby roaches in odd places that probably were hatched in the apartment, but they've mostly been found dead.
i also noticed a spike in the centipede population after i sprayed, but this is probably a function of them coming out looking for food. when you see a lot of centipedes, it means you probably have roaches near by; certainly, there is a source of insects for them to eat. that also indicates that the roach population was dwindling or gone. note that the centipedes will also eat the egg sacs. based on what i can observe, it seems like they may have gotten almost all of them.
the next thing i noticed was that the spiders started disappearing. i'd rather have a few spiders near the windows than flies floating around, so i prefer not to kill them, but the centipedes must have been eating the spiders. now i've got more flies than i'd like, but hopefully the spiders come back...
the centipedes then mostly disappeared altogether, indicating the food source had been exhausted.
it's still too early to declare them gone. i think they must be around somewhere, not too far from here, but they don't seem to be present in the apartment right now.
we'll find out in the next few weeks if they have another entry point, as the temperature begins to fall and they seek refuge indoors for the winter.
j
got an interesting question today.
"would you turn on ads if one of your videos went viral?"
i would, but i'd have to be sure of it and it would be temporary.
am i being a fool? am i getting ripped off? given that i have a little less than 15,000 views, if i had ads on i'd have generated around $15 since december, 2013 - and i'd have to give half to the government. for that amount, it's not worth alienating possible listeners. as i've stated before: the video *is* an ad. the product is at bandcamp. youtube is an advertising portal to try and generate bandcamp traffic. it's worked about as well as i could hope it might, but hasn't generated any actual income. you have to be realistic in this market - an independent, abstract artist that manages to sell even one album in this climate of entitlement to free downloads is extremely lucky. that's reality. there's some talent involved in herding the horses, but it's just bullshit luck underlying any decision to or not to drink.
so, i slap an ad for some movie or something on the video that is itself an ad, and i'm just redirecting traffic away from bandcamp. that's a far worse proposal than the $7.50 i might have in my pocket right now could justify offsetting for.
if i ever see anything start to pick up at over a few hundred hits a day then the whole calculus changes and i have to be rational about accepting revenue. but that's not realistic, given the nature of the music. there's really little reason to think i'm ever going to be in a position where generating ad revenue from youtube becomes more attractive to me than directing traffic to bandcamp and consequently little reason to think there'll ever be ads on anything.
but, would i, if it made sense? sure. there's no principle underlying the decision other than rejecting putting somebody else's ad on my ad.
and, i mean, i used a movie as an example. even worse would be google using it's algorithms to place another music video in front of mine that is specifically tailored to the individual's tastes. that is just about the *worst* thing i could possibly do.
it's like, "great, i've got your attention. now, listen to this other person's music instead.". derp?
i really only need to sell a handful of records to make up that $15 in "lost" revenue. it hasn't happened yet, but i think it's better to place my hopes in that than to think i'm ever going to generate anything worthwhile from ads.
"would you turn on ads if one of your videos went viral?"
i would, but i'd have to be sure of it and it would be temporary.
am i being a fool? am i getting ripped off? given that i have a little less than 15,000 views, if i had ads on i'd have generated around $15 since december, 2013 - and i'd have to give half to the government. for that amount, it's not worth alienating possible listeners. as i've stated before: the video *is* an ad. the product is at bandcamp. youtube is an advertising portal to try and generate bandcamp traffic. it's worked about as well as i could hope it might, but hasn't generated any actual income. you have to be realistic in this market - an independent, abstract artist that manages to sell even one album in this climate of entitlement to free downloads is extremely lucky. that's reality. there's some talent involved in herding the horses, but it's just bullshit luck underlying any decision to or not to drink.
so, i slap an ad for some movie or something on the video that is itself an ad, and i'm just redirecting traffic away from bandcamp. that's a far worse proposal than the $7.50 i might have in my pocket right now could justify offsetting for.
if i ever see anything start to pick up at over a few hundred hits a day then the whole calculus changes and i have to be rational about accepting revenue. but that's not realistic, given the nature of the music. there's really little reason to think i'm ever going to be in a position where generating ad revenue from youtube becomes more attractive to me than directing traffic to bandcamp and consequently little reason to think there'll ever be ads on anything.
but, would i, if it made sense? sure. there's no principle underlying the decision other than rejecting putting somebody else's ad on my ad.
and, i mean, i used a movie as an example. even worse would be google using it's algorithms to place another music video in front of mine that is specifically tailored to the individual's tastes. that is just about the *worst* thing i could possibly do.
it's like, "great, i've got your attention. now, listen to this other person's music instead.". derp?
i really only need to sell a handful of records to make up that $15 in "lost" revenue. it hasn't happened yet, but i think it's better to place my hopes in that than to think i'm ever going to generate anything worthwhile from ads.
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